cribbing

BTW I am upset today, Ive got a bad cold and the usual JNI techniques dont seem to cure it. thats why i am sitting up at 3 in the morning writing this darn blog. I am feelin a bit low too, so the pouring nose may very well turn into pouring eyes anytime soon. Why? Its the same old grouse - i haven't learned to live in this world, I haven't learnt to deal with people, If I look back on my life how many close friends have I? Its all my fault type of thing. My fault being I firmly believe I shouldnt "try", trying is somehow wrong. Thinking - yeah thinking is wrong too. I shouldnt think and act. Whole load of nonsense in my head. All friends I have had till now have become my frineds, I didnt "try" to make friends with anyone. I didnt "try" to get close to anyone. I dont "try" to impress my boss, I dont "think" about how to impress my boss, I dont even "think" about how to go about my life. I really have a thing against thinking :( yeah I get the word now MENTAL BLOCK . Its really silly. I hvent thought and decided about one darn thing in my life, when it comes to thinking I just go with what I feel or with the flow. Somewhere along the line Ive made up my mind that if I think and decide I wont be happy with it. That is not allowing me to sit and think about myself. I mean yeah i can think about how monkeys evolved into man and what role genetics play in ones behaviour and all that crap, but when it comes to thinking about what I need to do, I refuse. god save me!

wondering if playing strategy games like chess and othello will help? they will force me to think about what the next move from the other person will be, Will it loosen up these blocks?