kindness

Kindness

Ok I wanted to write nice things about kindness, Kind, feel good things, but I think I will write about why I dont like kindness sometimes, what are my mental blocks about it. Whether what I dont like is actually kindness or not? Or I am again being too "mental" about it all? :-P

There is resistance to doing kindness, or being kind in me. I sometimes link it to self harm, by being kind I may be harming myself? Am I a sucker?

Kindness may be considered weakness - I judge many people who seem kind on the outside as weak. They are doing to avoid conflict? Am I judging them too harshly.

more than as weak many times I see kindness as stupid , people giving money to obviously fake beggars, which increases the number of these horrid people on the streets. forwarding "please share this in 2 secs her father will stop smoking" kind of things.

I also think there may be hidden motives - what if they are trying to curry favour, trying to please someone? trying to make someone like them.

ha ha! yes I am a B :D I think like this only, I cant help it, I am high IQ low EQ person ok :P

Other people being kind makes me look bad. Is that why I find it too hard to give the label of kind to other people?

There are so many instances where I feel like calling out, that is not kindness. My friends are vegetarian, and they claim it is because of their kindness, but I think its because of their samskara the way they are brought up and wrapping it as kindness.

My MIL and such women, doing things for their men, Its how they have been conditioned, but they think of themselves as kind.

I know such a judgemental piece right? May be shobha is right, we need to think of instances where people do something for others total strangers and not for family. 

I give way to others while driving 3 types of mentality - 

1) give way to assholes :D because they are blocking the road and things will move faster if I give way. 

2) give way with a sense of duty, because things will move smoothly if I drive like this. 

3) Sometimes rarely, when I dont expect someone flashes lights and gives way.  I feel happy, I do the same for someone, makes me feel good. that may be kindness? Is the difference only in attitude and not action?

Can I ever judge others action as Sucker/people pleaser? only they know how that made them feel. may be they are kind.

We shud not be obligated to be kind, so trying to be kind - is out. it will probably only build resentment. and trying will always be with a sense of duty. may be try to cultivate a sense of love for all and then kind actions will happen automatically?

I gave 100£ to starving people in somalia, was that kind? or sense of guilt for being prevailed?

did it make me feel relieved or happy? did I do it with love or shame or pity? 

I did it with a sense of fairness.  I have started feeling its wrong that some of us, earn this much lead such a comfortable life, just because we are lucky. Its not fair. but did I feel love for them ? I dont know.  May be my way will be like this, because I am a thinker after all..