materialistic

18:15
Gorgeous fur coat, Lovely boots, Super dry jacket and awesome pumps all from Tk Max at super bargain. Super happy.
20:15:
Pensive.. tomorrow should wake up early.. Sunday over...
:) Where did all the happiness from all these possessions go? :)  Its gone.  din stay the hour.
Actually all the excitement of shopping and finding gems has actually brought me further down than on a normal Sunday evening :) ( thats a knowing smile and not a happy smile :-p)

magic moments

Some times u wonder if this is really happening
Long ago, Rainy day in Bangalore, I saw a dead eagle in a puddle...:-( it moved,  Not dead, hurt.
Hurt animals are heart breakers, they will most often die on you.
What to do with this guy? no need of heart break, just go, should I take it to a vet? Should I take it home?
I decided Ill take it out of the puddle, give it some water and leave it to its fate. ( I remember wondering if this was a crow would I do this? sometimes our mind acts like a sick bastard full of self doubt! X-( ) Pot seller's tent near by, these guys from Rajasthan - sell plants and pots near Koramangala. I asked one of them for a glass of water...fed a bird a bit and left him in shade  and went off to work.
It didnt leave me alone, this bird. Ok, if the bird was still alive Ill take it home and watch it die! X-( went back.. bird is not there! ah! did it recover and fly away? :-) may be dogs...? no..boy from the shop and me found it hiding behind some rocks.. nice! It could hop now! wow.. may be.. it will live.
We are trying to catch it but it hops away and tried to peck us ! its an eagle after all!
Then our hero enters! seriously  Hero! this older boy, skinny young not more than 18.. Talks to the eagle distracts it and catches it... the bird pecks him but he doesnot care!  Soon he gets needle and thread and is sewing up the broken wing!! which was very badly broken :(  he is using sticks and  branches to support broken bones!! the eagle is only mildly protesting..then he binds the whole wing with strips of cloth turmeric and coffee ( which pranic healing tells me has a lot of orange prana and helps to draw out infection)! This uneducated pot seller! So confidently fixed up the bird!! He says he saw some bastards throw stones at young eagles the day before :( When their cat got too interested in the bird, he put some straw in a huge pot, and put the bird in it and covered it with  a basket! He knew exactly what to do! all the time! He said  his uncle back home kept pet eagles and kites -  What were the odds??? To this day I am still amazed at the whole thing.. at the skill of that boy! the timing and everything.. he was like a surgeon! a pro!  He was just amazing... The younger brother doesnot know anything about birds but the older one is a pro,,, It was so lucky that I went back later at a time when the older one was home!
May be after all this the bird did die and all u know...Animals are very delicate anyway its a beautiful story..Eagle was well taken care off, I couldnt have done better, a vet couldnt have done better.. so.. leave it at that... It was an unbelieble expereince .. there are such wonderful people out there in this world amazing people   amazing ordinary people...god bless him..god bless them.

be gentle

In words and in thoughts also... my phone and laptop are dead, after a few months of cursing them, they are gone.. :-(  When the phone died I was not bothered, but the laptop.. it died unexpectedly and I feel bad about me constantly cursing  it.
Considering what cursing can do to things I wonder how much it affects people...( ah! u think its all coincidence  and u think I m going cuckooo and all? :-) Its ok.. actually its not ok, dont think bad things about me please.. it may affect me badly :-p )
Should always remember no cursing the usual suspects job/traffic/trains/bus/boss/husband  :)  the body - no cursing fat stomach or tired eyes.. or pinching shoe
Its so easy to not be irritated about things if we just remember. ( part of me wants to roll eyes at the easy :D) 

Why spirituality? because it makes me feel wonderful! :-}

diluting the issues

http://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/Europe/Assange-guilty-of-only-bad-sexual-etiquette-British-MP/Article1-917727.aspx

I dont necessarily agree with the MP but I too feel lot of issues are diluted by mixing them up with trivial or not so serious issues or taking things to ridiculous lengths so sane people just drop it and wont be associated with it anymore.
This is a good example of diluting rape.. its not the same as Poolan Devi dragged around by 20 odd men v/s this. everyone is shouting about womens rights and evil of rape but really Its sad. Anti rape resources ( even talk time and newsprint) shouldnt be wasted of these women I mean they have been wronged but not that much? ( Am I wrong in feeling that?)
Amnesty international - talking about rights for a psychopath who killed 20 people. In UK one such was released and promptly killed another lady after 2 months! X-( I wish he had killed the human rights activists.Stupid people diluting real human rights issues like may be bombing of civilians in Afghanistan by being plain silly! dangerously silly.
Feminists - new level of sillyness all - women who insist on changing hu"man" to hu"person"!!
Racism - by making a huge hue and cry about say a white person making sardarji joke v/s systematic govt sponsored racism . Equating affectionately calling ur fellow football player negretto( little black person in Spanish) to being punched in the face for being asian!
Animal rights activists... Mixing up Whale hunting and Elephant poaching with promoting being vegetarian!  Eating a chicken v/s killing a tiger! hmmm

I think when people are passionate about things they just cant see reason and cant see the difference others are seeing.. for them tiger and chicken are actually same! hmmm!! 

gods

When someone asks me if I belive in god and I say yes... 
I was wondering what do I actually feel about god...
There are mythological gods and then there is abstract(?) god...
I think what my parents taught us about our gods is really sweet...
Hanuman Ganesha - what is the foremost emotion? affection! and admiration! They are my childhood heros! werent they? guarding my mom's bathroom door like Ganesha :D and pretending to be Hanuman and climbing trees :D  Jai Maruti Lathi Sangha! :D So dear to me!  almost like someone who love superman/spiderman? do I love them like a fictional character.. love and there is respect too..and affection! especially for animal gods i think...and Shiva... because he was called innocent, Bholenath.. my uncle told me that Ravana and most rakshasas prayed to shiva because he was the easiest to please and he was innocent. he didnt trick them like Vishnu did :) remember Bhasmasura story? where Vishnu had to save Shiva? and I liked him for his cool get up. skulls and snakes and graveyard! cool or what! :)
Everyone loves Ganesha offcourse....Durga because I was like her... When I went into one of my angry fits, my  mother used to tell me that when I was little my grandma called me Sarasvati because I loved books and now I have become Durga :D I would have liked her to call me Kaali.. she didnt becase she knew I would think I was tooo cool if she did it..Durga was good enough tho! :D
I was slightly scared of Shani god.. I always wash the back of my feet, even now :D after what happend to Satya Harishchandra. all this depends from person to person I dont feel attached to Raama or Krishna...my grandma was very fond of Krishna.. I think she empathised and felt a lot for meera bai.. she used to have tears in her eyes when she told Meera Bai's story :)

Christianity and all those monotheistic faiths have made God into a kind of scary monster... word God invokes fear and guilt in so many followers.. I guess lot of Hindus too have this view of God. This is what  Louise hay and Paulo coehlo so dislike this view of god. They think its because its Male God it has become that way, I think lot of Hindu's are manipulated to fear Female gods, Monotheistic/Male/Female doesnot matter.. God is a good way to subjugate and manipulate people.. I am lucky my parents and Grandparents and uncles had a great perspective towards god..

So what is the God I believe in..
When I make up the story to tell other people about my belief in God, I say God is a state of mind to experience. It doesnot matter wheter god actually exists or not... It is something people have experienced and so there exists a state of mind where people feel very very good and they feel god. I want that too.. it sounds as if I m athiest/agnostic.
But In actuallity I m much closer to God, my belief is deeper than that "intellectual" type definition I have up there. God is like a dear friend, like a teacher, like a parent - more like a Grand Parent. Its not Hanuman/Ganesha /someone with a gold crown. Its just God, Its probably male a him. Is there a Image? Old man with white beard? no. Its abstract - no Image - Name is in English - God.
have I actually experienced?
I experience gratitude for god, When I see beautiful things, Sweet things, Niceness...
Is there an entity  like that? If someone says Is there someone called god, I can genuinely reply no. Is there something called god.. dono .. no.. I dont think there is a God out there.. So God is a concept in my mind then? No - its not such a clinical "concept" ( Grrr ). I am very emotionally attached to God :-) Big hug! god! :) Part of my imagination? :) no?...When I feel touched This is so beautiful.Thank you.May be I mean "for all the circumstances that led to this beauty" - Thank u?
What ever is responsible for the warm feeling in my heart is God! :) Oxytocin/Dopamine? :D
He is pure love!
( BTW I m not against the concept of entities - Like Gaia/ mother earth...I cant say no to that.. in such cases I am agnostic leaning towards yes, I may say its true but I wont insist, I wont tell kids that they all exist :) but God is not in that league.
What god is not, is somebody who is responsible for keeping me happy or granting me wishes.( but that doesnot stop me from asking - God please keep everyone happy/safe/ please make me happy etc :) ) i hardly ever get upset with god.
He is not responsible for keeping the world and everyone happy, I dont blame him for floods/wars/hurricanes/small children dieing of starvation/ for cancer/psychos etc
God is not moral police who punishes you if you dont do what he said! I dont believe he said anything in the first place! He doesnot meddle!
God is not figher of evil, He is not opposite of Satan. good and evil is low level, god is higher level than that. He can hold my hand when I am scared, but he wont beat up that bad guy with a knife.. but he may encourage me to be brave tho :) ashte
I think thats all about God!

stop trying

stop trying to wake up
stop trying to sleep in
stop trying to talk to people
stop trying to relax
stop trying to enjoy the weather
stop trying to improve
stop trying to be aware
stop trying to stop trying
stop trying to get better job
stop trying to be successful
stop trying to make more money
stop trying to not be materialistic
stop trying to look good
to eat healthy
to lose weight
to become thin
to learn
to enjoy
to be happy
to control emotions
to let emotion flow
to be disciplined
to be free
to stop wasting time
to stop procrastinating

JUST STOP TRYING! OK?
:-(

to make a blog out of everything
to follow ur heart
to do something creative
to try to impress people
to not care for what people think
to keep in touch

edit: ( not very interesting link I din read except heading :P)
Original thoughts are not there any more.
http://www.livescience.com/14229-happiness-factors.html

kids are so free

So Jealous of the Kids!!! They are doing parkour all the time.. so effortlessly so easily so freely. not one bit selfconscious! Grrr Thats what I envy MOST . selfconscious-less!  This lil kid walking on the street suddenly does a cartwheel :D just like that :D and he went on doing cartwheels! hehe! Walking on a railings.. I want to walk on the railing too!!! I want to do cartwheel too ( Ahem which I can do now BTW!!! so proud! and I can juggle too :D and swim in the sea :D  atleast UK is good that way, even if people think u are weird they wont show it :D)
May be thats why I love parkour, Its like a free ticket to do all the kiddie stuff under a respectable guise :D  so envy the kids tho, they dont need any guise.. neither do I but why cant I be free?

are thoughts original?

Every thought I get is mostly seeded by what I m reading what I watched on TV etc.. dont I have any original thoughts??? Is my direction ( of thinking growth etc) set by what I read? then again I chose what I read so its kind of indirectly choosen by me( most times)  I see my blogs are related to what I read mostly.. except for some burning recurring issues( recurring so not original :P) most of else I think is triggered by external input.
do we have original thoughts at all.. how rare is it to have? In this day of information overload( which I love by the way) Is it much harder to get really orginal un-influenced thoughts?
by Original I dont mean something which has never been thought before but I mean its something which has grown completely in my head without any seed from outside. if that makes sense...

sci-fi books

Androids/Robots/space travel/Hoover cars Its 2012 already and WHERE ARE ALL THESE THINGS!
Sci-fi Fever has hit thee - book after book after book.. 
60's expected a lot out of humanity and look at now... Life is still so mundane,,, ok we have internet and video chat and .. err electric cars...hey u what know what else we have?? we have no SMOKING zones!!  yeah! seriously none of those guys ever imagined that!- all their heros are smoking indoors ! and even in space crafts.... and ... what else do we have? We have health and safety :P 
The point is - Man on Moon is  a Hoax! :-D  I mean look at what all we have now and Map it back to the 60's!?  If man on moon had happened 40 years ago.. now we'd have been in hyper space or what ever no? 
Wiki says 12 people have landed on the moon and US had 6 landings! wow!? Why not any more... since last 40 years??
I need to investigate this - need to read up on how exactly it was done and everything, I have laughed and dismissed all the conspiracy theories untill now.. but nothing is beyond the govt's of 60's and 70's for that matter even govts now.. look at all the scams...dont trust them... 

Turkish salads Yummy

http://www.turkish-cuisine.org/english/pages.php?ParentID=5&FirstLevel=89&PagingIndex=0
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/450034/jewish/Scrumptious-Israeli-Salads.htm

Wobble board

time should come for everything or what - 2 months back I searched a lot for improving balance tools, equipment.. somehow never ran into anything like this..
finally found this, wobble cushion :) cool or what! I was really Jealous to see that some people in the gym were standing on these and improving their balance.. NO WONDER THESE GUYS HAVE AMAZING BALANCE!  AND I SUCK! :D  How come gym people make them do all these things and we poor indians hardly know any of this!!! Grr
ok!! ok ! I calmed down and quickly got one for myself! :D

http://www.livestrong.com/article/256808-exercises-on-a-wobble-board-to-strengthen-ankle-ligaments/

whats your excuse?

 too old,too young, too fat, too short,too weak, no core strength, weak bones, not synchronized? Indian genes? :D
Olympics 2012
oldest athlete - 71 years
youngest 15
shortest 130 cms thats 4 feet 6 for you.
lighest 30 kilo
fatest - 203 kilo
blade runner - no legs :)
writing 's on the wall - THERE ARE NO LIMITS
but I cant read it :D I m too short, short sighted, dono english,bad at spellings,Its dark, I was turning the other way, Ah but I m a woman! if I were a man I would go to the wall to pee on it and then seen it... :P

Edit: to my credit today I succeeded in resisting the urge  ( with huge huge will power) to make excuses in the class - I m not synchronised, I m not graceful, u will find it so hard to teach me I have no rhythm, u know this is the first time in my life I am doing something like this.. in my childhood I didnt do any sport...I m shy... I cant do sexy moves...Phew! That many! :-O!  Teacher din notice and I did very well! thank you very much :)  ( oh one more, I dont have good balance! I think I did tell her that :( I also told .. no core strength :( I also told no flexibility! :-o :-O)

noticed that

1) when I praise someone else implicitly many times I m  putting myself down, very subtle but its there. He has done well, but I haven't,He is a good driver,  He is better than me!
2) When someone praises someone else, even then I feel like/I perceive it as a -ve on me. This is very common. lot of people feel like this, Ive noticed others react badly when I praise someone else in front of them. ( Tip: if u want to bitch about someone, praise them very highly in front of others... they will do the bitching for u :D )
3) We use self deprecation at times for improving the opinion people have of us( to make them think I m humble)
4) Thoughts are linked/tagged by feeling among other things.
our thinking works somewhat like a link list, if u are irritated, brain has a knack of pulling out irritating memories. when sad - sad memories. So thinking gets tainted and gravitates towards the  "mood", and Idont realise it because I m thinking -I am  rational and logical but unknowingly I have come to wrong conclusions and made unfair decisions.
This behaviour of brain is not bad, its actually a very good strategy to link memories by tagging them, Its fantastic. but it can limit our thinking to same old patterns. most used.
5) I find thinking is enjoyable , It is a carrot,an indulgence.. observation is enough to conclude something but I go on and indulge myself and think a lot about it, analyze it :) Ego feels good when I think.
6) I dont/cant buy anything prescious for myself. I have a BIG problem with buying anything luxurious, extravagant for myself( or for anyone else for that matter). So much resistance.  why teak wood? why BDA site? why AC compartment? just make me go in AC 2 tier let us see :D why PVR- we can go to vaibhav? why Bluray why not DVD? why iPhone?  why Gold!My god the sin! :) no no no!
 I m not a cheapskate. dont even check my salary slip or care about interest or about super market bill... but still I m like this.   was using old office laptop and didnt ask for a new one untill absolutely necessary. :-( Grrr... not even my money. didnt throw away old phone ...
7) IFD - Idealisation- Frustration-Demotivation

perfection is not good?

I think brain works this way
if something is perfect it tries to find fault in it, and gets suspicious! ( This is the reason Why the matrix is not eternally happy place right? he says, the humans got suspicious)
if there are minor faults, it just glosses over it! :)
Have u looked at news print dots in cartoons? Archies! Betty and Veronica were beautiful, but their faces are full of dots. :-) I just couldn't stomach it when I was a kid, how come I see the dots when I look for them and not see them when I am reading. :-)

White sheet for example! u examine very closely and end up seeing the water mark :-) if there were some faults u;d probably leave it alone sooner.. may be it looks for some feature to rest on?

I thought this because of  my huge scar on my knee which I think is very sexy ;-)
If women left their make up slightly flawed would it make them more attractive and less boring? :)

wise is one who understands while normal people hate! I think..
Kirikou and the sorceress so special this movie is.
"Why is she wicked granddad? because she is in pain son!"  :-) so sweet! Like in miyazaki movies.. there are no bad guys, just mis-understood or people in pain. Wise directors...So different from let us blow off all the bad guys "hollywood" - cant stand it anymore Dark Knight! get lost! u are horriD :D


edit: God! Americans are crazy! again!! LOL! they flagged this movie on youtube for nudity! :D I wont be surprised if they call the director a pedo, because the hero is a baby and he is completely nude :D

electrictarian?

Do androids dream of electric sheep?
After yesterdays discussion with A , This book title made me think, Ah this is the solution to his problem of not wanting  people/animals to eat other beings.. we need to charge ourselves... transfer our consciousness iinto robos and "eat" electric charge. :)  Hey but Thats Actually Matrix ! forget about charge harvesting..imagine they had sun light...that would be it, violence free world. Would it still be alive tho?

Only yesterday

Studio Ghilbli does it again! sensitive and sweet!  Isao Takahata - I found him when I ran out of Miyazaki :) what good timing :-) Its not one of the popular ones.. I didnt find it in the first search - Now I dont remember where I got this from... It is soooo sweet ...quite sweet day to day with no action and nothing much happens but I still liked it so much! how come all these lil Ghilbi girls always remind me of me.. I always see myself in them, thats why I love them so much I guess...some of them are what I want to be( prinicess mononoke and sprited away) and some of them are me( whisper heart/this one)..
the lil 10 year old is the sweetest...the kids world and its lil disappointments and joys! awww sweet...
The nostalgia.. its a sweet/dull pain in my heart.. I m nostalgic for my 10 year old self and for the 60's :)
Dont dare watch Grave of fireflies.. It seems too sad...
Edit:
Although the Walt Disney Company paid for the US distribution rights as part of its deal with Studio Ghibli, executives later decided that it could not release "Only Yesterday" in the US - Disney's stated reason was because the film contained references to menstruation (a clause in Ghibli's distribution contract prohibited Disney from altering the scene to remove the references).  


Duh!! WT...such prudes! :-} ( look who is talking tho ;-) )

Even after a day still feeling the warm glow.. nice.. I love love love studio Ghibli movies!! 

The Game

Its a shocking and horrifying book - OK go read this book first ok!! its a must read!
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/900.The_Game

I had heard stories of mantra vaadis who gave women magic potion...
My grandma's  story -This lady didnt have children,  she went to a mantra vadi( black magician) He was an evil one. He gave her some paste - told her to eat it at night after everyone went to sleep and not tell anyone else about the whole thing.. somehow the lady forgot to take it and left it on the stone grinder - old style - rubbo kallu. and at mid night.. that stone started shaking and rumbling and rolling and went straight to mantra vadi's house!!! :D
Ok! these guys are not exactly like this but quite close!! and the techniques used - I can see how well they will work.. I think instinctively the untrained ladies men use the same techniques... I ve seen them used and work in real life! fucking awesome!  and I ve met one proper trained one as well :D

How do I actually feel about pick-up artists.. funnily enough the feminist in me is not offended..
On one side I feel, when someone is putting in sooo much effort into it and making things interesting for the girls I think they deserve to pick up someone. :-P
I mean what is the big deal when someone does gets picked up - as if!
If someone does not call the next day It shouldnt become a self esteem issue because u already know these are creeps...? every experience should lead to wedding bells! thats a stupid and old fashioned idea..no?  do they really make people(aka women) do what they dont want to do, or do they just bring down others inhibitions? 
I feel every guy should learn some of these things.. I mean come on! be more interesting! ;-)  Especially the good guys out there finishing last - They are the ones who need skills like this... I think this power wont corrupt the good ones.. or Is that only me being optimistic?
I also like the way the hero is approaching the whole thing putting in so much effort and dedication into it..Its a typical under dog making it big story.

Yet.. the whole things is in one way horrifying and disgusting and unimaginably creepy.
The manipulation. its pure evil. It goes against the grain of being human.. It reminds me of a story of a mutant man boy...Golden emotion less mutant boy ( no longer human) with a computational brain. Every minute he just sees the different possibilities and where it leads him. like a chess playing computer with its decision tree...his goal is ofcourse to populate the world with his species rather than human..
These PUA(pick up artisrs)  are just like moths who mock other poison moths or owl eyes to escape from predators or those orchids which mock the bees to get pollinated. These guys mock the signs of attraction with women and get their way. 


The creepiest thing was that we are so susceptible to manipulation, It is scary.. every word and sentence for a while feels  fake..How all am I getting manipulated in this world? Like the spiritual books say we are all asleep and running on auto mode :( Its not like it works on dumb people it will work better on smart ones because they are easy to hook because of their interests.  We run on patterns and instinctive behaviours... awareness is the ONLY solution to this grief of life.
Anyway reading this book make me feel less naive.. Humans are like this only some consciously doing it, many unconsciously hooking others.. to get them laid or to get that promotion or if you are a baby just to get milk :)  Funny those guys who use others patterns fall into their own.. they are not wise..


The guy mystery is a good example of how logic is not everything how logical people can twist and modify logic to validate their beliefs. Logic and reason are not much above emotions if u are not aware of emotions..
what I got out of selfish gene is very different from what that guy got out of it. quite opposite..
I felt genes are selfish, once I know this I can counter their effect.
what he got is genes are selfish, they control me, so I go with them.. he makes his purpose the same as that of his genes - duh!!! for me that was almost spritual book - pushed me more towards gender equality and helped me understand the descripencies.. but it make this man quite opposite.. women are there to spread his genes!! duh!! He is a very clever and genius type person but.. flawed!


and NLP !! god all meditation techniques are just that - NLP, exactly the same technique.. think of a happy emotion, give it a color spread it across ur body.. 


on the whole very interesting eye opening book, worth even  a second reading....

Thank you subconscious for waking me up in the middle of the night just in time for the meditation!!
Seriously!! I love you!!! our( my :P) subconscious is so so so powerful, It has put a reminder for July 2nd 7 pm pacific time and woken me up - corresponding GMT summer time!! - It has done this all some 2 weeks ago. Even tho all this had totally escaped my conscious mind, subconscious woke me!! I love it.
This is not the routine/habit thing, this is something else! :D way cooler!
God!!! If we are aligned with our subconscious mind, We can just live life like a breeze - like magic... way too cool. , we dont need drudgery of will power..which is always works with resistance.
Hope humanity( aka me ;-)) will learn to harness the power of subconscious.. soon :)