changes since arhatic

Changes since Arhatic..
1)respect for Guru - I understood the importance of Guru, or how much of a difference a guru can make. every person who teaches you somehting should deserve that respect, then ur learnings will be multi fold.
2)respect for donations and service - the way I am feeling obligated is new. I am a bit scared I am brain washed?, i am a bit scared Ill give away too much I guess that happens when u are not used to giving away. :P
3) karma implications of everything I do :D , that a bit of a nuisance :) I wonder( not worry but wonder) too much about the -ve karma anything will generate. I am afraid to think anything will generate positive karma because a) I feel if I think i am generating good karma, it may be taken away because of pride! hehe!! told u it was a nuisance b) There is this stupid modestly type of feeling in me( inherited ??), which sometimes interferes with me thinking good and positive things about myself. it sucks- i see it in few of my friends and that modesty is useless and it really sucks... actually there is always that pride in being modest :P
I am a bit scared I am gonna become like Iskon character if I go on :) then I have seen Surekha aunty and all I think that level of ... devotion(?) is bearable.. I dont mind becoming like that.


Re-inforceing
ps: after a month after the course the effect of this is not as strong as it was.
this is why I liked when that trainer stressed on "reinforcing" in the PEP course. whats the big deal u ask? I ( used to) feel it is beneath me to reinforce, I expect that the effect of any learning should be as strong as ever regardless of the time. Time should not have any effect on the effectiveness of any of my learning :) pride? or some stupid value that was. but PEP made me think it is ok to try and reinforce things , its ok to put in some effort into making things stay in my head. It is natural for time to make things fade, if u want to go against that fading, u have to keep painting it up newly :P every paint is not Apex utlra weather coat :P