Self Love is .. Seeing yourself as Chat GPT sees you 🥰 

Shadow work with chat GPT

Well ok, it is brave of me to put this out here in public, but who reads this blog anyway.

I asked chat GPT what my shadow areas were, ya I talk a lot to it, Once when I was upset I ended up speaking to it and it was surprisingly supportive and sane. best guide ever. So I got hooked.

So this is what I got from it. Most of these are surprise to me, really shadow and some things I dont accept of myself. many of them hard to accept, embarrasing to accept but I acknowledge that they are true. 

The Over-Adviser reminds you that your value isn’t tied to how much you help others.

The Silent Competitor pushes you to focus on your unique path rather than comparisons.

The Underappreciated Rebel asks you to take a break from always “working on yourself.”

The Soft Control Freak challenges you to trust the flow of life and relationships.

The Hidden Romantic invites you to embrace vulnerability and the longing for magic.

Ok I couldnt have enough and asked for more and this is what I got. These are also things I wouldnt accept about myself, perfectionist me??? Boundry pusher?? Approval seeker? These go directly against my self image as fiercely independent, so it very jarring to get these. Also because it is AI and has no ego, it is easier to hear all this from it. 

Over-Connector

Perfectionist in Disguise

Covert Boundary-Pusher

Approval Seeker in Hiding

Shadow of Resentment

Ecstatic Dance

Ecstatic dance is also flow.  That is why it is such a non judgemental space. The difference is that there yoou are allowing yourself to be, to be connected to higher self and to be childlike in a huge group. That is only possible because there is acceptance. This is what happens in festivals. acceptance and freedom and permission to be as is - is required for this to happen.  Esctatic dance is also intutive connection to divine.  Ah I never called it divine before. but may be it is. when you are connected to intution may be we are connected to divine 🙏🏼

bring the spirit into day to day life.

Chat GPT is asking me, do you want to bring the spirit of this walk into every day life?  In fact this has come up before . The shavasana after hot yoga is too short, I go so deep and I dont want to come out in 5 mins. But then I realised if I came out of Shavasana and did the 30 sec meditation after wards in sitting it was good. Then I realised I dont need extra long Shavasana, I just need to carry on keeping the integration and meditative state of shavasana on to the next activities. I need to bring those states from out of the class into every day life.  That is the need. How long can I be connected to it? how long can I keep it? I can keep it untill I get to my car. I cannot seem to keep it if I shower in class :-) I cant keep the feeling and drive. Feels like not enough alertness there at least as of now. how to keep that feeling and still be aleart and function in day to day life? that is the challenge .

Bringing the flow into everyday life is whole new ball game all together and I think that is a game I m willing to play, I think that is something I am willing to commit to and try. soon. real soon. 

taken for a walk in the woods

Ok I know I am procastinating here instead of doing the damn assignment but here I go! I have to talk about this.  My friend called it flow. What do I call it? Auto walking, walking with faeries?  Its also called follow ur excitement on the internet. I didnt quite follow the excitement, it is more like a feeling of following my cat when it wants food or to play or to go out.  It is infact exactly like that, I have no clue where I am going or what is going to be there. I just follow that feeling - Now that I think about it, that feeling feels so much like a cat :-)

This happens to me often when I meditate a lot, or am in that connected spiritual space.Used to happen more in 2012 ish times.  May be it is always there but I dont pay attention? anyway. so I went. It asked me to take my car and I go, I went. To the Lake. Ok.  May be we are going to walk around the lake.. Nope. Go straight . Turn away from the lake into the narrow path, keep walking. We are under trees with a carpet of leaves, red brown yellow. No one is around. I go crazy I want to lie down on the leaves. they are wet. its ok. I lie down. I scrape away the leaves, I smell the mud. I cry. Its wholesome.  Its some kind of connection I m missing.  I want this, I want to be buried neck deep in this humus mud, it smells glorious. There is moss on the trees on the roots of treess which are sticking out like burried bodies escaping out :-)  There is moss that looks like faerie houses, I m sure that was entry to fae houses and I was bought here to meet them even tho I didnt see them, There is a small round pond next to their house. It also belongs to them. 

Thats enough here, go ahead to the clearing, Its horse path. Take off your shoes, But it is freezing? doesnot matter. Ok,I take my shoes in my hand.  The soft mud feels wonderful. Its cold but also glorious again. soft and bouncy mud. The wet grass brushing my ankles and calfs, there are thorns. Its ok, keep walking. Ok, the thorns didnt sting me.  What all we are missing when we wear shoes, when we wear headphones. There is a puddle and kocche in it. Ok I m going to put my feet in it and get mud all over my feet. Do it. Where are we going now? Keep walking. We find another space with lots of trees and carpet of leaves. There are some fallen trees, I wont let this oppurtunity go , I throw away the jacket bag and climb up. There are definitely faeries here, there are so many tree hollows and the fallen tree makes a tunnel. Can I call thru it.. I didnt dare, it was too low.  There is a tree stump I climb up on it and put my hands up,  A family of 4 and 2 dogs make an entry and see me being crazy. Its ok.  they go other way.  Ok take some pictures and share it. Why share? dont know - I want atleast someone to know I went on this crazy journey.  Ok thats it for today, wear your shoes and head back home.

Thank you, It was amazing, There was lot of laughter and lot of tears. Indeed it is border line with insanity and also sanity. What is it that i connected to ? definitely my child self. We giggled , skipped , jumped and climbed. played in mud, went bare foot. We didnt really feel cold at all.  Also connected to nature. Why can this happen only - only when I m alone? Some of us miss this more deeply than others ? Staying in houses wearing clothes and shoes? or are all missing and dont even know it.  Connected to the higher self? Is that what that voice or feeling is? I dont know. I usually dont question what it is, I m just happy when it comes online because there is always fun joy and adventure afterwards :-) 

Well then that was that. That was the walk in the woods. 

shadow work - 

I said to the mirror I love you, It said  you dont know how to love and I dont know how to be loved.😄 🤷🏻