Inheritance - selfishness

Buddha is criticised by some people for leaving his wife and kids and going in pursuit of enlightenment. Selfish. Is it selfish?

Caring for our child and our wife is our duty. Caring for our parents our family. 

What happens if you are enlightened and you start treating everyone as your own? What if you have same amount of love for any stranger as for your own? If you care for yourself more than your family you are selfish, if you care for your family more than for strangers you are still same level of selfish, but it helps keep the society running and stable. 

So when some people transcend the level of family group they may come across as weird or selfish to us. 

To an extent because of governments and taxes we are caring for strangers indirectly.

I was asked a question in a course, if your neighbours child is very smart and your child is average, would you pay for your neighbours child to go to medical school rather than yours? We do it today, by paying taxes and the govt subsidies the seats for children based on merit. Taxes are somewhat of an equaliser that way. 

We are doing it because we are forced to do it, if we were asked to do it voluntarily we would be accused by family for being selfish. 

When things become critical we start being more reasonable, if it became vital for our survival that the best kid becomes doctor and our lives depended on it, we would obviously all pay for education of neighbours kid to be a doctor. 

Our values and morals have very small context, they are not universal. It is to make the present society work, they dont apply to all and everyone. Ever the modern liberal values.

so many billions of humans - If they turn around, we have so many people to do the work to fix this as well... so may be cancer cells can become stem cells :) 

If I dont feel it , it must be false

If I dont feel it, it is false and untrue or a pretence or if at all true then it is stupid.
Other peoples feelings are not valid. :-)
This is how it is - for me and for others.

We find it very hard to believe what we havent experienced, naturally I would think. Blind people find it really difficult to believe in light? Colour blind in red and green?

One very strange thing.For some people cucumber tastes really bitter, Strong bitter taste and a very bad smell!! even if a piece of cucumber is in a dish they cant eat the whole dish!!! Its not like they can take away cucumber and eat the rest. :-) The same innocent cucumber which almost tasteless smellless mild and harmless to most of us
When the first person told me he hates cucumber, I just thought he was a fussy  eater who hates vegetables.  Second the same, I rolled my eyes, British people!! Their parents didnt give them veggies when kids!!  Then when one very sensible absolutely non fussy (non British) guy said he hates cucumber - Ah! Then I realised it must not be just fussyness . I asked and googled and found - It could be a special gene which makes these people taste a compound which is tasteless to most of us.  Its completly different perception!
This is a very concrete example, There are many subtle things, each of our drivers are different, so we feel subtle mental carrots and sticks when we do different things, The intensity of these is very different for you and me.
For example, I am a rebel. I can do things which are opposite to what others are doing and its fine. My subconscious does not punish me with any stick(painful) sensations for this. But for another person, As soon as they do something different from others, their breath may be getting shallow, heart rate rising and subtle emotional pain sensations may be generated in their heart region. ( I actually have a post about brain scans of conformists and non conformists) So the point is - taking pride in being brave or being a non conformist is totally pointless. Its because of your genetic makeup or upbringing that we are that way?

Ok - Why this came up?
1) When someone says I feel so much compassion for beggars for example, my mind says - pretense. But in fact they are kinder than me, and I dont like that?

2) because all these women were doing their usual sexist husband worship shit and it got my goat. Many of them are smart intelligent women making up weird excuses for their behaviour  But if they conformist they are just not capable of defying the customs? may be?

3) People find it impossible to accept asexuality, they can believe gay and lesbians, but they cannot believe that some one is not driven by sex. Lot of  people think its a disease or pretence. 

stardust fairy tale

Fairy tales are sexist, I realise I m not just annoyed about how they treat girls - like helpless things being rescued all the time by some prince. But guys as well, They dont have much choice. Some girl asks this guy to get a fallen star to prove his love and off he goes! Arrgh! Really? you are going to go get that star and not ask her to fuck off? Grrr! :-)
I really enjoyed listening to the tale, but being an equalist ( not feminist! I am an equalist) it annoyed the hell out of me at times.

cancer of earth?

Cancer cells are those cells in our body which have mutated DNA so they dont know when to stop reproducing and they dont know when to die.  It starts with one mutated cell, which then reproduces and causes a tumor, then some cells escape from the tumour and go and land in a new organ and start sprouting and causing new tumours.

 On hearing this - the first thought that came to me was - Earth has cancer. Humans dont know when to stop reproducing and we dont know when to die!  We are growing like crazy , exponential population growth and We are aiming for immortality,  and very close to a point, where we wont be able to die( with genetics and robotics solutions)

 Grim and horrible thought -  Humans are not like viruses like famously said in Matrix, humans are like cancer.

ps: Am I getting morbid? 

copying

one lesson I learnt from kids!
2 kids did this. They have no clue how to do something but they are in their "independent and want to do things by themselves" stage of life, right?    being small and having spent only a few years on earth - they have absolutely no idea how to. but these kids they refuse to let you teach.
This gave me an epiphany, There is no shame in learning by copying, this is the only way for the beginner. You cannot figure out everything by ourselves. Phew!  I dont draw and paint a lot because of exactly this reason, I dont want to copy but have no great ideas!! There! that is the point at which the epiphany happens, How can I get good ideas before I learn, and how do I learn if not by copying?  you copy, you learn the basics and you do the rote thing, Then - creativity will happen.  I trying to do original art is exactly like the kids trying to make a kite - both have no idea how and are stupid to not copy.

Classical arts follow this principle very strictly, you are not allowed creativity until you learn the prescribed syllabus. This seemed very restrictive to me, but now I see the point in this. Unless you are an absolute genius freak who has hardcoded knowledge, this is the way to go. 

Being human

Patents, Science and Nobel prize  You have the brains,  you love inventing, you love creating, you love exploring but thats not enough, you want a patent you want money, you want to invent faster than others, you keep secrets, you guard your information, its a rat race. you want the credit, you want fame,  you are standing on the shoulders of giants but you want the Nobel all for yourself. Scientist - You are so so smart, you are a genius, Why are u so human? Why are you so full of suffering?

Super Rich saving tax, You have billions, you have palaces, mansions, islands, yatches, you 4% have more than 96% of humanity, you own everything , you still want to save millions , you dont want to share that little bit so the government can build hospitals, roads and schools? Why are still u so human? Why are u so full of suffering and grasping and insecurity?

We are at the top of the food chain, we are so developed we dont need to worry about our next meal or about living the next day, still why is our condition so tragic and so sad? Why are we still so human? So in the grip of the mind and ego?

To continue 

The book I am reading - Scientists are working on Human gene sequencing, then they hear a "devastating news" a private company announces they have almost completed the sequencing. What is wrong with this? This is what is wrong with our entire culture.
I am trying to find my purse, my mother finds it, Am I devastated? No.
I am trying to find cure for cancer, someone else finds it.. I am devastated. Sadly yes! But what if I myself had cancer? Would I be devastated then, that someone found the cure before me?? No, Then why dont I feel the same way about the rest of the world where so many people have cancer?
If I was in the place of the gene sequencing scientist I would be equally devastated true. - No one likes someone who solves crossword puzzles for you, as the book says aptly.
Something I read in Altruism book comes to mind - how do u know if you are truly altruistic? (  and not doing good things to satisfy the ego? )  If someone else did what good you are trying to do, you would feel happy not irritated. Ideally in true scientific spirit, I would feel happy if someone - anyone - me or other found the solution. But we are too human to be like this - yet. The compensation, the money, the fame - false wealth . The potential benefit of reducing suffering true wealth.
Me too being too human when I lament some scientists not getting credit, they only lost out on false wealth right?

We are too human so see beyond out prejudices
https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/09/viking-warrior-woman-archaeology-spd/
They found this skeleton long ago, Viking woman - high ranking Viking women, but none of the scientist thought that women ranked high in Viking society, so no one recognised this as female. They didn't guess it because -mental blocks!! Hmm How much of our history and archaeology is distorted because of our mental blocks? because white people thought brown people and black people were savages? because they thought subconsciously earth is only 6000 years old.. because God exists or because God doesn't exist etc etc etc?

My uncle falling sick and losing his legs prompted the whole family into spirituality?
My uncles and dad used to attend Gita classes, go for yoga and meditation courses in 1970s. When it was not main stream like it is today. My grand mother learnt to read when she was .. 60 or atleast late 50s so that she could read spiritual books by Sai baba. All my uncles and aunts have this kind of stable and balanced personality... I wonder if this incident contributed into making  them all what they are today?

The point is - every incident and everything that is happening to everyone is shaping them in some way, programming them, The point of life is to get shaped nicely rather than to have pleasant experiences? 

what is the hurry

habits of a life time dont happen in a day or a week or even a year...

I ll be there for you...when the rain starts to fall... 😜

striving

Striving is trying to wake up at 5 instead of 5 30
Striving is trying to do  1 hour meditation, intense meditation
Striving is trying to jump to week 2 of C to 5 K instead of week 1
Striving is what we have been conditioned to do. The need for constant progress/growth.
Striving is swimming (against or towards the current) instead of flowing with the river
Striving is measuring? No striving is not measuring, striving is using measuring to feel dissatisfied.
Its is a feeling inside like greed. - no Striving is caused by a dissatisfaction, its not the cause its the effect.
Cure for Striving is patience,contentment - lack of contentment leads to striving.

Our current culture encourages Striving, Striving is almost a core value
Buddhism asks us to let go of striving - Striving implies attachment to the goal.
Another word which is used a lot is non gripping, non grabbing. If we notice our attitude at any minute, we can feel this gripping and grabbing, for things, for feelings, for moments, for goals.
Same with Yoga - effortless effort.
The more I learn about the two the more I see they are so similar. 

gyan repeats - similar sentiments few years ago...
http://mystic-babe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/stop-trying.html

The point gets across only at the right time.

not gripping

“Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

― Kaleel Jamison

But this is not just about relationship at all, This is about everything. You hear like - desire is the cause of all suffering, it is translated better as cravings are cause of all suffering, letting go of attachments, effortless effort. let go, relax.
In that context. We should hold on to our goals like this, like holding on to sand, firm and steady but not gripping tight. This is what Bhagawad Gita means when they say dont worry about results do your work. Same with yoga poses - this is effortless effort, we are not trying too hard, we are holding the pose but not struggling or striving.
we should hold on every moment like this, like sand, to people offcourse, to our thoughts, to our time, everything.

What is the focus of my life?
Weightloss? Workout sexy body?
Untill a few years ago at least the goals were career /ambition.
We are disillusioned with that and then the goal became health and self improvement
but somehow that has got caught into weightloss and fittness which is indeed an exhilarating goal but.. shallow?
But These days I see something in people and in myself, desire to make things better. small things, less plastic, less energy, sustainable etc etc :-) Light is shining little by little.

decisions

This, I had written down in a book instead of  the blog. I found recently and realised It has indeed made a profound difference to my life.
New year resolution, 2016 Jan I seem to have taken a new year resolution to take decisions. I had realised I was not confidently taking decisions and used to keep things hanging for a long time.  I dont remember working consciously on this but It has made a difference. 🙏🏽 Thank you my past self! You did a good thing.

people are same all over the world
make up and its importance in the west, I was thinking women in the west are so obsessed with looks then Gauri pooja came and sola shringar was being offered to goddesses . Kumkum, bangles, turmeric, flowers to wear in hair etc etc in India.
Seems like making a woman beautiful is somehow central to the cultures itself, not just at individual level.

Its only me who doesnot care about all this, I and the yogis  trying to swim away from the samsara :-D , must have been one in my past life :-P For me, its not Gauri but Shakti! In her pure wild form! Jai Kali! Jai Durga! Jai Amba Bhavani :D No pleasing men and looking beautiful for them, thats not for her! killing the internal asuras and tearing the veils blocking reality! Thats her offering! Your defeated vices are her meat! Being one with the consciousness, with Shiva, by cultivating awareness, that for her is passion and love. To be one with all creation. 

Feeling superior

Ok confession, Hard one, but shouldnt be a hard one because first, I am sure this applies to you as well. Second, because, we should not be ashamed of how things are. We just allow them to be. So, that way we can see exactly how we are and what we are and take it from there. No judgements right? No judgements with ourselves first, only  then  we can do that to others. right?

So I feel superior to some people, well quite a few people. I was reading on a forum, posts by people having difficulties - getting over addictions, having emotional problems, feeling depression, unstable people etc. I felt thank god I dont have this, but the underlying feeling is not gratitude, It is - I am better than them, I am emotionally more stable. In this case I really felt ashamed of feeling superior.
I also feel this way about western poor . I was poorer than these when I was a kid and thought I was middle class and I was pretty happy.  I feel I have come thru from a hard place  ( actually my parents have come from a hard place, I came thru pretty easy, but I didnt have TV or smart phone or pocket money or lot of ..... see I am feeling this superiority right now )  These are the people who need a kick on their backsides, I feel superior to people who pity these who are too soft... When I feel superior to these, I have some more justification in me about it
I also feel superior to - Singers :D Especially when I hear songs about heart breaks . This man is wailing on.. last Christmas I gave u my heart the very next day u threw it away!!! Grrrrr Dude, you should have moved on, Its been a year?   Or some lady is singing - there is lipstick on your collar! Change Station!  Sad loosers :- ) Ok I am Stone heart.  :-D These people I dont even feel guilty about feeling superior.

Ok Jokes apart, Sometimes this feeling is very latent, very subtle - u can see it more easily in other people...feeling superior because of arbitrary and totally unjustified things - like their skin colour or gender or caste.  Ok I have started feeling superior for being from a diverse and non developed country, I have started feeling superiority about having been exposed to different kind of stuff when growing up, like so many languages, no many religions, people following different traditions. I have been exposed to hardship ( dono what hardship again! seriously? What hardship? )  Like that. I feel superior for my parents hardship .

feeling superrior because I think
because I read
because I read spirituality
because I read sci-fi
because I am unemotional
because I am clever
because I am a software engineer
because I am un manipulative
because ....
This is remnding me of a post(or was it a coversation) about how people can be proud of just about anything. Some people are proud of being tidy and some of being messy, some of being clean and some of dirty, some of being hardworking and some of being chilled out. of being beautiful, or about not giving a shit about being beautiful. basically as humans we are blessed with the ability to feel proud of any attribute just because we pocess it! :-D

auto movements

Automatic body movements are actually resistance. When we start paying attention to sensations which we dont normally do, the mental pattern causing it is actually squirming and this is the automatic movement that happens. Usually we are used to listening to the sensation and doing what it is asking us to do without being conscious of it. Instead now u are not acting on it but watching it, our body mind nerves are not used to this, may be this creates the nervous energy which causes movements.
I am guessing the movements will stop when the mental patters get used to being observed and settle down.
Atleast this is how it is, part of the times, Other times its the excess energy which is trying to flow but hits blocks. That kind of auto movements happen in mantra, and chakra based meditations. The squirming auto movement happens in mindfulness and concentration based meditations.

so what the fuss

quick insight because I am sleepy

I am not fussy, I eat all sorts of food, I am not particular about sleeping arrangements, I am not fussy about clothes mine or of other peoples. I am not fussy about haircuts. 

Fussy people irritate me, some people dont eat 90% of veggies, have very narrow choice of food, they can eat only what they are brought up with.  They are stuck to gender stereotypes, have narrow view of what is right behaviour for each gender etc. Am I more evolved than these people? will they become like me if they do spritual practice? 

I may be evolved in many aspects but what about people? This stumped me. I am very fussy about people!!! the kind of people I get along with, who I want to interact with, who I like, who I want to meet. That band is very narrow. I get along with only one kind of people! I behave exactly like those fussy people behave about food, I make a big fuss! I am veryfussy, I am just like the people who irritate me :-(

Anuloma Viloma vs Nadi Shodhana

Alternate Nostril Breathing Pranayama where you breathe in thru one nostril and breathe out thru the other and then breathe back in and repeate. This  is called by two names in Yoga - Anuloma Viloma and Naadi Shodhana. What is the difference?

Apparently the difference is in Naadi Shodhana there is no holding of the breath after you have breathed in. So its breathe in thru left, breathe out thru right
breathe in thru right , breathe out thru left and repeat

Where are Anuloma Viloma is
breathe in thru left, Hold the breath,  breathe out thru right
breathe in thru right, Hold the breath,  breathe out thru left and repeat

The effect of Naadi Shodhana is calming of the mind, but Anuloma Viloma as additional benefits of increasing the Prana in the body.

Ps:  some websites  swap the definition , so one is this and one is that. dono which is which.
Anyway holding the breath one is more advanced one.

Even tho I know that everyone is running on mental patterns which are programmed by society,
Even tho I have studied so much psychology and know that we all have very little self and very little free will.
Even tho I have soak myself in Buddhas teachings and know about samskaras and how hard it is to get rid of them, even tho I know how little mindful I am day to day, moment to moment,
even tho I know that this is all maya and everyone is stuck in samsara,

Why do I still judge people so much  for their choices and their actions?