prostitution

Picking up someone from the bar is considered cool or what ever, but prostitiution is considered horrid. I wonder why. few years back I would be totally disgusted with anyone who had been to a prostitute. what about a prostitute itself? I am not sure how I would react to one then( definitely more kindly to her than to the visitors:). now there is this lady who is one of british MPs wife who is a highclass prostitute. and I felt what is the big deal in it. Its legal here, no? I feel I understand the world better now. all this is so common, so many men visit pros, humans are played by emotions and desires and lot less my logic and rules( so my friend what is the use of being good at logic, when most humanity is ruled by feeling). its not as inhuman or bad as it is made out to be now. is it?(societys ploy to keep dirty underbelly in wraps so that only few who dare will only get there)(and we are bought up too sheilded) I was really shocked and angry with hillary clinton that she didnt break her marriage during monica episode and then I felt she is really business minded to be sticking on when such a thing happened because her husband is a president. now my prespective has changed. I wonder if the public outcry (and hillarys reaction) would be lot more -ve if it was a prostitute instead of an intern? but I ..wud think of it as a better situation.. would the logic be perverse if I thought that hooking up with a prostitute is somehow better than one night stands or picking up people.. which are probably based on implicit and explicit lies? atleast u are being honest here and its a direct transaction give and take is upfront. If not for forced prostittion - trafficking, using children and the pathetic state of prostitues in the soceity.
Is it really a myth that in the olden days of kings -prostitution was a very lucrative career option( probbly not optional it was based on caste may be) with lot of money and high social status with even possibility to affect politics? I can very easily picture a society like that.

random lakeside ...thinkings

conceit on humility.. how far is self love from pride... I think many of us take too much pride in humility.. we have strict values and we condem ourselves.. having high stardards which we ourselves dont seem to meet.. one of these strict valeues is humility, but i feel conceit is hiden in that somewhere.. very subtle...
humility is overrated. many of these values also are inherited and may not make sense in todays world .. and we need to see them for what they are.
One famous one for me is being business minded, making contacts all against value. being street smart is also a no no. no showoff and no frills.. is it good in todays world? money- my father thinks being rich is a crime, middle class is the best. consciously I dont agree, but I prefer sleeper class to AC,bike to car...small car to big car..hidden value.
I felt a lil stupid( felt I was being too concieted) blessing a couple that were fighting near sankey tank, I just said ( n my mind offcourse) may god bless u wiht peace :D :) yeah I was in good mood then I reasoned I should feel stupid for feeling stupid, I am instrument of god. then? Its not too much to bless anyone. god has infitine capacity and being his instrument I can do infinite good, this doensot mean I am thinking too much of myself. What ever.
[Reading myself write about all this god and stuff is embarassing even for myself but when its in my mind it may as well be in writing :)]
Virtue of honesty being used for hurting.. I used to be like a child I used honesty not necessarily for hurting but without caring..I also use honesty at times to hurt. then a good excuse is I am telling the truth. Sometimes honest knowing it will hurt. Its also one of my values.. being left brained- I interpreted it like be honest regardless of feelings. even tho my father keeps saying you should be wisely honest, it didnt penetrate the thik skull. Master choa as a very simple and nice way of putting thigs which make it so crystal clear to me.. loving kindsness preceeds honestly.. ashte..
I feel greatful towards him when i read his books i like his simlicity and different - more practicle way of putting things .. becuase he is an engineer and a business man.
still some ammount of resistance is there before I become absolutely devoted.. but now I can understand how these women feel so much love for the guru..
also I still feel.. err I dont have guru when i read about guru in the books :-$

Susi came into mylife and introduced me into all these spritual things louise hay, power of now and pranic healing. she was really instrumental in me becomeng spritual... it feels like it was kind of meant to be.
life is like that.. oppurtunities keep opening up stay open keep closing .. based on our state of mind, we see them or we dont.. she herself is not using all these oppurtunities she opened for me.
I dont understand powerful evil people[from Pranic healing/esoteric perspective]... hitler? so damn poewrful.charismatic but evil. The teachings shared so far is not revealing anything bout these evildoers.. how much -ve karma he must have amassed by all that.. but he also helped lot of people burn up their -ve karmas really rapidly.. :) was he sent for that purpose? fallen angel? :D
18/7
there may be explanation for powerful evil people opening of 12th chakra when they are not ready . every aspect of the person is expanded .. It magnifies all the seeds in ur personality. If there was a minor evil trait, it becomes really exaggerated. even the evil. hitler is probably like that?

Talking about loving kindness - when I am rude to people.. like saying car kaliyalva? or what is this- your house is like this to my mum.. is it ok to be rude to people to inspire them? like calling V hanger probably made him go to gym , but he proably doesnot like me for that... I should think of better ways of insriring? couple of inspriations I take credit for... swimming S. yoga mom, bloging 3li.. engineering viki and prabodh and reshma... ashte? :-$ ok..inspiring Susi to take up theater isnt working- she;ll be really good at it.

Roadside thought:
my friend wrote about talking to oneself being sign of madness and that may be lack of volume is the distingusihing factor...I think i sometimes cross the line ... I read once about a old lady who used always sing. everyone appriciated her upbeat nature, someone asked her what she sings about - she said she has a habit of talking to herself and if she did talk to herself people would think she is mad so she started talking to herself in a singing tone :) time to do that I guess :D

perception (for myself)

Every thing is a perception or interpretation. This is obvious when we are discussing concepts but not so easy to realise when it comes to mundane things like seeing and hearing..
seeing is actually interpretation isnt it.. there is no such thing as reality which we can figure out. it is always our interpretation. some objective some subjective..
I got a headache thinking about this but its kind of repetitive thought, the repition stops after wrtiing it down...
Okay so, When i see a something red - Red - frequency of light between x-y is interpreted as red by my thinking brain..or say before that my eye also has a range of sensing right? resolution.. x1 to y1 is approximated and shown as one signal to my head.. more range more differenciation probably then my conscious head ... my eye can differentiate between two reds which my head probably cant. but when i see a picture with shading with these two reds my eye ( and head) can make out.
how much do we acutlaly see objectively? its all subjective... when searching for something - why does my mom see by pyjama and I dont see it... how much of what we see is acutlaly seeing and how much is thinking. how much of our senses are actually coloured by subjectivity.
which are the really objective parts of our sensing.. most of the objective part is automatic and out of conscious control i think, like measuring distance between an object and me.. calcuating its speed accelatartion trajectory guessing its weight.. ducking in time to avoid it if it is falling on me... not subjective. learnt yes but not subjective..and most of what I ve talked about is not really seeing :D
when i see a tree, how do i know I see a tree, it is just 10 pixels green 2 pixels brown so on .. it has to be mapped on to my experience matched to my previous image of tree heuristically approximtaed as tree.. most of our seeing is like this - at this level. Lot of image processing involved here.. lot of decisions - bamboo -shrub or tree? and some edge cases like bonsai - tree or plant. etc.
Also when we see a view- all the objects in our view are probably saved as a link list ( or binary tree-whatever) of objects just like in an image editor in vector view. and each of these object nodes probably has a link to the object database reference in the brain. data base has more info about objects like tree - doesnot move, living, huge etc. each person has different attributes saved in this database. for example for me tree is saved as living, for a wood cutter - it is saved as makes money :) for a bird - home.. so on. so how a tree is interpreted is based more on my experince in this world rather than the content of the image produced by the eye( which -is reality?atleast is it objective)
Can we suspend all interpretation and just seen the colors as it is? I tried and i got headache. again!! :) ( and I didnt succeed)
There is this picture which can be interpreted as old lady young girl(one of my older posts).. It is acutally just black markings on white background isnt it? even concept of background as being white..? comes from using paper...its just white and black pixels.. that is the reality. kind of useless?? the reality is useless with out interpretation and subjectivity... seeing an old lady young girl is far more interesting .. I wish we could retian our consciousness and enter the mind of an insect or something and see how it thinks how it feels.. wow that would show us what all we take for granted and how differnent interpretations can be...and how different the so called reality can look.
Or would it? I am reading blind watchmaker by Richar dawkins.. he is not really very focused in this book and talks about a lot of things..
he talks bout bats and their sonars to show how complex biological equipment can evolve by natural selection rather than by design and explains the equiment in detail . Bats interpret the world using sound, its quite complex how this sonar works, just like our eye.. but .. does the bat know the working of the sonar ( hardware/software) ? no? so how does a bat feel with all those echos coming in? and the calculatins and everyhting. probably just like me.. the world that I see is after all a model made up by the mind to interpret reality. so the bats model - may be same as ours... using sound instead of light.. colors.. may be they use colors to indicate something else like distance? or speed of the objects.. density?
(so Mr there is no god is actually talking about exactly same thing as the spritual books what u see is a model and not reality. :) )
what ever complex equipment we have we finally do rely on the models that our brain makes, dont we? so reality is just as out of reach if I do get into another brain as when I am in mine.
Its so easy to confuse a model with reality - sine wave.. does a sine wave look like that.. up and down? no... its just a graph which we made so that we can understand how a sine wave works. but its so easy to forget that. Nature follows rules of physics??? no it doesnot. nature is just the way it is, our rules of physics is just our attempt to understand the world. first of all we have a model in our head and we are making another model to understand that model :)
phew, I think i am done.

6th sense

are there only 5? we may have thousand senses which we are using unconsicously.. which we have never discovered so far.. by biology or science. how hard is it to put a small magnet in our body.. may be we do have a direction sensing device in our body. it can be anywhere.. head neck torso.. it can be so small just a few iron molecules and a few nerves going out of it.. when our body has a gyroscope in our head to find balance.. why not magnet.. see any lame person knows only 5 senses he doesnot know that he can sense balance..gyroscope is out of conscious control. how do i sense prana and all.. we may have devices which can intercept and network thoughts of other people.. sense that someone is lookin at u even when u dont see them..offcourse we have timers.. gravitation sensors? not only of earth but that of moon and other plants very sensitive gravitation sensors? thats why moon affects so many peoples moods, thats why astrology ?sharks have electric sensors.. we may have too.. and 1000 types of software making use of this hardware.. sharks determine the direction of prey by calculating the delay betwen the smell reaching different sensors...so many senses and so many applicaitons.

my furry friend

Ever since I lost my cats, seeing a cat makes me really miss them more. Many many friendly cats here in the UK. Just call them,they come to you to get petted :) This fat ( he is just furry not fat, very light and big) this fat kitty walked into my backyard. I ve petted someone who resembles him, so called him. he was vary but he came anyway after some persuation. He was not the same, the otherone is well groomed, clean and much smaller and softer. This guy looks huge. I think he doesnot have anyone to care for him. He sheds like crazy and he has dandruff. ( Dandruff and hair fall - just like me :P :D ) he has me coverd in fur in 5 mins. Not all of my family is kind to shedding pets( shedding animals. he is not even my pet is he?) With stupid myths that cat hair causes diptheria... every time I meet him Ive to run to the bathroom (before anyone sees me) and spend an hour cleaning up. Me wondering what is he.. Is he stray..Does he have a home? probably not.. but he didnt look hungry he didnt eat fish and salami I gave him.. might be that was too spicy? does someone feed? he is always outside tho. He surely had a home in the past... he loves to be be petted. Thats what is sad, really :( I pet him for fifteen minutes, I get really cold or I get called inside but dear fellows never ready to say good bye yet. I come back to check after ten minutes and lil fellow is still waiting :( another ten minutes of petting and then I say good bye. he goes away after ten minutes more of waiting...
Today , today hes been here all day whole day. sitting by the front door , then by the back door. hmmm...I din expect this. This is making my heart very heavy.. I dont even feed him. I dont want him get dependent to me. I am leaving this house in a month ... when ever I go out he comes close to get petted. Ugly fellow he is :) ugly dirty fellow ,cutie pie :) I wonder if he was with some old lady who groomed him all day? He is lost? his owner moved out of town or ...died?..? I just hope they are careless people who dont groom him but feed him anyway. can he get dependent on petting too? :( hmmmm Starved for a bit of love? is he? aaah! why is this world like this? so many lonely souls? :( so short on affection? :( Ah dear.hurts me!
Dear god!! why did u make the world like this, it can do with more friends more love more affection u know? I wish this kitty had a few kitty friends to roam around with. Few more human friends like me...Does he? then why he sticking around here if he did :( Its ok to be a wild cat who stays alone, but this guy cares to be with people :( why dont u give him some friends :( why did u make a mean world like this :( :( really sad :(
hmmm.. Hope this is just one day, tomorrow Ill see him have some fun about town and not stick around here.. no?
edit: just saw the video of free hugs on TV. This guy felt the same- too less niceness in this world and decided to offer free hugs to strangers :) me- my empathys somehow more towards animals than humans.. among humans probably old people ...