left brain - are we mad -prequel I think.

one part of me asks why aren't people like me - why are people calling themselves scientific but not open to new things
other part of me says people are just fine just the way they are, just the way that is best for them. why are u being bothered?
I can constantly feel this part of me and that.
Trying to compare - me with others, trying to feel good by saying ah u(meaning me :-P) are better than them in this way,that way.
when it feels someone is actually better then it finds some aspect of them that is not desirable, she is very rich, but not happy or not intelligent, or too goal oriented or boring or what ever.
sometimes it pretends to be noble, by fake praising people who it has actually judged as poor.
judging people - it is almost automatic. sometimes I am ashamed, but its doing its job. beard, bad clothes, uneducated, on benefit, too many kids - too religious, too young and has kids :D teenage mum! uff!
haha see now Its judging itself ;-) ;-)
I think left brain [for lack of better word, may be ego is more appropriate, this is one process in our head.  I m sure left brain does a lot more than this, roka toki, it does language maths etc etc]
oh u didnt do this, oh there is so much to do, It is fussy
seeking perfection - if u cant do it perfectly just dont do it
impatient - u are not doing it right, even tho u are doing for first time, it expects u to do right
competitive - are u better than everyone else? how are u faring? even when u think u are not competitive , it is - i m better than few people and it is enough.
seekign approval - appoving and disapproving and thinking of others. everyone will think u are stupid u are embarrassing urself, how can u not know even this much what will others think etc.
seeking regularity goals and organisation
keeping time, keeping up rate
being cautious
seeking dominance

The whole of the world right now, is run by this part of the brain, it is ruling the world, we live our lives by clock, by goals, by plans, by objectives, by being better than others, my measuring our success, against others against ourselves. even spirituality becomes like this ( religion was always like this, I think religion in most parts was designed deliberately to keep people from finding spirituality)  discipline rules enforcement - all are signs of this part of the brain operating.
 Is there an alternative more enjoyable way of living?
will be really turn into bums if we let go of all this, or is that fear, a survival technique of this part of brain? ploy to dominate?
will everything disintegrate into chaos if we dont have rules?
if there is love and passion, do we need discipline?  love doesnot balance us. passion may make very disbalanced people out of us.
do we not trust us at all?
what is hedonism and where do addictive tendencies come from?
addiction is a side effect of this part of the brain - the gaming especially is.

If I decided to write 1 blog a week, instead of  blogging as I please, would I blog at all?
If we started eating only when we were hungry instead of by clock, if we slept only when we were sleepy? Initially we would sleep a lot, eat a lot.. but would we finally start listening to the body and start eating and sleeping optimally?   I think so...but I m too attached and in the control of left brain to let go and try it...

left/right brain example

There are two speed matching games in lumosity
1) squares/circles/chinese character
I m not fast and I make mistakes and I get more hassled by mistakes and make some more.
2) Faces matching.
 I m much faster than these two, I dont make mistakes.. and if ever I do.. its not a chain of mistakes..

Shouldnt faces be harder, considering differentiating a square from a circle is trivial and many orders of magnitude less complex than recognizing faces??
(quoting from Drawing from the right side of the brain )I think faces is too complex for left brain to take on and it gives it to the right(pun intended) brain to do the job
I tried to get into the zone, sometimes it works and I get as high scores on Squares as on Faces.. but sometimes I m just not able to get into the "zone". then I doubt my choice, I double check, I feel bad when mistake happens, and after mistake I slow down and cringe at every choice I make! The Zone is non critical and is a breeze.

Genius may be not developing more brain capacity but using the right tools for right activity?
Not only genius, even happiness may be using the right part of the brain for the right activity.

Regular "science" and education is a long way from getting into all these aspects.

Womens day

Womens  day- happy womens day :-)
Womens day is originally International womens day - I realised I didnt dare wish people happy working womens day! There are many non working women/mums who would be offended!?
Womens days - is all about cards and candy and flowers. I hate it. enforcing stereo types like pink?
Womens day started off because women wanted voting rights!! everything gets flossy and trivialised - candy cards and flowers...
Why am I feeling that these are meaningless?
I dont like conventions?
why are they irritating me?
flower, candy and cards
thats what they give to women
on mothers day
on womens day
and valentinies day
Whats the use of these silly stupid things??
getting 10 cards in an year?? do they really make u happy?
women? why do u expect these things???
and gifts?
isnt it silly? and stupid?

women fought for rights
to vote, to study
there are countries now where they cant even drive
even in countries they have all the freedom
do they really?
They are tied down by invisible bonds
bound entirely by themselves
they bind themselves in high heals and lipstick
and straight silky hair
in ideal weight
in looking for an ideal partner
they are not free at all, are they?
they can vote and drive and study
can  they study?
but women are not good at maths and computing?
it not cool or its not feminine?
for that matter are men free?
ask Billy who wanted to dance ballet!
I m saying "they"? am I free?

anyway Happy Womens day or whatever!
nobody gave me flowers! booooo :P

womb envy!

Taliban! Its them again, they are saying something like women shouldn't do something something.. they will get corrupted.
Why are all these people so afraid of women? women shouldnt sing, women shouldnt ride a horse.. all this is mild compared to absolute vile things like female circumspection and burning of widows( our very own sati) ... why are these societies so scared of women n sex? whats the big deal really?
Is it the womb envy which is causing all this mess!? ( No its not the feminist but the scientist speaking! seriously ! ) As the male has to depend on the female womb for reproduction, and it is absolutely critical, the fidelity of the female womb,if the male has to pitch-in in bringing up the offspring. There is no "humanity" in survival right? its pure business!( yea it is! If u have a heart then u are probably extinct :P)

yes it is low cost life being male,  It can reproduce at  a lower cost than  a female. but with that cost comes a risk too and the insecurity. I wonder if this insecurity is the root of all this kind of evil in society?

Also Hierarchy is a show. its false facade.. fragile facade hence people go into great lengths to protect it? 

and thats why  the male dominated society gets warped into weird concepts like this?

are tomboys lesbian?

what?! Yeah! that comes up often.

From my perspective of being a tomboy..
While I was growing up, I was gender agnostic, where as lesbians like girls - so they are definitely not agnostic about the gender of the person?
I so badly and genuinely wanted the world to not care about mine or any ones gender.
wouldnt it be nice?
I liked to climb trees ( like boys) and play with dolls( like girls)
I liked skirts but not sarees! Bright colors but not Zari, flowery but not lacy...
Definitely good at maths but not at languages...( I wonder if u refuse to fit into stereo types u end up being more different or because u are different, u refuse to fit into the stereo types. )
I dint like women and men sitting separately for lunch, it looks feminist. it may have taken a feminist turn but even when women are given special status I didnt like it.  erase all distinction between the sexes.
thats how a tomboy feels may be? or may be just me..
Thats also  very different from wanting to be a man or a boy! I have never felt like I wish I was born a boy! I have  felt many times I wish people didnt care If anyone was a boy or a girl.I hate the pink/blue distinction and all the "scientific" studies about girls being daft at maths and all.
[Thats so looser by the way!!(this is the feminist speaking) - girls going -oh its so easy for men! I wish I was a man, I have period cramps. Strangle them!! Especially girls who dont have any responsibilities.. while their boy counterparts are getting their sisters married, taking responsibilities for old parents,Shaving n  feeling insecure about not having a womb and not knowing if the child is really theirs,ever ;-)  etc :P 
Also using feminine charms gets my goat...again that must be the feminist streak.]

Thats different from fancying girls eh? Din like girls, Din like other tom boys either, they depreciated my USP ;-)

There is infact a test!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bem_Sex-Role_Inventory
In which I scored androgynous, just missed being nearly a man by a mark ;-)
The test is shit and so sexist, my blood is boiling.
Apparently u are a man if u are  insensitive  and woman if u are weak
willing to take a stand, being independent,willing to take risks,strong personality makes u a man
warm compassionate loving children and appeasing others makes u a woman

On further reading it turns out the test is not sexist but guess what? Ta-da! Our society is! and Gender test reflects gender roles as perceived or prescribed by the society(Western one I presume. Indian women are supposed to be strong and submissive! Or who will do the house work??!? , not weak and submissive like western women with their dishwashers and washing machines!)

So......are tomboys lesbian?
No.. not necessarily, Gender sexuality stereotypes, there are all kinds of combinations of personalities and traits .. for we are people and not stereo types.

my heart goes mmm contd

Rock crevices. Rocks split in two with a gap in between.
Tree hollows
( hehe these words are artificial) there is magic and mystry in places like this :)
libraries with lil mazenine balconies :)
fairy lanterns
crik crik crik of the cricket at night...
cool breeze on a warm night when u are sitting in a balcony.. when everyone else is busy or sleeping..whiff of jasmine...dreamy

It is uncanny how a 75 year old granny in US has a liking to similar things as me? black cats, libraries, owls...is it the childhood illustrations we saw? But then every one saw those, how come only me and her and all weird witchy ladies have quirky tastes like this? :)
One of her blogs she talks about a fairy land in the crevice where the rock split into two.. how I used to love these crevices.. so many stories and dreams when I was lil. a 2 feet rock split into two in the middle of the playground ... it held so much magic for me :) especially when it rained.
Tree hollows are always full of magic- alice in wonderland, I always imagined pigeons and owls and squirrels lived there like in cartoons with tiny furniture and curtains :)  wood pigeons look especially homely, like it would have a proper dining table and fork and knives :D

I think its a side effect of having a particular type of brain :) Archetypes - after so many years I understand what that means.. its like prototypes in our brain , formed as part of evolution. we have some standard patterns of thinking. we all know that. we also have generic standard characters - with a group of characteristics(hard coded since primitive times across cultures) ...Hero - brave/Mother- giving nurturing etc.. .. etc This is archetype  may be likes and dislikes are like that. Certain type of likings come with certain type of brains... like may be liking for foot ball goes with coke and red color or something bizarre..only explainable to brain chemistry or wiring or by effects of evolution? :)
[Its so simplistic to generalize people into men and women and say men have brains like this and women like this... I think brain science is way way way more complex than what studies give it credit for today...anyway this is not a place to rant about "scientific" people :) . ]

Never ending story (Spoiler Alert - Just the jist tho)

Thats a dark book
we can run from one wish to another and still be unsatisfied untill we know and learn what all we really want...and when we learn that we are really ok the way we are...
the first part of the book is about imagination and fantasy - how humans are needed for fantasy to survive or it gets stale and disappears...thats a happy message and a happy story
then it talks of how fantasy can be dangerous, because u can do what u want, u can totally lose urself.. each wish fullfillment in fantasy is taking away a part of the boy.
At first he wants to be strong and then brave and then famous then feared.. and then he wants to be really wise and then he wants to rule all over the world, he gets it all becuase he gets what he wishes for and then.. when he sees people who have got it all and then lost everything. He then begins his self discovery
first he wants to belong - he is slowly accepting the things he doesnot like about himself or his situation, he is seeing reality.. he wants to belong to someone no matter what.. and then he wants to be loved for what he truely is, exactly how he is.. reminds him of his dead mother.. how this loving lady is like mother earth or nature.. his healing has begun... once he is healed he goes deep into himself to find what he truely wants...which is... :-) 
There is so much symbolism in this
blind miner who mines for forgotten dreams, this boy also has to go without light into the deepest of the deep caves to mine for dreams.. the dream shatter if u talk so u have to be absolutely silent... he has to talk to the pictures without words, without feelings... (ring a bell?, shadow self, subconscious- how no words there etc)
this book is really deep
I m still not sure I get the childlike empress what was she all about?
The dark and the light snakes who are keeping each other in check and the well of life from which u enter into and get out of fantasia.. Yin yang ... Needs a second read...
awesome.

My Favorite quote: “There were thousands and thousands of forms of joy in the world, but that all were essentially one and the same, namely, the joy of being able to love.” 

I want the hard bound copy of this book, its supposed to be printed in red and green ink, with every chapter starting with a capital letter! which is written in beautiful calligraphy! 

are we mad?

Going at 30 40 50 80 miles per hour, then making up traffic rules,signals, pedestrian crossings, safety belts, helmets, horns,driving tests,speed limits, speed cameras, police....
why are we moving around like crazy like this in the first place?  so fast?

Exercising, dieting...
TVs, movies, books entertainment,gambling, booze...
Sudoku, crosswords,Angry birds, sports
Vacations, weekends, holidays,

Contrived?? Fake?? no?
Why isnt Life all the entertainment, exercise, holiday,mental simulation we need? why is  all this separate from "life"? Is our life kinda mad?
appropriate, in-appropriate, politically correct/incorrect/offensive/ Morals, etiquette, Laws
If we think about it, we are walking a tight rope every moment of our lives... If we were a river, its like we are being made to flow in a deep narrow canal...
If we were wild animals, its like we are living in a zoo
as if we are under masks and layers and layers or make up and costumes..and reading scripts. as if we dont even know anymore who or what we are, let alone what others are...

Child care rules, social workers, health and safety, benefits.. western society has gone one step ahead ...
I wonder if "civilization" and we  have all  gone mad!