are thoughts original?

Every thought I get is mostly seeded by what I m reading what I watched on TV etc.. dont I have any original thoughts??? Is my direction ( of thinking growth etc) set by what I read? then again I chose what I read so its kind of indirectly choosen by me( most times)  I see my blogs are related to what I read mostly.. except for some burning recurring issues( recurring so not original :P) most of else I think is triggered by external input.
do we have original thoughts at all.. how rare is it to have? In this day of information overload( which I love by the way) Is it much harder to get really orginal un-influenced thoughts?
by Original I dont mean something which has never been thought before but I mean its something which has grown completely in my head without any seed from outside. if that makes sense...

sci-fi books

Androids/Robots/space travel/Hoover cars Its 2012 already and WHERE ARE ALL THESE THINGS!
Sci-fi Fever has hit thee - book after book after book.. 
60's expected a lot out of humanity and look at now... Life is still so mundane,,, ok we have internet and video chat and .. err electric cars...hey u what know what else we have?? we have no SMOKING zones!!  yeah! seriously none of those guys ever imagined that!- all their heros are smoking indoors ! and even in space crafts.... and ... what else do we have? We have health and safety :P 
The point is - Man on Moon is  a Hoax! :-D  I mean look at what all we have now and Map it back to the 60's!?  If man on moon had happened 40 years ago.. now we'd have been in hyper space or what ever no? 
Wiki says 12 people have landed on the moon and US had 6 landings! wow!? Why not any more... since last 40 years??
I need to investigate this - need to read up on how exactly it was done and everything, I have laughed and dismissed all the conspiracy theories untill now.. but nothing is beyond the govt's of 60's and 70's for that matter even govts now.. look at all the scams...dont trust them... 

Turkish salads Yummy

http://www.turkish-cuisine.org/english/pages.php?ParentID=5&FirstLevel=89&PagingIndex=0
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/450034/jewish/Scrumptious-Israeli-Salads.htm

Wobble board

time should come for everything or what - 2 months back I searched a lot for improving balance tools, equipment.. somehow never ran into anything like this..
finally found this, wobble cushion :) cool or what! I was really Jealous to see that some people in the gym were standing on these and improving their balance.. NO WONDER THESE GUYS HAVE AMAZING BALANCE!  AND I SUCK! :D  How come gym people make them do all these things and we poor indians hardly know any of this!!! Grr
ok!! ok ! I calmed down and quickly got one for myself! :D

http://www.livestrong.com/article/256808-exercises-on-a-wobble-board-to-strengthen-ankle-ligaments/

whats your excuse?

 too old,too young, too fat, too short,too weak, no core strength, weak bones, not synchronized? Indian genes? :D
Olympics 2012
oldest athlete - 71 years
youngest 15
shortest 130 cms thats 4 feet 6 for you.
lighest 30 kilo
fatest - 203 kilo
blade runner - no legs :)
writing 's on the wall - THERE ARE NO LIMITS
but I cant read it :D I m too short, short sighted, dono english,bad at spellings,Its dark, I was turning the other way, Ah but I m a woman! if I were a man I would go to the wall to pee on it and then seen it... :P

Edit: to my credit today I succeeded in resisting the urge  ( with huge huge will power) to make excuses in the class - I m not synchronised, I m not graceful, u will find it so hard to teach me I have no rhythm, u know this is the first time in my life I am doing something like this.. in my childhood I didnt do any sport...I m shy... I cant do sexy moves...Phew! That many! :-O!  Teacher din notice and I did very well! thank you very much :)  ( oh one more, I dont have good balance! I think I did tell her that :( I also told .. no core strength :( I also told no flexibility! :-o :-O)

noticed that

1) when I praise someone else implicitly many times I m  putting myself down, very subtle but its there. He has done well, but I haven't,He is a good driver,  He is better than me!
2) When someone praises someone else, even then I feel like/I perceive it as a -ve on me. This is very common. lot of people feel like this, Ive noticed others react badly when I praise someone else in front of them. ( Tip: if u want to bitch about someone, praise them very highly in front of others... they will do the bitching for u :D )
3) We use self deprecation at times for improving the opinion people have of us( to make them think I m humble)
4) Thoughts are linked/tagged by feeling among other things.
our thinking works somewhat like a link list, if u are irritated, brain has a knack of pulling out irritating memories. when sad - sad memories. So thinking gets tainted and gravitates towards the  "mood", and Idont realise it because I m thinking -I am  rational and logical but unknowingly I have come to wrong conclusions and made unfair decisions.
This behaviour of brain is not bad, its actually a very good strategy to link memories by tagging them, Its fantastic. but it can limit our thinking to same old patterns. most used.
5) I find thinking is enjoyable , It is a carrot,an indulgence.. observation is enough to conclude something but I go on and indulge myself and think a lot about it, analyze it :) Ego feels good when I think.
6) I dont/cant buy anything prescious for myself. I have a BIG problem with buying anything luxurious, extravagant for myself( or for anyone else for that matter). So much resistance.  why teak wood? why BDA site? why AC compartment? just make me go in AC 2 tier let us see :D why PVR- we can go to vaibhav? why Bluray why not DVD? why iPhone?  why Gold!My god the sin! :) no no no!
 I m not a cheapskate. dont even check my salary slip or care about interest or about super market bill... but still I m like this.   was using old office laptop and didnt ask for a new one untill absolutely necessary. :-( Grrr... not even my money. didnt throw away old phone ...
7) IFD - Idealisation- Frustration-Demotivation

perfection is not good?

I think brain works this way
if something is perfect it tries to find fault in it, and gets suspicious! ( This is the reason Why the matrix is not eternally happy place right? he says, the humans got suspicious)
if there are minor faults, it just glosses over it! :)
Have u looked at news print dots in cartoons? Archies! Betty and Veronica were beautiful, but their faces are full of dots. :-) I just couldn't stomach it when I was a kid, how come I see the dots when I look for them and not see them when I am reading. :-)

White sheet for example! u examine very closely and end up seeing the water mark :-) if there were some faults u;d probably leave it alone sooner.. may be it looks for some feature to rest on?

I thought this because of  my huge scar on my knee which I think is very sexy ;-)
If women left their make up slightly flawed would it make them more attractive and less boring? :)

wise is one who understands while normal people hate! I think..
Kirikou and the sorceress so special this movie is.
"Why is she wicked granddad? because she is in pain son!"  :-) so sweet! Like in miyazaki movies.. there are no bad guys, just mis-understood or people in pain. Wise directors...So different from let us blow off all the bad guys "hollywood" - cant stand it anymore Dark Knight! get lost! u are horriD :D


edit: God! Americans are crazy! again!! LOL! they flagged this movie on youtube for nudity! :D I wont be surprised if they call the director a pedo, because the hero is a baby and he is completely nude :D

electrictarian?

Do androids dream of electric sheep?
After yesterdays discussion with A , This book title made me think, Ah this is the solution to his problem of not wanting  people/animals to eat other beings.. we need to charge ourselves... transfer our consciousness iinto robos and "eat" electric charge. :)  Hey but Thats Actually Matrix ! forget about charge harvesting..imagine they had sun light...that would be it, violence free world. Would it still be alive tho?

Only yesterday

Studio Ghilbli does it again! sensitive and sweet!  Isao Takahata - I found him when I ran out of Miyazaki :) what good timing :-) Its not one of the popular ones.. I didnt find it in the first search - Now I dont remember where I got this from... It is soooo sweet ...quite sweet day to day with no action and nothing much happens but I still liked it so much! how come all these lil Ghilbi girls always remind me of me.. I always see myself in them, thats why I love them so much I guess...some of them are what I want to be( prinicess mononoke and sprited away) and some of them are me( whisper heart/this one)..
the lil 10 year old is the sweetest...the kids world and its lil disappointments and joys! awww sweet...
The nostalgia.. its a sweet/dull pain in my heart.. I m nostalgic for my 10 year old self and for the 60's :)
Dont dare watch Grave of fireflies.. It seems too sad...
Edit:
Although the Walt Disney Company paid for the US distribution rights as part of its deal with Studio Ghibli, executives later decided that it could not release "Only Yesterday" in the US - Disney's stated reason was because the film contained references to menstruation (a clause in Ghibli's distribution contract prohibited Disney from altering the scene to remove the references).  


Duh!! WT...such prudes! :-} ( look who is talking tho ;-) )

Even after a day still feeling the warm glow.. nice.. I love love love studio Ghibli movies!! 

The Game

Its a shocking and horrifying book - OK go read this book first ok!! its a must read!
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/900.The_Game

I had heard stories of mantra vaadis who gave women magic potion...
My grandma's  story -This lady didnt have children,  she went to a mantra vadi( black magician) He was an evil one. He gave her some paste - told her to eat it at night after everyone went to sleep and not tell anyone else about the whole thing.. somehow the lady forgot to take it and left it on the stone grinder - old style - rubbo kallu. and at mid night.. that stone started shaking and rumbling and rolling and went straight to mantra vadi's house!!! :D
Ok! these guys are not exactly like this but quite close!! and the techniques used - I can see how well they will work.. I think instinctively the untrained ladies men use the same techniques... I ve seen them used and work in real life! fucking awesome!  and I ve met one proper trained one as well :D

How do I actually feel about pick-up artists.. funnily enough the feminist in me is not offended..
On one side I feel, when someone is putting in sooo much effort into it and making things interesting for the girls I think they deserve to pick up someone. :-P
I mean what is the big deal when someone does gets picked up - as if!
If someone does not call the next day It shouldnt become a self esteem issue because u already know these are creeps...? every experience should lead to wedding bells! thats a stupid and old fashioned idea..no?  do they really make people(aka women) do what they dont want to do, or do they just bring down others inhibitions? 
I feel every guy should learn some of these things.. I mean come on! be more interesting! ;-)  Especially the good guys out there finishing last - They are the ones who need skills like this... I think this power wont corrupt the good ones.. or Is that only me being optimistic?
I also like the way the hero is approaching the whole thing putting in so much effort and dedication into it..Its a typical under dog making it big story.

Yet.. the whole things is in one way horrifying and disgusting and unimaginably creepy.
The manipulation. its pure evil. It goes against the grain of being human.. It reminds me of a story of a mutant man boy...Golden emotion less mutant boy ( no longer human) with a computational brain. Every minute he just sees the different possibilities and where it leads him. like a chess playing computer with its decision tree...his goal is ofcourse to populate the world with his species rather than human..
These PUA(pick up artisrs)  are just like moths who mock other poison moths or owl eyes to escape from predators or those orchids which mock the bees to get pollinated. These guys mock the signs of attraction with women and get their way. 


The creepiest thing was that we are so susceptible to manipulation, It is scary.. every word and sentence for a while feels  fake..How all am I getting manipulated in this world? Like the spiritual books say we are all asleep and running on auto mode :( Its not like it works on dumb people it will work better on smart ones because they are easy to hook because of their interests.  We run on patterns and instinctive behaviours... awareness is the ONLY solution to this grief of life.
Anyway reading this book make me feel less naive.. Humans are like this only some consciously doing it, many unconsciously hooking others.. to get them laid or to get that promotion or if you are a baby just to get milk :)  Funny those guys who use others patterns fall into their own.. they are not wise..


The guy mystery is a good example of how logic is not everything how logical people can twist and modify logic to validate their beliefs. Logic and reason are not much above emotions if u are not aware of emotions..
what I got out of selfish gene is very different from what that guy got out of it. quite opposite..
I felt genes are selfish, once I know this I can counter their effect.
what he got is genes are selfish, they control me, so I go with them.. he makes his purpose the same as that of his genes - duh!!! for me that was almost spritual book - pushed me more towards gender equality and helped me understand the descripencies.. but it make this man quite opposite.. women are there to spread his genes!! duh!! He is a very clever and genius type person but.. flawed!


and NLP !! god all meditation techniques are just that - NLP, exactly the same technique.. think of a happy emotion, give it a color spread it across ur body.. 


on the whole very interesting eye opening book, worth even  a second reading....

Thank you subconscious for waking me up in the middle of the night just in time for the meditation!!
Seriously!! I love you!!! our( my :P) subconscious is so so so powerful, It has put a reminder for July 2nd 7 pm pacific time and woken me up - corresponding GMT summer time!! - It has done this all some 2 weeks ago. Even tho all this had totally escaped my conscious mind, subconscious woke me!! I love it.
This is not the routine/habit thing, this is something else! :D way cooler!
God!!! If we are aligned with our subconscious mind, We can just live life like a breeze - like magic... way too cool. , we dont need drudgery of will power..which is always works with resistance.
Hope humanity( aka me ;-)) will learn to harness the power of subconscious.. soon :) 

2D -3D

How do we perceive reality - vision being our main sense.. we "see" a 3 dimensional world, as I type this.. I m seeing a room , chairs table TV, TV is far away, chair near me .. the room is slightly tapering showing perspective.. I feel the sense of space around me.. I "know" or rather  I "see" this space..
I see a flat picture on the TV screen..3D no depth. I see a flat 2D image on a magazine.
I feel 2D is a compromise of seeing and 3D is the "real" world..
but u know what?
Isnt 2D  how we acually see the world?what our eyes see is exactly what we see in a photograph right?  a 2D image.. and 3D - is fake! 3D is the simulation, 3D and the sense of space - this is the work of our brain.. its the modeling done by our brain to facilitate us to navigate in a 3D world,.

Brain takes this image and memory and does 1001 processing. ( need to read up on that) makes discrete 2D images into a continuous 3D movie/simulation/game!!
(havent read it.. but looks good ... this one.)
http://www.mind.ilstu.edu/curriculum/vision_science_intro/vision_science_intro.php?modGUI=204&compGUI=1940&itemGUI=3375

They say - brain uses the difference between the images from left and right eye to determine the depth of the world..  but does the vision that we see collapse into 2D if we close one eye? ;-) like this? no..
The model is made from memory.. I think it uses not only 2 angles but also shadow/light,perspective and what not  and also memory to build this 3D world. I think painters who create pictures know instinctively what parameters brain uses to create this depth..


Also this model is our limitation, if even tho we lived in a 3D world but our model was a 2D one, we would be stuck in it! :) and move like we were stuck between 2 glass sheets :) like flatland :)


Again it goes to show - everything is Maya - unreal! I know this,believe this but is it real for me?do I feel this? no! :-) how does the realisation of this take place??

I dont think our brain scans and creates this world everytime we see, like mpeg decoding.. it patches up only the changes.. and thats why sometimes we dont see the things we are searching for even if they are right in front of us, if we dont expect them there. our brain has decided that portion of the 3D world doesnot need refreshing - it couldnt have changed , so it shows us memory of that table.. when that bloody key was not on it :)
When people take hallucinogens they can see the room in front of them even with eyes closed! They can move around too!! offcourse the information is all there!! May be, to make us believe that it is not a projection but it is reality, brain switches off this projection when the new images stop coming i.e when we close our eyes, but  it is quite capable of continuing the show - even with eyes closed...like our dreams.we are quite capable of making our own landscapes...Imagination is one thing, this is total reality experience.. like reality but not!!! anyway I think astral projection and Out of body experiences are all this...Alternative states of consciousness.. I may have said before meditation/yoga is actually hacking our own brain.. enlightened person is the ultimate hacker. 

Symbols

Mystical speak - for example aura/energy bodies Chakra , These concepts are actually tools or symbols to help us understand a concept, not exactly to be taken literally?
Like a Sine wave for example,

Its hard to remember that this is *not* the sine wave, This is a symbol which helps us understand what a sine wave is...Its so easy to confuse a model with the real thing.. 


The mystical concepts,  most of us take it literally - some find it so silly that they scoff at it and other believe blindly. but actually what these mystical concepts are - are like say a block diagram of our software, When a lay man  looks at Set top box architecture diagram , they may expect these little boxes - drivers/middleware/application to be found when he breaks open a box. We are being this layman when we expect the astral body/mental body etc to be found surrounding our body? offcourse! 
God/Soul/Prana everything, What ever is said of it.. is symbolic, we will know what it all is.. only when we experience it.

You know what words are ?
"They are an agreement between  the speaker and the listener. With out this agreement the words dont have any meaning. each sound has a meaning in ur head and the meaning in my head and when we hear a sound, we do a look up  to its meaning and it becomes word " - from Seth Speaks.

I m  that interesting person u are pretending to be ;-)  -Deeps :P

more gyan

Oh well... Great crisis needs great gyan ;-)
kindness!
Easy and relaxed...
love and compassion - do I deal with everyone and everything with love and compassion? I notice not at all.. there are lot of places where we behave with competitiveness, defensiveness , with the intention of putting the  person in place, cutting the person to size.. with irritation, revenge..
forgiveness
Most important aspect of all **awareness**.

Love me for a reason...

...let the reason be Love.

When I walk in my garden I feel my plants love me... not "I love my plants"- I feel "my plants love me..."
I wonder - can it be? Is it my imagination?
but then how do u ever know anyone loves u? Isnt that also equally imagination?
by their actions u say...by their actions - what they do for u.. are they kind? do they buy u gifts etc?  Really??
u see it in their eyes?
we see a smile in this ":-)"  Do u trust ur eyes? :)
U wud say u can feel it.. then I can feel the same with plants... :)
 I think when u feel u love someone or when u feel someone loves u.. u know... both these feelings are felt with in us only... not necessarily in the other person!? u can call it imagination or what ever...


Love me as u want to, no rules no conditions
u  love me because u did this, u dont love me becuase u did that! no thats all bull shit!
I trust ur love as it is. If I feel it, its love! :)


Unconditional love we say.. Isnt love always unconditional.. when we put conditions on love is it love at all?
when I say I love rainbows.. what do I expect out of rainbow? just to give me pleasure... actually it produces this feeling in me.. thats what I call love..Full moon... chrerry blossom.. Taj Mahal..
 I love birds and squirrels.. Or wild life.. thats the same kinda of love as for rainbows and moon.. no expectations no attachments..no missing? no longing...
Can we have that kind of love with people.. love them because they make u feel love!??

discussion with myself

Too much gyan... I know.. but that was the point of this blog right? what ever on my mind at the moment.. it reflects..

"why do we think bad things about others or why do we have bad images about others?
 when we meet someone we are getting angry or irritated or upset with them. If we paint them bad it is easy on our conscience to justify all those emotions. if we accept that they are allright then we have to take responsibility for those emotions and think that I may be wrong which is hard. "
-Shibani from Bramha kumaris
But my mind keeps saying what if  they ARE bad.
I accept that our perception of a person or the world can be totally off. Ok I accept my perception of the world and a lot of people IS totally off. preconcieved notions and patterns have coloured my judgement and I see the world thru the same old distored lens. I agree.
but I am afraid to let go... they( the notions and patterns) have served me for all these years.. I can feel it I m not all that ready to let go. I can feel resistance to letting go.
all that gyan - markings on glass and all...Inside of me I dont trust that if I change my perception the world will change. I still trust my judgements :D the old ones. I m giving it a go and I am ready to try..but I think I m not ready to let go of the hand rails and jump. Its frustrating.

I m really afraid to think that the other person is NOT BAD and it is all in my mind
what if the person is really bad and because I m thinking it is all in my mind, am I just going into denial ? and then I get cheated hurt etc?
Am I confusing sprituality to stupidity? :D
what they are saying is NOT to go into denial. but going numb and going into denial also looks very much like sprituality. how to know the difference?
Oh well I know the answer to this. Its the same old awareness!

2) No one is asking me to think of everything as good, just question my beliefs and ask why is the person bad, dig deeper. dont analyse but just listen and observe myself.
3) The only person who needs to become good in my mind, (first) is me.. do I trust myself, do I beleive myself, do I like myself. what -ve beliefs do I have about myself? There is no danger is letting go of those is it?
1)Also when some thing is not right and I get a reaction. That is what we are trying to solve... is the bad feelings in me? What is bringing it about? We need to understand and be aware of our reactions and emotions.. and not let this color the judgement.  Is this head over heart? I am getting resistance to this idea. I want to react with my heart - but not with emotions. there is a difference - once emotions are quitened once thoughts are quietened then we can hear the heart.  I feel resistance to letting go of emotions.  I feel that will make me dead...But I m sure I wont miss anxiety, irritation, anger, despair etc etc :D I will miss saddness tho :)
Awareness is good.. understanding is good.. letting go of clouds and patterns is good..
let us atleast stick to that for now..

defensive...

Trust and patience

Trust and patience
Trust and patience
Trust and patience

Trust myself that I can do it and patience with myself till I do well eventually...
I m actually a quick learner but I am so embarrassed about that learning curve  and so miserable getting thru it.. totally lacking trust too all the time till I perfect it.
Its all right to make mistakes.. we all learn and do well because of them!

I want my first painting to be Mona lisa :) How many things we dont even start because we dont trust ourselves to do it well..

In esoteric stuff and self development...Its really important to trust our experiences...
we know what we felt, we know how good or bad it was....no need to convince anyone else..
Do we trust ourselves when we feel tired? or sick? or call ourselves lazy?
Do we trust our good feelings...I am looking great today.. and then someone says.. ur dress is funny..do u still feel good looking?
I am very bright! some one says are u? what have u achieved.. and ur ballon is burst..do we really trust?
forget others... no one else knows... they have their own filters and issues.. they see what they want to see.. thru their conditioning...how can they see us? we are all blind ... only person we need to trust is ourselves...

Our own ego is always questioning and doubting...thats when we need to have patience and trust in the process... like gardening...we have to plant the seeds and wait :) we cant dig and check everyday to see if the seeds have sprouted or not?

Awareness for example.. It starts as a spritual exersice but ego soon takes it over and makes it into a competition/Goal oriented/Task.. I m always in my own world, are those people more aware than me, are they better? Am I really aware or not.. oh god I dont even know to be aware! What are the benefits I have got out of it so far? is it worth while and so on :)
All that is not necessary...just intend to be aware and I will know how to be aware.. trust myself to know that and have patience till it happens... no goals.. no violence no measuring...and no "will power" - with using will power there is always resistence and violence.. and the goal of awareness is to understand why this resistance is there.. not to plough thru it.. gentle and kind with ourselves first.. then to others...