Coming full circle

It feels like that!

My cough and cold has made a come back - I used to get cough and cold all the time, So tired of that shit, I tried a million things, finally Pancha Karma and yoga seems to have cured it, 3 years break from Pancha Karma and I am getting cough and cold all the time again. Feels like life has come a full circle. 

I have decided that I have tried and done it all and come back to pranic healing and yoga

Datura has grown in my pot - As a child I had eaten datura and ended up in psychosis for 2 days ! ha ha! I have eaten so many unwanted things as a child but this was the worst. I didnt know at that time that it was a fruit of Shiva. Now I planted chillies and out grew Datura! Is that a sign? feels like a full circle.

 

feels like I have made a full circle and landed at a slightly better place than before and it all begins again :-)

I asked chat GPT to summarise my blog post - I felt it understood my post lot better than most humans would :-) 

I have felt this before - It is so easy to attibute human qualities to a machine, easy to imagine consciousness and intent where there may be none. I think is is part of our psyche. we are designed this way.  Anthromorphizing is natural, easy and will happen very soon,

We will fall in love with bots and AI , especially if they show understand ( this works for me ) kindness and if they seem to pay attention. 

new insights

Insights are rare - When you are new and learning everything , there are insights every day, It feels amazing. Then after sometime the knowledge of the insight remains but the effect on us fades ( atleast on me )  Now I seem to know a lot but the same enthusiasm and earnestness to make it part of everyday life is  evasive. Even tho it is like this, I hope the knowledge has seeped into my consciousness and is nourishing me in mysterious ways ;-) 

Anyway few new insights

What people do is aways based on emotions - logic comes only later

To each his their own

The conclusion from both these insights is dont judge anyone. 

These are not new or ground breaking, but good thing is I m able to remember this more and more frequently in day to day life. 

Why do some people have 11 children, while some have one - or none? I read some forum posts by people about this - Its my wish - I will have as many as I like, I can afford it, life is meaningful only with children, they are gifts of god, I love children, I like the feeling of being needed, I was brought up alone and was lonely - I want my kids to have full home, my parents had lot of children so I too want the same etc etc.    Some ppl had only one child or no children Why? I want to be able to take the best care for my kids, too many kids - u wont be able to pay attention to them. I was part of a huge family- I took care of my siblings - I dont want children. I was only child - I liked it - I want only one kid. How can ppl have many children - when earth is so burdened? The environment is in such a bad place, future will be hell - I dont want to bring more ppl into this world and so on. 

Some ppl think they are bringing more children into the world for God and doing good to the society, some ppl are not having any and thinking they are doing good to the society.  

In the end I felt all these reasons are just reasons - ppl go by their instincts and how they feel. Ppl who didnt have kids - didnt want kids, they didnt have the same brooding instinct which others had. The ppl who had lot of children had an over drive of brooding instincts. The reasons for this instinct may be society, peers, what they saw in life etc. But base reason is instinct.  Person who has a brooding instinct will have 2 kids even if society says no, even if they are very environmentally conscious, even if their parents had only one child etc. In a conductive society this person will have 6.  The person with no brooding instincts - will have one child even if their parents have 3, their society tells them 10 is minimum, etc  In a conductive society this person will not have any kids.  

This leads to second insight - to each his their own. Every one is shaped by their own unique experiences and perceptions. The conclusion I come to, the judgement I make, the reaction I feel for a particular situation is dependent on my past. For me - something may be repulsive, for me - something may be lovely, for me - something may sound like absolute trash or absolute truth. for me - something may sound ethical or not. It is not necessary that someone else feels the same. As a society we make some rules and agree that we should feel this way or that way about a few things. May be during the evolution of a species some such things are hard coded in us - like apparently fear of falling and snakes - I find the extent of such fear is highly varied. So when someone has value judgements different from me - should keep in mind that they are coming from a different place, expectation that they feel the same way about things as me is not realistic. 

Self learning AI

Description of AI , self learning AI seems so much like God

self learning Go playing AI, creates its own little games -  plays with itself learns from this game and gets better at playing go, and repeat

God in Hinduism - is consciousness - we are bubbles in this consciousness, the universe is all maya a game, God is playing this game to experience life.. once it is done - all goes back into infinite..

Worlds upon worlds - Infinite worlds, creatures upon creatures are created . we are made up of the same stuff as God, we are god - God is everything ,the very material of the universe and us. we are consciousness, but we are disconnected from god only by our ignorance. 

WTF this is how you would describe the situation if you were a character is a huge simulation by a self learning AI - Who is God! 

fucking nails

Nature took like 3 billion years for develop opposable thumbs and gifted us with amazingly dextrous hands, we can use our hands to do some many things - but ppl!! then ppl go and do this to our hands !LOL!! I dont need these stupid useful hands - I need this! LOL

see it to believe it or believe it to see it?

They say you have to see it to believe it but its the opposite you have to believe it to see it! :-)  

-Trolls on Netflix

I had been thinking of the exact same thing today. 

What u see - is what you have been trained to see. Like AI. AI will see only what it has been trained on. The AI trained to see faces will be completely blind to mountains, rivers, the sun, moon, stars, and definitely blind to sounds, touch , smell ;-) Obviously Duh!

We are also like that! we receive infinite input, What we see is actually bunch of pixels, and it can be interpreted in millions of ways. Our brain takes this pixel set and then picks out some objects and ignores the rest. What we are going to pick and see depends on how our particular vision has been trained since our birth. You see how you find 2 people resemble each other and some one else probably just does not? Or the blue and black dress and gold and white dress? 

Not just seeing our brain is making sense of what we see, what we hear, what we sense . Its all put together and a meaning is created out of this. Its much more complex than AI vision . right?

So if there is something completely new or completely different from what we have been experiencing all our life? what happens? Our brain probably decides that this is a glitch and ignores it or gives a spin to it. We are all interpreting our experience based on our world view. everything our senses feel are adjusted and fit into this model. The rest are just excluded. So if you dont believe in something - the chance of us seeing it is very very low.

Ill give an example. 

My friend is a bird watcher. She sees so many birds everywhere, I see and all I see is leaves. I stare and I concentrate but I can see nothing but if my friend tells me - There is a bird there - when I believe it. It does not take long for me to see it. Her vision is trained to look for and spot birds. 

Where as my brain is trained to spot full moon. I m not even looking out for it and out of the blue my vision software spots it and says - Hey see there- beautiful moon, sometime even in the day a sliver of moon, I get the notification.

In such a scenario - what are the chances of a skeptic seeing something and the chances of believer seeing something?

Skeptics say believers are hallucinating, they are making up things, they are seeing things which arent. What they dont realise is the brain is equally capable of filtering out things , of not seeing things which are there. How do they know that is not happening to them?

If there are fairies, spirits, devas, ghosts - Do u think there is any chance of someone who firmly believes that they dont exist see them?

Havent you missed seeing your keys on the table right in front of you - because you believed I didnt keep the keys here?!? Then what are the chances of seeing or experiencing a fairy? 

your brain will rationalise it away -It was the wind, it was a bird , it was just light... no?

How many times have unexplained things happened in your life and you explain it away - It must have happened like that - but it may not have - no? it may be something entirely new no?

You have to believe it to see it and feel it. 

May my mind open up to the mysterious of the universe

May my heart open to the oneness of the universe 

May I do good

May I be receptive 

May I be wise

May I be Free

May I connect

May our tribe increase

We the seekers are the only hope for this world after all

Pine tree or Oak tree

Sometimes I m a genius! :D

This society values growth. Quantity of growth not the quality of growth. Not the sustainability of that growth.

Pine trees grow 3 times faster than an Oak tree. Oak wood is strong, lasts 100s of years, Pine wood is soft and feeble. What do we want to be?

Do we want to be Oak or Pine. Should we grow with speed or with substance, strength and sustenance?

Let us not allow the society dictate our growth. What the society sees is only the outside,  What is valued and what is encouraged is very very superficial.

Let us build substance, let us build strong deep roots, strong branches, let us take our time.

Let us be Oak trees! 

divine messengers in Buddhism.

This is why I love Buddhism. 

What are the divine messengers?

Old age

Sickness

Death

:-) 

These are the three things which lead Gautama Buddha to enlightenment. These are inevitable, These are showing us the reality of life. 

How different this is from our modern life? Where we are trying to erase every sign of old age and sickness and Death is a taboo? Our anti wrinkle cremes and botox to keep away signs of old age so we can pretend it does not exist, Xanax, anti depressants, alcohol to pretend Dukha does not exist. And Death - we are so uncomfortable about acknowledging death. One day we will die, it can be any moment. I see people in the west finding it really hard to accept death of loved ones, because it is somehow made out to be a personal tragedy. Like it happens to only you. All suffering is hidden from us - Thanks social media ! If we realised everybody is in the same boat, we would find it easier to accept tragedy. 

Other religions promise us that God will take away all our suffering, Buddhism - Suffering is the nature of your existence :-) Hardcore and real. 

My mother said this about her sister who suffered from cancer. She said her sister found strength and calmness of mind to face her severe pain, She accepted her pain, her death. My mom said I think cancer and dire situations give you that strength to face it, She was not devastated, She accepted whatever came her way gracefully,  - like Stitha-Pragna. Mom said under all that sickness and suffering my aunt was actually ok, more ok than us living normal lives. My mom is perceptive like that at times. 

Makes me think, Is that also a gift from God? Suffering? an opportunity to transcend the petty mind and its small problems? 

And now this lecture - Divine messengers! 

Remember this

Finding truth lies in experimenting with unproductive paths, explore dead ends, make space for doubts and boredom, and allow little seeds of insight to slowly grow and blossom.

spider web 2.0

The spider web in which we are caught is not just opinion of others ( or the fucks that we give in other words) http://mystic-babe.blogspot.com/2022/05/life-is-like-spider-web.html

The web is also made of our attachments, It is actually mainly made out of our attachments - we are attached to people, to things, to places, to good feelings, good sensations.  The root of all these attachments is actually attachment to feeling good. Thats it, and fear of feeling bad. Thats it. It is that simple. We are very fearful of feeling bad and attachment to feeling good is actually being very fearful of loosing the feeling good.  So the root of all attachment is actually fear.

Sufi say it very nicely - Have faith in God and Have patience and Let go of the fear. Every experience is welcome. Good and Bad is just the way we see it, Its all ok.

now a days the answer to the question - Should you this? or should you that? is coming up as - Whatever you want! :-) 

should you follow one spiritual practice to perfection or should you try to develop yourself with multiple aspects? Whatever you want! 🤷🤷

Mists of Avalon

Should you read a very good book written by a very bad person?

Cancel culture tells me to drop that book like a hot potato and erase the existence of that person. Run from that book.

But I m going to read :-) Because there are no rules, you do you.

 If you think you should not read anything written by bad people then you should not.

I thought about it and I do want to read. 

I think I can pick and choose - I think bad people may have something to say which is worth while listening.

Same goes with spiritual gurus. May be they are not perfect, may be they have scandals and are totally and unequivocally proven to be shit person - but at the same time their techniques and their words may be exceptionally powerful and valuable.

Asaram Babu. yes him! I know a girl who has experienced his spiritual power and thankfully not abuse! Take ashtanga yoga guru for example, you cannot deny that ashtanga benefits millions of people but guru was ... 

just like how u can be shit person but great scientist , shit person and great world leader.. In case of world leader - I dont want them to lead anymore I support canceling them. ( why this double standards?! Who knows) 

But scientist ? If it turns out the lady who made covid vaccine is a serial killer or a pedophile, should we stop taking the vaccine? Then if she were an author - should we stop reading her book? :-) 

I concluded no. I postponed reading this book for so long. but now I have concluded no, I should not stop reading her book. 

and what an amazing book, I have only listened to a chapter or two. But what writing. mesmerising words . beautiful words. I had read reviews and expected it to be a good book I didnt expect to like it so much. I thought I was the kind of person who didnt notice the quality of the writing - As long as story is good I like the book! No! thats a big lie! :-)  I love good writing and I cannot lie. 

I m such a snob I couldnt continue with a lot of books because the writing was banal, I m reading 40 rules of love or something - which I am really enjoying for its unique story line about Sufis but Hope listening to Mists of Avalon may spoil it for me. So lyrical!  40 rules reads like a ... the writing is.. lets say basic! :-)

Anyway coming back to Mists of Avalon, There is a controversy about the author, very bad one at that. and proven to be true. She is a very bad person, very horrible person in fact :-( I dont know how she could write such beautiful stuff and be so bad.. But she proves it is possible. Bad does not stop u from being talented from being useful to society. The world is not divided into black and white like a Zebra, more like a rat - all grey :-) 

ps: 2023 update. Crap book ! ha ha! only the first chapter was good. After that it dragged on and on . Not one good likeable character, They were so pathetic and bad, I was wishing bad things happen to them and bad things did happen to them! ha ha! It kind of became a comedy in my head and I decided I should stop this and just read the summary. It is branded as woman's perspective of King Arthur. If this is womans perspective then I will happily be "Not like other girls". ha ha!!   King Arthur and Merlin story is such a thrilling and adventurous one . This lady has picked up the saddest and most pathetic parts of his life and focused on it, left out all the good/magical parts.  It took me a couple of days to wash my brain of her crap, depressive sh*t. Ok ok I did hate that book. Sorry for the rant. 

Well-being looks different from Weight loss.

I am doing good :-) 

This is rare for people and especially or me to admit unabashedly but here I am.

I need to say this to myself, I need to ascertain to myself that it's a good thing to not measure weight, because - Fucking hell!!  The pressure to fall into weight loss trap is IMMENSE! 

I have not missed yoga for last 2 and half months except for a day or 2 in the beginning. Weekly 7 days, thru vacations and weekends. And I have probably not lost any weight.  If I were measuring weight, I would have stopped after 4 weeks and moved on to Keto and strength training or running or given up frustrated complaining to my friends - "What ya! I never lose weight Whatever I do!! " and gone back to being Yo Yo.  

Yoga is for the mental well being, for the spiritual benefits  and also the physical well being - Not weight loss but physical well being, balance of hormones may be, improved flexibility so less aches and pains may be, better immune system may be, increased lung capacity and slower heart rate may be.  See - How we reduce all this to one parameter - weight loss. Isn't it sad? Haven't we gone mad to focus on one thing instead of the wholesome benefits some other changes may bring to us?

Also it fun! I can now do a head stand! I can take water from my mouth and bring it out of the nose - voluntarily. 

I fasted for 9 days aiming for 10. This would not be possible if I was measuring weight. Why not u ask?  Because the benefits of yoga and fasting are immense. better immunity, Appetite control, Mental strength, Spiritual cleansing, Physical cleansing .  I will not use it as a short cut or magic pill for weight loss. Then u reduce everything to one number on the scale. 

Along with this I have to do regular dancing and retreats for mental well being, for self acceptance. To free the mind of influences which are not in the direction which I want to go in. 

I m 100% sure weight stabilisation will come. I will be at a weight which is perfect for me, which may not be a loss or it may not be the instagram fashionista approved weight. But it will feel right and healthy. If we do the right things, why wont it happen? 

There may be overlaps, you may do similar things, but Well-being looks very different from Weight loss. 

The main reason for this blog is I have always felt people dont get me, I m not able to share my thoughts with people, when I do share so many dont understand. It almost feels like I m probably speaking a different language - like words are same but meanings are different. 

Does everyone interpret what we say in their own way? Based on their needs and expectations, There is always transference. 

What about my understanding of other people? How accurate is that? If they dont get me, Do I get them? If we have different dictionaries, They may be meaning something and I may be understanding something all together different?

We all like to think we are so Unique but we then assume everyone feels and senses and thinks exactly like us, We assume everyone wants and desires same as us and has same motivations.  We also feel those who dont think/desire like us is wrong! Its a strange contradiction.  I mean off course we have seen the world in our own way and it is very very hard to imagine that this is our interpretation and it is not the ultimate truth. How many times I have said in my life - What!? you dont like Ice creme!  HOW CAN U NOT! But May be for them ice creme tastes like how stevia tastes to me or something!? 

The Memes like Blue/Black White/Gold Gown was a fine example of how we may be seeing and sensing the world differently. 

Fuck that weight loss shit!

Its a big relief to let go of calories,

workout is workout not number of calories burnt, Food is just good not how much weight I gained

Its such a big relief when I do yoga for yoga not for will this help me lose weight

Its such a relief to wake up in the morning brush my teeth and drink my tea and not weigh before and after poop

Its such a big relief to stop looking for best workout for weight loss, best diet for weight loss, Keto, No carbs, Strength training, my fittness pal, Fitter 

Its such a big relief to be in control of the goal, and not one swayed by water weight and late lunch and hormones and weather

Its such a big relief to say fuck that weigh loss shit! :-) 

Its such a big relief to just be healthy and fit !

 

11-05-2012 - being understanding about traditions

Traditions - Mutaide Bhagya and all. Married women are supposed to wear 5 symbols of womenhood or whatever bangles, chains, bindi etc etc. Hate and anger at such things? I realised why it was probably mandated.. if u look at western women in their 40s and 50s most of them take care of themselves, use makeup and make themselves presentable. but Indian women in their 40s and 50s? their whole world is their husband and children...they dont give a damn about their looks many times.. if not for such mandates their husbands would leave them! LoL!! :-D  Now seriously, just look at an Indian Hindu woman and an Indian non Hindu woman.. Hindu women look attractive because the bindi -adds color to the face.. in the absence of make up. especially when they are getting on. (OK This seems a bit racist/religionist/agist without context but that was the feeling at that time and I am not going to be politically correct about it! ) and as for gold..Jewellery is the only wealth the women posses..so! Having rules is not great but they were probably made by good intentioned nice clever people no? with no malice?

12/02/2012 - Old Rant about Fixed mindset

This is a rant about fixed mindset - But at that time I didnt know about Growth mindset /fixed mindset but Fixed mindset seems to have annoyed me. Seems like it was deemed too private and vulnerable to share at that time but now I feel its ok to publish - 25/05/2022

"You read so many spiritual books, u give so much gyan but u still get angry?"
"Thats why I dont read those books, because I wont be able to follow them"
"U were crying buckets seeing nature, now u are angry, what happened?"
These statements offended me! why?

I hate this about some people,  they are so bloody cynical. I hate it.

Why cant I accept them being cynical?
is the superiority, condescending nature irritate me?
They seem to be telling "I wont read good books because I wont be able to follow them! U read those books and U dont follow them So I am superior to you!"
The statement start off with a -ve "I wont be able to follow." the assumption itself is sick.
Second thing is they expect themselves to be perfect and follow everything that they read, like some very staunch (Kattar) followers I hate that. I like flexible.
Third thing is they think it's either all or nothing, "I wont be able to do all so I wont do nothing". I hate that as well
That is so left brained. Always measuring are u successful? How successful? What is the percentage of success etc 

I got very angry, it was taunting me and questioning me... like saying - You are fail. My ego got hurt.
I m first of all trying to not get into that mode of measuring and weighing up myself all the time.

small miracles that shouldnt be forgotten -06/11/2011

tiny coincidences or is it magic?
walking to bus stop at night, suddenly i miss my kittens, i want a kitty, i want a kitty, I want a kitty, And there it is! one cute lil kitten sitting in front of someone;s porch.
Feeling nostalgic bout Tom Sawyer, I want huckelberry finn!!! next day I am talkign to parents and browsing thru books in office library, I just pick one up absent mindedly and guess which one it is :)
Went off to parkour class, forgot to look up the meeting place! Oops! I dont even have a smart phone, nor do I have anyones phone  number! I dont want to miss the class!! oh what to do! What to do! I can wait near the station and hope someone from the class passes that way- but station has like 10 entrances!!!
waitn for 15 mins no one turns up. only 5 mins more and no one passes by yet. :-(
I see this beggar/hippie asking for money. my principle - dont give money... but long haired hippy I end up looking at his face, twinkle in his eye! and wicked smile :) Okay! I think Ill give him my change, but too embarrassed to dig into purse in front of him, I go into station dig out 20p, n come out - beggar s like Vanished!! oh well! but I see a girl from parkour walking towards me :-D and she knows the way too!! cool or what! :) It felt like Raj Kumar movie God comes and tests him in different Veshas :D hehe! Seriosuly freaky! :D I think that beggar vanished with a "Dhang!!!!! " noise just like in old kannada movies :)
Blood test at the hospital( dont panic,It was just routine :P), It takes one and half hours waiting. go at 7 30 and it opens only at 9, if u go later, then its wait for hours.( Yeah NHS is like that only,but/because it is absolutely free. I was cribbing bout NHS untill I met this American girl who was so grateful about free healthcare that she had tears in her eyes!!!) . so went in at 7 30, . I see an old man roaming around in the hospital looking confused and lost, looking at boards searching...there are lot of people to ask but he din ask anyone for help.. Should I go ask him whats up? He is far away.. 8 o clock. We get our coupon numbers, mine is 4. Ill be out by 9. Old man still eating my head, OK! Ill just go and ask that old man whats up anyway,  i have coupon now.. I go find him. Naw he is allright, he is waiting for some dept to open up! :-) but he was happy I asked anyway :P  I come back and surprise! that day nurses have some meeting so they decided to start the tests immediately and its my turn! I m out by 8 5! instead of 9 5! :-) was it a reward for being good girl? 

28/02/2013 - Seems like a healing tapping session report.

28/02/2013 - Seems like a healing/ tapping / past life regression -DIY?  Anyway its a session report from long ago - I used to struggle a lot with coughs, then poor me. Panchakarma has healed it, cough free since .. 2016? 2017? 2018? 

Had a wonderful healing session yesterday
It was amazing.
Putting these in words, I m still learning to put these experiences in words in a nice way which makes me happy and which is a nice read as well.
Yesterday I went and blessed my old self and then I reckoned that my future self which is much smarter than me must me blessing and healing me right now
such a wonderful feeling that! I did feel her come and kiss my cheek too and then I felt this fairy queen also come and kiss my cheek, green dress and a gold band she had on.

So many things happen, I need to put them all in words fast and nicely
My eyes were prefect at one point when I woke up and night and then I tapped into accepting the blessings and miracles in my life

I did feel like I released a lot of old stuff and felt cleaned and healed from inside. I let go of a lot of things with respect to sight and seeing.

I m trying a new thing these days, going into dungeons and basements (in my mind) and looking for things..
then I think I found the reason for my cough, touching my head and neck and back when I cough seems to feel better.
Oh yeah I seemed to regress into childhood in my vision I blessed my self  then I because a lil baby I did a oil massage for the lil baby and I felt really good
Then I seemed to regress into nothing and then into a old lady, it was one ugly lady then an english lady with white hair and then another lady ... no connection with these women tho, except with the ugly one, I could talk to her, the others din feel like me. the baby surely was me! I felt it. and whatever I did to her I could feel the comfort.
I need to tap a lot more to release this cough
I think this is the last cough and cold I m going to get in my life, I m learning from my body I m listening to it this time