The dictionary defines Compassion as "Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it."
I define being compassionate as awareness,sensitivity,understanding and love. So when it came to practical terms - as to how to make myself more compassionate - I tried to be more sensitive - more tuned into myself and others, more understanding and less judgemental again first and foremost about myself then others and I tried to have a feeling of love in my heart and softness about myself.
I decided to have this feeling in my heart and go about and see how differently I would behave today.
Is compassion offering a seat to a old woman or is compassion not offering a seat to that woman so she doesnot feel so old and weak? Is compassion giving the crying child the candy or teaching the child that the world doesnot revolve around it?
Rather than deciding to do a bunch of compassionate actions (because I cant sometimes decide?!) , I decided to go with the flow just being more aware and keeping "compassion day" in my mind.
May be because of the approach that I took, compassion day was more of an internal experience for me rather than an action packed outer experience. If you are familiar with Yin/Yang I guess mine was an Yin Compassion day.
The first beneficiary was myself, I found myself quickly getting out of bed to get myself a glass of water, instead of ignoring thirst for few more minutes in bed. I also found myself walking to work, Its about 5 kms I always take the bus. The walk was a beautiful experience, I found myself noticing the dew drops on the leaves and spider webs. The huge trees, the canal, dad taking his daughter to school, loving parents,cute pets. It was raining and 14 degrees, I am really surprised that I was enjoying the walk and appreciating rain drops instead of thinking $£##%%^ London! always raining :-) You wont believe I just felt so elated and happy, I was jumping and yelping like an 8 year old(in a deserted stretch of the walkway ) I realised this wont happen every day I decide in my mind that I will be compassionate etc. May be it was the newness of it. ( I know because I am trying to be aware since like ages now. Its a very long way, the road to enlightenment)
Second recipient was my husband, This man hasn't emptied the dish washer today!! ITS HIS TURN!!! My first reaction - He is such a lazy man. Then I realise that situations influence behaviour much much more than personality. Instead of blaming the person, examining the situation. I remind myself he came home late, he is studying for an exam... ok...
Also during news I caught myself stereotyping and generalising during news coverage of burqa or muslim face covering.
The study on conformance helped me volunteer for a task at work when no one else on the team was forthcoming. and When I asked anyone else to help me - no one came forward. I looked at one particular person and asked him to help :-) it worked.
If your behaviour was different than normal, which person did you like more: the "Day of Compassion you" or the "normal you"? If you preferred the "Day of Compassion you," what are the psychological factors that prevent this "you" from coming out?
I obviously like the day of compassion me better, Its been a long time since I have decided to get on this band wagon. The main factor which makes me slip of the wagon is awareness. I forget to be aware that I have to be compassionate.
The main reason for being less compassionate is Ego/being shy, the fear of making a fool of myself. That prevents me from being more open and helping people. I found a dead fox on the street, I was walking alone, I moved it to the side, but when I saw a dead pigeon on the side walk and few other people were present. I didnt put it aside even tho I wanted to.
I want to put my hand on that old lady's shoulder, she looks sad. I am not sure would be offended or happy at being offered help. I m not sure an asian stranger talking to them would comfort or frighten them...and so it goes.
What are the psychological costs and benefits of behaving compassionately? In your view, do the benefits outweigh the costs?
first and foremost benefit of behaving compassionately is to the person itself, the feel good. The sense of well being and genuine freedom. There are material costs and spiritual benefits to being more compassionate.
How did others respond to your compassion? Do you think they noticed a difference in your behavior? What attributions did people make for your behavior, and why?
Others didnot notice or comment on my compassion day, In fact I think I have really changed in past 7 years - being more aware, less angry etc, drastically infact but people still see the same old me. :-) First impressions matter.
If you wanted to encourage others to behave as you did during the Day of Compassion, what psychological techniques would you use? How can social psychology be used to foster a more compassionate society?
compassion works like chain reaction, When someone holds a door open for me, I hold a door open for the next person. When I see some one doing a good deed I do a good deed too.
If you were to predict your behavior one month from now, do you think it will be changed as a result of participating in the Day of Compassion? If so, how? If not, why not?
I think my behaviour has changed by taking the social psychology course itself, now I can be more understanding and forgiving of people. the experiences have shown how we behave in automated manner, may be be due to obedience or due to conformance or diffusion of responsibility. Its human after all. It has also reinforced in me the need for awareness.which is so so so important.
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