Its not about me, Its about them!

 Very powerful Mantra to remember when

someone insults you
is aggressive towards 
ignores you
abuses you
....
Add whatever
....
sometimes praises you

"Its not about me, Its about them!"

Its many times about their insecurity, their mental blocks, their prejudices,their envy, their grief, their frustration....
Its good to examine if there is anything to take back from the outburst without any emotion tho,  any feedback is good .
but dont let anything get to you. we always have a choice to not feel bad about things. Offcourse automatic emotional bodily reactions will happen, but may decrease in time. May be good to practice staying unaffected by getting into situations purposely in lab environment?

Also good to know that nothing, just Nothing annoys them as much as not reacting and staying calm ;-) Not that you should care about that.

1984 - Not Big Brother but sneaky little shits are watching you :D

I find myself saying these words - 
Be careful on the internet! 
I think "So and so" but wouldn't admit it on the net or at work! 
How can you say this? You will go viral for this! 

Have we implemented "1984 - but by the people for the people", by having mobile camera and social media ? and being politically correct is being enforced?

I genuinely feel like there are thought police. There is always someone watching and someone ready to report me and make me viral!

Celebrities being photographed in private parties was a start, conversations of politicians being recorded when they are offline -  appreciated by the public.  Now I find even normal people being shamed and judged on social media. I was for this - when it involved sexual harassment cases or such criminal activities.
Now disturbingly I find that especially in the liberal circles - There is a small set of views that are deemed acceptable and anyone who does not agree with that is a racist/sexist or something disgusting and this shall be published on social media.   For example if I asked someone where are your from? Then I am a racist. I could be filmed and put up on twitter and if I am mildly famous there could be protesters in front of my house.
If someone referred to transgender woman as he by mistake, That would be the end of them, their career, their reputation etc.
The reason for doing is also is murky, some may be doing it as virtue signalling, and many to get clicks and followers and exposure.

They think of themselves are supremely liberal, If they are not self appointed Thought police what are they?

ps: even Obama seems to think so
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-50239261

dreams

I noticed my dreams are not frightening nightmares or scary but they are not nice either. They are mildly uncomfortable, like I am having disagreements or arguments or defying something and feeling guilty or feeling embarrassed. Mundane and boring and that too mildly bad!
Grrrr!! My subconscious is not being creative at all! 

I am Robert Bruce's Spider :)

I am Robert Bruce's Spider :)
I felt like this, when I failed to lose weight, yet again and I devised a new plan to lose weight and just got on with it.
http://mystic-babe.blogspot.com/2019/08/falling-off-wagon.html
I wrote this in August and seem to have taken it seriously. I am proud of myself to have not stopped working when there were no positive results but adverse results in fact :)
Growth mindset baby! yo!

Social media and mindset

Lot of us are facing a lot of anxiety and insecurity because of social media - Everyone is beautiful on Instagram, everyone has a perfect life in Facebook and everyone is very successful in Linked in. 

Everyone is projecting only one side of their life and portraying an unrealistic picture, There are even apps which enhance your looks and take away your flaws.  

This is all true but...

Isnt all this causing us anxiety only because we have fixed mindset?  It is only a problem because we are comparing ourselves with others and coming out smaller? We believe that everyone is in some position in this hierarchy, u are either above or below them and everyone is trying to show that they are at the top.

But if you had growth mindset, if you had a mindset where you believed in learning and improving, every success would be an inspiration, an encouragement. Some pictures and stories would be inspirational and Many would  even be irrelevant, if they are status symbols and u probably dont believe in that anymore. 

That tinge of sadness which we get - Why not me, wouldnt be there. 

The implications of having a thru and thru growth mindset seem phenomenal. 

Instead of avoiding social media because we are feeling anxious we should try to change our mindset instead.

paedophiles

I don't know if I should out this on a public blog even very few people read this.
This is the kind of shit which is making me feel like we are living in the world of '1984'. Where I should be careful and thought police are watching me. but here goes..

I have almost disgust for criminal paedophiles, I was thinking how some of the worst curses are Bastard and Incest and NOT rapist and paedophile, I had concluded these two were the worst of the worst things in the world.

There are straight men and there are sexual offenders and then there are rapists.  There are straight men who are celibate all there lives. So similarly there are paedophiles and then there are criminal paedophiles? The ones who we all hate, the disgusting scum are the criminal ones, To each one of those there are 10(20? ) others who have attraction for kids but don't do anything about this? They just feel extremely guilty and can never come out of the cupboard. They are just very unfortunate? Is it a sickness? or not? If being attracted to same sex is hard wired and nothing can be done about it,  So is paedophilia? With the difference being there is no way you can satisfy your craving with out becoming evil?

Early Indians

I am reading Early Indians, We are still talking about first humans migrating out of Africa. I notice every instance where humans succeed is a time of some kind of disaster. It got really cold and dry due to Ice age( one of many ) severe resource constraint,This may have given humans an edge over Neanderthals. Volcanic eruption lead to temperature dropping a few degrees and acid rain for years after, this may have lead humans to establish themselves better over Homo Erectus etc again and again. If life went smoothly Humans would never be able to replace displace Archaic human species Or probably never evolve at all. 
Its not just Humans, Its probable some kind of disaster which lead to evolution and prevalence of Neanderthals as well.. Good times lead to lot of mutations surviving and lot of diversity. and then disaster culls them, selects only the fittest. 
Humans evolved from a small population of few thousands, so did Neanderthals.  Even tho the evolutionary tree has many branches, only one branch seems to survive most of the times. How does even that one branch survive? Phew!  how does life go on at all in spite of all these extinctions and deaths!

Tell women they are beautiful crap ( rant )

ha ha! Rant coming up after a long time ! Ye! ;-)
Posts like - The real man makes a woman feel beautiful ( VOMIT VOMIT  ;-) Or Advise that you should tell your daughters they are beautiful so that they dont get the feeling that they are ugly. Apparently it boosts their confidence , if you dont tell they become insecure!?!
Really!! Please!!
You should be telling people that beauty is very superficial and not important. In fact, you should not be talking about all the beauty crap at all! There are better things in life. You are just making the cosmetics and plastic surgery industry rich and you are making yourself and your family really insecure!!!
Also,  There is nothing called inner beauty - That model on instagram with flawless skin is really truly more beautiful than you and me. Your stretch marks?  They are not tiger stripes and they are NOT beautiful!  Just because she is physically more beautiful does not make you MORE inner beautiful :D Nature is not a silly liberal school teacher giving consolation prizes to kids who didnt win.
But so what? Not beautiful is perfectly ok, Just deal with it!

 BTW I wonder if such feels as this are in me because I am part asexual, part spiritual, weird hybrid? If I were a normal (  ;-) normal!? One girl complimented me "you are not normal!" and It was kind of best compliment ever :-D. Does not that say it all? ) anyway, if I were a normal woman, would I want other people to think I was beautiful and want them to make me feel beautiful? Is it my hormones which makes me so blessed and above all this crap? No... Its probably  my superior intellect ;-)


ps: This was about an year ago, Again the book Mindset( yes Again!  he he!) validates my thinking. It gives an explanation to the above.
Fixed mindset people value inherent capacity and talent.  Wow She is beautiful! She is intelligent!
Growth mindset people value effort  and hard work and change.  Wow she worked hard and overcame difficulties.
Well the question of hormones aside, I think above is clearly fixed mindset about beauty and hence not good to have. I seem to have growth mindset in this particular area.

Also I hope people know that when I rant I am half joking? 

Deal with it!

August 2019

Listening to Emperror of maladies , feeling literally sick .. Still carrying on. ( Actually that day I was sick :) but I didnt know , thought it was reaction to the book )

Have we become too soft , I feel that is the problem with me, with all this Louise hay and positive thinking brigade.
I am avoiding unpleasantness and pain ( tho that may not exactly be what they are preaching )
I avoid Chernobyl, or powerful documentaries Or looking at linked in. I have become avoidance master.
So I decided I will listen to the book and if I get unpleasant consequences, I will deal with it.

This is such a powerful Mantra - I will deal with it. It gives me so much power.

Discipline is also the same thing, It is carrying on even with the discomfort and the pain.

killing the joy of living ( rant )

I was wondering if we are killing magic, I am also wondering if we are killing the joy of living my being too organised
Not just in daily life but the government and the businesses that we deal with - 10 years ago I used to use my name with initials sometimes and sometimes expanded it didn't create any problems, but now if the name does not pattern match letter to letter,  it can cause me huge problems, airlines wont fly me, banks dont give me money. We used to be human before and know that  J Bond and James M Bond could be the same person. Now we are all stupid computers. Bus in Kannada becomes Bassu, Stupid Stupid rigid people cant understand this.
Everything is like this, Its creeping up on us, The road rules, the booking months in advance for holidays or to even meet friends, time and date is booked weeks in advance.
I dont know if its just me , but I feel like this is soul sucking, its not free., Its the tyranny of the left brain. We are killing our spontaneity, we are killing the random curve loving right brain activities, we are becoming dull square stupid boxes.
In case of disaster, we will go down in numbers really fast, this kind of mind is adapted for this well curated boring world.
I wonder if the being which has evolved in the natural world for 3 billion years is getting stifled and suffocated in this comfortable and reliable but dry and boring world, I wonder if this is causing high number of autism cases and depression and anxiety.
Rigid rigid rigid rigid I hate it, This is western way of life that is infecting the whole world and bringing with it the whole lot of diseases - mental and physical.
They didn't just infect the native Americans with small pox, they are infecting all of us now, spoiling the lives with their materialism and their clock work like rigidity, killing joy and killing the planet at the same time.
Internet is a gift as well as a weapon, Its a white mans disease carrier.

:-D

( I think I can get away with this. As a brown woman I wont be called racist. If I wrote the something about Black mans or Indian mans disease! Oh my ! I would totally be a racist! ) 

Sati Savitri

In western fairy tales, the woman the princess is a helpless little wimp who gets into trouble, a Strong brave prince or Knight in Shining armour comes and saves her. They get married and live happily ever after! This portrays women as weak and men as strong, This makes who ever hears it feel like a woman needs a man in her life to save her. Sexist! fine!

In India we have an exactly opposite story - Savitri.
Her husband ( Satyavaan - but seriously Satyavaan who? ) was cursed to die young, in-spite of that Savitri married him. Then as expected, he died on the designated day, but Savitri was so powerful she chased Yama the God death himself  and got her husband back from the dead!  The western Prince just fought dragons, this Lady fought the ultimate villain death!

But Savitri is the epitome of Sexism, How Ironic is that!? Most feminists' blood boils at the mention of her name :-)  Isnt that funny? No Really! Savitri is sexist not a feminist as you would expect.

West has this type of sexism where woman is weak and man is strong and so he carries the womans bags, this has at least some kind of advantage.
India has a type of sexism where woman is not weak she is just lowly!  ha ha!  So she carries her husbands bag! There is absolutely no silver lining to this sexism.

So Savitri was just doing her duty, she is not a Hero for rescuing her husband. She is symbol of this kind of sexism which tells all women that its their ultimate duty to look after their husbands and nothing else and she shows the lengths to which a wife should go to achieve this. 
Can the Prince story be interpreted in the same way? It shows the lengths to which a man should go to please his beloved??  but it isnt is it?

It seems like its not the story that is important, Its how it is told.  You can take any story and squeeze out any moral out of it.  A woman is strong narrative can be used to oppress a woman or a woman is weak narrative can be used to oppress a woman. In fact not just women, men are as easily manipulated  by clever people by being glorified, thats a story for another day. Today may be we should think of how to make Savitri into feminist icon, a Hero  and not a door mat ;-) 

are we becoming fake in the quest to be nice?

These days I find that we are all complimenting each other all the time, Wow you look lovely! Lovely dress! Wow your paintings are so beautiful!  There is a very definite expectation - atleast from the women that some compliment will pass from your lips when you meet them. Especially in the west and especially the little girls even as young as 4! You have to say my princess is so pretty!!! You are the cutest! If I forget, I can see their face fall and their parents will remind me Ahem!!... Oh yeah!! you are so cute!
This is the result of the positive thinking revolution I guess.  We are being so positive, so nice to each other! This is very good for us! This MUST be very good for us right?
Or is it?
People used to give in to their natural urges like jealousy, their bitterness, their anger and make rude and nasty comments about us before. I didn't like it. This is infact definitely better than that but ...

I think this is making us more prone to depression and sadness. One type of person relies too much on this kind of outside validation to be happy and is depressed when they dont get that 100th like on Insta.  another ( like me ) just discounts all positive feedback as flattery. I put all compliments in a Not true box. less dangerous of the two but u could say I am having trust issues?

 When we are doing this all praise we are doing a great dis-service to the person by not giving true feedback that will help them grow. Saying it like it is with out malice is a very valuable thing, even tho we dont like what we hear, it is good for us. like medicine.

We also need to ask ourselves, are we being nice for the sake of others or for us? Being nice is an easy way to be liked. Telling truth is hard work, it may make us unpopular. So is it for others or for us that we are being nice?

Not only that - What does not kill you, makes u stronger.  We are becoming snowflakes ( yes I used that word, you liberals! go on a flame war! ha! but u cant cause this blog is so private! ha! ) We are becoming like princesses who get bruised by a hair which is under 7 blankets. Whats with all the Fat shaming, thin shaming,  trigger warnings? ppl! Just deal with it! no? We are not able to deal with even little bit criticism because we are used to being coddled. Standing up to abuse is a good thing, but being cowed down by it is not. No pain no gain doesnot apply just for the body.  To make us strong we need to learn to deal with negative feelings.

Again my instincts in psychology seem to be supported by research.  Just as I thought! Mindset book talks about this as well, How boys who generally keep putting each other down are unaffected by other peoples opinion or comments that much and can stand up for criticism or failures much better in life than girls who are used to hearing only good things. 

Fomo?

Feel anxious at other peoples achievements? Feel Inspired instead.
instead of  seeing what we have not done, we can see what is possible to do :-)
 - fixed vs growth mindset!

ps: one of my 2019 resolution - genuinely feel happy for other peoples achievements. At the fag end of the year I find the way to make it happen :-) 

All of life is an Experiment

Look at life as series of Experiments instead of series of Experiences
- Zig Zigler ( Via K )
I seem to be getting this message from every where! this almost makes me wake up with excitement, to look at each day as if I am a mad scientist who is going to discover something new :-)
Every mistake is an opportunity to learn ! in fact its not a mistake at all! its an attempt!
Also just like an experiment - We should know why are are trying something, what we expect and what we learnt by it, What we change the next time.

Life's life this? Brilliant art by
https://www.deviantart.com/darkki1/art/Planetarium-561500038

stamp

I licked an envelop closed today,  I wondered how many hygiene concerns are there about this Today ! how I might be thought of as being thoughtless toward postal employees, about my chance of contacts some deadly disease etc... I miss the simplicity of the old days.  I googled and I saw this question on quora, Did people link stamps?! Hmm!

Awww I loved stamps ! :) I feel sad, I haven't licked a stamp for a very long time, Let alone written a written a letter but I feel nostalgic and sad for demise of the day to day things which lasted only a few decades or a 100 years or so to disappear ...


ps: I am not the only one ;-) Nostalgia is making big bucks Stranger things, return of the audio tape apparently, make be even analog camera, the 80s kids are in their 40s and rich and nostalgic and paying :)

Does meditation help with temper

Energy

• Drink water 
• Protein at 5 pm
• Eat fruit in car at 5/6 pm
• Water bottle in car
• Find and reduce activities and people who drain energy
• arguments - read assertiveness book  (?)
  
• Workout IF
  
• Detox with food. (?)
• Pranic healing
• Sukshma vyayama
• Essential oils - Lemon grass, lime
• Good sleep, sleep late
• Push boundaries of tiredness - Is it mental or physical?  
• Study/Code when really tired for half hour 
• Do simple stretching yoga when really tired 

How to Generate ideas

Use success in another area and see how you can apply it to an area you are stuck on, For example I have successfully managed to restart painting again even tho I was blocked. So how did I do it? Use the same principles to see if I can unblock myself in my career. 

They are not magical fluffy dandelion seeds floating around which accidentally collide with you! no! You have to work on them like anything else

• Spend time on it
• Don't see if the idea is
•   possible or not
• big or small
• useful or not
• Put a dead line  - 10 ideas in 3 weeks
• Look for ideas to copy from others
• Imitate first and then creativity will come
• Look for ideas online
• Bounce off ideas with others/discuss with others
• small steps - bounce ideas off someone from other team 
• do this online

is magic dying? ( rant)

One little girl 4 year old was wearing shoes with wings on them, I said wow you can fly with this, She said no you can't, they are pretend wings....
When I was little did I know pretend? If someone asked me - yes I would probably say the same but I did entertain the belief that I could fly, My equivalent was by doing Tapas I could actually meet Vishnu. I still do :-)
I am not one to entertain superstition, I HATE HATE people who worship banana trees for 7 days to have a son etc. But I love my belief in magic. It fills my heart with joy, It makes me very interesting to myself. It drives my curiosity, my drive to learn. It is very valuable to me.  I don't know how or why I think its different from Banana tree example, as far as I can see, these beliefs only fill the people with fear or greed or sometimes hope( which is not so bad...)
So It makes me sad that kids these days are losing the magic, In the bid to be rational are we killing the magic and imagination? Killing the joy of being? Are we making them materialistic? Not in the sense of wanting or not wanting material things, but thinking in only in terms of what they see and feel vs what may be, what is hidden? the mystery?
Same dread I felt when my friend bought her daughter a flying fairy, It was an ugly plastic toy, with wings which actually flew and hovered in air for a bit.  If it can actually happen Its not magic anymore is it? Just like how much magic is a Skype call vs how u felt when James Bond spoke to M on his watch in the 80s?
One thing for sure ( I am guilty of advocating this just 2 years ago) we are over engineering the kids, not just the kids, we are over engineering our society and our selves as well. We are setting up too many rules to follow and not allowing ourselves to BE and observe .
May be this is just my over reaction, May be people feel the same when I am being practical about Valentines day or the Gift exchange culture? That I have thrown the baby out with the bath water? Are they right? Am I right? Am I over engineering my thinking :D 

Its not will power, its obedience!

When I have an app tell me to fast, why is easier? Its not as energy draining?  
We are programmed to be obedient, being hierarchical species. It is natural for most of us to obey than to disobey?  It really takes a lot of energy to disobey, thats why we are so angry when someone tell us to do something we don't want to do. Because our minds feel compelled to do it and we have to fight that instint to not do!
 Back seat driving for example, its dangerous because of the high possibility of the driver following the suggestion in spite of it being dangerous, like turn left when a vehicle is coming from behind. We find it very hard to not do what the person is casually telling. It takes lot of mindfulness to not take the suggestion . Thats why we said look what u made me do! and we are NOT playing the blame game. We are telling the truth. 
Even when the order is what we want to do we find it annoying , because it makes us lesser in the hierarchy? but that another discussion.
I am thinking there may be a practical advantage to this obedience. When we try to fast - we are using will power to stick to it. Its is hard and draining until it becomes a habit. But when we are using a fasting app? When the app tells us its Time to fast - Its not using our limited will power which is kind of draining to use but we are using our less draining but natural instinct of obedience? Thats why it is lot easier from the beginning?