puny program called ego ?

[This may be repetitive, but what the heck! I want to get this cleared in my head! ok! ]

Reading "The Man who mistook his wife for a hat!" Yeah yeah still reading since months now..

There are many cases. Its not really that interesting but the working of the brain leaves a lot to think about. For example - these twins.  They are Autistic Twins , They have IQ of 40-60 which is quite low. But they are math geniuses. In a weird way . They cannot add or subtract.. they dono what addition/subtraction means, but they can say what day, any date will be. for eg 2054 april 4^th – they’ll say if it is Sunday/Monday etc,, even 80000 years ahead/back.

They can also compute prime numbers.. to the order of say 20 digits.. which was almost impossible even for computers in 1960s.. the doctor couldn’t even verify that those numbers were prime after they crossed eleven digits. The twins played a game.. throwing prime numbers at each other and enjoying it… that’s it. One comes up with a prime. he tells it out, other one savours it.. it  seems like they got a lot of joy out of contemplating on primes…

When a pack of matches fell to the ground, they instantaneously called out hundred and eleven. It turns out the number of matches that fell down were 111. When the doc asked what 111? they said 37, 3 times…   37 is prime..

I am thinking,  its not like they have some special ability. all of us have this ability, but because of damage to other parts of the brain, This has come out into conscious level.  Its like after an accident, u can see the insides of a car running? Or during operations, we see the heart beating? like that, but in software sense.

Obviously our brains do lot of computing,  when Richard Dawkins  talks of how bats detect prey using sonar.. the theory of how it is done is pretty complex, and the bat brain does this pretty well. So the software to do this is in bat brain, but obviously bat does not “know” how to compute this. If u gave it an exam paper saying - u are traveling at 8 kmph and there is a 10 feet high tree at a distance of 50 meters in front of u.. bla b la, It will flunk. But bat brain... it knows and it is doing all these computations, all the time, very accurately. so life mein, bat is Pass!:P all right.. It must be using lot of maths to do it? Obviously, just like we must be doing a lot of real time math calculating trajectory etc to catch a ball. I guess somehow prime numbers come into this equation. somehow. I think brain does not use the same method of doing calculations as we do today. There are more advanced methods which we are yet to discover. Which probably involves calculating using primes? Hash tables full of huge primes? ! May be may not be, anyway  … so when brain has malfunctions these prime numbers may just spill out. Ego got access to one of the system processes?  I also think when we do things which are aligned with how our brain works we are more satisfied and happier? ( what do I mean by aligned?- when conscious mind unconsciously mirrors the algorithm of the subconscious? :D LOL! this is just blade!)  When we learn the API and pass on things to be processed in the subconscious, than do conscious tedious processing. we are happier and quicker and correct? This is what spirituality means- by getting in touch with your higher soul?

Next question, We have all these complex and sophisticated software in our head but our conscious  program the ego program( let us call it that, I am not sure this is consistent with with Freud and Carl Jung and all. I haven’t read them).. it struggles to do even 12*8?!? Our brain is running billions of instructions per minute so to say. It has hardwired programs of unbelievable complexity!! and this program… it’s a puny stunted small useless program!! Isn’t it? What does it do? Make a few decisions? Takes a long time to learn anything at all.. It has very less permissions also..memory access..  There was another case where a lady could hear actual songs in her head. Beat to beat -just like a radio. she in fact mistook it for some radio being on. but songs were some 40/50 year old. This, following some seizures.  That means brain has recorded  with all sense details like smell ,sound picture, touch probably balance etc most of our life! and it does not delete anything . But what does conscious mind get to access? Nothing! not even the tip of the ice berg! Why??

 Its not even that it can make independent decisions, all decisions are heavily manipulated and influenced by subconscious! It has control of all information. Logic? U say? U need to look at a few usecases to know how easily logic can be subverted by a clever subconscious.  

I m thinking why at all have this puny ego program? Self important puny program. Its like UI. It thinks It is doing all the work! but it is doing nothing! J

 Why does such a sophisticated brain which does everthing need an ego program?  What evolutionary advantage did this bring about? Do Insects also have this ?

 Re-reading this post, I got this answer. Thinking about bat brain.  We need to think about evolution. Compare bat brain with human brain. The most growth in brain has probably happened in the ego part or  how much the consciousness knows. Sonar complexity and complexity of our eyes may be in par , even bat brain can compute primes but consciously…not.

 One reason I can think of for this strengthening of ego program is to make the system( animal) more generic. You don’t hard code much, so run time u can load what ever software u like. So instead of making coffee machine, u make a PC and load coffee making software if u like or tea making software or cola.

So the only use of ego is to decide which program to load based on the situation? Couldn’t they( Grrr not being creationist here.. just easy expression)  automate this feature as well? But automation takes time, fastest adaptaion time is possible by using a user i.e the ego program which knows the basics?

 Do Insects also have this ? probably not, I think insects are very fine tuned robot machines. Just look at evolution, if u move to even fish – awareness is far less. Not of environment but of self, the animal is not allowed to move away much from what it is designed to do. So the opposite side of the scale - the pinnacle of evolution is - the Buddha who is aware of everything ! :D

How to take good decisions :-D

 I made a adivse list for myself!  do and donts for making decision from my experience, your comments and additions to this are most welcome! 

 

1)      Don’t take decision for others.. what will others think kar ke u shouldn’t take decision. But others are important, give them reasons they want to hear for u taking different decision from what they think u should have taken, these reasons may not really be valid for u, they may be fictious but u and they will feel better for having done this. all are convinced.

 

2)      Gut feel – gut feel is really good. Follow ur gut!

 

3)      Don’t take just logical decisions- it is not wholesome. Ur logic may leave out a big piece of reality. Logic is important to give u a good picture, but scoring and balance sheet listing positives and negitves approach may work for others , its good to have that sheet. But for somebody who has passion and who needs that emotional touch, this may not work well.  Give logic appropriate weightage but not all weightage.

 A adds: At the end, the happiness comes when u are happy with ur decision. And even though u could logically say this decision is better, ur mind might say the other way. In that case even if its a good decision, the right decision is when u are happy(emotional) about the decision.

 

4)      Fancy and dream decisions- they never come true.  Don’t follow. But how to differentiate between gut feel and day dreams?

A adds: Esp Dont make  greedy decisions... Based on money, based on attraction :) etc etc... 

6)      How do u feel after making a decision? like ur stomach is churning or as if u are on cloud nice. It’s a good idea to listen to ur feelings after making ur decision and then give it sometime and then make ur decision public

7)      Don’t take a quick decision just because the process of being in indecision is making u very uncomfortable. Don’t take a tactical decision just to pacify this itch so to say. Accept the discomfort that exisct until decision is made, it is unavoidable.

A adds: dont stay in Indecision either, by  procrastinating forever. Does human brain by default avoid reaching conclusions on negative issues? See if u are just being indecisive just because the decision is unplesant.

8)      Don’t look for signs!! unless u are hopelessly into it or a hopeless romantic :D. Its just an excuse for getting rid of the responsibility of taking the decision. U will interpret some nonsense as sign to get rid of making a decision.

 

9)      Take ur own decision. Don’t look  for others approval. You are an adult now. Parents, husband,Wife friends… take advise but decision is yours and yours only. 

 10)   No body can predict the future, its ok to make mistakes. Learn from them, don’t cry about them.(Ok u can cry for a short time :P) Don’t spend eternity trying to take that RIGHT decision.

11)  No decision is for ever. most decisions are not life changing.  Many are reversible.  If at a later point of time things become clear revert decisions. u are not Rajput. But this is not an excuse to be fickle. Fickle is huge drain on mental resources. Never be fickle.

12)   Make a list of all the correct decisions which u have taken or which have happened to you. U don’t want to analyse it, but just thinking about it makes u feel more confident about ur abilities. And sub conscious may just analyse and create a healthy algo to get right decisions for future. And don’t focus on how to not take wrong deiciosns too much, you should be positive. :-)

13)   Listent o all your fears, don’t try to ignore and subdue or underestimate any sentiment. You need to know why u are feeling like that about something… u may uncover an important reason which may change the decision.

 A adds:

One point I dont see u have touched on is the need to take random thrills :)... Like suddenly buying something fancy, or just going on a date... and exploring... or things like that :) yes... at times it good to just jump in and be spontaneous! forget about long process of making decisions.

I hate Biology??

Do what you love.

I am reading J Krishnamurthy, he has written a book for students (I dono how much of that students can really follow!!)

He says the main aim of our education system should be to help everyone find out what they really love. How correct!!!!! and how far away we still are from there. ( my alter ego- the stupid left brain thinker is asking, if everyone really does love something, Will everyone really find something they love and which will make money?? It is also asking if u will find someone who will love cleaning toilets and sweeping roads. If u dont who will. but I will explain to him( this stupid alter ego must be male :P) about how Americans thought slavery was absolutely necessary for exactly same kind of reasons.. later.)

In 8th standard, they were teaching us about types of leaves and plants and flowers. Our teacher asked us to make a chart with examples of different types of plants.. everyone made it on an a chart sheet, My collection was so huge, I had made it out of a bundle of sheets. I was guilty to buy new ones( Frugality?!!) so I had used my uncle's old drawing sheets to do it.

My teacher didnt see my passion, all she saw was that I had made the chart out of old brown sheets!!! Sorry - not good for display! Stupid woman!!! But I agree it was quite shabby out of old 1970’s Engnieering graphics sheets from my uncles engineering days! Ah those days when we tore out empty and one sided sheets out of our class notebooks to make the rough note book. (Recycling my ass!! These new age pretend recyclers cant hold a candle to our parents.)

My parents didnt too... Engineering and computers... actually it didnt help that I was so good at programming, almost a natural. There is a thin line between being good at something and being passionate! When u are good at something, u do want to do it again and agian and u soon mistake it to be love :D

My mum has not seen her own passion. She would have made the same chart out of 40 sheets. she loves plants... the tiny microscopic flowers in the road side, who else but me and mum will notice them and think they are beautiful? but she does not know. She didn’t teach me as such but somehow we both have the same habits. I think its her stories when we were kids about all those big brown fruits being filled with Sambar rice and Hurlikai palya and Kappa! :-) and she explained so much in detail about the tamarind tree, its new blooms, how they ate them. she has actually talked very beautifully about her childhood. Dad is a very good story teller. We have cassettes of that. When recording mom used to be worst story teller :D She used to read out horrible stories. But the other stories she used to tell, half from chandamama and half her own and stories of her childhood. That’s why balu mama is such a big hit with me!

My neighbours kids ask me if I am a Vet. They ask me Why amnt I? My count of picking up stray pups and kittens would be atleast 20. Ah! I didnt think of that when I was in 12th. I was focued on avoiding biology!! I dont want to be doctor! I want to be a engineer! If I do well in Bio I may be forced to be a doc!! How about a Vet? that option never cropped up!!

But without studying Bio seriously, scored more in Bio than Maths. Ive always pretended I love Maths.. I think I was just good at maths and I actually loved Bio. I advised people - Biology is very easy. U can pass without studying for it. My bro flunked his frist test because of that !:-D :) LOL! Bio was not easy, I just listened to my lectures so intently in Bio and I loved it, wasn't that why it was easy for me?? Was I totally blind? I used to read up chapters in Bio text book ahead of their completion when I was eating!!!! just for fun!!!

Thank god I didn’t imagine I was in love with organic chemistry or something! I was good at that too. J

Those neighbors' kids are so perceptive! now I think our civilazation is reaching a point where kids when they grow up will starting thinking bout doign their calling? right?

When will I?

... some sunny day

Aase ye Dukhake mula? Says Buddha..

But I have to agree with Rehman ( may be Mani ratnam?) more... Chiina china aasai…

I want to I want to I want to…

I love the "I want to do this!!" Feeling! I actually can measure how happy I am at any point of time by  counting how many things I want to do..

I don’t want to do anything = 2/10 happy.. I want to everything = 10/10 J

I am generally happy, so happy that so many aasaes are sprouting in my head.. must be the Sunshine today J

Mounted police – I want ride horse again..

I want to go to London bridge..( ah tower bridge or what ever)

I want to go camping some place...

I want to make gods place like in that korean movie...

I want to do pottery again..

I want to… I am happy.. there are these "I want to"s I missed them …

how I became mystic babe :P

I used to have exactly the same opinion as Stephen Hawking that people are like computers, or rather like robots( where the user is part of the machine itself). "There is no heaven for broken down computers!"  I actually like that statement. I remember exact same argument with my cousin N, and he'd said  emotionally in frustration AHHH! people like u :) he said read Autobiography of a Yogi and Id laughed.

My opinion about all this changed soon tho.

I started meditating as means to strengthen my mind, calm my mind etc without any spiritual aspirations. I still had a skeptical attitude. ( heart of hearts I think I ve always wanted Magic tho, Druva was major childhood inspiration.  power cut time  = tapas :D, was always disappointed when power turned up before  Shiva :-). yeah yeah Druva meditated on Vishnu, but Om namah Shivaya is the easiest thing to say okay! ) 

Ok..meditation..  I started seeing purple spots in front of my eyes and some automatic body movements. I started goggling about it, chanced upon Prana, Chakras and Aura related stuff...  downloaded guided meditations and   browsed some Buddhist sites..Started reading philosophy( but Bla there is nothing but word play and mind tricks in that... There is wisdom but thats for people who like to munch on words...  ) . I didnt feel that way about philosophy then, I genuinely read a few books with good intentions. Till now it was all Buddhism, philosophy. Awareness, concentrate on breathing , notice ur thoughts... ashte. nothing practical , only mind stuff. some people would say I was still normal :D 
Then, I went to Pranic healer. ( Reiki and Pranic healing always been in my TODO list anyway. so u could say I was never all out skeptic after all. ) I could feel tingling in my hands when she did healing, from far away..  I was convinced that what ever it is, we are not limited to just 3 dimensions. otherwise there is no way what the healer did from 10 feet away could affect me. Also pranic healing felt like yummy comfy massage. "If only I could do this to myself :-P no need of paying this lady also." so I went and learnt pranic healing.  
  I did the Basic healing course. I didn't want to pay for advanced course :P ( I come across as conjuse makhichoose :P but really, I used to feel that for such spritual things people should not charge and all ) and I was some how still skeptical!  I wanted to find out how exactly all that worked. I mean.. what is that they show as prana? the white globules! is it optical illusion? how come my partner who was practicing with me got neck pain when she tried to heal me, even tho I didnt tell her that I had neck pain? I really wanted to know more about the Aura and chakras. It was all super cool!  yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember! Master Choa has listed all kinds of books in his bibilography - yeah thats exactly where I started reading about occult. collected all the books and still havent read many!  Those now! they were so cool :)   Seven Rays, Raja yoga by Vivekananda.., many more.
This lead to download of torrents, From there I was lead to Robert Monroe, Robert bruce... Healing.. Ayahuasca.. :D reading about Astral Travel, Energy bodies, Out of body Exp etc etc...and was recomended books like Louise Hay, Ekhart ...What really compleminted this was Selfish Gene and Phantoms in the brain. Phantoms in the brain made me feel like, our brain has so much functionality and complexity which the conscious part of the brain is not aware of.. it fits in very well with the mystic stuff. the Idea of Energy body and body map which is present in the head..which causes pain in the phantom limb etc,etc they all fit in beautifully.  Selfish Gene answered a lot of questions...Richard Dawkins is an Atheist but he convinced me there is more to us. 
Then Healing Chitu - only then I was convinced about Healing. Did  Advanced and all the rest of the pranic healing classes, which are really advanced! ( not able to practice tho :( ) I think that's that.

I feel when you are ready to understand, things happen - u find books, you meet people, you remember something, something clicks  and suddenly before you know it you ideas about the world would have changed for good. If we do that prematurely, It will not enter our heads. ( happened to me many times, couldnt proceed through a book after a few pages and then i just pick it up after a few years/months and its smooth sailing to the end...) We have to be ready.

"scientific"s

Today's  scientific world had become so rigid  almost like religion. Scientist are not ready to explore new areas they are just too keen to find explanations to dismiss any idea that does not fit in with their world view. (Unfortunately its the same with archeology, history and other fields.. human nature?) The mindset of a scientist should be "Wow! This looks interesting, Let me find out more about this! how the hell does this happen?!!!" Wonder excitement and spirit of exploration! 
 Most so called "Scientific" minded people out there- what are they? Cynical for one. Their mindset - "I'll prove it false to myself any which way" as fast as you can and go back to your well( baavi :P)!! All they are saying is - Do not disturb me I am in  my comfortable place!! People come up with most ridiculous "Scientific" explanations for things to avoid thinking in a new way or considering a possibility. The lamest is " Its all in the mind!" Off course it is! but isn't everything??  what u see what u hear what u taste and feel? and dream? if u dismiss ur mind, then what is? 

(should list all those explanations out in another post - Lame science) 

Tell me! If these people were born pre-Copernicus or pre-Columbus, Would they believe in flat world or a globe? would they believe in Earth-center of the world or in the solar system? 

[Oh BTW I wont even start off with the Superstitious, if the 'Scientific' is the monkey in the ladder of evolution, the superstitious is the amoeba. not even going there :P ( atleast not in this post :D ) ]

People spend 15 years studying science and understanding it, but They want to understand about mystic stuff in 5 minutes. Tell me how aura works! ok I spend 5 mins on this and I decide it does not :D It would be fair for people to dismiss things only after they dab in it for a few years. dont u think.? especially when having mystical experiences is so hard, it involves being a "good person" for one! :) 
yeah! it also doesnot help that there are so many cheats out there claiming to be gods and gods mouth pieces. but its like saying I wont use money because there are fake notes!! use your own discretion.

There are a lot of genuine people and genuine material out there for those to really want to know. especially in the internet age.

scientific cow kakka

2 gems by V

1) If U sit quitely for half hour, headache goes away.( :-D yeah! )

2) Cold will go away in 7 days. 

(Usually my illness sequence use to go like this - 3 days nose run,Sneezing, 3 days sore throat, 3 days of cough, 8th day fever... dry cough for 2 weeks...but may be if it does not go in 7 days u wont call it cold, ull call it allergy :P)

People who are supposedly scientific... they make baseless statements - exactly like what they are trying to oppose. just that instead of coming from a 2000 year old book, these statements come from - science page of times of india.. or from some dusty corner of their own minds - supposedly based on science.

Other

"Cold is caused by virus, so u wont get cold because of cold weather, or eating icecream or by getting wet in the rain..."

but!! I do!! When I get wet in rain or go out in cold, I DO get cold.

oh yeah? how can u? its not scientific! no u cant get!

Virus is ok.. but may be I get cold when weather changes because immunity is weakened or somehting right??

oh but we dont look at the big picture in today's medicine... we want a shotsighted view of things.. so what u are telling is non scientific! :-P 

"Its allergy - there is no cure!"(Thats like a blanket statement for all aliments )

Oh really! I did Jalaneeti and its gone for good! cold of like 5 years has gone and stayed gone for 2 years now! Scientific my ass!! If people were really scientific minded they'd look at how Jalaneeti cured the supposedly un-curable allergy! a few docs may subscribe to this, but as long as its not part of medicine study - Its a shame!

Burns - if u have a burn pour water on it.. no non dont put water, snub with a blanket ... no no water is good for burns.. no no.. Decide!!

"There is no cure for jaundice"

- but Ayurveda..

thats bull shit.

- Homeopathy...

cant work, not scientific!

It is placebo effect!!  if placebos work.. that means our mind has the ability to cure the body, then why do people have doubts about affirmations?  Why do u think u cant get the mind to heal the body by other means instead of lieing to it by giving a placebo? 

"If u shave or remove hair, it doesnot come out thicker!!" its in your mind! It just looks thicker when it grows.

now Come on! I have a distinct line on my hand - sleeve line. Hair below is clearly atleast 2 mm longer,darker and thicker than the hair above this line. Thanks to Veet and other hair removal products... 

Look! in todays science, if we dono how something works, we just deny it okay?

so  its all in ur mind!!!

LOL offcourse it is :) if u are Buddha!

Till I get there please pass me the blanket and u can use the "mind" to beat the cold :P

how to keep (Indoor)plants alive during a vacation

1) Create a green house.. room with good light and which can retain lot of moisture.. for me this was the bathroom. I kept the tub half full, even if it evaporates the moisture will hopefully stay in the room and condense on the plants etc. The Green house technology worked really well, the plants have gone wild and grown like crazy in 2 weeks :)

Oh! and remember to keep the cactaii and other dry weather plants out of the green house, Or they'll rot.

2) For small pots... keep them in a tray filled with water,  they will draw water from below once they get dry. This is not good for the long run as the roots will rot but it works out ok for 2-3 weeks. Take care to have enough water, so that it wont evaporate in 2 weeks. Leave dry weather plants alone, they'd prefer to be dry than have their roots in water. General rule for all indoor plants less water always better than more water.

2a)Wrap the whole plant + pot in a plastic bag(transparent one! obviously)... to save moisture.. I thought this will work only for water loving plants, others may wilt? but its kind of a mini green house so may not wilt.. I didn't try this.

3)For big plants.. this worked the best. Take a water bottle, fill it with water fully. make a small hole in the cap and stick it bottom up in the mud near the roots. Stick it in deep, so its kind of air tight. Water should trickle out of the bottle only when the mud is really dry.If you have really made it air tight, vacuum will hold the water up in the bottle and it will trickle down very slowly. Great technology it worked really well.

3a) Use a Wick. I liked this idea too, but I felt safer( easier :P) with the bottle option. Keep water in a huge bucket. Use some old shoe laces or make some cotton ropes out of rags for the wick Stick one end of the rope in water and the other end, bury it in the pot. When the pot starts to dry, it will draw water from the bucket!!! I can picture the plants sucking water like out of a straw with a slurp! :) cool or what? :)

4) Fill the bath tub with thick rags which wont dry easily, fill up a few inches of  water and put all your plants on top of this. this is same as 2) but will work for bigger pots as well.

Thanks internet for all these ideas! and my mom she too had the bottle idea :)

give me some focus

should I make a curriculum for myself?

like a collge with subjects and timelines and tests

I find I have done a lot of things in my life so far but I haven't actually accumulated proper skills which show results.. I felt this is what happens when u dont do things in a focused way.

reading Eargon 2 makes me feel like I should persue magic too

do more Yoga pranayam, practice healing buy some crystals, advanced meditations...

follow up with painting and pot making, soap carving and chalk carving, furniture out of cardboard?
Android app development and MS
aromatherapy
what about doing a split and cartwheel? 

There was no way school/college could teach us so much each year with out a curriculum and timetable and tests and exams? 

..thats it! There is no other way u can follow up with all that which we want to do! is there?

nail ridges

Wondering if it is a sign of some health problem. Remeber my uncle saying it could be calcium deficiency. apparently not...
http://www.ehow.co.uk/how-does_4899682_what-causes-ridges-fingernails.html
its just age :P
Getting some diamond strength cuticle and nail oil to fix it. 

back to uk..

Each country has a different smell…

Onsite smell!! :D ( Even tho this is not onsite now, that smell excites me somehow :) ) I have forgotten Israel smell, but UK smell hit me as soon as I landed here.. it’s the food smell or the feel of the air I dono.. I used to think it’s the animal fat smell which thye use to fry things here( this is just to gross out the vegetarians :D).. no its not that :-P no fried foods in the airport Departures.

London looking nice. In 3 weeks that I have been away it has bloomed. Roses everywhere, It feels like Roses have gone all crazy!!!! Aww!! this country begs you to have a huge garden and pack it up with flowers.Thats why english gardens are like that! Cramped!.... Aw!!! u can make such beautiful gardens here. In India - Its kind of the same scene year round. Here Its like taking curtains off every Season. Like the background curtain in the Dramas - It changes like that..every season. winter all white , then spring flowers and grass . Trees still bare. now its summer all rich green and roses, then autumn - new flowers,Red Yellow leaves... beautiful!!  Gardener's Paradise, If u plan well u can transform the  garden every 3 months… so cool! and The time shift video of that would be so awesome!!!   The sun light here is also gods gift to gardeners! always slanting, so u can grow plants and grass even under the trees, Everyone get a bit of sun! and because its kinda low light, leaves are less and the flowers -they go so crazy… Crazy buggers! :D Awww Love them! Ah Gardeners Paradise! 
My indoor plants were doing great too!!! yupiee :D  thanks to all internet tips. I was so scared Ill see tried plants in the pots.
I like UK when it’s a bit chill and cold, when its sunny its too much like Bangalore and it doesn’t measure up, when its chilly and breezy then its real London J

The vibrancy and color is starkly missing here. That’s what I miss most about india.. everyone wearing black again L My unpacked suitcase is looking like a crayon box or a childrens toy store or a gaudy rainbow.. lovely ! hehe!!  so vibrant but Ill stand out in office with all this :D 

What is nice other than the flora ? I like the decency and orderliness of people. Everyone reading a book J I like that..the library... Dear Library! I am back! 

After the vacation I feel its not the place or the people around u that can actually make a difference to you, happiness and peace its in our hearts. Have to find it, always eternally keep on finding it Grrr J

Pictures of Kswamy with his new baby with that actress R(?) so yew!  VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT!! :D hehe! I had to get this out of my system ! :D
ND Tiwari and his antics! some guy has filed for paternity suit and everything!  yew yew vomit vomit!
why is it that Berlusconi(Italy PM)  and his Parties and scandal with 17 year old are less vomit than Tiwari.
and Sarkozy with Carla is kinda irritating( Its typical successful old man,pretty  young lady high ambitions, anti-feminist story :P, actually exactly same as our K+R story)  but I m not grossed out. but Kswamy pure Vomit? It is because those European guys are decent looking, suit clad and these Indian politicians are plain ugly or wot? :-D Naw I m not racist and all... but those pics were plain grosss... I am scarred for life! poor me!! :D now if Shashi Taroor or Rahul Gandhi were involved with some actresses, I wouldn't be grossed out would I? :P even SM Krishna is ok :P
Is that shallow! :P Let it be! 
My opinion of that K's actress is so so low... I think of her in all those derogatory scum type words 
but my opinion of all those girls in Berlusconi parties is not all that low, nor of Monica Lewinsky - she is a joke really. That is because the others were temporary where as this is permanent arrangement.  Did that lady have such a  low opinion of her ability to support herself that she has to resort to him? yew yew. Is it really required in this day- where almost anyone can make a fair living?( or can they?)  Actually one can never guess what is the reality behind such things mother with cancer, father on dialysis, bhai ki padhai etc etc or to get out of prostitution or something( is that so hard? in this day? because of mafia etc? dono) or probably its love ( yeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww no way? that guy is like an Ogre)


other celebrity news that is irritating 
Young women going for old rich/powerful men -Irritating 
Fat male comedians paired up with hot young really skinny actresses as wifes in american comedies -IrritatingCelebrities having 3rd,4th,5th kid( Beckhams!) Irritating 
Ashte? I thought this list would be long.. I guess I repeat my Irritations quite a lot :P

deepolution

Evolution of blond hair and blue eyes they say has come about about 11000 years ago...

I was looking that up in Wiki- why would I look that up? Basically I was looking for information on Kafiristhan and Nooristhani people. Supposed to be blond people in Afthanisthan - the theory is that they may be descendants of Alexander... They were Idol worshipers - not hindu - Indo Iranian.. what ever that means.. I was looking up information on this people and.. I ended up on a Nazi site! yew! (It was like when we used to search for Clay-Jedi mannu in the sand and sometimes found dog poo :D )... funniest was some Bramhana trying to sell Indians as Aryans to White supremists using Afghans to do that :D LOL...

Aryans... I ve always found it really funny that Hitler and these neo Nazi;s seems to think Germans are Aryans.. hello!! Indians are Aryans..We are aryans... not that it is something to be so proud of...with Ugly caste system and everything... but Hitler! he was really ridiculous.. he could have called it some other race.. Atlantians or something that would be less funny....
(I hold the Aryan Invasion theory also at this same level - Bull shit :D)

Evolution of Blond hair and blue eyes... Wiki says that it could be to get more Vitamin D from the sun in cold areas, so blond people were naturally selected... Good explanation. I like it. but  some other people( scientists at that!!) seem to think that the reason for evolution for blond hair is "Gentle men prefer blonds!!!" How very sexist is that!! what kinda theory is that!!! Clearly they have let their stupid biases affect their so called "scientific" study. There was a mutation and one blond woman was born and Cave men apparently "preferred" blond women, so blond women got to mate more and so had more blond children!!! Hello!! how stupid can u get?! why didnt cave men prefer blond women in Africa or China?  I dont think cave men "preferred" any woman, If there was any woman available, I'll bet all my money they din particularly care even if she had any hair or not!!! :D come on! :D If at all anyone had any discretion or choice those days it must be the women.  and BTW what is that about the equating blond to woman?? How can  they interpret blond as blonde women only! They could have deduced that blond people were preferred, but no - only blond women were preferred it seems!Silly Sexist Bastards! :-D Also as far as I know.. thousands of years ago.. if anything strange was born.. it was probably feared and killed...so if a blond baby was born in all dark family.. I dont think any one would prefer it! Stupid scientific studies!!

What do I think?? Neanderthals :-) Humans were black originated in Africa, but Neanderthals were in Europe for millions of years  and They were blond and blue eyed weren't they?  the connection is there for all to see... did they get killed by humans.. or they are still there?  as Aryans :D?

The worst part about finding dog poo instead of jedi mannu was - who ever found it wouldn't be satisfied with his own analysis of what it was but invariably passed it around to all the others to double check! hehehe!! yew yew yew! 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proprioception

This is kind of basic sense or kind of basic functionality. we type without seeing, we catch a fast ball, juggle etc. actually not even something that complex even very basic thing like picking up a glass, keeping ur hand on ur lap etc need this...I am guessing this is like a continuous feedback to the brain about where every part of our body is. :-) Small kids cant put their finger into their mouth without seeing it. My nephew first stares at this thumb and only then can he pull it to his mouth! :D

This is the secret behind yoga! developing this sense is generally deemed important for spiritual advancement. Spiritual practices usually involve becoming aware of usually subconscious processes - like breathing in Pranayama and Meditation. Yoga is not just exercise, Yoga becomes much more than exercise only when u are aware of the sensations. Every yoga class stresses that u notice ur pose,feel ur entire body, Feel the stretch, feel the blood flow, notice how u feel, be aware of ur breath. What are they doing? they are trying to enhance our perception of proprioception. Which is usually entirely automatic and unconscious, slowly comes into the realm of conscious.

Robert bruce's NEW techniques - nothing but Proprioception enhancement. Feeling ur thumb, feeling a point inside of the palm, feeling that point moving along the skin, inside the skin... Again all this is very important for spiritual development.

why?

I can imagine why all this can be important to have Lucid dreams. Instead of ur dreams being just audio visual and probably smell, u will start getting more and more sensations. u can actually feel the walk and most noticeably - sensation of flying- seems to come out of this. Out of body experience is being able to carry this "sense of the body" totally out into imagination realm( or astral realm? for now I still stick with imagination realm). Wow!

But spirituality...?

Is spirituality a skill which is hidden deep in our sub-conscious, It involves peeling off of or rather moving more and more our subconscious tasks/actions into conscious realm, not only physical tasks and senses like this but also mental and emotional tasks. Is it like going from basic user of the brain to kernel programmer? Buddha and Jesus were hackers?

why does being aware enhance our well being? both mentally and physically.

I know that by Yoga and by Robert Bruce techniques u can improve health,many times miraculously. The metaphysical explanation is that it increased the flow of prana and obviously we get better. But from nerves and body perspective how does it help?

awwwww...

Newspaper today was out to kill me!

3 orphaned fox cubs were found by a farmer, He gave them a toy fox and they have adopted it as its mother! awwwwww!!! They wont be seperated from their soft toy mum and wont sleep without her ! awwww

two dogs Lillie and Zak I think, were brought up togther but Zak lost his eye sight due to infection and from then on Lillie acts as Zak's guide dog. When Lillie is around Zak can be completely normal, their connection is almost telepathic! awww! They are abandoned and need a home :-( they can't be separated :-(

awww I want to cry!

my heart goes.. mmm( I hate that song.. but ..)

my heart hurts.. I like these things so so much ,wonder why

Cherry blossom - I didnt know the name of this tree.. I saw it in Israel, its more of a shrub there, Ive seen in it UK and in pictures of chinese and japanese gardens and chinese paintings those lovely painings.. I saw this in tintin in train station when tintin came to UK.. I just wanted a bonsai of this in my garden.. and i googled really creatively for a long time to know the name of this ..

Temple tree - so holy and oh so beautiful.. I love the flower.. I love its fragrance.. more than anything I love the shape of this tree... it looks really ancient.. I mean I guess it gets that shape that I love when it gets ancient.. I love this tree in its pure indian form.. I think there are many Hawaiian hybrids in nurseries these days. but I love the dark pink with yellow center and white with yellow center temple trees.. ah I love this.. it was there in my grand mom's house in Dharwad near the compound..dark pink and yellow.. it suited my pious grandpa - these flowers.. she called it Parvati flower :-) most people think it has devil in it( CRAZY) but she loved it.. I love it too.. too much..

Mushrooms - I love mushroom,they are most intrguing things in any garden.. ah huge colored mushroom.. yeah heart ache..

Pictures of red mushrooms and a frog sitting on it

Pictures of huge lotus leaf with frog on it...

Frog dolls- frog statues for the garden

climbing roses.. english gardens..garden path with pergola with climbing rose.. small brigde across a small stream or a koi pond

koi fishes in a clear lilly pond..

Lotus blossoms-lilly ponds, lotus ponds

chinese gardens..

tibetan bells..

buddha statues...

small pond with Shiva/Radha Krishna statue in the middle...

light curving hills of Uk with fence and sheep

cottages built with rocks..

colonial houses with huge gardens and low wall with moss and lichen

picket fence

garden well - with koi and lilly would be great...

kitties..doggies..

bay windows- window seats

high cielings and those big squarewindows which reach upto the roof

sky - lights

attics and wooden stairs to the trap door

wooden floor in the attic

swing inside the house...

rainbows

golden sunsets- which colors the air golden

sunny rain

golden green beetles

glow worms or rahter fire flies i dont think Ive seen a glow worm ever..

Arabian nights stories..

sand dunes..

arabic music - belly dance- arabian nights- persian food

Samrani smell - sufi saints.

full moon - huge ones- yellow/red orange ones

used to love diamonds ( huge glass but well cut ones :P but.. what happend to that.. its seems to have gone)

tom sawyer and huckleberry finn

flower creepers climbing up houses

climbing trees.. hats..

fog, night walks in slight fog and empty streets

well lit parks late late late at night - empty swings and play things to play with

after rain smell - afternoon rain ( heavy rain not this drizzel we get here) with thunder on a holiday..when everyone else except u is napping.

saturday afternoons with viks and amma

dharwad grandmas hosue - huge rock in there which we used to call mountain :)

pipe breaks near house - i used to think river is going to comeup near house..

old english novels for children - like tom sayer..

archie comics...

and more...

kafiristan

Reading this book by Kipling..

Ive read jungle book – din like it half as much as the cartoon or the black and white movie .. don’t like his style.. I dono why I expect him to write like Jim Corbett – whom I like a lot or like Rushkin bond – whose style too I like a lot.. this guy is older so style is older and more colonial J that is not is not what I din like.. his writing is kinda tedious..

But sometimes I like books for all the interesting titbits which send u off chasing on an interesting tangent . I love exploring these..

( one problem with audio books is that u think wow I have to explore this and forget.. somehow seeing it on print is easier to catch and follow? )

This book talks of kafiristhan a country which is part of remote northern afghanistan inhabitants are not muslim and are blond and blue eyed whites, they call themselves descendents of Alexander ( which reminds me of coorgies who call themselves greek descendents as well :D which I usually discount as white mania :D , but now Ill check it out) This also reminds me of Bird people of China and the blue eyed chinese girl in that ( I loved the movie BTW… story of this Japanese corporate guy who goes to explore for Jade in China and.. how it changes him.. its n interesting Fantasy. I think I shouldn’t put spoilers here.. )

Sounded like fiction, but he spoke with so much conviction I felt I had to check this out.. and it turns out..

Kafiristan did actually exist.. it did have non muslim people who worshiped idols.. they followed some ancient Indo Iranian cult..( novel says they were free masons.. I need to look that up.. is that true?? - looked up -no it isnt )

Wow past is so interesting.. did Jesus really come to India and learn in Tibetan monestries.. is there a shangrila somewhere in remote Tibet? Do people really fly in remote china? J why should some white people existing in Afghanistan make me think all these things? I like to dream that’s why :-D unlikely things make me really happy and excited.. . like I liked it that lost tribe of Israel was found in Meghalaya or something.. and the ardhanarishwara of India looks exactly like the god/goddess of South American Maya;s.. I like the word Mayans also.. it promises more mysteries all these things :-) Like Spnix is like 10000 years older than what people it is.. when Sahara was a rain forest..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuristani_people

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kafiristan

They look very European! but their origin is shrouded in mystery, my search being hampered by White supremist sites! God Nazis! I get scared and close the sites :) Its worse than seeing porn I think. :D

from Wiki on Kalash people( who are related to Nooristani people): looks like they are original!

A study by Rosenberg et al. (2006) employing genetic testing among the Kalash population concluded that they are, in fact, a distinct (and perhaps aboriginal) population with only minor contributions from outside peoples.

pissed off rant

Its the feminist again.

I am making sarcastic comments on facebook,about our Indian census and Skewed sex ration.

I am actually very pissed off. Boiling actually!

India and its "£*$&"£$ @£$%£$%# £$%£$% £$%"~@# F"£$^ing customs and attitudes!

My anger is against stupid son favouring Indian mothers, who bring up their sons as if they are princes! who turn out into stupid brats who think its their birth right to be waited upon, who dont learn any work, who believe men are superior to women because - oh mom treats sis poorly and me well! sons who think wifes will be their slaves - just like their beloved mum. sons who think dowry is ok! sons who think wives family is ready cash ATM! Bride burning horrible mums -I hate you. and ur sons!

ps: Sorry guys, all you my friends I dont mean you. you are all the nicest possible. especially the guys :-P genuinely very very nice guys. even u -V :D.

My anger is against girls themselves who are stupid enough to be burden on their brothers and fathers.. who expect or allow their parents to shell out expensive gifts and dowry and a grand wedding as if its their birthright, mind u! this kind of girl child is a curse for life... 80 year old mothers still buy marriage clothes for daughters children and have to shell out money for festivals... Those gifts are out of love! Its out of love? really? Thats why 914:1000? People still dare give me that crap! Its a custom. Nasty shit custom that is what it is.

Discrimuation was so rampant in my childhood. The parents were so skewed in most of my friends/relatives homes in favour of boys, It was disgusting. My classmates were genuinely frightened of fighting with their ( sometimes younger) brothers. brothers displeasure = parents punishment. Food- Bornvita for son - milk water tea for daughter, Ghee Dosa only for son. Cycle only for son. This was 1980s and 90s middle class homes. "I am a Complan Boy!" the Complan girl only came into picture much later- mid 90's. Engineering for sons, B com for daughters! This my own aunt! Not like they din have money!Especially obvious in homes with 2 daughters and one son at the end "The precious". but unlike my cousins, most of these girls were educated well , encouraged at sports and everything, they were very cool girls much much better than that spoilt rotten precious sons at the end but they accepted this discrimination. They never thought it was abnormal or wrong. Mothers of these girls were working women, very well educated and otherwise very nice parents. but so unabashedly shamelessly sexist! how can they be like this - so contradictory?

I am more angry than them! I think someone who sees these things from outside is more angry than someone who actually experiences it. They have accepted it as norm. Are they doing the same in their houses today? I dono.

I think Hindus are worst in this regards- Muslims and Christians for what ever beliefs( probably like anti abortion and children being god gift) dont kill the girls as much as the Hindus and Sikhs and godless communists ( China :D).

How did it turn out for me?

because of all this sickness I d decided Ill do my bit to change the world! Ahem :) as a matter of principle, I would not make my parents spend any money on my marriage. .or on any gifts and I'd contribute to the household, my brothers fees etc... I believed that if every girl did that, if she stopped being a burden on her parents, if she financially supported her parents in old age then things will chnage. I didnt even cry in my marriage because I didnt believe - I am out of the family and that kinda nonsense..

I can honestly say that my parents haven't dicriminated even a single day in my childhood. I would like to think I would have bitten off heads if it wasn't so.. but I think, I think radically like this because of my parents( dad more upset than me about cousin getting married before completing study)... they have given me and my brother equal chances in every possible thing. motivationally, financially ,food :-D, distribution of work, opportunities ...everything. or so I thought!!!

In our house it has turned out the other way... they gave me everything but they discriminated. how? by not having expectations. They dont expect anything from me. they dont expect me to look after them when they are sick, they dont expect me to be with them when are old. They dont expect me to contribute. I am a guest in that house. I din want to be NOT part of my parents home.. but am I really part of that home?

That realisation comes slowly and that comes as a shock... Err .. !

... Its a good thing!! :D Its a good thing...I am free or what ever.

For an indian woman its still a long way to go...

( also goes to show logical thinking will lead nowhere, if u want to succeed in this world u have to feel and understand others feelings)

Oh well the sex ratio..its also a good thing!! :-D

We should encourge this trend, make it legal even, if u dont want a girl child - dont have one. Make testing and abortion free..."Ladki boj hai! Apna boj aaj hi halka kareye! bus bees rupee mein! App ke ghar se clinic aane ka auto fee, uske baad sab free..." let us see how bad it goes?

-Its an automatic way of population control after all.what better way to control population than limit the number of girls.

-If number of girls reduce then their value will increase. no more dowry, no more bride burning - if you burn this one u wont get another spare!

-If there are more single men than women, the worst will get weeded out, so it will improve our stock.

-What if those singles go to dogs and create havoc like the wild useless tuskers... then let it be let the society suffer for its sins.

-We can send off these surplus men to Jihad, promise them 40 virgins after death ;-) It would be very effective.

-We can send them to space , on dangerous space missions. they have nothing to loose. ( yeah lets save the apes)

-Will all these surplus men will turn gay? that is intersting thought... then may be even peace will prevail and population will be controled and women will have a better standing in society? win win! what say?

-I guess we can make them into monks! Vatican zindabad ( this option is same as above? :P)

-1:1 maping of men to women is a stupid old way of looking at society, society can change to something more bold.

Nah! this wont work? even the gay thing wont work... what about family lineage and all that crap. They din have a son for the love of son. did they? they want a grand SON! oh yeah !

how will they do it without women? they'll probably use our holy cows as surrogates for their grandsons :P that will be some technology.

I read a lot of comments on the news items by western people, surprising they seem to have same ideas as me( all the above!!) but I am being sarcastic and they are being serious! What has happened in India ( and china) is plain wrong it does not have silver lining. One new perspective was that some women dont want to have girl child as they dont want the child to suffer the same as they have suffered before. I think this was an Asian woman.

The perspective of some people about Indian parents wanting to "keep the children" was funny :-) what we see as normal they see it as unnatural - keeping children with you even when they are grown. :-) perspective. but I agree with them that this is main reason for son bias.

If I think logically and reason it out..I can see the reasons for it. First off, I dont belive abortion is wrong. So, out of female feoticide. I dont believe the feoticide part is wrong. so it must be the female part that bothers me. actually this is also the part that bothers our govt.

( feoticide is okay..? I speaking without empathy here, like a logical robot and I am lieing... I got my cats operated- spayed for not having kittens, its a good thing! no body wants to fill animals shelters with unwanted kittens nor can u take care of all its progeny nor can u abandon them some streets across. It had to be done but I am sad about it! It had 3 unborn kittens in its stomach. Doc din tell me before. I think I would change my mind if he had. I am still sad about it..:-( )

Considering a lower middle class house hold, if u have a girl, she will take away about 5-10 years of parents salary for marriage and dowry. and then because of new laws, 50% of the property and then constant gifts all your life and when u are old and dieing she will not be there to take care of u and to even put Ganga jal in your mouth, what kinda investment is that? I can understand that pretty well.. there is no social security in India,pension is very small, how will u live in your old age? ur only hope is ur son. then why am I being a bitch about this?

I still find it hard to digest.

If I sow potatoes I make 10 rs per kilo, tobacco 100 rs. so Ill sow tobacco. daughter v/s son. dowry no income in old age son v/s will take care of me. choice = son. why is it hard to digest?

The cold caculating ways of the world and the society - biting me . Is there nothing like selfless love? mothers love is epitome of selfless love but even mothers/parents love is so selfish? Children - an investment for old age? Its all economics and cold calculation. It hurts. but that is nature after all. if there is food for only one chick doesnot the eagle just push off the weaker chick over the ledge? doesnot cat eat one of its weaker kittens? but animals are doing it for survival of other kids not for their old age.. thats not so business minded!! Western parents are less selfish than eastern ones then? they take care of their children selflessly without expectations both sons and daughters?? then they have social security. But then Rich Indians have enough money for 7 generations they are still discriminating...

Out of all this madness and horridness, I really have to respect and salute those parents who dared to have only girls...tat too in the past decades.. have to salute my parents for being selfless (tho it irritates me no end and makes me feel useless) To all those people out there today who are treating all their kids fine,without discriminating on Gender! All those who are able to raise above our "£$"£$$%^£$%^"$"£$% F"£$%£$%^"£ing Culture! God bless you all!

voice in the head 3

Ive noticed when i am reading a normal book - the voice in my head has started doing Voice overs for characters... This may be the effect of listening to Audio books!!?!! I read different character lines differently, some with ascent, ladies voices, gruff voices ... sometimes very nice ones at that -like David Attenborough's( love the slow English accent ideal for fairy tales as well as for Nat Geo documentaries). If I try to speak it out tho- it comes out lousy :D

Devil is vegetarian because he has horns :-P

I am reading this Eragon book.. at first I liked it but I am not liking the inconsistency of it.

Its all fantasy but still even fiction should have some consistency and fictional world should have fictional biology chemistry and physics right? like for eg hitchhikers guide to galaxy - bable fish - Adam Douglas didnt sleep untill he figured out how all the different people(??? creatures ) understood each other. He was not ready to air the show untill he came up with babel fish... that shows a quality book! ( if u dono what babble fish is - Go read hitch hikers guide! its awesome)

In Eragon, I dont like it that Urgals are non vegetarian and they have horns like a bull...

Saphira the dragon .. behaves like a cat.. she has ears!? reptiles dont have ears... she gets tickeled under her ears...

Eragon does not like to eat meat after being in their minds but he doesnot have any problem with killing enegry by drawing on it from small animals.. His values are not consistent.

am I nitpicking? The world is not very well thought out.. its a mass publication. craft project not art :-( too much money and publicity does this to people.. they want to write somethgn even when they are not motivated..Its not dil se - its a work of the half hearted head.:P