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12 June 2012

discussion with myself

Too much gyan... I know.. but that was the point of this blog right? what ever on my mind at the moment.. it reflects..

"why do we think bad things about others or why do we have bad images about others?
 when we meet someone we are getting angry or irritated or upset with them. If we paint them bad it is easy on our conscience to justify all those emotions. if we accept that they are allright then we have to take responsibility for those emotions and think that I may be wrong which is hard. "
-Shibani from Bramha kumaris
But my mind keeps saying what if  they ARE bad.
I accept that our perception of a person or the world can be totally off. Ok I accept my perception of the world and a lot of people IS totally off. preconcieved notions and patterns have coloured my judgement and I see the world thru the same old distored lens. I agree.
but I am afraid to let go... they( the notions and patterns) have served me for all these years.. I can feel it I m not all that ready to let go. I can feel resistance to letting go.
all that gyan - markings on glass and all...Inside of me I dont trust that if I change my perception the world will change. I still trust my judgements :D the old ones. I m giving it a go and I am ready to try..but I think I m not ready to let go of the hand rails and jump. Its frustrating.

I m really afraid to think that the other person is NOT BAD and it is all in my mind
what if the person is really bad and because I m thinking it is all in my mind, am I just going into denial ? and then I get cheated hurt etc?
Am I confusing sprituality to stupidity? :D
what they are saying is NOT to go into denial. but going numb and going into denial also looks very much like sprituality. how to know the difference?
Oh well I know the answer to this. Its the same old awareness!

2) No one is asking me to think of everything as good, just question my beliefs and ask why is the person bad, dig deeper. dont analyse but just listen and observe myself.
3) The only person who needs to become good in my mind, (first) is me.. do I trust myself, do I beleive myself, do I like myself. what -ve beliefs do I have about myself? There is no danger is letting go of those is it?
1)Also when some thing is not right and I get a reaction. That is what we are trying to solve... is the bad feelings in me? What is bringing it about? We need to understand and be aware of our reactions and emotions.. and not let this color the judgement.  Is this head over heart? I am getting resistance to this idea. I want to react with my heart - but not with emotions. there is a difference - once emotions are quitened once thoughts are quietened then we can hear the heart.  I feel resistance to letting go of emotions.  I feel that will make me dead...But I m sure I wont miss anxiety, irritation, anger, despair etc etc :D I will miss saddness tho :)
Awareness is good.. understanding is good.. letting go of clouds and patterns is good..
let us atleast stick to that for now..


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