What actually needs to be hammered into my head now is
wanting people for being happy is a myth
similarly wanting solitude to be happy is also ...
Living in solitude people consider it as harder.. but I feel its the opposite once u get the hang of it...its a lot easier (I think it really helps that I am very nice and interesting person ;-) , and I always agrees with me ;-))..but its like living in a monastery, like living in bliss but its like a lab condition. its like your product is still not mature , still has lot of errors and bugs which are not exposed, which are hidden, they will come out only once u are in the field.
Staying alone would be like playing level 1 of a game again and again and not going to level 2 becuase level 1 is nice and level 2 is more challenging!
When ur belief that u are happy alone is solidifying.. it becomes harder..
When u believe u need people for u to be happy u are more accommodating, otherwise each accommodation/adjustment requires more justification to self...
so what to do?
In sucha case only truely understanding other people and understanding why they behave that way may help, developing empathy becomes very important.
everything is slightly easier when there is something for us in it no? to do things when there is nothing in it? may be we should be creative and actually see what is actually in it for us.
So one carrot we can use is self growth - see everything as one more lesson I need to learn.... each person is a challenge/ learning opportunity. each irritating trait is like a puzzle, like an obstacle in a game which I need to learn to cross, each time I cross an obstacle and maintain my peace and calm - I get points :) and then I can cross levels... slowly I can start putting myself in more and more challenging situations - may be i can even invite BIL back to living with us :D and go and eat with my uncle daughter in law's who eat in their husband leftover plates :D and still maintian peace!
Shalom ;-)
wanting people for being happy is a myth
similarly wanting solitude to be happy is also ...
Living in solitude people consider it as harder.. but I feel its the opposite once u get the hang of it...its a lot easier (I think it really helps that I am very nice and interesting person ;-) , and I always agrees with me ;-))..but its like living in a monastery, like living in bliss but its like a lab condition. its like your product is still not mature , still has lot of errors and bugs which are not exposed, which are hidden, they will come out only once u are in the field.
Staying alone would be like playing level 1 of a game again and again and not going to level 2 becuase level 1 is nice and level 2 is more challenging!
When ur belief that u are happy alone is solidifying.. it becomes harder..
When u believe u need people for u to be happy u are more accommodating, otherwise each accommodation/adjustment requires more justification to self...
so what to do?
In sucha case only truely understanding other people and understanding why they behave that way may help, developing empathy becomes very important.
everything is slightly easier when there is something for us in it no? to do things when there is nothing in it? may be we should be creative and actually see what is actually in it for us.
So one carrot we can use is self growth - see everything as one more lesson I need to learn.... each person is a challenge/ learning opportunity. each irritating trait is like a puzzle, like an obstacle in a game which I need to learn to cross, each time I cross an obstacle and maintain my peace and calm - I get points :) and then I can cross levels... slowly I can start putting myself in more and more challenging situations - may be i can even invite BIL back to living with us :D and go and eat with my uncle daughter in law's who eat in their husband leftover plates :D and still maintian peace!
Shalom ;-)
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