Sati Savitri

In western fairy tales, the woman the princess is a helpless little wimp who gets into trouble, a Strong brave prince or Knight in Shining armour comes and saves her. They get married and live happily ever after! This portrays women as weak and men as strong, This makes who ever hears it feel like a woman needs a man in her life to save her. Sexist! fine!

In India we have an exactly opposite story - Savitri.
Her husband ( Satyavaan - but seriously Satyavaan who? ) was cursed to die young, in-spite of that Savitri married him. Then as expected, he died on the designated day, but Savitri was so powerful she chased Yama the God death himself  and got her husband back from the dead!  The western Prince just fought dragons, this Lady fought the ultimate villain death!

But Savitri is the epitome of Sexism, How Ironic is that!? Most feminists' blood boils at the mention of her name :-)  Isnt that funny? No Really! Savitri is sexist not a feminist as you would expect.

West has this type of sexism where woman is weak and man is strong and so he carries the womans bags, this has at least some kind of advantage.
India has a type of sexism where woman is not weak she is just lowly!  ha ha!  So she carries her husbands bag! There is absolutely no silver lining to this sexism.

So Savitri was just doing her duty, she is not a Hero for rescuing her husband. She is symbol of this kind of sexism which tells all women that its their ultimate duty to look after their husbands and nothing else and she shows the lengths to which a wife should go to achieve this. 
Can the Prince story be interpreted in the same way? It shows the lengths to which a man should go to please his beloved??  but it isnt is it?

It seems like its not the story that is important, Its how it is told.  You can take any story and squeeze out any moral out of it.  A woman is strong narrative can be used to oppress a woman or a woman is weak narrative can be used to oppress a woman. In fact not just women, men are as easily manipulated  by clever people by being glorified, thats a story for another day. Today may be we should think of how to make Savitri into feminist icon, a Hero  and not a door mat ;-) 

are we becoming fake in the quest to be nice?

These days I find that we are all complimenting each other all the time, Wow you look lovely! Lovely dress! Wow your paintings are so beautiful!  There is a very definite expectation - atleast from the women that some compliment will pass from your lips when you meet them. Especially in the west and especially the little girls even as young as 4! You have to say my princess is so pretty!!! You are the cutest! If I forget, I can see their face fall and their parents will remind me Ahem!!... Oh yeah!! you are so cute!
This is the result of the positive thinking revolution I guess.  We are being so positive, so nice to each other! This is very good for us! This MUST be very good for us right?
Or is it?
People used to give in to their natural urges like jealousy, their bitterness, their anger and make rude and nasty comments about us before. I didn't like it. This is infact definitely better than that but ...

I think this is making us more prone to depression and sadness. One type of person relies too much on this kind of outside validation to be happy and is depressed when they dont get that 100th like on Insta.  another ( like me ) just discounts all positive feedback as flattery. I put all compliments in a Not true box. less dangerous of the two but u could say I am having trust issues?

 When we are doing this all praise we are doing a great dis-service to the person by not giving true feedback that will help them grow. Saying it like it is with out malice is a very valuable thing, even tho we dont like what we hear, it is good for us. like medicine.

We also need to ask ourselves, are we being nice for the sake of others or for us? Being nice is an easy way to be liked. Telling truth is hard work, it may make us unpopular. So is it for others or for us that we are being nice?

Not only that - What does not kill you, makes u stronger.  We are becoming snowflakes ( yes I used that word, you liberals! go on a flame war! ha! but u cant cause this blog is so private! ha! ) We are becoming like princesses who get bruised by a hair which is under 7 blankets. Whats with all the Fat shaming, thin shaming,  trigger warnings? ppl! Just deal with it! no? We are not able to deal with even little bit criticism because we are used to being coddled. Standing up to abuse is a good thing, but being cowed down by it is not. No pain no gain doesnot apply just for the body.  To make us strong we need to learn to deal with negative feelings.

Again my instincts in psychology seem to be supported by research.  Just as I thought! Mindset book talks about this as well, How boys who generally keep putting each other down are unaffected by other peoples opinion or comments that much and can stand up for criticism or failures much better in life than girls who are used to hearing only good things. 

Fomo?

Feel anxious at other peoples achievements? Feel Inspired instead.
instead of  seeing what we have not done, we can see what is possible to do :-)
 - fixed vs growth mindset!

ps: one of my 2019 resolution - genuinely feel happy for other peoples achievements. At the fag end of the year I find the way to make it happen :-) 

All of life is an Experiment

Look at life as series of Experiments instead of series of Experiences
- Zig Zigler ( Via K )
I seem to be getting this message from every where! this almost makes me wake up with excitement, to look at each day as if I am a mad scientist who is going to discover something new :-)
Every mistake is an opportunity to learn ! in fact its not a mistake at all! its an attempt!
Also just like an experiment - We should know why are are trying something, what we expect and what we learnt by it, What we change the next time.

Life's life this? Brilliant art by
https://www.deviantart.com/darkki1/art/Planetarium-561500038

stamp

I licked an envelop closed today,  I wondered how many hygiene concerns are there about this Today ! how I might be thought of as being thoughtless toward postal employees, about my chance of contacts some deadly disease etc... I miss the simplicity of the old days.  I googled and I saw this question on quora, Did people link stamps?! Hmm!

Awww I loved stamps ! :) I feel sad, I haven't licked a stamp for a very long time, Let alone written a written a letter but I feel nostalgic and sad for demise of the day to day things which lasted only a few decades or a 100 years or so to disappear ...


ps: I am not the only one ;-) Nostalgia is making big bucks Stranger things, return of the audio tape apparently, make be even analog camera, the 80s kids are in their 40s and rich and nostalgic and paying :)

Does meditation help with temper

Energy

• Drink water 
• Protein at 5 pm
• Eat fruit in car at 5/6 pm
• Water bottle in car
• Find and reduce activities and people who drain energy
• arguments - read assertiveness book  (?)
  
• Workout IF
  
• Detox with food. (?)
• Pranic healing
• Sukshma vyayama
• Essential oils - Lemon grass, lime
• Good sleep, sleep late
• Push boundaries of tiredness - Is it mental or physical?  
• Study/Code when really tired for half hour 
• Do simple stretching yoga when really tired 

How to Generate ideas

Use success in another area and see how you can apply it to an area you are stuck on, For example I have successfully managed to restart painting again even tho I was blocked. So how did I do it? Use the same principles to see if I can unblock myself in my career. 

They are not magical fluffy dandelion seeds floating around which accidentally collide with you! no! You have to work on them like anything else

• Spend time on it
• Don't see if the idea is
•   possible or not
• big or small
• useful or not
• Put a dead line  - 10 ideas in 3 weeks
• Look for ideas to copy from others
• Imitate first and then creativity will come
• Look for ideas online
• Bounce off ideas with others/discuss with others
• small steps - bounce ideas off someone from other team 
• do this online

is magic dying? ( rant)

One little girl 4 year old was wearing shoes with wings on them, I said wow you can fly with this, She said no you can't, they are pretend wings....
When I was little did I know pretend? If someone asked me - yes I would probably say the same but I did entertain the belief that I could fly, My equivalent was by doing Tapas I could actually meet Vishnu. I still do :-)
I am not one to entertain superstition, I HATE HATE people who worship banana trees for 7 days to have a son etc. But I love my belief in magic. It fills my heart with joy, It makes me very interesting to myself. It drives my curiosity, my drive to learn. It is very valuable to me.  I don't know how or why I think its different from Banana tree example, as far as I can see, these beliefs only fill the people with fear or greed or sometimes hope( which is not so bad...)
So It makes me sad that kids these days are losing the magic, In the bid to be rational are we killing the magic and imagination? Killing the joy of being? Are we making them materialistic? Not in the sense of wanting or not wanting material things, but thinking in only in terms of what they see and feel vs what may be, what is hidden? the mystery?
Same dread I felt when my friend bought her daughter a flying fairy, It was an ugly plastic toy, with wings which actually flew and hovered in air for a bit.  If it can actually happen Its not magic anymore is it? Just like how much magic is a Skype call vs how u felt when James Bond spoke to M on his watch in the 80s?
One thing for sure ( I am guilty of advocating this just 2 years ago) we are over engineering the kids, not just the kids, we are over engineering our society and our selves as well. We are setting up too many rules to follow and not allowing ourselves to BE and observe .
May be this is just my over reaction, May be people feel the same when I am being practical about Valentines day or the Gift exchange culture? That I have thrown the baby out with the bath water? Are they right? Am I right? Am I over engineering my thinking :D 

Its not will power, its obedience!

When I have an app tell me to fast, why is easier? Its not as energy draining?  
We are programmed to be obedient, being hierarchical species. It is natural for most of us to obey than to disobey?  It really takes a lot of energy to disobey, thats why we are so angry when someone tell us to do something we don't want to do. Because our minds feel compelled to do it and we have to fight that instint to not do!
 Back seat driving for example, its dangerous because of the high possibility of the driver following the suggestion in spite of it being dangerous, like turn left when a vehicle is coming from behind. We find it very hard to not do what the person is casually telling. It takes lot of mindfulness to not take the suggestion . Thats why we said look what u made me do! and we are NOT playing the blame game. We are telling the truth. 
Even when the order is what we want to do we find it annoying , because it makes us lesser in the hierarchy? but that another discussion.
I am thinking there may be a practical advantage to this obedience. When we try to fast - we are using will power to stick to it. Its is hard and draining until it becomes a habit. But when we are using a fasting app? When the app tells us its Time to fast - Its not using our limited will power which is kind of draining to use but we are using our less draining but natural instinct of obedience? Thats why it is lot easier from the beginning?

Those were the days

Heady days of Free Moocs
Those were the days, How I loved courser, the kind of courses it offered. Learning for the fun of it, learning for joy - Dino 101, Do trees have feelings?, Social Psycology, Buddhisim and modern Psycology, Morality of everyday life!Design ! Art history course!
Oh What fun!  I loved the community aspect of it, The course was offered kind of live, once - together for everyone , so 200,000 or so of us, did it at once, Were in the forums at once, Stimulating discussions, and evaluating each others assignments !
I am now doing a coursera course out of necessity,  It stings me , Its like the difference between calligraphy and typing :D 
This course is offered everyday I can join any day and start and It is useful for my job and assignments are evaluated by robots online :) There are discussion forums dry and barren ones , with last message being - Unable to submit assignment, with a reply 2 months ago .  
and this is not free
The days of fun free moochs which were awesome but which you probably wouldnt pay for is over?

Moaning myrtle ( ranty stuff :D )

 

 Okay!I woke up stressed today, I could literally feel the stress hormones being poured into my blood steam. Its because of this girl, This moaning ghost, She does not just live in Hogwarts girls toilet, apparently she lives in my head as well! ( looks a little different, more like me :P 

Moaning about the decisions I have taken for my Kitchen, How they are tacky, how they look so bad, even funny comments but ultimately mean. Its an issue which has very little consequence over my life, but it seems to be a really big deal to some part of me, To wake up in wee hours being bothered.

 This is not the only example, There are many small things which worry this moaning myrtle.

It seems to be not just a kitchen but somehow part of my identity, Its a personal judgement. Getting it right or wrong somehow makes me  a better or worse person.. something like that. I wonder why? Its not kitchen that it shit, its me! Not just mistake some

 There are areas in my life where no mistake seem to reach this level of consequence. Driving for one( may be only one ;-) ha ha! ) I have made some very big mistakes! Huge! like turning into the wrong lane at a signal. Into oncoming traffic. I turned into a 4 lane no entry and had 4 cars come on to me, life threatening mistake. My heart beat faster, throat dried up! definitely ! but I calmly dealt with it, I said sorry to people who honked. I calmed put up my hand to stop them and turned and carried on.  Do I think of myself as a bad driver? No! I am an excellent driver, as comfortable and as confident as ever right from the next moment. Later on also it didnt bother me at all, Did I spend sleepless nights thinking how Shit I am? NO!!! I just laughed at myself! Oh! My God! hehe! 

 How come?

I was not like this, I was very uncomfortable driver, I was so embarrassed about it, I took it very personally when anyone commented about my driving and If I made a mistake, Thats it! It felt so bad, I felt like crying. Even small things like someone honking at me was enough to derail my entire driving. I used to actually become shit driver after a mistake. Why?

This changed after I got my own car.   But was it just own car?

The difference is moving from beginner to expert. Now in my mind I am expert. Its not "I think" or "I Know" but "I am" a good driver. So nothing shakes me, mistakes dont make me "bad driver",  I just make a mistake.  Previously even if I got a honk I used to become a "bad driver" 

How to make this change in life!?  How to become like this in life.. for everything!  Decisions and actions (Mistakes or not) shouldn't make me incompetent, ineffective or a bad cook  or bad painter or bad wife, bad daughter, bad person or shit person,  shouldn't make me somehow less...

How to make this transition? How to be expert at living ? :D

No Shabari :-)

There is no Shabari in my life!
To find my sweet fruits, I should taste the bitter ones and spit them out myself.
So start Tasting :)

NO FEAR FOR FAILURE! AJA FIGHTING!

ps: Lucky bugger that Rama ! :-) 

Shower scene

Oh yeah! Shower scenes in movies. ( Why do I feel like I have written it before? but it is not turning up in search? )
I was watching one of these old 80s movies on TV, Shower scene..Shower.. water ...steam... woman...boobs! *me rolls eyes*  steamy,  lechy scene, so common in these old movies, even when they are rated 12 .
That's when I realised! Oh my god! How long has it been since I have seen a woman in a shower scene! These days Its  always men isnt it? ( I am not complaining ;-) At all ;-P )Korean dramas,  Hollywood,  even Bollywood, 6 packs biceps men!  How things have changed and how we have come a long way.
It is womens empowerment in a way.  It shows the powers that be have realised that women have pockets too ( or purses! Grr ! thats another rant post ) Pleasing the women  brings in the bucks.
In the 80s the movies are so clearly a mans world,Women are there in the movies as support only and as enjoyment. Butt and Boob shots, upskirts galore!  They just dont seem to care for the women who are in front of the screen watching. The hero, even if he is so hot doesnot take his shirt off !!!

I remember clearly when the tides turned. I was there for it. It was the 90s. Lara Croft 2. I am in the theater, Shower scene, Same ...Shower .. water.. steam .. The theater is going crazy - waiting for wet and nude Angelina Jolie! I am rolling my eyes! These guys! ha! Then surprise!  Its Daniel Craig! Tada!   That was the moment, Turning point in history!  The theater was silent for a few seconds before they started booing! LOL! I was really Rolling on the floor laughing. Servers them right ! These Lecherous Bs :-))
Now. There is cheering when Hritick or Tiger are in the shower even by the guys! :-) Its a body builders world after all :-)
Times have changed so much for the better :-D

Quote from Tibetan book of living and dying

Rest in natural great peace
This exhausted mind
Beaten helpless by karma and neurotic thought
Like the relentless fury of the pounding waves
In the infinite ocean of samsara

old

This is annoying me. Why is old a bad word?
Why is it so common to think that old is bad and young is good?
It is more annoying because of the attitude of westerners to old, Its almost like a swear word or a cuss word and causes great deal of offence!
I have respect for old/older people. Where as young people below 25 are arrogant, clueless and mostly stupid. I like myself better as I get older!  40 year old me is so much more awesome than the 25 year old me.  I would never trade being 40 for being 25. Am I missing something?
Thinking that 25 is awesome because of having a sexier/stronger body or whatever is so superficial.

Has this always been like this? In the hierarchical world, may be 50 years ago when age automatically meant respect and lot more powers than younger was age still a bad word? Did people want to be older then? I would imagine so.
I also feel this kind of ageism is( was ) not so common in India, probably because of the hierarchy thing. Where as in the west the emphasis on outward looks/beauty/appearance is  immense (may be due to the rise of advertising and capitalism in 1800s)
Or Is it same like beauty/sexy thing which others feel but I am missing being wired differently? Is it that, in-spite of all that respect for elders etc  Indians also would love to be 25 ?

Also One thing I am ignoring is old is getting closer to death and decay, it also implies gradual degradation. Fear of death is apparently one of the biggest fears.
I am also afraid of growing old. Its a time of great change and I am afraid of how I cope. I (  I realise I am some how very optimistic and believe that I will live a long life, ha ha! ;)  find myself thinking about preparing for old age, not just with pension and money, but things like I need to be more in control of emotions in adversity and pain, I need to have self respect and identity even when I am retired and not having a job, I need to have spirituality to occupy me in old age, I need equanimity to deal with the world which will be probably moving ahead of me etc etc. yes mostly preparing my mind because if mind if strong we can deal with anything and yes body as well but that is not in our control that much. 

Experience discomfort, instead of avoiding. Learn to actually feel it and be with it.

This is discipline

This is mindfulness

This is resilience

Effort goals

Should we make our goals By saying what I will do rather than what I will achieve? based on effort instead of the result? Because frankly efforts are in our hands and result is - Insha Alla, if god willing. i.e it depends on lot of other factors outside our control.

Instead of saying I will lose 10 kg, say I will workout 5 hours a week and eat healthy. The end .
Not  I will workout 5 hours a week and eat healthy so that I lose 10 kg?

Do women drive badly?

Lady Driver ! - I want to put that as my bumper sticker :-) As a warning! :-O  like the baby on board stickers :-) I think its very funny. I know its sarcastic but I dont know if its a take on  sexists or feminists or both :D

Anyway coming to the question - Do women drive badly ? Is it true?
https://mystic-babe.blogspot.com/2014/02/reasoning.html 

I decided to not go by stereotype like people who blindly believe that women drive badly and also to not be affected by liberal blindness and feminist rage :D. People like me so firmly believe in equality that we dont see reality staring us in the face.

I decided to notice other people, take note of the drivers who annoy me who drive badly etc.  I love finding patterns, and I am good at it.

Are all women bad drivers? definitely not.  I drive daily, I drive well for the record. ok but  are all bad drivers women? Definitely not ....but..


Firstly, Genuinely bad and dangerous drivers who are a threat to people on the streets, those to jump lanes, drive too fast, cut you off , weave in traffic etc. Mostly were men. Almost 99% men,  white vans and buses( this sometimes driven by women) , professional drivers who drive every day and a lot, who are exhausted frustrated and couldn't care less. ( but not Uber drivers ) And also young men under 25. I will be politically incorrect and say many of these were Black and Asian men, trying to be cool with beard/jewellery etc. ( This may be due to the area I drive in or whatever )
So the Stereotype is completely false? No actually.
There is another type of bad driver, the annoying driver. They are not exactly a threat on the street, but they raise your BP, They irritate the fuck out of you and make u swear more than the first group because you are too stunned to swear at a real bad driver :D They driver slowly, really slowly, They break suddenly, they stop at the orange light, they turn without indicator or give wrong indicator, they look like they are going to turn but wont.  What is the profile of these? Old people, both  men and women. Very old like all white hair types usually.  and women.  Political incorrectness time again, They were either mums doing school run or  Muslim women in hijab. 
So! Do women drive badly? No!
Do muslim women in Hijab drive badly then? No!
Clearly the main reason for this kind of driving is lack of confidence.  These people are not driving daily, even if they are may be not having equal standing in society affects our confidence and ability to drive?
Did women driver badly in 70s? probably, They had more unequal standing in the society and hence probably lacked confidence.
In my view, Its not lack of spatial awareness or direction sense, its confidence that made women drive badly at the time.
My conclusion is all generalizations have a grain of  truth in it, but it is superficial truth. Instead of just going by numbers and statistics and coming to stupid conclusions, people should delve deeper and look at the root cause or real reason for issues in the spirit of true scientific enquiry.

Not Shy about being Shy,

 I am free to be shy, I dont have to feel bad about not talking, not saying that hi, not asking that question. I am free to stay in that corner , quite and not interacting. Yeah! not Shy about being shy.