Pages

26 February 2009

want to be myself?




from my journal..


we say to ourselfs, everbody does. I found myself, I have forgotten myself. This is “me”. hmmm question is.. Is this Ego?
It is very positive thing to find yourself ( I KNOW HOW MUCH ) To not lose your identity. Geeta also says that you should follow ur dharma – ( that’s your calling ) It also says you should let go of your ego. when u dont have a ego, then what is the meaning of yourself? there is no yourself right?
Or should we find ourself first before we can actually let go of the Ego? I am not sure.
may be – when u do your “my thing” it gives you the energy, to be strong enough to lose your ego and make everything – mything?

25 February 2009

Funeral song :-|

haha!!!
someone commented that Lonely shepherd is a perfect song for a funeral! how right!!! :D
I always feel myself soaring high up in the air over snow clad mountains when I hear the song! haha I guess thats my spirit flyin up above there speaking, Absolutely perfect for Funeral! ? eh! ( Atleast for people who are goin up ;-) )

24 February 2009

Musical instruments...... out of this world

This one is about the instruments from around the world, I had never heard of before...
This really is a TBD blog, i am gonna keep on updating this..with new ones... 

This interest started with One of those interesting mail threads with Murali.

but before that My fav of the lot..
pan flute - Oh my!! lonely shepherd from Kill bill score. Makes me fly this one... over snow covered mountains and romanian green forests :D
among the native american flute music I shared with you - 
 there was one titled "amazing hang". Tried to google what hang is..
 
There are a few you tube videos available - check them out.
 
 
and some intro to instrument is in http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=KsGqymRcpKQ
 
interesting instrument. I didnt know it existed.
I thought new music will be all from synth and computers ... this one is lovely :-)
 
Well, Id never imagined a drum to make sounds like a string instrument or like jal tarang!!
the range of sounds it makes! amazing. That sent me on a unusual music instrument search spree, luv
the internet, in olden days, 20 years ago Id have to spend a life time to
listen to all these :D. 

Didgeridoo-Dil chahta hai - tanhayee uses this music...
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=9g592I-p-dc
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=bqMgL5qmZ-k

udu -
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=t0kzcup6zmk
afreen afreen by nusrat fate ali khan..? or did he use plain ghatam!
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=GYEWSWlNw4c&feature=related
well this is a kind of ghatam.

mbira - lil drops of rain!  reminds me of jal tarang
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=tIPORpN27CY
hehe no mbira in this video, but check out the lil one dancing in he corner
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=kn3cDvg4gps

tongue drum-
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=qANWLJ8l9-M&feature=related

hosho-
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs9pa2lNA1Q&feature=related
chinese playin african instrument!!


cell0 - Played in Courching tiger hidden dragon background score..hmmm just heard this just now..and hero also i guess..
The music composer is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tan_Dun I loved the music actually.


and... Thats it for now..This makes me go on a lookout for indian instruments Santoor, sitar, sarod.. but the classical touch....:-D
well thats it for now..its TBD..


19 February 2009

voice in the head ( Dont read this one..)

... Its really just for me... If u do read it, you'll know I mean it when I said I write this blog for myself :D

I feel uncomfy when I hear my own voice - recorded. just wondering is this cause it sounds different from what i hear in my head?
When I hear my thougths is there a voice to that? [yes I tried, I think I can change that voice also ]
When we make mock conversations - say daydream, or jsut an argument in the head. Do we suitably change the voice based on who is talking? [I am not able to do this now... :D weird mind][ hmm, yes, from the memory of the voice of the person, if its fictional character then... we make it up i guess]
Also some thoughts u think without language, some understandings are like this. then I struggle a lot to put that into proper words.. some time words are needed to explain the concept to our own self!!!![who is explaining to who!! I dono!! ]

and this is different from solutions u get from sub-conscious. i mean those are without head or tail, they just pop right out. and no need to convert to language and all. They comeout in the form we understand...this happens even when u do math problems right.. u just get the final answer... if u want to write the inbetween steps u need to rework it.. sometimes i dont trust these.. but these are the fastest results and quite a reliable way of working with the brain . BTW is this what intituion is all about...
 
Ok but comming back to the second type of thought, thats the one I dont figure out.. I am thinking without words - it is conscious thought.. ..How am i actually thinking? with block diagrams??? Grrr!!  most of the time I think with the language... can I choose? I mean chose to think with or without language? when we are tryin to understand soemthing we dont usually use language but I am not really sure what exactly is happening.  If I try to observe it getts irritating like a bug buzzign around the head! hehe! :-P
 
We take our mind for granted! dont we? :)  
Edit:
 I figured why our voice sounds  different when we hear ourselves speak and when we hear ourselves recorded. Thats cause when we speak , we hear it from the other side of the ear drums :) :) :)
so if I play my recorded voice from inside my mouth , it shouldn't sound weird :D :D :D :D :D 
yeah! try it :D BTW voice in the head is also comin from the other side of the ear drums !!!! :-P

Edit :
hehehe I did a google search on this, and u know what? there are more ppl who thought of exactly the same thing. I love internet, u can find anything and everything out here! check it out! 


18 February 2009

Black White or Grey?

I always had this friend of mine telling me  "World is not black and white, its all shades of grey!" "you always see things in black and white" . That was some years ago.  
I got thinking today morning, with all these extra years behind me - Do I agree? Do I see grey in things now? First answer was - Yes... I may have been too judgmental before, now I leave a lot more margin, when I "judge". ( not exactly the right word is it? Its making me uncomfy! I don't judge!!!! no! not me!! :-P! :D ) 

Then it was - "Right!"  "Wrong!" " how could they possibly!" "how can anyone be like that!"  "THIS IS THE WAY!"
Now its - "Oh.. Ok..."  "Great!"  "Thats sad!!"  "There are more ways to be right... not just one... " "God knows what's going on in their life for them to behave like that, how can I possibly know!" "B@#$@#$!! but oh well..." "To each, his own !" 

So.. I believe in grey now?? Hmmmmm...
 I realize..  Black and White or Even grey, are but ways used by us,to interpret life!!! no?
 Life as such is not black white grey!!! or anything!!!! You learn; u figure out ways to categoriese things, behaviours, based on your experience  u device an approach - Black and white! grey! something in between [yellow! red! sea green! Mera wala blue! Fushia!!? :D :-P]  Grey is just another approach just like black and white. depending on you, one of them fits. right?
I like this classic example of perception - This picture can either be interpretted as an young lady or an old woman. so when u have seen both, what do u think is actually the picture?... 
The picture is just black in spots on white paper( Grrr.. .background) ( or may be white blot on black paper? :-P ) Its neither a old lady or young woman! right?

Just like that... things are but interpretations..... thigns are neighter black and white nor are they  grey. things are just things and we - we need these BW G to interpret them.[And I know ppl, who will call this statement grey!! Grrr]
cant we just let go and just be??? 
Thats what I am trying! :) To just be!  
 Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...  

13 February 2009

Browsers and browsers and browsers

After using Ie6 for years and years .. and never realizing what I was missing...  
one sleepy morning ... I was caught by the browser bug!!  I tried almost all of them :D
So here's how they fare...
All of them are better than Ie6.  un-comparably better :D
All of them support tabs, the search bar,bookmarks bar,private browsing, Spell check in the text boxes... (Ie6 or even 7 dont do that!) . Things so basic I cant believe I  lived without them for soooooooooooooooooo long! Shame !!

so here  I go..

Google chrome 
 It was a beta version. Hung too much, no status bar.. so, just chucked it out.  Visual bookmarks, remembering previous links- 9 of them - that was good.

Mozilla Firefox 
Memory guzzler!! otherwise its great. Best part is, it imported all my favorites automatically from IE! on installation! niiiiiiiiiice!!! 
It has this tiny little customizable tool bar on which u put ur book mark icons! I loved that. I didn't use it for long cause it took up so much memroy! Safari uses less memory than Mozilla? I dono, but It definitely doesnot disrupt and slow down my other applications which firefox did ! so .. out went firefox. 
Opera and Safari have all that Mozilla has, and more... 

Ie7 
 When Id tried all the rest I had to try this one. He's like an awkward oaf in the midst of the sleek ladies :D He has all the basic features tabs, search and...  is compatible with office intranet. but the UI ... half the screen is taken up ugly tabs and they stay even if u have only one tab.  ... Out he went.. [  He's back again ... for the intranet!! :-( ]

Opera
     Fast- Fastest. Runs on very  less memory, So light on ur CPU. Visual book marks( yeah much before Chrome I guess) Supports skins.... Lovely ones too... bookmark tab. some easy scroll and tab switching features with the mouse( if you hold u'r mouse down and move right , the next tab is selected or something like that) Very feature rich - A bit too feature rich actually - makes it a bit cluttered.
All tabs  can be minimized and seen in one screen I loved this feature. Safari should have this one! thats the only thing missing in safari. All in all I wud say the best of the lot... Still I went in for Safari :)

Safari
seduced me I must say! sleek sleek sleek,  I couldnt resist the mac UI, sleek tiny tabs, the cute blue translucent scroll bars , check boxes and buttons. cute! subtle animations..
Anti aliases the fonts so that they look smooth ... oooooooooooh  l love it. ( i guess ie7 also does this..) You can pull out a tab from the tab bar into a new window and everything, its apple after all.  Anyway I was so taken by the sleekness I spent a good whole week on skinning my windows to mac :D I got somewhere with that too, but I guess that does affect the performace so I am back to XP skin now :( sigh! but cool dock bar and the cool wall papers stay. 
But I must say, its not all that stable. Hangs on gmail quite regularly :-( And on the higher side on memory. and options are a lil less, I dono what exactly I missing but I want more options :D

So the verdict is, Opera!! Opera for all. unless u are a sleek freak like me :D



12 February 2009

?

When u fight ur left hand with ur right hand, Your right hand should win! right?  it is the stronger dominant hand? I mean when I fight someone else with my right I win and with left I loose!

When i try to fight my left with right, by both hands are fixed at the center! pressing hard.!!! why?

10 February 2009

study study study and I love it ! :)

Oooooohhhh!!!!
I am getting more and more and more excited about studying the occult day by day!!!
Ah! how much time I have wasted in not studying anything about it, all the while I was so damn interested in it. But as they say things happen when u are ready for it, when the time is right ... .. yeah yeah.
There is so much much to read and it really does take a while to study and make progress believe me. At least it takes longer than I wish it would take. and I see that there is a vast ocean of knowledge and I am but swimming in a pool!!!!!! god!! I want to gobble it all up! :)

The occult study is such an immense field, its a shame  that I didn't know the existence of it up until I learned Pranic healing. Thanks to you, Sushma dear! she introduced me to this. and from then I should thank the internet!!  The knowledge god. I do want to worship the net! Love you net!!! so much!!!!

My brain has turned around from left visual to right Auditory in these last 3 years... I guess that was needed to start this study!

Aquarian age, Study of the craft, Astral projection ( I am concentrating on this now), the chakras and the planes of existence, Enthenogens, yoga, tantra, chantings.... I wish I cud just do this all day and not bother about work.  Touch wood tho, I don't want to loose my lively-hood.

God bless I love this.

8 February 2009

janam janam ka rishta?

Do you believe in Soul mates? I mean a certain cosmic connection .... not necessarily ( not at all actually) in the romantic sense..
Some people we meet we just like them so much instant connection, some we just cant get along!  In-explicable! Or is it?
It may be prejudice ? It may be just appearances, It may be how they related to our past experiences ( I wud hate anyone who resembled my 3rd std history teacher :D)
but Id like to  believe, Its all got to do with knowing them in past lives or in the astral realms, Janam janam ka rishta ....of sorts!( yeah I can believe all this, after all I am mystic babe ! ;-) )  The more I read about all this the more I am convinced its true. 


rehna tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

What is it with some songs? I just go crazy for them! Rehna tu from Delhi 6! It givesmegoosebumps! thoda sa resham .... Aaaaahhhh!!!!!!!! It hurts! I love it so much! feels like cool breeze, I mean literally not poetically. goose bumps remember? After a long time Ive loved a song so much!!
Uiyere Uiyere yeah I lvoed it then, but didnt feel all these sensations for it!  for runnin thats my Fav...

5 February 2009

More to DNA than meets the eye?

Did u read in times of india today?
Mothers learnings - what ever she learnt even before the child was concieved are passed on to the child!! Before it is born even. That too in mice! 


I have always thought this to be the case, was nice to see it confirmed. I feel  I have many beliefs which couldn’t have been formed by my experiences with life, but tally very well with my grannys. They are there from childhood and my mother never talked about these thigns to be till I was much much older!

I wonder if this is passed on in the womb or as extra information on the DNA.
They should do the experiment with sarogate mothers. How much in the womb and how much though genes will be confirmed! 
Offcourse lot happens in womb, but I have a hunch , information is passed on from father to the child also, even if the father is away... I think DNA has more to it than what we know.
like how children have same strange quirks as their parents, 

I have always disliked small babies, I was very uncomfortable since early childhood about domesticity, Never played mother in  house - house. I was always the market man, or even the house pet at times. But never the father - mother. never carried a baby... Any talk of having children brings about violent reactions in me..
I am 31 , been married for 6 years, I have a lot of love in my heart for my 3 cute pets, but he thought of a child... I shudder. Kind of in-explicable. I had a dream childhood, May parents were very caring. The relationship between my parents is ideal, never fought in front of us... Then why this aversion to having a child? I had an aversion to marriage too..
I think it goes back to my grandmother, She had Eleven children.  she suffered a lot during these many many child-births , has lost  4 of the children, had many complications . 
I always percieved her as a intelligent thinking woman who has opinions on things. I feel her husband treated her like any other wife of the day, Dismissed her intelligence. and she missed the necessary companionship may be that caused resentment in her?  
This is reflected in my Aunt as well, who had a thought process similar tome? my mother too was not too keen on having children I suppose but not as "not keen" as me. but then my aunt and mother were direct witness and their resentment makes sense.
But by the time i was born, the waters were calm. Loving chubby granny and a strict slightly eccentric grandpa were all I saw.  My aunt passed away before I was one... Then why these feelings in me???  What caused them??
 Field day for therapists i must say!!! Not only fix your issues but ur grandmothers as well? :) :) :) 

 May be somethings do get written into the DNA in every individuals life and that gets passed on.  so Evolution per se does not happen only by mutations but also by the learnings of each individual? and this probably has not been proved yet?
I read in an article that scientists were able to code few bytes of data into DNA. The occultists believe that all the knowledge, all the memory of entire human civilization is accessible to all of us. They believe this may be encoded on the DNA.. may be? :-)

Will research and repost.

2 February 2009

golden words

Seems to be golden words day, either I am in a good mood or words of wisdom are pouring in from all sides...

gems from my friends early in the morning

world is like a mirror..if you are a good company world gives you good company 

When u feel that ur worst fears may come true, always have Plan B  ;) 

thats it ! :D