Pages

11 December 2012

old crone


I m a gran ol lady of 75
I have a broom and a pointy hat
and ol black cat

herbs and books
and comfy sofas
a roaring fire
n soft warm slippers

lots of love from people gone and still around
I m a gran old lady loved by all
I m  a naughty old lady with a twinkle in her eye
I m  a happy  old lady with a wicked toothless smile :)
oh I m beautiful allright ;)

weird old lady feared by kids down the block
they call me a witch and run when they see me
I seduce them with apples from my garden
and then some more with my wicked tales :)

I m a sharp old lady with a very quick  wit
I m a kind old lady with heart of gold

I look back on my days long gone past
with some regret and some joy

oh Ive done it all
oh Ive done it all

What have u done granny the kids ask me
what made your life so wonderful

Ive seen the days when life was free
there was no internet and no electricity

I swam in the seas when I was afraid
I ran right back but I went in again anyway

Ive travelled by train by sitting by the open door
Ive climbed trees wearing short skirts and I dont care :D



I have been my own best friend ( this is intellectual and not from my heart)

tell us more granma tell us more

Ive been to places big and small
Ive been to places high and cold
and warm and crowded
and I have always eaten untill my stomach was full :D

Ive seen it all
Ive seen it all
Ive been loved and Ive loved a lot

why do u cry granma why do u cry
we love u so, but why do u cry

Ive seen sweetness which has touched my heart
Ive seen love and tenderness
Ive been lucky
Ive been blessed by god
I thank him so
I love him so

then why do u cry granma, why do u cry
hes been kind

tell us more tell us more
tell us your secrets  tell us your passion
tell us those things which u shouldnt have done :D
u did anyway

Ive been a good girl I dont like it that much

come on tell us granma, secrets we have not

I m an old lady and I forget a lot :-P ( granma being crafty and not tellin me! )

and what u regret to this day?
what would you differently if u got another chance

Id live a little more
Id be more bold
Id take what I wanted without caring some more
Id be less afraid
Id care lot less
Id be free and fly and not look down :D
Id love with more passion
Id be less afraid
Id go grab life by its neck and ride on it
Id rip thru life
Ive been a quite old lady but Id be a wild one if I got another chance
I held back a lot, Id probably just let myself go









fish tank

fish tank - when I was in high school, me and my bro could see neighbours fish tank from my parents bedroom window.. I have never loved any fishtank more than that one.. so relaxing and so exiting at the same time. all we cud make out was orange and black fishes.. gold fish I think cause we were seeing from about 100 feet away : ) they used to leave the tank light on and switch off all lights... ah! will my own tank make me feel so good as that one?

ha ha ! No,, Own fish tank was damn annoying, the constant hum of the filter just got on my nerves like nothing else. Gave away the fishes and the tank for good. 

population evolution marriage etc

[Old post - 2009]
Human women(!!!! hehe! Human females? I think I mean) are continuously breeding.
Chimps have a baby once in 5 years in the wild, same with the other apes... and people??? They would have a child every damn year. spreading across the whole earth like viruses to quote matrix.
women are particularly vulnerable, I mean every other species female is quite capable of taking care of the young all by herself or with the help of other females. Not so in the humans.
Both chimps and bonobos are polygamous. Offspring are spaced at 3-5 years difference, female is capable of bringing up the itself or with the help of other females. Not so in humans cause the offspring are spaced only years apart if not regulated! why was this? 
I think this was because..
Humans almost reached extinction some 1000s of years ago(According to one Nat Geo feature), only a few thousand individuals were left, I think this period heavily favored the fast reproducing genes in humans, has mostly shaped reproductive cycle and also the society.
female - will reproduce as many as possible. the society will take care to see that these survive. In this process, It didnt matter if the female was strong enough to take care of the young only the frequency mattered.
This also lead to dependency on the male, the females who were dependent on the male were able to produce more surviving offspring than those that were independent. Also as a corollary those males that did support and provide for their offspring had more success with their genes than the lazy (? :P) ones. Those groups which adopted this mode, to support and feed the female and young as community must have survived.  I think this is probably what tipped off the almost extinct species to bounce back...but as a down side this produced high fertility( which wasn't a problem until medical science made so much progress that everyone survives) and also prevented weeding out of complicated pregnancy genes, even if the mother died her kids survived and carried on the bad genes.

Polygamy v/s Monogamy, Polyandry
Monogamy is suited for a place where there is plenty but it needs hard work to get it. like Europe. They had more higher quality food than us(tropical people), but it required hunting, lot of effort. one male couldn't probably support more than one female . also the females need to more independent and strong in such environment,  following the hunters, as they followed deer/bison herd migrations with seasons, for long distances, Endure hard weather...Thats why Scandinavian British women as almost as tall and strong as the men. number of offspring is lesser. few but better quality offspring. The risk of death of well provided offspring and mother is less due to disease. Independent families, easier for each family to feed themselves.
Polygamy is suited for a very fertile and abundant place, where it is easy to provide for food but has a high death toll by diseases. The probability of a strong kid dying is same as a weak kid, It makes more sense to have smaller but many more kids, so loss is minimized when any one dies.  Polygamy  is the most efficient way to grow. Thats why its used in chicken/sheep farms. Popular in China, India -  middle east and Africa. Value for women and children is less in such a situation. The focus is on number and than quality. Each man can have 10 wives and 10 children each.. probably 7 out of the children died in their childhood due to diseases. So women were almost always breeding,  They are weaker, less independent, agriculture and therefore more settled lifestyles.  Large joint families.


In some places like middle east and central Asia  even tho climate was bad,land not fertile - there is polygamy. I think because of  higher competition men clashed and died a lot more than women?  I think middle east has polygamy because of frequent wars, India china and Africa because they can afford it.

Polyandry - results in female taking care of the offspring - unless all the husbands are related. Its seen in Tibet and north east... its more suitable for a population that does not want to grow and keep a stable population because resources/space are scarce and there is no scope for growth.

The main aim of marriage or partnership is to rise offspring, humans love cause humans who loved raised more live offspring than those who didnt. Marriage has existed for millenia cause married couples rise more children than unmarried. Even in cultures which support polygamy, marriage or formalization of the partnership exists indicating it is necessary for survival. We are animals after all. community care of children will work only if the community consists of genetically similar - relatives/ sisters etc.. cause our genes are selfish, we are still animal enough to care about these things. The society or culture or our group psyche does not care about individual  happiness, it only cares about the continuation of the species successfully. Atleast until now. 

8 December 2012

Insha Alla - If god willing.

Insha Alla - If god willing.
I love something about that phrase!
Its as if you are fitting in with world and being gentle about your wishes..
It will happen if god willing - you are acknowledging the fact that u can not be in control of everything. It may be also acknowledges that we may not know enough to wish what is best for us and let the best which "god" knows may happen. At least in my mind its like that. Its very subtle and nice..
Its not about a god who is willing and unwilling things... its more like being  willing to go with the flow.

I have seen this attitude in old time kannadigas( Gentlest and sweetest people on earth) actually in all old timers - people slightly older than my parents.( err kannadiga or old timer may not the right word grr, but u know who I mean)  ..I dono if there was a phrase for it.. yella devara ichhe? or something my grandma used to say..usually when bad things happened.
( not in character for me, but I do admire that attitude) 

have to or want to?


 It is important to match the wording with how we feel. Have gotten into habit of saying "have to" ...
I "have to" go to this party - wrong. I want to go.. Or I m going.
I realised "have to"  is adding unnecessary drag to doing things,even those I like. It is just words but unconsciously it adds this drag!!  I procrastinate a bit just because it is "have to"!!
Yeah! true!
even for things like drinking water at night when I thirsty
I think - I have to drink water and I m still lying there :-P  then I asked myself "have to or want to?" immediately got up! :-D
Strange! :)
Sometimes the answer is really "have to" n I dont want to - then probably just dont to it or atleast I m aware of the genuine not wanting!

5 December 2012

( ah u knew it wouldn't rhyme? :-p)

I may not be a CEO
or a VP with 2 kids
(and I write horrid poems ;o)
but now I dont go so low
and I bounce up back fast! touch wood!
I have grown oh I have so grown
I m ready to open my wings
and fly really high
I m ready to open my heart
and go crazy n wild
I love me!
:-D 

3 December 2012

where are the emotions felt?

in the torso mostly throat, heart, solar plexus and gut!

sad - throat, very sad in the gut sometimes heart
irritation chest
anger chest
fear chest stomach
anxiety - heart/chest/stomach churn

warmth - heart
fuzzy good feel - heart
lightness - heart - at least it may just be the absence of all those bad feelings
excitement - solar plexus stomach - butterflies in stomach remember?

sometimes its easy to confuse acidity/stomach ache with anxiety
urgency to go to the loo with excitement( I mean I m being frank here come on! :P )

If u notice them ultimately emotions are all physical sensations after all not very easy to place and locate but still the same.