y!

yahoo messenger is like a time capsule, it holds friends from times long forgotten.... I see bhasi belur ,gubbi chilli pilli,Bino george etc online at times... 8-10 years since I have spoken to any of them. Jrajmundri.. who is this? I dont even know which company he was from.. someone friend enough to add into Y!.. I stay invisible I am afraid one of these will talk to me.. and I wont know what to speak.. for that matter I wouldnt know what to speak on chat even to closer friends on chat now.. after the first how are u? what are u doing these days.. what is there to speak? :-$? now I go sign in because its part of yahoo mail. good thing they did it.. but chatting..

Jagga!!! I saw him online after ages...Wonder what he is upto! I wont ask tho! lot of people are seen online now because yahoo messenger is now on with yahoo mail and they havent figured out how to disable it may be.. :)

I met rishi on it, I used to be a crazy additcted chatter on yahoo.. I used to love the Ctrl G - BUZZ , the VM;s , they are still there, I did download yahoo messenger to check it out a few months ago..nostalgia... but thats it now. Its become off a sad relic from the past .. :)

ps : yahoo names are slightly altered to protect their identity.

also may be it will be used more if I am sitting at home in UK..

judging..

remember the belly dance girl I got irritated with in Arhatic gyan class..? who I thought it was ok to judge and everything? :-$

after all she is ok..:-$ okay okay atleast I have the decency to accept it that she is ok and that I made a mistake, I judged and i had( :p have) my mental blocks and everything :-) She is a lil bit enthu but so what? young ppl are enthu its ok.. a bit too spritually ambitious may be... she has a nice smile real beautiful hair and she is doing a lot for pranic healing foundation and she is nice... I was the one too snooty or too irritated and with my nose turned up!

phew! ok that confession is done with and over! and behind me..

but I am still holding on to it being ok to judge the Visa office telgu movie heroine with 4 mala jasmine flowers and 3 kilo gold :D

2 classes or is it 3 classes of Karnatic music! I am learning it! yes :) and enjoying too, severe throat pain and ache in the head( of my teacher and my parents and bro :) ) I love the teachers voice.. fills the room I can feel it,like a cozy blanket. I just love her voice.. I would love to hear a concert by some good singers- live[should catch abhi!!!].. i think they have ...well.. magic :P :P what else. may be she sings with lot of love for music.. i dono why i love her voice so much... reminds be of that flute guy, street performer.. he comes once in a blue moon, such beautiful flute.. brought me to tears every single time.

What is promoting the liking of classical music which was not there before? I used to hate it. ( i think i still hate most of classical music, just a very few singers hole appeal) the way ayp puts it "scientifically"( sounding at-least) cleansing of the nervous system? . from Louise and Pranic healing point of view lot of emotional blockages have been removed. I think a linked bias was removed. bias against classical music was because of irritation towards the kind of people who learnt it ( sissy whiny girls :D,with bossy moms :D ) another post on list of linked biases probably will help me break the links.. ok i can hate things but i shouldn't hate unfairly, by association. right?:D

old age home

I went to an old age home today and I cried.. I want to do something but I dono what or how of it.. felt frantic and pathetic.. but i know its just a start and i will learn. In 2 years Ill look back at this day and feel.. wow i have come a long way :-)

It takes time.. to find out what exactly they want how exactly i can do something about it.. to understand.. most probably what most they want is my time. It takes time to understand even what I want to do too, to figure out how to do something to figure out what i can afford to do.. time money skills? what? and how?should keep in mind that it should be what they want and not what I want or like to give.

also need to get more emotionally stable before i can interact with old people... why the tears?Hope it is not pity. They would hate it if it was pity from my side..I really dono.I just felt sad.

also should let go of shyness or hesitation in helping.. even my parents.. :(

felt it is easier to donate to some famous NGO and forget about it...lot easier option and they do do a good job.. its impersonal..but not a bad option for starters..

logic v/s magic

Logic is too simplistic a tool to use with such complex creatures as us. The kind of logic which we are capable of is just not enough to deal with our emotions and feelings and thoughts ....

U cut out many dimensions of life if u want to be “logical” with ur limited scope of logical processing capability. Is the expectation to be logical at all logical?

There are million colors, eye can see thousands, brain can recognize hundreds and we can talk of seven…that is what logic does to your experiencing of life.. it maps million colors to seven..

spouse, friend, sibling - simplistic relationship labels to fit in the wide range of complex relationships people can have between them. Why did people(in ooold times) to go such great lengths to curtail..to curb… and to cut a ball to fit into a box?

This has nothing to do with logic but with society, but then why should second paragraph have anything to do with the first?

a few hours later:

As a corollary, life devoid of logic also means missing out a few dimensions of existence...I dono if I have written it before but anyway... one fine day not so long back.. I realized how to look at abstract painting or rather how to appreciate abstract art, (me being a natural at being left brained, I had to think about it and figure it out.) just let urself feel it, not try to understand it. relax and pay attention to how it makes u feel... "THAT!!" is how u enjoy art,Aaha!!! by feeling what the artist is trying to make u feel or what the artist felt.. not necessarily by understanding the art. first time in my life i went beyond logic and understanding I think.. revelation..

that does not mean logic means nothing, it is what I naturally turn to, I used to be ( probably still am) a snob about being logical and putting down people who arent so..but i am having so much fun trying to let go of it ...i discovered magic :-) it lies just beyond logic ...u can only let go of logic for something more.. not for something less..

reflections at the lake side

wish one of those baby bats would make friends with me, come here baby bat...no such luck.:(

wish one of the monster bats come flying out of those woods... ok not a 20 ft one at least a 6 ft one? natural but still scary... no such luck either..hmmmm...

I am losing myself thse days... relection of the street light on water really really tempted me to walk over it.. like a bridge.. felt only my feet would splash water and get wet...I almost felt a push to get up and try it..naw.. din actually believe enough to try it...