How much time do we spend looking at our own faces?
for all the effort we put into it.. not more than 5 mins a day? in front of the mirror? may be 10 if u are feeling too self indulgent.. ok let us make it 15, counting the 10 secs in the lift + bathroom mirror when u wash ur hand etc etc...
How much time do we spend looking at any other face in our life? - husband, colleagues, ur child?
20 mins max? most of the time when we speak, we dont look at the face, we are looking here, there or at TV..  u go for coffee tea lunch with people but look at face.. not much.
people probably look at their very young children a lot.
Funny, we invest so much effort into looking nice, there is so much feel good factor into looking nice but hardly any one sees ur face(or body? :P), except if u are a model or movie star.
may be its not the quantity that matters but quality, even tho we look at a person for just a few seconds or a few minutes a day, we record that face and keep in memory and use it. So even tho someone is not looking at us for long, our face is still there in their thoughts/in their mind as a vision! as a memory! So we have to look good!! cool!!!!
I also think we update that image only when there is a drastic change in that person, thats why some old aunts and uncles still think of u as a little chubby cheeked kid, still think u are short or skinny when u are nothing of that sort now! :-)

emotion and logic! and some other confusing digressions.

[Wiki says digression is an intentional change of subject! so may be I should call this confusing meandering self conversation.. Its thought flow I think.. old one.]

Is this debate the same as head v/s heart? we shall see!

Logic - what is most valued these days. u should support ur decisions with sound logic. why I am doing this? what will happen if i do it. etc etc. totally left brain thinking. This is also called using ur head.

now what do we mean by following ur heart?

Following ur emotions? passion! what does it mean?

Emotion is usually below logic. emotional decisions are mostly wrong. They are colored too much by the tactical present. I am hungry I want to eat, even if  u are diabetic u want to eat sugar. 

Logic will help us lead a correct life. following just emotions can ruin life - like anger  makes us do all kinds of bad stuff which we shouldnt do, if we used a bit of logic we wouldnt have done it. so logic is good right?

but then what is folllowing ur heart and what about passion impulsiveness? Umm logic is ok but where is the FUN!!!???!!??! 

logic is .. well no fun! yeah it isn't! compeltely logical person.. everyone hates them. Is he a geek?... they are not even geeks- geeks are passionate and emotional about logical things :)! completely logical person is a dry and boring person!?? ( umm ... I love using logic for fun, minesweeper, sudoku, playing detective etc etc, but doing logical stuff just for fun is not really practical or logical. is it? :P) like some who keeps everything insanely clean, who is so much into counting and stuff - and like those parents I see on the train who keep trying to cram up some learning into every game for their children!! ??
No not really!! What about the strategists? Those guys who are highly successful? how do u think they did it? Planed and  played life like chess, if u make plans and think up how the other person would react and plan moves.( hehe I am being judgemental. I should not be thinking that this is wrong but it is obvious, I do.) Even tho entirely logical, they are definitely not dry. so it turns out logic can also be strategical or tactical. not just emotional. so is strategical better than tactical? I would think so.
would logic make everyone  a cut throat lawyer? or a businessman?.... heartless!!! is logical = heartless? 

Emotional people can be better heartless because they understand others emotions so can be more effectively heartless...
There! Another wrong assumption!! Logical person does not understand emotions in others??? Why not? There is a logic behind emotions too. It just needs paying attention to that aspect to lead u to understand emotions. Most emotional people dont understand others emotions for one. They probably dont understand their own emotions. They just react to it.
my mind thinks stragegy = bad. business minded = bad.
Emotional people = people who react to emotions.
Logical people = people who look at the world by using logic.
being good or bad, being heartless can be both. Logical and emotional  are not polar opposites of each other. like I said before geeks for example - who are very emotional about their logical work. artists are purely emotional but not logical. CAs and finance people are probably purely logical without being emotional. prejudice but generally speaking...:-D
Wise is entirely different thing,- a  person who understands emotions , who understands the value of emotions to others and to oneself + who understand logic and also its limitations =  wise.

Ignoring emotions is the worst thing we can do. its like ignoring real physical pain. u know how important pain is when u see someone who does not feel pain. Its a sad example :-( but still if a person doesnot have sensation in his legs, sometimes our ordinary red ants which we squish and throw, can attack his legs. 100's of them almost causing huge wounds just in one night, sometimes half a night :-( and he wouldnt even know. Suppressing/Denying emotions may be doing this to you. This is worse than acting them out. I think.

I have seen very twisted logic, incomplete logic used to cloud reality by many people. including me.

Once upon a time, when somebody had a miscarriage I logiked that indias population is too high so a baby less isnt a big loss! I was little kid then and too caught up with population propoganda on DD . but still ! how many logics we use are as stupid and as twisted as this? Ill never know untill I examine.

when something tells me dont do this/do that... could be just emotion which is the lowest of the lot, even below logic. may be its just fear that is telling ?

Then if I use logic,I can counter this fear and tell myself, there is safety nothing can happen etc..

Then there is instinct/Intuition- What if my subconscious has detected something and it is trying to tell me?  I want to listen to my intuition, but logic wont let me. I cant let go off logic because logic is very good at countering emotions. which are misguiding me all the time. how do I get rid of logic to see thro to intution and instinct but use it against emotions?
Sigh! they have a very easy answer for this! awareness! be aware! ull know! god thats the hardest and logest route to success or what! but yeah that is the ultimate solution. when u are aware u slowly start distroying the distortions of emotions and of old thougth patterns which we call logic. 

Speaking of  adrenalin junkies.
 We like to think animals are concerned only with survival, food shelter and sex . There were 100's of pigeons on the beach in Portsmouth that day. They werent there for food, There were there for the breeze! Steady breeze over the sea and these guys were just there.. wind Gliding?  (surfing!!!??? apparently its not called wind surfing? They were basically not flapping wings but flying in one place -Hovering? and using the breeze to do it!! after a while they get pushed back and new set takes the front line!! Grrrr I know there is a word for this?! They taught us this in Para gliding but  I forgot ! Grrr )  no food no survival, just pure fun!! Taking turns to try it out!
(Dono if those stupid pigeons on rail track were looking for adrenalin rush tho)
Reminded me of those monkeys in jaipur, jumping off a high post into water! Just for fun!
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2011/07/20/tombstoning-monkeys-macaques-leap-off-lamp-post-into-water-for-fun-115875-23284201/

Playing with each other and building social bonds is all fine, Its a proper mammal trait. but this kind of daredevilry? :-) This is proper adventure sport!
When we want to jump off a plane or do scuba dive, And some practical minded thinks it is stupid, we should remind them, its not just a human trait, Its inherited from our fore fathers ;-) 

2 stupid pigeons. Dead.
picking food on railway tracks?
so what if they have wings!
they have too much confidence!
they think they can outfly the train!
or they are adrenalin junkies?
waiting till the last minute to fly off
making my heart jump out!
Thats called playing chicken, not pigeon!
now both dead on the same day, on either side of the track
everyday I get into the front coach
today I had to go to the last
I think I din see the pigeons and I looked
I think I knew it would happen!
God bless their souls, brave or stupid or is there any difference?

yeah yeah I am disturbed by this. I din want to put :( smilee because anyway I shouldn't be disturbed. they are stupid birds and they paid for it, pigeon brained, bird brained we call it. Ive been seeing them for a week now flying off just before the train is about to hit them, the train is slow because its going to stop, What about trains that dont stop at this station? I thought, these birds wont make it!! and they didnt. I couldnt have done much to save them even tho I knew. Could I? must be I thought, if they have survived so far they will continue. Just like my cats.. I knew the dogs would get them. eventually. I mean I knew in my heart but I din do anything, what could I do? lock them up inside and kill their spirit? :-( helpless.

thoughts are electrical , emotions are chemical. Thoughts just pass by, come and go. But emotion have a longer curve, it takes a longer time to wear off, body has to process the chemical that is generated.
Thoughts are like driving a car  and emotions are like steering a boat may be.. with more inertia.
Thoughts are just in the head, emotions are felt all over the body,like tear glands and stuff :P. Its not just electrical signals, its chemical signals right? - serotonin and stuff like that. I havent gone into the biology of it.

why all this? why because..some times a bad thought comes creates some emotions, u have control over thought, u think of other things or u reason out with the thought but u cant expect change in emotion immediately.. u have to wait out for the emotion to be processed.

( In occult they talk of mental body being more subtle than the emotional body. Is this what they mean? Could be the "body" they talk about is just a representation or a model to make us understand the concept and not actual body around us? Just like sine wave is not really that curve we see but its a way of showing us how things change in time..)

I expect everyone to be a grown up and myself to be the child.
The reality is everyone is a child and the only person who can actually grow up is me!!!  :-(

going to try to get a dab into lonelyness...
JK style :-) I always say I m ok with being alone.. but .... how about no books no Mp3 no laptop no TV... no mobile.. I am so tempted to take my book with me... ok can I do this? the thought is exciting me... yeah baby! :-)
Lets give it a shot... somewhere where there are no people... or wht if there are people looks like I m embarrassed to be alone without book mp3 in front of people :-) why? what is there to be ashamed of it? and.. people here poor things dont care or rather they are sensitive enough to make u feel that they dont care or rather should I say they dont mind what ever u do. and even here I am so... bothered! chill sister. go to some place just lie on the grass and just chill.. warpole park or some exotic place, u are going to find in 15 mins.. u should be out by 12! :-) or the enthu will go and u will end up seeing scrubs whole afternoon..

Did it! some 4 hours on the grass, in the sun - no company, no book, no mp3, no sleep even, but no boredom or no lonelyness.  Its kind of unbelievable that,  if u go looking for it,even loneliness will evade u? act pricey?  Conclusion, U wont find loneliness when u go looking for it, It comes to you on its own when least wanted. and then I dont think I'll be in mood to dab into it and examine it etc. Ill be bawling :D
Or may be 4 hours is too short, should try for something like 4 days, 4 months, 4 years :D nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

ps: Vipassana seems compatible with this? but spending 10 day holiday for meditating... I m not motivated enough to do it... 

vegetarian?

( This is past BTW, my body has recovered from the temporary meat phobia, atleast for chicken for sure.)

I think 3 weeks of salad diet has brought this about! err....should I (Groan!!!) be predominantly vegetarian for a while.? Oh! Groan!  but yeah... I m thinking about this..

I used to be so proud of my USP - Ill eat anything... I think god/? whoever doesnot like me being proud of anything? Meat causing nausea.. Time delay nausea...It tastes great and everything but after an hour I feel like it will all come out :-( Is it my subconscious which thinks meditation and meat dont go together?.. what ever it is... It is hard.
 Frankly I cant be vegetarian because  its a mental block, just like I cant wear saree or wear gold or accept traditional functions and stuff like that.... in all these cases, some strong emotional reactions kick in...
Just the word vegetarian hitting so many stupid mental blocks...just want to rebel and go eat a sausage but I know what will happen..

vegetarian = thousands of years of oppression of thousand of classes of people of India by the upper castes
vegetarian = exclusivity, ( I hate exclusive clubs)
vegetarian =  false animal love ( why cant it be true animal love? :-) It can be, but I think like to think its false :D)
vegetarian = Stupid pride and  sense of superiority for being the class who oppressed ...
vegetarian = discrimination
vegetarian = hurting peoples sentiments
vegetarian = nuisense( especially abroad)
vegetarian = Sissy( my school girls), annoying( everyone :D )
vegetarian = illogical and impractical.. (dont cook meat in this vessel etc)
vegetarian = separatism
vegetarian = Modi, right wing, saffron, Gujarath( killed muslims), Rajasthan(regressive),( Haryana is non- veg and regressive :D but mental blocks are not reasonable! duh!)
vegetarian = Silly veggie girls not treating injured animals and birds because they thought blood is filthy(in school).
Grrr, I should stop associative hatered like this...

but frankly you do love animals then how can you eat them? I can.
are you eating meat just to be a rebel because of all the reasons above? no..
are you sure? no...
Is it just taste? but its making me sick..
most people dont eat animals because they think they are too filthy to be eaten so I love animals and they are tasty? :P

ok fine but Have you thought of the complete life cycle of the meat that is in front of you?.. may be not...

may be you should..

and then torture myself? 

but you should face reality. 

but its part of life. 

but avoidable?

but I still dont want to be veg,I like to try new things to eat, even meat. I guess I take a lot of pride in eating anything and everything?and  I dont like being fussy...
all that is ok but what about cruelty?
Its better to kill to eat than to make purses and shoes..?
ok dont buy leather shoes and purses also. all that is ok but is it ok to kill to eat?

Actually, to eat is the only thing for which killing is ok ...I did feel very bad about saving a bird from my cat remember? Our evolution is based on food chain and killing to eat..its the most noble death, 

how would I rather die? wouldnt it be best if I was eaten? wouldnt that be the most useful death rather than death by disease( again being eaten by microbes) or coming under a car? Eaten by lions :) LOL!
hmm those are just clever words or are they real sentiments?
if they are real sentiments, Can you go thru full meat cycle from killing a live animal to cooking and to then eating? no I couldnt... unless I was on some death island.. may be then I would...
may be you should? that would turn me veg or get rid of this dilemma or pretence.
for someone who has so much hatred for meat haters,why dont you ever wash uncooked meat and cut it? or even cook it?
I have cut and cooked fish... ok I give that to you...

Nope! dont feel it. what ever the reason... u know what? u cant really argue about this with logic, it has to come from the heart, the day I feel it from the heart I will be veg.
Predominantly veg is ok, but looks like vegetarian is not something I am ready to accept at this point of time.

Edit: I was having this imaginary conversation in my head how Ill explain to people if I went veg and I was saying  I am vegetarian but for health reasons and not for animal kindness reasons!!!!! ??what deeps? why ?I think its not ok to be veggie for kindness reasons? think its a bit self righteous or what? why is it any more self righteous than oh all my pets are from SPCA? :P Or Oh Ive never been drunk in my life.. or .. thousand other "virtues" "I" m proud of?!
but this one makes ME look bad eh? ;-).
 I like myself when I am unreasonable :P Its cute :P

"Before enlightenment, I used to be depressed; after enlightenment, I continue to be depressed. You don't make a goal out of relaxation and sensitivity. Have you ever heard of people who get tense trying to relax? If one is tense, one simply observes one's tension. You will never understand yourself if you seek to change yourself. The harder you try to change yourself the worse it gets. You are called upon to be aware." - Anthony De Mello.

I liked this!  I try to implement this  but I get angry when someone says change urself! :-) ??!!!?

I think I m hanging by a thin thread to this be aware instead of changing concept that I get angry when someone challenges it? I think...


when u have an Idea and someone challenges it,
 If u are truly convinced, u are calm when u explain the idea to others. If you get agitated that someone challenges it or if u have a very strong need to convince others about an idea, chances are that you urself are not convinced?

http://magickalmusings-thangjam.blogspot.com/2008/03/back-to-story.html

K-o-e or Khol in one eye was in my dream J

 I have this huge American style house with a deck and trees all around and French windows and open plan kitchen and everything and we have a party I think.. house is so crowded, lot of people helping themselves with food- buffet from the kitchen… then k-o-e still kitten comes to me and asks for milk or some food. I want to give but it is taking time.. k-o-e is now a man. ( Koe is a He? ;-) dono) anyway , blond tall lean and handsome in a dark suit white shirt, but still cat like is insisting, troubling me – food food food. My husband ( not R :D some tall blond again ) is Jealous, says no food for k-o-e.  

Then it seems somehow K-o-e is no longer cat man but Guhimo, Fox man.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumiho  I WILL give Guhimo food, He is my friend. Husband insists no and I say yes and .. I think I woke up slightly after this and was happy I had some kinda interesting dream because of blog and dream got distracted to something else.

Such a domestic magical dream this J I enjoyed it never the less.. house was beautiful under a canopy of huge trees and full of glass..

I woke up happy today.( I think there was more in the dream which made me happy but I dont remember it )

pciture abhi baaki hai

DG is a late riser and is definitely not a morning person. She woke up at 8 that day, Late! She was tired of running her life like a clock at the precision of minutes. To catch the train at 8 53, She has to take a bus at 8 30, the bus stand is about 600 mts from her house, so it takes about 6 minutes to walk there. She has to leave at 8 24, 8 23 is too early, She usually leave at 8 25 and runs and catches the bus just as it leaves...that day she decided -she will take it easy. no more minute hand stuff, lets go like the hour hand :P she took her time drinking tea, long warm bath, all set and time- 9:00!!!! oh shit! if she leaves at 8 30 she reaches by 9 20, if she leaves at 8 55 she reaches by 9 45 but If she leaves at 9 00 she reahes at 10 30..:-(
 Ok resigning to the fate that she will reach late that day, she walked slowly to the bus stand. Surprise surprise!! 9 00 bus was late and it came at 9 10! just as she walked to the bus stand...YE!! Great!!!...Lucky Day DG!
 But not really, the next train is at 9 23 and She will miss it anyway because the bus is late!! Duh!!
Hmmmmmm...Sigh!! She walked slowly to the train station. next train is at 9 53 anyway, she's got plenty of time to kill!! Surprise Surprise!! Train is pulling into the station just as she walks in!!! must really be her lucky day!!! What are the odds?! :-D :-} She felt really greatful to god and life and everything for her immense luck that day!
Really! some days we think that we are doomed but things fall into place so well and everything works out.. even if u try ur best to screw up things they fall into place and everything!!! Right?
Lekin -Kahani mein twist!
Everytime she gets into a train without buying a ticket before hand, its not a problem she can buy the ticket from the guard, or at the station when she gets off.. but .. today of all the days a really nasty old man was at the station and he had decided to fine every person who came on without tickets that day.. even tho they intended to buy tickets later! Nasty old man, fined the person in front of DG...
Somehow decided he was going to be nice to DG.Her lucky day no? :-)
Why din u buy ticket luv! ..Err The train came in just as I was getting to the station..
are u a Visitor to UK luv?   err yes...
Ok Ill let u go this time.. but..always buy tickets before.. ok?... Ok..
Luck still holding out !! yupieeee!!!
Lekin... :-)
.....how old are u luv... Err DG told the truth!!
Really?!? So  u are wokring in the uk then.. err yes...
No no no this is not Done!!. U SHOULD KNOW THAT U SHOUDLNT TRAVEL IN THE TRAINS WITHOUT TICKETS...I m gonna fine u 20 pounds!!
WHAT??!
:-) All is well that Ends well! no?

Next blog

Next blog link on blogger used to be fun!!! but somehow these days there seems to be huge infestation of baby and family blogs!! Grrr 8 out of 10 blogs that I get in next blog are such :-( always!
I want to read interesting stuff not look at baby pics and family pics :-( momma!!! please bring in Next interesting blog link! or make it more random please!!?

WTF just tried again 10 on 10 family blogs X-( Grrrr!!!
Argh!! It turns out its me who is seeding this kind of family blog thing!
http://www.google.com/support/forum/p/blogger/thread?tid=2004db7c63670d95&hl=en
some how google and blogger have decided that I am a boring family person and returning such blogs for me!! DAMN! I am offended!!!
haha some one like me - here...
For some reason I always seem to get the family blogs...you know the ones that share way too much information about their children and practically invite pedophiles to their homes. That and the gardening/puppet-making/knitting blogs. yup, Blogspot seems to have a pretty good handle on my interests. !
On mine too :P  LOL Atleast I am spared of religious blogs!! :-D
It must be UK, In bangalore I used to get chinese/Korean/greek blogs.. mostly interesting ones too.. atleast make up and stuff :P now.. :P yeah its not me, its the location :D 
May be I should signout and try! (BTW in parallel me getting paranoid thoughts about Google is really becoming Big brother and harassing me... It seems to record and connect everything.. and they are all hand in hand FB linked in Google... they all share info to give out recomendations...)

Didnt work!! Family blogs again!! Grr It must be the cache?? Ill try from work and see.. but I dont browse family stuff! X-(  Grrr....
Yes it is!! Just tried Next blog from IE! and .. Interesting blogs! 
recipe, dog blog, photography blog, Japan Trip blog! Oh wow awesome, Cartoonist blog(Japan but in English), Girl from Malaysia( not mum with baby pics!!)  Photography.. pretty funny ones.. Ill have to go back and read all of these.. pretty good... artist - painters 2 blogs..painting.. photography.. ok now it seems stuck on photography and painting blog... but still Interesting! 
How to tell blogger to NEVER EVER show me another family blog?  :) -1? or stopping Next blogging??
how how how?? Or threaten them that Ill leave Chrome switch to IE for this :D 
This seems to be a common complaint all across.. about soccer mum blogs!
There... somemore light on this phenomenon.. http://www.google.co.uk/support/forum/p/blogger/thread?tid=304aa00b889d548f&hl=en

Becasue the next blog feature had been more or less taken over by spam bloggers who somehow made their spam blogs appear every third or fourth hit and disabled the NavBar so you couoldn't click on, Blogger changed the algorhythm to, theoretically, lead you to blogs of a similar nature to the one you are clicking from. A good idea in theory, but somehow, in practice, it has led to this odd pehnomenon of certain types of blogs predominating. Hey, while my photoblog led to mostly art blogs,  my quilting blog led to a bunch of hip hop music blogs. Crazy!?!

X-men

Daily brushing teeth with a tooth brush, Chicken still stuck in between teeth, cant remove with brush or finger or tongue, so tooth pic and floss and everything. I wish with genetic engineering I could grow bristles on the sides of my tongue and a sharp tooth pic at the tip(retractable like cat claws), no need of brushing any more and so easy to get rid of all those annoying iky bits or what? as long as we are doing this, make mint flavoured saliva to go with it :-D no need of mouth wash :-D
X-men! here I come! :D 

JK says all our ambition, social life, hobbies,children,job etc is a distraction to get away from the feeling of loneliness and restless we feel with in. which we have to face but we dont dare. so we find ways to get away.
I wonder if things are exactly opposite! sprituality is an escape route for people who have failed in other things.
not satisfied with job, with family life, not talented enough, no passion... what do you do? find Ravi Shankar and mediate :-)
Is it expected to be a one all cure, like taking drugs or drinking? escape from worldly life.
my husband drinks and I meditate :-) is there a difference? are we really facing things or escaping things?
too lazy or not interested enough to enjoy the job, not daring enough to find a job which u will realy enjoy, Feel stuck, so u believe in some suitable philosophy which fits ur case and follow it?  u grind ur teeth and make urself like what ever u have? is that what is Spirituality?

or I m thinking If infact is it an escape route out of worldly life.... why not escape? what is wrong with escapes - If they are real escpae routes that is, if they are dead ends then its a problem. When u found an escape route shouldnt u run in full speed out of it? Shouldnt u persue it full time rather than like a hobby?

sacrifice

Two types of sacrifice -Sacrificing something else and self sacrifice.
sacrifice a goat or a chicken or a maiden or a pumpkin is fine. I dont have any issues with that.
but Self sacrifice.. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it..
Ive been hating it since a long time... when someone forces sacrifice on others/other things its easy to oppose and revolt against but this self sacrifice is such a keeda which u cant even oppose properly.
Its their wish really isnt it? why am I bothered? Grr It bothers me no end.
Others dont seem to be bothered by self sacrifice... (oh BTW I dont mean self sacrifice = killing oneself! Please!! Just small/big sacrifices people make for others)
This is seen as a good thing, as an altruistic thing, noble thing. people are touched.
People like self sacrificing people, they worship and adore them. I remember watching a movie in which some stupid woman was doing some stupid stunts- it was a 80's kannada movie.This lady's in laws were abusing her and she, to get her sister in law married.. was selling off her kidney? :D LOL no :D haha ! no.. it was morose thing like she was having a child even tho doc told her she will die if she has one.. make that she was having a "son" :P to make it more offensive..and I found it very regressive.
My friends sunny, suma kiran were shocked that I thought it was regressive, they were like if someone does something with their own will then its not regressive. My answer was what about Sati? :D people dont argue with me when I raise the pitch to Sati level :D  because then things get rabid :D

Earlier I used to feel that people behave in self sacrificing way because they are being manipulated into it, by society or by their own values or by others emotions.. or I thought people behave that way seeking adoration and approval Or I though even tho people are self sacrificing they have ulterior motives and agendas which will eventually serve them well. etc etc. All -ve :-) All these excuses made it easy for me to hate it.
but now I think thats not the case.. people do genuinely self sacrifice..
Is it an instinct or something? especially in mothers.. I mean it must have started off in mothers in mammals and then gene must have spread to others.. the altruistic gene.. Whatever, I still hate.

Is it because I am so self focused? I believe everyone should be. everyone should take care of themselves.. when someone does not, it upsets me. I somehow assume these people are expecting others to take care of them and that is dependence and that is wrong. but that also is my wrong assumption, some people just forget
about themselves and keep on slaving for others, especially women and especially for their children.

I also feel  sacrifices always leave a bad after taste and build resentment in people. This is the first good valid reason from my side. I have seen this in many people. Tho not about their children, Sacrifices done towards in laws, even parents, siblings leave behind resentment.

I think I m ok with one off sacrifices but sustained life long ones.. thats what I dont like. Sacrifice out of love is no longer a sacrifice? ??
marry a girl I dont like because parents like it
wont do MBA because I need money to  get my sister married
will not get married because my parents died and I will look after my siblings and If I get married my husband may not allow for this..
Will have a child even if it will casue me to  die( this Ive seen only in movies BTW :-p)  for some sick reasons and so on. Are all these people suffering from Hero Syndrome??
I feel in all such self sacrifice cases there is a win-win solution somewhere if people look for it, if people are just brave enough to find it? may be thats why I hate so much?
On the other hand, impromptu sacrifices like people jumping in to water to save someone but dieing.. trying to pull a girl out of train tracks and loosing leg.. I dont seem to hate.
Sacrificing people make me look bad? put pressure of me to behave that way when I donot want to??? not really... I take lot of pleasure in being opposite of that...
So, The reasons dont seem to justify the amount of dislike I have for this...

A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Always with the same person, but deeper and deeper every time....
someone wrote on facebook.


 I felt thats so tedious :-) should it be so hard? and so restrictive. our society is stupid with stupid rules for success and happniess.. we ticks all these boxes and pretend to be happy.

Arms like... :-)



Ooo So Sexy Michelle!
Ill be there - next 3 months !! :-)

5 tibetans

5 Tibetans is a set of 5 exersices, claimed to be of Tibetan origin rumoured to be the fountain of youth. Peter Kedler has written a Shangrila style story about them, about an old man telling him stories of discovery of the rites in hidden tibetan monestry and old man turning out ot be 200 year old etc...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Tibetan_Rites
you can learn to do them here.. http://lifeevents.org/5-tibetans-energy-rejuvenation-exercises.htm with nice graphic illustrations.
Doing these tibetan rites apparently stops aging and sometimes even reverse the effects of aging . Increase your life span etc etc.
Do I buy it? I think they are very very good exersices. people just add a touch of marketing to such things so that people take them up. Like Baba Ramdev, I really like it when he promises magic with every asana, motivates me to do it. But does it really work like that? may be not...
 When I first saw it I thought it was a crude form of Surya namaskara. and I judged Suryanamskara to be better physically. But now that I have been doing them for a few months...Its not just crude form of yoga. Its something else. I dono about the anti aginging effects of Tibetan rites but I know that they can make the energy flow in your body every high. They are not just physical exercises, they definitely manipulate the energy or prana in the body. I read a couple of places that it balances out excess prana in lower chakras by making them flow higher. I think It not just balances, it also activates the chakras especially the higher ones, throat, ajna, crown for sure. Pumping the neck is part of another pranayama that I know, which also pushes energy up from base chakra to the head( very intense ) Twirling is part of sufi tradition...I dono much else how it may work. I suspect these were part of non mainstream forgotten Indian traditions( which people call Vama or left handed?) like tantra etc ? There are many such practices here and there.. dono where they come from actually..
Did I find physical benefits? yes! I think I feel more energetic after doing this regularly. I think it does contribute to increased stamina and strength. proportionately much more for the time u spend on them. Would I recommend them? yes! definitely! must do! it is very high return on investment! Anti aging? my white hair havent turned black :D yet ? :D ( well white hair have turned black but because of hair dye tho :P) weight loss? err... there is, but I have been doing lot of other things as well, so cant say.

If you plan to do this, start off small may be 5-6, Its not physically impossible to do 21 on day one if u are reasonably fit. but when I did try 21 even tho it was after a few weeks of practice I couldnt take the intensity of energy in the body. It was too intense, I felt like I was hearing a pulsating jet engine in my ear. You may not believe in prana or energy, u will still feel excess energy as one of these headache, feeling faint,heavyness in the head,noise in the head, burning sensations or just plan unease and restlessness ( If you dont then well done !!u are an advanced being ;-) )
There are absolutely no issues if u start off small -6, stay on 6 for a week or two then bring it up to ten , stay on ten for a month or so.. or its upto you but take it slow. It takes less than 5 mins to do ten. I am at 11-13 now... 17 also is too much for me.
Also forget about breathing etc to begin with , u can add it later once u start remembering the 5 exercises.
Its recommended to be done twice a day, morning night but I am still doing it only once a day.

preserve or move on?

"Feeling that it is slipping away. Fear and kind of panic of loosing what I am thinking and of things which I am reading, going away without making an impact. "

I had/have this fear.

Jiddu K has a completely opposite take on this. He says mind should be fresh every single day, forget every thing u learnt, forget the traditions, forget the lessons. free the mind of old bondages, so that fresh things can come to us. he says once u start accumulating u start dieing! :-) Huh!?

Some what true.. this is what has happened in history with great cultures like India.. they did a lot of investigation, they did a lot of research, they found so to say everything - Yoga,Medicine,sprituality, everything. Then they decided that they are done. They decided they have perfected everything and they need to preserve everything as is, even the language. They found really innovative ways and rules so that people follow things as is and dont change a thing. result? Sanskrit is a dead language, we had a culture that was rotting with all kinds of sick traditions, Dogmas - Exactly like JK predicted -it died and rotted... same with Koran..

He says very nicely - life is like a river.. it is always flowing and changing and chnage is life, if you want to make it stagnant, want to preserve and keep safe, then u will only end up creating stinky ponds .

We know this, but still we want to preserve. we want summer to be here all the time and winter to not come. I know how happy spring made me just because winter was bad. I dont look at leafs sprouting now and feel happy .they are dime a dozen. I know all this but I want to preserve.

I want to preserve what I have read, I dont want it to flow away... but I am somewhat in sync with JK.. I want a back up but I want to move on as well.. thats why the blog, once I write it. I am free of carrying it with me in my head. once its written I can forget and move on to new things. but the desire to latch on to and hold on and preserve something which I think as perfect is still there... but there is no perfection is it? like a sunset or a rainbow everything is transient.. thats why it is beautiful, If the rainbow stayed there 24/7 we wouldnt really care for it... Ill learn.

But strangely for me this holding on to old is just as scary as letting go. when I see houses full of old things, someone had only cassette players, no CD player. It scared me. some people dont have internet at home. that scared me. I actually love antiques.. when I see very old houses and artifacts I love it.. but that stagnation , I am afraid of it. I may be stagnant in many ways too and I may not know it, that scares me. Some people talk about favourite movie - from 1990;s, songs from 90's I met a group of long lost friends once and I felt they were still there where I was in 1990 but I have moved on, jokes which I used to laugh at when I was 19...I like to do this in nostalgia mode but for them it was their NOW. I felt some what sad and scared. I dont want to be in that place. thats why I accepted google+ not that I want aother social networking site but I dont want to be left behind.. android phone.. I will buy it soon even tho I am perfectly happy with my aging nokia. JK wouldnt recommend being scared of stagnation tho he would say "notice! be aware" :D :P

Conditioning the mind and sticking to a pattern is useful to the mind but sometimes we suffer major loss due to these patterns.  J K asks us to watch out for patterns.
 Beggars are part of gangs, beggars gangs = mafia. so I will never give any money to any beggar. Thats a right pattern and a right decision. but this really hurt me.
Allahabad station, one sadhu came begging. I refused point blank. He calmly just moved on to the next person. After a while,sometime after the sadhu disappeared, I realised he was actually asking for food. he was not asking for money at all :-( I feel really bad about refusing that guy point blank like that. we went searching we had spare biscuits but we din find him...I m sorry :-(
Judging. long back probably just out of college. went to a movie, there was this guy who was trying to look too cool but looked pathetic(to me),short guy,oiled hair, cheap goggles, flashy shirt, color baniyan and all... I din like him! made fun of him while getting out of the theater but I realised he was just ahead of me .. i dono if he heard me or not.. he went out of the theatre and got on to an old  cycle and left .. :-( . he must have put in lot of effort and money into dressing up and coming to the movie hoping to look good and people to like. If he heard my comments he would have felt really sad :-( I feel really bad about this. I m sorry.
I may have hurt 1000's of people and been insensitive/rude etc etc with out any guilt (  no guilt even after realising and sometimes rude intentionally) but why some incidents hurt more than others? I dono.