stone that polishes jewels

How shud we treat people who are causing us harm and difficulties in life? 

Master Marilag says You should treat them like a stone that is used to polish the jewel that is you, They are turning you into a shiny jewel. We shud thank them for making us stronger and more aware and move on. 

Sometimes we introspect and realise, we are the ones that have caused harm. What to do then? Should we feel guilt and regret?  If we have caused harm then we have been the stone that polished others. Sometimes we are jewel sometimes we are stone. That is the dance of karma :-) 

It is impossible to forgive others and to be kind to others if we do not forgive and treat our selves kindly.  

Possibly as our awareness increases, we be less of a tool to karma and so it dissolves... 

Why do shrooms?

Psychedelics can be used for 

Level 1-  entertainment, for tripping , for getting cool experiences

Level 2 - They can be used to solve your mental problems 

Level 3 -  Use to advance spiritually.

I want to use for level 3:

My intentions 

I want to open my mind

I want to expand my mind

Who am I?

What is this universe?

What is behind this veil?

Who or What is Sonu?

What can I do to for the highest good of everyone, every being?

I want to be accepting and kind

I want to be less judgemental  

Why to write this down? Because intentions become unclear after interacting with the world, Other people have different goals and that will influence you. And when thing get difficult the question Why the fuck did I ever do this comes to mind! LOL! At that time I need to remember my intentions.

Also my mind is full of judgement against intoxicants be it alcohol or Ayahuasca and I needed this justification for my mind to stop feeling guilty and clear up. 

I think it was not judgement towards people who are doing this for level 1, It was fear of judgement by society. That fear is subtle and so deeply instilled in us its crazy.  

In love with flaws

See, my name on the passport is completely messed up - My real first name is my passport last name, my real last name is my passport middle name and my real middle name has become my first name. So now my name has become - Bangalore. The name of my city , no ! The Ex name of my city. My city in the meantime has changed its own name and become Bengaluru! LOL!

Now I had decided when I get a new passport made, I will correct this mess. I will drop the silly city name and have only first name - last name. But when the time came ... It turns out I LIKE it like this, I couldnt bring myself to drop any part of my name, nor correct the order. I left it like it is. Let it be.. Its mine. ( Teda hai par mera hai?! KurKure? :-P  )

I have a big scar on my knee from an accident right across it. It is big and Ugly believe me. Some people look at it and say - you know u can get this fixed! I felt  What? I love it. It makes me feel brave, even tho it is only accident scar, not a brave warrior scar or saving some one scar,   I can still pretend interesting adventures behind it, I used to like showing it to kids also - that was before Jimmy Savellie, 😄 Dont think its inappropriate but still these days.. :D

Same with 3 chicken pox marks on my face - they are very light... I used to like the red and black moles on my dad,  I am getting them now and I like them.. and the skin tags on my face! LOL! I can get them removed... but...My eyes decieve me and tell me they look nice... like freckles look nice.. :-P Dont think these are nice tho, to other people!

When my light mustache grows, my eyes tell me that imperfection(??)  makes me look young and  innocent and carefree.

and Oh yeah the Glasses! This comes first even before the name I think. How many times have I thought I should just go for Lasik! its easy not that expensive safe etc! but... I seem to like my flawed eye... I like wearing glasses, Its me!!! To struggle to look for glasses in the morning, to look geeky and unkempt, to be paranoid about what will happen if my glasses break and Mummy comes chasing me!!!  😄

Even weight , as soon as I get slightly slimmer, oh no I am getting too thin, oh no I am getting anorexic ! not at 62 kilos for my height! LOL! There is no chance in hell of me becoming anorexic! with my love for food!! but still ..I guess its the love of my fat.

I hope I grow to like my wrinkles and tumours like this when( :-P If? :-O ;-) )  I grow old 😄

I am generally forgiving of many flaws which matter to other people.. few specks of paint on a dress, a little tear, a chip, a scratch, a spelling mishtake ...There may be somethings which I am not forgiving of which others are like sexism, arrogance, white lies,  illogical story lines, fake news ... :D  Thats a different story! This is different.

I am so attached my self Image- that too physical, I feel. Only THIS feels like me! True yoga is getting beyond all identity. Am I a yogi?  Getting beyond identity would be not caring either way. I think I am like that at times.. may be I dont care enough to fix these "flaws" and not "attached" to my identity, you know 😋 I may still be yogi 😋

7 year itch

Actually Its  8 years since this blog has started! First post was on 19/01/2009.
It was when Obama became president and my heart had leapt with joy.
Incidentally Yesterday it was Trump :-)

Full circle shall we say?

Now TBD is like a dear friend who I come back to ever so often, conversation between the me I was and the me I am.  I am glad I kept this blog.