The one time when I shaved my head

When I was writing my 12th std exams, It seemed like the most important thing in this world is getting a computer science engineering seat.  Maths exam - realised I had read a question wrong - 12 marks questions! Panic! I pledged that I would shave my head as dedication to god if I managed to get a seat in Engineering. 

Things were not so bad after all Physics and Chemistry made up for it and I landed a seat. Now it is promise full fill time! Shaving your head is apparently a big deal in India, Actually everywhere. People are shocked by it! I have a post about that. Anyway it was promise full fill time and every one was 

I did it. I had to keep my word, Did I believe something bad will happen to me if I didn't do it ? No. But I had said I will do it and I had to do it.

I m so proud of the 16 year old me for this! She was so brave and so sincere! It shows strength of character.  There were 1001 religious loop holes, may money, walk up the mountain instead , just cut a strand etc.  She could have taken any of them, but didn't . stood true to word.

I was reminded of this when I talked to school friend recently, She said it was so brave of you to do it! and I have never seen it that way! Yes indeed it was! I decided to be proud of that me :-) 

Ps Extra insight : This is why I find people who dont keep their word so infuriating . People are so casual about it - "Hey I m not feeling like it, I cant make it today." "Oh I told you I would do it .. but he he Sorry I cant!"  "Oh I didnt mean it... "  For them saying words are casual - When I get angry , they dont understand - They ask me, Did I take an oath?  Geeta pe haath rakh ke kasam khaya tha kya :-) OR they say So?! Sue me. They feel - Why is she acting like it is such a big deal? 

Me - I fancy myself to be mini Bhisma Pitamaha or something! LOL! No Not really! but clearly it matters.

This is the thing with values, we don't just impose it on ourselves we impose it , without their permission, without their knowledge, on others :-)  ( someone said this about being nice on reddit I am copying) 

Why did I name this blog TBD

Well I started a blog and I thought and thought and couldnt think of a name, I really wanted to start the blog - so I said, Ok let me start posting first and then lets name this thing.  So for now - TBD.  After a few years :D ya! Life goes on like that! :D  It felt so apt! like us, its still being done, still cooking - to be done! Beautiful and so Apt! 

I seem to get attached to my mistakes, my first name is my city name. Thanks to 18 year old me who wrote that in the passport! Changing the name is not hard but I couldnt bring myself to do it. Its a quirk I have come to love. I noticed I have a defunct blog with a typo, seems like I was reluctant to correct that as well... 

stamp

I licked an envelop closed today,  I wondered how many hygiene concerns are there about this Today ! how I might be thought of as being thoughtless toward postal employees, about my chance of contacts some deadly disease etc... I miss the simplicity of the old days.  I googled and I saw this question on quora, Did people link stamps?! Hmm!

Awww I loved stamps ! :) I feel sad, I haven't licked a stamp for a very long time, Let alone written a written a letter but I feel nostalgic and sad for demise of the day to day things which lasted only a few decades or a 100 years or so to disappear ...


ps: I am not the only one ;-) Nostalgia is making big bucks Stranger things, return of the audio tape apparently, make be even analog camera, the 80s kids are in their 40s and rich and nostalgic and paying :)

Those were the days

Heady days of Free Moocs
Those were the days, How I loved courser, the kind of courses it offered. Learning for the fun of it, learning for joy - Dino 101, Do trees have feelings?, Social Psycology, Buddhisim and modern Psycology, Morality of everyday life!Design ! Art history course!
Oh What fun!  I loved the community aspect of it, The course was offered kind of live, once - together for everyone , so 200,000 or so of us, did it at once, Were in the forums at once, Stimulating discussions, and evaluating each others assignments !
I am now doing a coursera course out of necessity,  It stings me , Its like the difference between calligraphy and typing :D 
This course is offered everyday I can join any day and start and It is useful for my job and assignments are evaluated by robots online :) There are discussion forums dry and barren ones , with last message being - Unable to submit assignment, with a reply 2 months ago .  
and this is not free
The days of fun free moochs which were awesome but which you probably wouldnt pay for is over?

Shower scene

Oh yeah! Shower scenes in movies. ( Why do I feel like I have written it before? but it is not turning up in search? )
I was watching one of these old 80s movies on TV, Shower scene..Shower.. water ...steam... woman...boobs! *me rolls eyes*  steamy,  lechy scene, so common in these old movies, even when they are rated 12 .
That's when I realised! Oh my god! How long has it been since I have seen a woman in a shower scene! These days Its  always men isnt it? ( I am not complaining ;-) At all ;-P )Korean dramas,  Hollywood,  even Bollywood, 6 packs biceps men!  How things have changed and how we have come a long way.
It is womens empowerment in a way.  It shows the powers that be have realised that women have pockets too ( or purses! Grr ! thats another rant post ) Pleasing the women  brings in the bucks.
In the 80s the movies are so clearly a mans world,Women are there in the movies as support only and as enjoyment. Butt and Boob shots, upskirts galore!  They just dont seem to care for the women who are in front of the screen watching. The hero, even if he is so hot doesnot take his shirt off !!!

I remember clearly when the tides turned. I was there for it. It was the 90s. Lara Croft 2. I am in the theater, Shower scene, Same ...Shower .. water.. steam .. The theater is going crazy - waiting for wet and nude Angelina Jolie! I am rolling my eyes! These guys! ha! Then surprise!  Its Daniel Craig! Tada!   That was the moment, Turning point in history!  The theater was silent for a few seconds before they started booing! LOL! I was really Rolling on the floor laughing. Servers them right ! These Lecherous Bs :-))
Now. There is cheering when Hritick or Tiger are in the shower even by the guys! :-) Its a body builders world after all :-)
Times have changed so much for the better :-D

10 years

10 years of blogging! That milestone passed quietly :o) unnoticed for few months..
10 long years... Wow! It is a bit disconcerting ... lot disconcerting actually! That first blog I wrote was well over a decade ago... 800 posts since then, close to 600 published... wow! the passage of time! I am not prepared for this. I dont know if I have gone ahead in this 10 years or gone in circles..
probably a mix of both...spiral may be ? :-)  

7 year itch

Actually Its  8 years since this blog has started! First post was on 19/01/2009.
It was when Obama became president and my heart had leapt with joy.
Incidentally Yesterday it was Trump :-)

Full circle shall we say?

Now TBD is like a dear friend who I come back to ever so often, conversation between the me I was and the me I am.  I am glad I kept this blog. 

fish tank

fish tank - when I was in high school, me and my bro could see neighbours fish tank from my parents bedroom window.. I have never loved any fishtank more than that one.. so relaxing and so exiting at the same time. all we cud make out was orange and black fishes.. gold fish I think cause we were seeing from about 100 feet away : ) they used to leave the tank light on and switch off all lights... ah! will my own tank make me feel so good as that one?

ha ha ! No,, Own fish tank was damn annoying, the constant hum of the filter just got on my nerves like nothing else. Gave away the fishes and the tank for good. 

3 saddest incidents

3 legged doggy in mantralaya dreaming of running
Beggar who asked for biscuit whom I asked to go away and then realised he asked for food and not money but I couldnt find later in allahabad.
The gaudy dressed guy in shankarnag theater, whom I commented about and who probably heard it :( 

magic moments

Some times u wonder if this is really happening
Long ago, Rainy day in Bangalore, I saw a dead eagle in a puddle...:-( it moved,  Not dead, hurt.
Hurt animals are heart breakers, they will most often die on you.
What to do with this guy? no need of heart break, just go, should I take it to a vet? Should I take it home?
I decided Ill take it out of the puddle, give it some water and leave it to its fate. ( I remember wondering if this was a crow would I do this? sometimes our mind acts like a sick bastard full of self doubt! X-( ) Pot seller's tent near by, these guys from Rajasthan - sell plants and pots near Koramangala. I asked one of them for a glass of water...fed a bird a bit and left him in shade  and went off to work.
It didnt leave me alone, this bird. Ok, if the bird was still alive Ill take it home and watch it die! X-( went back.. bird is not there! ah! did it recover and fly away? :-) may be dogs...? no..boy from the shop and me found it hiding behind some rocks.. nice! It could hop now! wow.. may be.. it will live.
We are trying to catch it but it hops away and tried to peck us ! its an eagle after all!
Then our hero enters! seriously  Hero! this older boy, skinny young not more than 18.. Talks to the eagle distracts it and catches it... the bird pecks him but he doesnot care!  Soon he gets needle and thread and is sewing up the broken wing!! which was very badly broken :(  he is using sticks and  branches to support broken bones!! the eagle is only mildly protesting..then he binds the whole wing with strips of cloth turmeric and coffee ( which pranic healing tells me has a lot of orange prana and helps to draw out infection)! This uneducated pot seller! So confidently fixed up the bird!! He says he saw some bastards throw stones at young eagles the day before :( When their cat got too interested in the bird, he put some straw in a huge pot, and put the bird in it and covered it with  a basket! He knew exactly what to do! all the time! He said  his uncle back home kept pet eagles and kites -  What were the odds??? To this day I am still amazed at the whole thing.. at the skill of that boy! the timing and everything.. he was like a surgeon! a pro!  He was just amazing... The younger brother doesnot know anything about birds but the older one is a pro,,, It was so lucky that I went back later at a time when the older one was home!
May be after all this the bird did die and all u know...Animals are very delicate anyway its a beautiful story..Eagle was well taken care off, I couldnt have done better, a vet couldnt have done better.. so.. leave it at that... It was an unbelieble expereince .. there are such wonderful people out there in this world amazing people   amazing ordinary people...god bless him..god bless them.

gods

When someone asks me if I belive in god and I say yes... 
I was wondering what do I actually feel about god...
There are mythological gods and then there is abstract(?) god...
I think what my parents taught us about our gods is really sweet...
Hanuman Ganesha - what is the foremost emotion? affection! and admiration! They are my childhood heros! werent they? guarding my mom's bathroom door like Ganesha :D and pretending to be Hanuman and climbing trees :D  Jai Maruti Lathi Sangha! :D So dear to me!  almost like someone who love superman/spiderman? do I love them like a fictional character.. love and there is respect too..and affection! especially for animal gods i think...and Shiva... because he was called innocent, Bholenath.. my uncle told me that Ravana and most rakshasas prayed to shiva because he was the easiest to please and he was innocent. he didnt trick them like Vishnu did :) remember Bhasmasura story? where Vishnu had to save Shiva? and I liked him for his cool get up. skulls and snakes and graveyard! cool or what! :)
Everyone loves Ganesha offcourse....Durga because I was like her... When I went into one of my angry fits, my  mother used to tell me that when I was little my grandma called me Sarasvati because I loved books and now I have become Durga :D I would have liked her to call me Kaali.. she didnt becase she knew I would think I was tooo cool if she did it..Durga was good enough tho! :D
I was slightly scared of Shani god.. I always wash the back of my feet, even now :D after what happend to Satya Harishchandra. all this depends from person to person I dont feel attached to Raama or Krishna...my grandma was very fond of Krishna.. I think she empathised and felt a lot for meera bai.. she used to have tears in her eyes when she told Meera Bai's story :)

Christianity and all those monotheistic faiths have made God into a kind of scary monster... word God invokes fear and guilt in so many followers.. I guess lot of Hindus too have this view of God. This is what  Louise hay and Paulo coehlo so dislike this view of god. They think its because its Male God it has become that way, I think lot of Hindu's are manipulated to fear Female gods, Monotheistic/Male/Female doesnot matter.. God is a good way to subjugate and manipulate people.. I am lucky my parents and Grandparents and uncles had a great perspective towards god..

So what is the God I believe in..
When I make up the story to tell other people about my belief in God, I say God is a state of mind to experience. It doesnot matter wheter god actually exists or not... It is something people have experienced and so there exists a state of mind where people feel very very good and they feel god. I want that too.. it sounds as if I m athiest/agnostic.
But In actuallity I m much closer to God, my belief is deeper than that "intellectual" type definition I have up there. God is like a dear friend, like a teacher, like a parent - more like a Grand Parent. Its not Hanuman/Ganesha /someone with a gold crown. Its just God, Its probably male a him. Is there a Image? Old man with white beard? no. Its abstract - no Image - Name is in English - God.
have I actually experienced?
I experience gratitude for god, When I see beautiful things, Sweet things, Niceness...
Is there an entity  like that? If someone says Is there someone called god, I can genuinely reply no. Is there something called god.. dono .. no.. I dont think there is a God out there.. So God is a concept in my mind then? No - its not such a clinical "concept" ( Grrr ). I am very emotionally attached to God :-) Big hug! god! :) Part of my imagination? :) no?...When I feel touched This is so beautiful.Thank you.May be I mean "for all the circumstances that led to this beauty" - Thank u?
What ever is responsible for the warm feeling in my heart is God! :) Oxytocin/Dopamine? :D
He is pure love!
( BTW I m not against the concept of entities - Like Gaia/ mother earth...I cant say no to that.. in such cases I am agnostic leaning towards yes, I may say its true but I wont insist, I wont tell kids that they all exist :) but God is not in that league.
What god is not, is somebody who is responsible for keeping me happy or granting me wishes.( but that doesnot stop me from asking - God please keep everyone happy/safe/ please make me happy etc :) ) i hardly ever get upset with god.
He is not responsible for keeping the world and everyone happy, I dont blame him for floods/wars/hurricanes/small children dieing of starvation/ for cancer/psychos etc
God is not moral police who punishes you if you dont do what he said! I dont believe he said anything in the first place! He doesnot meddle!
God is not figher of evil, He is not opposite of Satan. good and evil is low level, god is higher level than that. He can hold my hand when I am scared, but he wont beat up that bad guy with a knife.. but he may encourage me to be brave tho :) ashte
I think thats all about God!

shantap paapam

shantam paapam shantam paapam.. :) do u remember this? patting our cheeks and saying shantam paapam  :-)
mostly to embarrass friends!so long since I did that :)

mirror

Nostalgia actually
I bought this essential oil - lavender for aroma therapy.. funnily it does not smell nice at all..It smells just like my dad's old shaving cream :)  Good old days ... I used to be so intrigued by shaving!! The small round shaving cream box, shaving brush.. and the razor which opened up magically when we turned its handle :) the foldable razor was heights of technology I just loved that!( our parents let us handle blades and razors even when we were like 7!?! cool!) haha! I also loved to see my dad make faces when he shaved :D
That makes me think, actually shaving was sucha  ritual in those good old days.. he used to actually sit in the living room with a small mirror and a mug of water to shave!! ah! we didnt have a wash basin in those days!!! there was no mirror in bathroom!! actually if I think about it there were so few mirrors in those days! There was only one mirror in the house.. small face mirror and that shaving mirror! there was so full length mirror at all!!! same with my grandparents house.. no full length mirror at all!!!  people never knew or cared how they looked,except their face!
I remember my uncles often quoted joke about this girl he saw( for marriage )
He was like she looks just like Hema malini, He looks just like Hema mailini... neck down that is! :D :D meaning she is NOT good.
Today if some said that girl looks just like Scarlet Johansen...Neck down that is! we would  go WOoooooooooooooooo (howl  :P :P)  even better than  Scarlet Johanson neck up eh? ;-)
Full length mirrors are the reason for this? full length mirrors have changed our focus from face to body ?  I think :)
even then people saw others full length, but they cared only about face because they couldnt see themselves full length? :D funny :)

Mantras

(this is kinda random post)
Om mani padme hum - from tibetan incantatons mp3 from friend
Om Thrembakam yajamahe - this one just came to me? may be when I searched for Om joom, I found that, that was maha mrytuyunjaya mantra but full form was this one, This was also chanted at the end of yoga class, but I never got it then
Om joom saha maam palay palay saha joom om -astrologer, He says anger will come down, but from personal experience I think this is for good health.
Om namah shivaya Om - childhood one :) My parents ploy to keep kids quite during power cut, Do Tapas like Druva they used to say  and I will get a vara :D haha! but Druva must have worshiped Vishnu...my parents told me Om namah shivaya.. I say this when I am scared of ghosts also, funny My brother says Jai Bajarang bali :)
So ham - pranic healing. Ham-sa - It is the opposite of so hum, supposedly milder version.
Om bhur bhuvasvaha - most popular mantra :)  These days it is played everywhere. 1998 - A friend was offended that this mantra was chanted in a movie( Stupid movie Mohobatein), Apparently it should nt be chanted by women, lower class people, actually anyone except some initiated bramhin male :) and how things have changed since then.. heart warming.. Thanks to Vivekananda and Theosophical soceity and all those movements which started about 150 years ago...and most recently internet and western interest in these things... foreign influence breaks bonds..
Om namo parabhraman om - pranic healing
Om purnamidam - I heard this in the closing of yoga class and loved it. I like the shanti mantra too..( from Vedas, kind of non religious) 
http://yoga108.org/pages/show/69-closing-mantras-of-yoga-class
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTwtGu-XZBE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCZVm6slzE0


From childhood
Om asatoma sad gamaya - school prayer/Uncle...
Budham sharanam gachami - Uncle
Guru bramha -Uncle/Dad
Sahana vavatu -School prayer
Poojyaya raghavendraya -Dad
Ganesha mantra -
Vakra-Tunndda Maha-Kaaya Surya-Kotti Samaprabha
Nirvighnam Kuru Me Deva Sarva-Kaaryessu Sarvadaa


Shuklaambaradharam Vissnnum Shashivarnnam Caturbhujam 
Prasannavadanam Dhyaayet Sarvavighnopashaantaye 

Karagre vasate lakshmi.. Home. but these 3 never entered my thick head :D


Yakundendu tushara hara - school prayer. I din like this, it used to fill my heart with dread :( I guess I din like that school at all... Our Florence English school suited me much better. Our father in heaven :) Lords prayer.. apparently even that is a a very powerful mystic symbolism...


Wow! This post started off as something mystic.. but This is more like a nostalgia trip !!! :-)
Mantras are good, I wanted to find a mantra for each occasion but it turns out.. my uncle and dad and my family have taught me so many little things in my childhood. I feel misty eyed.. I love you uncle doctor bappa! he has touched our lives in so many ways... dad and uncle .. little tihngs they taugt us.
I remember I used to resent learning these as I got slightly older.. I used to run away and ignore.. :) but now when I read these I feel so good.. not about the mantra but about the care they took and the love that was behind all this :)


This makes me think of the comedian Dara O brien who says he is ethinic catholic even tho he is atheist.
exactly my sentiments.. I am ethinic hindu.. hindu culture is in me but I am not a religious hindu..I have lot of anger and hatred for some aspect of Hinduism but it is still in me.




awesome, I ran into these while looking for mantras..!Written by Ravana one of them is :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp9OwlYrEUY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5oGpRzlPO0&feature=related
New found  Om tare tuttare ture Svaha! Green Tara Mantra, chanted in chinese style. I loved this one too
http://www.greenmesg.org/mantras_slokas.php#Ganesha


This post is no way complete...I started out to research but now just emotional..lost the will to research.. 
To do
1) what really is the power of mantras?
2) What are Beeja mantra's?
When we were kids we used to say Hram Hreem Hrooom... pretending to mantravaadi's ( bad black magic people;) but this is chanted along with Surya Namaskara for additional benifit.
I have read a lot about beeja mantras - seed mantra! ? but I havent really figured what they are! they make the normal mantra more potent, but hram hreem are just chanted by themselves too? Om Btw is the Ultimate beeja mantra I suppose?
3) Wama mantras? ;-) Are there any? 
4) other Religion mantras? Chants are very common - Sufi - Dama Dum Mast Khalandar! Tora - is all about chanting right?


ps: I would love to see one post by my friend M about such things, that would be real technical/scientific and real vedic perspective on all this... it would be awesome. 

story

Antoney De Mello's story

One simple man in a village gets a dream one night - God Vishnu comes in his dream and tells him, tomorrow eleven o clock a monk will pass through ur village, he has the largest diamond in the world. Ask him for it, If he gives it to you will be the richest man in the world.

Next morning, there is in fact a monk, crossing the village at eleven o clock! Man goes running to him-
Give me the diamond! give me the diamond! God told me you have it and it will make me richest man in the world!!
Monk says Oh yeah! I found it in my wanderings! Monk diggs into his sack..Take it! It is in fact the biggest diamond in the world.
Simple man takes the diamond, Is elated and jumps with Joy! but then he thinks and thinks and ponders and thinks  about it the whole day, Night he is back to the monk  returns the Diamond and says I dont want this diamond!! Give me that- give me those riches that make u capable of giving away this diamond so easily! :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUfBHoVNkok&feature=related

Nostalgia

Eragon makes me nostalgic for the good old days.I dono how but some writers create this world so well in our imaginatiosn..I think it happens when u resonate with whats being written..( sad tho that the Eragon part 3 has turned out so boring, I think the author had enough talent for just one book :-( )

Candle light and kerosine lamps being lit...Traders coming in in winder with their wares...

The old story teller telling stories in the middle of the town center..
This just took be back to mid 1970's. no, I wasnt even born but this period makes me nostalgic. When my mum ,my aunts were not married. They all stayed together, young girls - there was no TV,internet ... so wat did they do to pass time? after school/college? they knitted - embroidered- stitched.

they did house work - got water in pots , cooked on wood stoves.. rubokallu - it was used upto even early 90's! read novels in the afternoons, went to temple..giggled and talked with each other , visited neighbors...bitter sweet to imagine this.. its all so sweet and innocent and some what deprived.

Cut to 1980 when we were kids.. oil lamps during power cuts, summer holidays, cousins, family stories. I love love love those times when everyone sat togther and old stories were brought out... Rs house they talk to old funny stories..I really loved to hear of old days when granny and granpa and my uncle and dad were realy poor their hard ships. My mom and bro and their adventures.. every body used to pitch-in in those stories.. granma, uncle..aunts..all beds spread out on the ground and this idle chit chat. for them that was Nostalgia and for us stories! ah how I miss summer holidays and those innocent days...
Dharwad! I loved those old pillow covers and table clothes,old maxis stitched from old sarees, I especially loved my grand moms work... croquet mats, those cloth birds with bead work and chandeliers made with glass bars...It was all so much more beautiful because those were so old... real glass beads not cheap plastic ones. ah Grandma's place makes me so nostalgic.. old furniture..that small wall mirror which was lil too high for me.. with a lil draw at the bottom, I think I could just about reach the draw and peep into it, couldnt really look into the mirror :-) and the cradle :-D we have sat on it, 3 teenagers at a time.Cast Iron so it survived! Piles of old beds and bedsheets.. she kept it just for us, for holiday traffic :D I loved to jump on all that and make it fall... ah!! and under granny bed! Granpas tressures! ah how I loved to look at those! old christmas lights ( diwali lights really :D but there was that star in that....easter star) Akasha butti they called it..and very old cameras...and diamonds :D my aunts old jewellery...mossy smell in the house, high ceilings sky light .. I cant forget that pillar of light in the hall and kitchen...Old Chikku Trees, our Mountain inside the compound - big rock really, but it was huge at least 15 feet high - so mountain! and the other hill from which we could see the train...Tanga..colored chalk rocks mom called it matti kallu... yellow maroon pink.. ( Isle of wright has something similar) I love those days! 

DD just one channel but we waited like crazy for those choosen few serials... Giant Robot, Micky and Donald show, Spiderman I used to love sundays...starts off with Rangoli :) 8-9 break for breakfast brush teeth etc etc then Heman, Mahabharat, disney show, adventures of alladin and some such thing then lunch...boring afternoon movie which we didn't watch ... so sleep in the afternoon or play something then by street hawk, Spiderman etc then nice movie in the evening :) There was no weekend, there was only Sunday. Ads used to come only before and after the program not in between. what ever break was for the news :-)

Bathrooms with Hande's stone floors, totti - sometimes lot of wood and cockroaches in that wood. Now even bucket and jug are disappearing from the bathroom, my house- just shower and bath tub! all of us sleeping in one big all on the floor, no phones and cars at home. kids going by bus walk cycle to school.. things are changing so much... 

We are probably the generation which has seen most change in India. no, probably kids who were born 10 years earlier.. I feel sad for them, they spent their youth in the boring 80.. for us alteast the 90s were decent. we got best of both worlds.. grandmas, summer holidays ,climbing trees and running around on streets and everything and IT and the economic growth also..

I hate Biology??

Do what you love.

I am reading J Krishnamurthy, he has written a book for students (I dono how much of that students can really follow!!)

He says the main aim of our education system should be to help everyone find out what they really love. How correct!!!!! and how far away we still are from there. ( my alter ego- the stupid left brain thinker is asking, if everyone really does love something, Will everyone really find something they love and which will make money?? It is also asking if u will find someone who will love cleaning toilets and sweeping roads. If u dont who will. but I will explain to him( this stupid alter ego must be male :P) about how Americans thought slavery was absolutely necessary for exactly same kind of reasons.. later.)

In 8th standard, they were teaching us about types of leaves and plants and flowers. Our teacher asked us to make a chart with examples of different types of plants.. everyone made it on an a chart sheet, My collection was so huge, I had made it out of a bundle of sheets. I was guilty to buy new ones( Frugality?!!) so I had used my uncle's old drawing sheets to do it.

My teacher didnt see my passion, all she saw was that I had made the chart out of old brown sheets!!! Sorry - not good for display! Stupid woman!!! But I agree it was quite shabby out of old 1970’s Engnieering graphics sheets from my uncles engineering days! Ah those days when we tore out empty and one sided sheets out of our class notebooks to make the rough note book. (Recycling my ass!! These new age pretend recyclers cant hold a candle to our parents.)

My parents didnt too... Engineering and computers... actually it didnt help that I was so good at programming, almost a natural. There is a thin line between being good at something and being passionate! When u are good at something, u do want to do it again and agian and u soon mistake it to be love :D

My mum has not seen her own passion. She would have made the same chart out of 40 sheets. she loves plants... the tiny microscopic flowers in the road side, who else but me and mum will notice them and think they are beautiful? but she does not know. She didn’t teach me as such but somehow we both have the same habits. I think its her stories when we were kids about all those big brown fruits being filled with Sambar rice and Hurlikai palya and Kappa! :-) and she explained so much in detail about the tamarind tree, its new blooms, how they ate them. she has actually talked very beautifully about her childhood. Dad is a very good story teller. We have cassettes of that. When recording mom used to be worst story teller :D She used to read out horrible stories. But the other stories she used to tell, half from chandamama and half her own and stories of her childhood. That’s why balu mama is such a big hit with me!

My neighbours kids ask me if I am a Vet. They ask me Why amnt I? My count of picking up stray pups and kittens would be atleast 20. Ah! I didnt think of that when I was in 12th. I was focued on avoiding biology!! I dont want to be doctor! I want to be a engineer! If I do well in Bio I may be forced to be a doc!! How about a Vet? that option never cropped up!!

But without studying Bio seriously, scored more in Bio than Maths. Ive always pretended I love Maths.. I think I was just good at maths and I actually loved Bio. I advised people - Biology is very easy. U can pass without studying for it. My bro flunked his frist test because of that !:-D :) LOL! Bio was not easy, I just listened to my lectures so intently in Bio and I loved it, wasn't that why it was easy for me?? Was I totally blind? I used to read up chapters in Bio text book ahead of their completion when I was eating!!!! just for fun!!!

Thank god I didn’t imagine I was in love with organic chemistry or something! I was good at that too. J

Those neighbors' kids are so perceptive! now I think our civilazation is reaching a point where kids when they grow up will starting thinking bout doign their calling? right?

When will I?

how I became mystic babe :P

I used to have exactly the same opinion as Stephen Hawking that people are like computers, or rather like robots( where the user is part of the machine itself). "There is no heaven for broken down computers!"  I actually like that statement. I remember exact same argument with my cousin N, and he'd said  emotionally in frustration AHHH! people like u :) he said read Autobiography of a Yogi and Id laughed.

My opinion about all this changed soon tho.

I started meditating as means to strengthen my mind, calm my mind etc without any spiritual aspirations. I still had a skeptical attitude. ( heart of hearts I think I ve always wanted Magic tho, Druva was major childhood inspiration.  power cut time  = tapas :D, was always disappointed when power turned up before  Shiva :-). yeah yeah Druva meditated on Vishnu, but Om namah Shivaya is the easiest thing to say okay! ) 

Ok..meditation..  I started seeing purple spots in front of my eyes and some automatic body movements. I started goggling about it, chanced upon Prana, Chakras and Aura related stuff...  downloaded guided meditations and   browsed some Buddhist sites..Started reading philosophy( but Bla there is nothing but word play and mind tricks in that... There is wisdom but thats for people who like to munch on words...  ) . I didnt feel that way about philosophy then, I genuinely read a few books with good intentions. Till now it was all Buddhism, philosophy. Awareness, concentrate on breathing , notice ur thoughts... ashte. nothing practical , only mind stuff. some people would say I was still normal :D 
Then, I went to Pranic healer. ( Reiki and Pranic healing always been in my TODO list anyway. so u could say I was never all out skeptic after all. ) I could feel tingling in my hands when she did healing, from far away..  I was convinced that what ever it is, we are not limited to just 3 dimensions. otherwise there is no way what the healer did from 10 feet away could affect me. Also pranic healing felt like yummy comfy massage. "If only I could do this to myself :-P no need of paying this lady also." so I went and learnt pranic healing.  
  I did the Basic healing course. I didn't want to pay for advanced course :P ( I come across as conjuse makhichoose :P but really, I used to feel that for such spritual things people should not charge and all ) and I was some how still skeptical!  I wanted to find out how exactly all that worked. I mean.. what is that they show as prana? the white globules! is it optical illusion? how come my partner who was practicing with me got neck pain when she tried to heal me, even tho I didnt tell her that I had neck pain? I really wanted to know more about the Aura and chakras. It was all super cool!  yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember! Master Choa has listed all kinds of books in his bibilography - yeah thats exactly where I started reading about occult. collected all the books and still havent read many!  Those now! they were so cool :)   Seven Rays, Raja yoga by Vivekananda.., many more.
This lead to download of torrents, From there I was lead to Robert Monroe, Robert bruce... Healing.. Ayahuasca.. :D reading about Astral Travel, Energy bodies, Out of body Exp etc etc...and was recomended books like Louise Hay, Ekhart ...What really compleminted this was Selfish Gene and Phantoms in the brain. Phantoms in the brain made me feel like, our brain has so much functionality and complexity which the conscious part of the brain is not aware of.. it fits in very well with the mystic stuff. the Idea of Energy body and body map which is present in the head..which causes pain in the phantom limb etc,etc they all fit in beautifully.  Selfish Gene answered a lot of questions...Richard Dawkins is an Atheist but he convinced me there is more to us. 
Then Healing Chitu - only then I was convinced about Healing. Did  Advanced and all the rest of the pranic healing classes, which are really advanced! ( not able to practice tho :( ) I think that's that.

I feel when you are ready to understand, things happen - u find books, you meet people, you remember something, something clicks  and suddenly before you know it you ideas about the world would have changed for good. If we do that prematurely, It will not enter our heads. ( happened to me many times, couldnt proceed through a book after a few pages and then i just pick it up after a few years/months and its smooth sailing to the end...) We have to be ready.

jab mein chota baccha tha...

When I was a kid I hated Volkeswagon beetle - The old 1960;'s one. There were quite a few of these in Bangalore then. I used to call it Jeerunde car :-) we used to have this Jeerunde attacks in rainy season I think :-) Jeerunde = beetle ! :D I din even know that it was called beetle then !

When I was a kid I thought there were only 3 religions Hindu Muslim Christian. When I heard of Jews I was really confused - What are they ? Type of Christians? . I couldnt understand for a long time that they were different religion. Buddhist and Jain and Sikh I thought were like castes or sects in Hinduism like Lingayat may be.. Always questioned What were Europeans before they were ?Christians? it is only 2000 years since Christians have existed..

I always thought Hindu then Islam then Christian religion came into picture, I was really surprised that Islam was (invented? started? Whatevered) in 600 AD.

When I was a kid I thought it was more civilized to drink tea from saucer than the cup! LOL. I used to drink tea,coffee from Saucer when I went to others houses :-) I saw it in movie where Dharmendra wearing suit goes to heroines house and drinks in saucer :-) My inspiration - untill one day my dad made fun of Laalu for drinking from the saucer

When I was a kid I thought boy friends and girl friends were fictional, They existed only in movies... dont ask! :D

reminds me of...

Jab mein Chota baccha tha,

Pant mein susu kar ta tha..

Mere chori pakdi jaati,

Ghar mein tha Bajaj :P

embarassing moment part 3

dont leave foot prints when u are snooping around on the net :-$