eye opens...or does it?

‎"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." ~ Oscar Wilde

Very easy to identify with this Quote..

it is very common in the society to label a person as selfish if that person lives as he wishes.... no body can stand a person who dares live as he wishes.. society and the conformists in it hate it and then they tag him - selfish.

There is such pleasure, such a sense of liberation, its most of our dream to live just as one wishes...and not submit to others desires. Especially my generation, how we crave to live as we want to but feel tied.. but cant..feel like our wings cut...

due to others selfishness :-) :-) we all like to play victim ...

asking others to live as one wishes to live.. we always find that others do this to us.. oh the misery! the misry of doing as others wish....and me? I am never like this!! right? or Am I?

Ive been troubled and irritated at times past couple of days angry and pissed off..

The misery and anger why do u think it comes..

My husband drinks too much, my husband does not talk to me as I wish him to talk, my husband is always using cuss words... My husband...Grrrrr Bottom Line... My husband does not live as I wish him to live!!!

For that matter - my mom does not throw away old stuff - keeps hording everything, my mother in law - she follow all these age old customs, keeping sucha big bindi, these stupid UK people always wearing black even in winter- why cant they wear color,These stupid people always use cuss words,These bramhins they are so educated and in good jobs but they still do madi (Untouchability)! god!These Muslim ladies and their Head scarfs and tights!!!!(roll eyes)... Irritating isnt it? All these bloody people do not live as I wish them to live!!

and That my dear friend is what I WISH them to do and that my dear friend is SELFISHNESS??? :)

Asking others to live as one wishes to live - if u are dominant type a - like Taliban and Hitler will bring untold misery to others.

If you are the non dominant( I wouldnt call submissive- submissive surrender probably does not cause them any misery! I dono thats not me) then it brings untold misery to you. you blame others for it, but ultimately its you who is responsible for this suffering. Its called Expectations in common terms - Its not painted as Selfish. but apply Oscar's definition and it is anything but selfish..

Is having expectations wrong then? do u like others having expectations from you? no?then? ?

Sadly.. yes sadly, Life is not as simple as all this.. as simple as eyes opening and closing...as black and white.

There are bloody grey areas...no? and multi coloured ones. Life is a struggle trying to make sense of this mess.. trying and trying.. but u keep trying...because.. you and only you are responsible for it - u want the fault to be with you because its is probably easier to solve. u can do it yourself. if the problem is with others it is not easy to solve. thats a rant.. anyway..

What defines expectation and when does it cross over into selfishness...is there a non selfish expectation? is it ok to have them? What is fair and what isn't? Where do u draw the line..

Govt wishes us to live by the law. is the Govt selfish? :)

a) my children will take care of me when I am old. ( when I saw this in Babul movie, I felt stupid selfish father, but when I saw the same situation in School master- I cried - selfish children.. I couldnt think of father as stupid or selfish..poor dear father. that old man)

b) my children will study well and get into engineering/medicine.( my dad had this expectation and I loved him for that. but if I didnt want it, then it would become selfish? does the cost matter and also the motive. 3 idiots anyone? )

c) my children will study well and become decent individuals.( this does not sound selfish because it is very flexible. but this expectation can also cause misery to the parents...if the kid is "Madhuri dixit banna cha ti hun" type or worse tapori type like that one who wants to write Geetha I love u on walls :D)

d) I dont care what happens to my children...( is this a realistic option?)

so .. it turns out .. we may HAVE TO( or rather we WILL) have expectations. Is it ok to have them? but as we saw above not having expectations is not an option, not a realistic one at-least. you can have a weird life like that- if u are Buddha .

( let us leave aside for now, the moral(?) question of whether expectations are selfish or not. Whether it depends on the motive of the expectation, the flexibility etc)

The question for us mortals is - It causes us misery and what do we do about them.

No answer

... should we add love to this equation? :) ( watching bollywood movie and recently read paulo coehlo...:P)

Love makes it all bearable?? others expectation or ours? or is it a two edged sword used to twist arms.. filmy dad who get heart attack - I will die if u dont marry this boy types in movies?

Does it makes the pain from expectations bearable... does it?

This discussion is still under progress...