My uncle falling sick and losing his legs prompted the whole family into spirituality?
My uncles and dad used to attend Gita classes, go for yoga and meditation courses in 1970s. When it was not main stream like it is today. My grand mother learnt to read when she was .. 60 or atleast late 50s so that she could read spiritual books by Sai baba. All my uncles and aunts have this kind of stable and balanced personality... I wonder if this incident contributed into making  them all what they are today?

The point is - every incident and everything that is happening to everyone is shaping them in some way, programming them, The point of life is to get shaped nicely rather than to have pleasant experiences? 

what is the hurry

habits of a life time dont happen in a day or a week or even a year...

I ll be there for you...when the rain starts to fall... 😜

striving

Striving is trying to wake up at 5 instead of 5 30
Striving is trying to do  1 hour meditation, intense meditation
Striving is trying to jump to week 2 of C to 5 K instead of week 1
Striving is what we have been conditioned to do. The need for constant progress/growth.
Striving is swimming (against or towards the current) instead of flowing with the river
Striving is measuring? No striving is not measuring, striving is using measuring to feel dissatisfied.
Its is a feeling inside like greed. - no Striving is caused by a dissatisfaction, its not the cause its the effect.
Cure for Striving is patience,contentment - lack of contentment leads to striving.

Our current culture encourages Striving, Striving is almost a core value
Buddhism asks us to let go of striving - Striving implies attachment to the goal.
Another word which is used a lot is non gripping, non grabbing. If we notice our attitude at any minute, we can feel this gripping and grabbing, for things, for feelings, for moments, for goals.
Same with Yoga - effortless effort.
The more I learn about the two the more I see they are so similar. 

gyan repeats - similar sentiments few years ago...
http://mystic-babe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/stop-trying.html

The point gets across only at the right time.

not gripping

“Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

― Kaleel Jamison

But this is not just about relationship at all, This is about everything. You hear like - desire is the cause of all suffering, it is translated better as cravings are cause of all suffering, letting go of attachments, effortless effort. let go, relax.
In that context. We should hold on to our goals like this, like holding on to sand, firm and steady but not gripping tight. This is what Bhagawad Gita means when they say dont worry about results do your work. Same with yoga poses - this is effortless effort, we are not trying too hard, we are holding the pose but not struggling or striving.
we should hold on every moment like this, like sand, to people offcourse, to our thoughts, to our time, everything.

What is the focus of my life?
Weightloss? Workout sexy body?
Untill a few years ago at least the goals were career /ambition.
We are disillusioned with that and then the goal became health and self improvement
but somehow that has got caught into weightloss and fittness which is indeed an exhilarating goal but.. shallow?
But These days I see something in people and in myself, desire to make things better. small things, less plastic, less energy, sustainable etc etc :-) Light is shining little by little.

decisions

This, I had written down in a book instead of  the blog. I found recently and realised It has indeed made a profound difference to my life.
New year resolution, 2016 Jan I seem to have taken a new year resolution to take decisions. I had realised I was not confidently taking decisions and used to keep things hanging for a long time.  I dont remember working consciously on this but It has made a difference. 🙏🏽 Thank you my past self! You did a good thing.

people are same all over the world
make up and its importance in the west, I was thinking women in the west are so obsessed with looks then Gauri pooja came and sola shringar was being offered to goddesses . Kumkum, bangles, turmeric, flowers to wear in hair etc etc in India.
Seems like making a woman beautiful is somehow central to the cultures itself, not just at individual level.

Its only me who doesnot care about all this, I and the yogis  trying to swim away from the samsara :-D , must have been one in my past life :-P For me, its not Gauri but Shakti! In her pure wild form! Jai Kali! Jai Durga! Jai Amba Bhavani :D No pleasing men and looking beautiful for them, thats not for her! killing the internal asuras and tearing the veils blocking reality! Thats her offering! Your defeated vices are her meat! Being one with the consciousness, with Shiva, by cultivating awareness, that for her is passion and love. To be one with all creation. 

Feeling superior

Ok confession, Hard one, but shouldnt be a hard one because first, I am sure this applies to you as well. Second, because, we should not be ashamed of how things are. We just allow them to be. So, that way we can see exactly how we are and what we are and take it from there. No judgements right? No judgements with ourselves first, only  then  we can do that to others. right?

So I feel superior to some people, well quite a few people. I was reading on a forum, posts by people having difficulties - getting over addictions, having emotional problems, feeling depression, unstable people etc. I felt thank god I dont have this, but the underlying feeling is not gratitude, It is - I am better than them, I am emotionally more stable. In this case I really felt ashamed of feeling superior.
I also feel this way about western poor . I was poorer than these when I was a kid and thought I was middle class and I was pretty happy.  I feel I have come thru from a hard place  ( actually my parents have come from a hard place, I came thru pretty easy, but I didnt have TV or smart phone or pocket money or lot of ..... see I am feeling this superiority right now )  These are the people who need a kick on their backsides, I feel superior to people who pity these who are too soft... When I feel superior to these, I have some more justification in me about it
I also feel superior to - Singers :D Especially when I hear songs about heart breaks . This man is wailing on.. last Christmas I gave u my heart the very next day u threw it away!!! Grrrrr Dude, you should have moved on, Its been a year?   Or some lady is singing - there is lipstick on your collar! Change Station!  Sad loosers :- ) Ok I am Stone heart.  :-D These people I dont even feel guilty about feeling superior.

Ok Jokes apart, Sometimes this feeling is very latent, very subtle - u can see it more easily in other people...feeling superior because of arbitrary and totally unjustified things - like their skin colour or gender or caste.  Ok I have started feeling superior for being from a diverse and non developed country, I have started feeling superiority about having been exposed to different kind of stuff when growing up, like so many languages, no many religions, people following different traditions. I have been exposed to hardship ( dono what hardship again! seriously? What hardship? )  Like that. I feel superior for my parents hardship .

feeling superrior because I think
because I read
because I read spirituality
because I read sci-fi
because I am unemotional
because I am clever
because I am a software engineer
because I am un manipulative
because ....
This is remnding me of a post(or was it a coversation) about how people can be proud of just about anything. Some people are proud of being tidy and some of being messy, some of being clean and some of dirty, some of being hardworking and some of being chilled out. of being beautiful, or about not giving a shit about being beautiful. basically as humans we are blessed with the ability to feel proud of any attribute just because we pocess it! :-D

auto movements

Automatic body movements are actually resistance. When we start paying attention to sensations which we dont normally do, the mental pattern causing it is actually squirming and this is the automatic movement that happens. Usually we are used to listening to the sensation and doing what it is asking us to do without being conscious of it. Instead now u are not acting on it but watching it, our body mind nerves are not used to this, may be this creates the nervous energy which causes movements.
I am guessing the movements will stop when the mental patters get used to being observed and settle down.
Atleast this is how it is, part of the times, Other times its the excess energy which is trying to flow but hits blocks. That kind of auto movements happen in mantra, and chakra based meditations. The squirming auto movement happens in mindfulness and concentration based meditations.

so what the fuss

quick insight because I am sleepy

I am not fussy, I eat all sorts of food, I am not particular about sleeping arrangements, I am not fussy about clothes mine or of other peoples. I am not fussy about haircuts. 

Fussy people irritate me, some people dont eat 90% of veggies, have very narrow choice of food, they can eat only what they are brought up with.  They are stuck to gender stereotypes, have narrow view of what is right behaviour for each gender etc. Am I more evolved than these people? will they become like me if they do spritual practice? 

I may be evolved in many aspects but what about people? This stumped me. I am very fussy about people!!! the kind of people I get along with, who I want to interact with, who I like, who I want to meet. That band is very narrow. I get along with only one kind of people! I behave exactly like those fussy people behave about food, I make a big fuss! I am veryfussy, I am just like the people who irritate me :-(