BLINK

Reading Blink another book about the subconscious, This time sort of scientific(??! anecdotal more like) look at how subconscious mind makes better(?) judgements etc Then second part of the book goes on to explain the pit falls of instantaneous judgements!!

BLINK
Its an interesting book. It kind of reinforces what I have been thinking and feeling all this while. Gist of first few chapters is that, there is a supercomputer inside our heads and importantly its not always telling us its findings. (us = our conscious brains). We  think, we act out of free will,we make our own decisions,  but we probably dont. Its time to trust intuition etc. thin slicing he calls it, pattern recognition.
I agree.
But when he is giving examples I find myself examining myself against the terms explained
(marriage example)
I like the idea of thin slicing a lot,
BLINK is trying to tell me that sometimes like when judging people the thin slicing approach is better than the think slicing (:-) meant to write "thick slicing", but "think" makes as much sense ) . I like that but then I should be ok with judging if a person is ok to get married on not in one shot right? I find that I am not.
When the argument becomes arranged marriage v/s love marriage. arranged marriage  thin slicing isnt it? that irks me, I dont like arranged marriage. no no no :-)
I realise I dont have as much problem with the quickness of the arranged marriage as much as it is made like a business. Actually arranged marriage is not thin slicing and Intuition at all, It is totally logical left brained business decision, that is what I dont like.  I mean it doesnot "happen", its made to happen, that is what irks me. I actually believe in love at first sight! so... I m still good :-)
And then he talked about judging the person by looking at room example - my room is not neat!!! It does not say what I am :-) I found myself getting defensive! I also found myself thinking if my room does not show what I think I m then I m probably repressing something - worth a thought that one.
This book is somehow disturbing me
I agree with it, but I feel restless. I feel I need to improve this skill of mine, I feel like I am lagging or missing out or something like that.. sand in the sieve kinda feeling that.

Next part when he goes on to discuss the pit falls of subconscious thinking..
Try this out, It measures ur gender and race bias. ur unconscious biases.  http://www.understandingprejudice.org/iat/
It says, I have no gender bias :-) but slightly pro White bias.
I wonder if the tests are accurate. especially the gender one, because it uses western names to meassure association. so I m using my conscious mind to determine male/female?? pictures would have been better. I think I do have a moderate gender bias job-male home-female thing, Come on!! our mothers were housewives, I m sure I probably have very strong unconscious bias tho I dont want to.
Again, black/White is not so relevant for us, show terrorist and a bearded guy and see how the biases turn up ;-)
Even tho I agree with the idea of instant biases I didnt like the idea of me having a bias,  even tho I scored fairly evenly on the bias test. While taking it, it was obvious I m biased. yeah yeah philosophy always tells us, we are all alseep, we are governed by patterns. so true. but I m not liking it.
Other is even tho I agree that we are all affected by mental patterns it was difficult to accept that being tall or white male has so much of an advantage in life, I din like to hear it, ITS NOT FAIR! :-) but it may be true

Blink fits in perfectly with all the spiritual gyan ... how automatic gyan can be for good or bad it can be from higher processing power of brain or it can be because of pre concieved patterns. JK and Antony demello are telling us to pay attention and break these very patterns so that we wake up.
law of attraction and all those spritual courses affirmations etc are on the other hand building patterns which are benificial to us.. so that we are positively affected etc.
Blink says that effectiveness of thin slicing and subconscious decision making can be ruined by thinking too much or  by putting things into words or by trying to explain things.
esoteric study also focuses on getting past the conscious mind by avoiding all thoughts or by keeping it busy with mantras or visualisation, so that subconscious mind can get past it.
JK insists on enjoying nature without using words, he says when u see a beautiful sunset try to not put it into words try to just feel the feeling instead of saying wow so lovely! becuase  by saying lovely u limit the experience to what u already know!!

Blink is kind of a scientific reinforcement of all the spiritual things I know, but still its a hard read and hard to accept! strange.

like my life depends on it..

Was watching Nat Geo - Frozen planet, when I was down with cold. Bison herb being chased by wolves. Just 2 wolves. The bison are really big, but they keep running. Wolves try to catch the last one in the herd but that one is too big. so they let it go and chose an younger one. The herd runs on. The young bison is being torn apart by the wolves as it runs. The bison is also  feisty,  It turns around and gores one the wolves, the male runs away. The female keeps at it,(probably has pups to feed). tearing at the bison. Bison throws the wolf up in the air like a rag doll.  Now both are bloody,  both are tired, both are going to die. Both are fighting for life. If she doesnot eat, she will die anyway, so she doesnot care if she is gored half to death. For bison anyway there is no option than to fight. How desperate life is! every moment of their life, it is life or death.
I m sitting here taking off from my work, sniffing.. if I was that wolf, Id starve to death, If I was that bison, I would be torn and eaten.Sick and unwell like this, one day sick means death in the wild. but us? .. its so easy for us...Its not fair. I mean I felt for a second that we are not alive at all! how alive those animals must feel, danger threatening right around the corner every second of  life. I wanted that!! That kind of motivation to work at just being alive!
I recollect the previous day training, I m always the last in running, everyone in my class is fitter than me. so? It does not matter at all.. Its after all a class! but if there were wolves behind us? Would I say these Brits are fitter-more meat,better bones  and just stay at the back? How I would have trained then? would I ever be at the back of the class? Would I ever  lack motivation for exercising then?
To do something in my life, like my life depends on it!? how would it feel? It would feel so invigorating!!!!! no?!

deepolution ...proven??!!

Look! what they have come up !! , They speculate  just like me, theories /stories/theories.. this theory is closer to my own...
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/11/111125-neanderthals-sex-humans-dna-science-extinct/?source=link_fb20111126news-neanderthalsextinct

It not a very big leap from this theory to my theory for evolution of blue eyes and blond hair
http://mystic-babe.blogspot.com/2011/04/deepolution.html

Jim and Huck talking about stars

Huck thinks they just happened but Jim insists they were made.. Huck thinks there are so many of them, It couldnt possibly be made, so Jim says, probably the moon laid them! laid?!!?  Huck thinks he's seen  frog lay many eggs like that.. so he thinks it may be possible ! :-)
LOL! and kinda yew... :-D  Mark Twain is lovely! :D 

new discoveries

Goji berries, sun flower seeds, Fish oil for joints! new additions to my Healthy(??) diet! :-) all borrowed from parkor article.
http://www.parkourgenerations.com/article/eat-and-run

back massage with a tennis ball to press acupressure points awesome relief during cold.. temporary tho, it didnt cure my cold ..
http://www.acupressure.com/articles/colds_and_flu.htm

Echinacea
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/6231190.stm
another one! Oh well! I m falling sick every 2 months, so Ill try anything!
turned out pretty good, dono if it will work every time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rooibos - this one is supposed to be good for stamina and stomach issues! cool or what! I will become a health freak If I continue like this! mommy!! :-)

Spider web

restrictions against being happy
I need my space to meditate
I need my solitude to be happy
I m not meditating because there is no proper space, no proper time, no proper environment
I m irritated becuase I m not able to meditation,
Interruption is bad for meditiaotn , it goes bad, my meditation is spoilt, my day is spoilt.
how easily ego puts up blame on others, makes something outside ourself responsible for our happiness and makes us miserable.
The main problem my dream tells me is the restriction I have put on myself that meditation is gone bad if someone interrupts in between, Its a pattern and wrong way of seeing things.
we have  thosands of unnecessary rules and restrictions by which we decide that its a gloomy day, my day is spoilt, my life is spoilt, etc etc
classic example in all spritual books, is a cloudy day- every cloudy day people go Oh no its  a sad gloomy day and when we see sun we are ye!! and happy. cloudy day is just that cloudy, it s not SAD!
our lables!! and our patterns! we r slaves to that.
I hate to be disturbed when I m eating, if someone interrupts me i will stop eating.
I hate it if someone picks food from my plate.
I have to have some hours of solitude in my life otherwise I m not happy.
Shooting game noise makes me go mad!
Mushroom smell! I cant stand it.
If I wear a sareee I will instantaneously combust and die !
who is at loss?  me!( I mean these are all not mine, some are mine, some are others)
when someone talks of crap when eating, manassu kettu hoytu , mansassu kedisiddi antivi. but we are just kicking in an age old pattern.
I cant work under deadlines, I dont perform well if someone is looking over my shoulder, I m not free, other people restrict me.. all these are restrictions I have put on myself. Like they say, nobody gets into my head and stops me. Its my patterns kick in, yes! it is unconscious, yes! undue critisism affects me unconsciously and it may seem like other prople are responsible for my saddness and happniess but the fact is, Its all in my head, it may be my own created pattern, or copied from parents or inherited as a species( flight or fight, territorial behaviour, groupism)
we are all pavlov's dogs, we actually sometimes use this in our favour. I mean not sometimes, all the time. thats what makes our life work smoothly but more like a machine.
bell = saliva
traditional = anger!
conditioning. I am alseep, like demello says wake up! and see.
Darren brown magic show, shows us how mechanical and machine like we are! u can make people do things by putting in appropriate hints - becuase we are all asleep, enlightenment is waking up!
I am responsible for not meditating, I am responsible for labeling and restricting myself to thinking I cannt meditate if i dont hve a proper place, I restrict myself to be unhappy if I dont have my space, I m responsile for finding a solution to this problem. The solution is not in making space, the solution is fixing the pattern in the head.
we always CAN. yes we CAN! 

Road to hell...

..is paved with good intentions :P but that is not what this post is about :D
Person with good intentions will think  "I want to do something, I want to do good to other people"
Then that person starts thinking "is there some kind of ego in this? Am I that good that I can do good to other people? Or I m being too egoistic?"
moto will change to " I want to do something for others because it makes me feel good, I want to do good to other people only because it can do good to me, I m not that great"  Is this being more truthful with ourself or  is this too much pride in modesty? and will this harm because we are putting ourselves down?
Jesus and Buddha didnt think all this, they just went and did what they felt like good or bad( nooo.. mostly good :D)  I think It was like going and drinking water for them. I drank water, I healed this lady, I pulled this cow out of water and almost died in the process - all approached with the same spirit. That is when we are pride less! ( How I wish I could be like that- pride-less,age- less,care-less ;-) I mean truly unconcerned about things from the bottom of my heart)
As long as we get these thoughts
"Oh I saved that cow! I am cool!"
 "oh no pride.. bad."
"I saved cow I feel good but I will forcefully make myself feel not good about it...Its not a big deal. I did it becuase it made me feel good thats all.."
I think thinking I saved that cow I m cool is better than second one?
Second one is double pride - I saved cow and I am cool and I am modest and I am cool!

story

Antoney De Mello's story

One simple man in a village gets a dream one night - God Vishnu comes in his dream and tells him, tomorrow eleven o clock a monk will pass through ur village, he has the largest diamond in the world. Ask him for it, If he gives it to you will be the richest man in the world.

Next morning, there is in fact a monk, crossing the village at eleven o clock! Man goes running to him-
Give me the diamond! give me the diamond! God told me you have it and it will make me richest man in the world!!
Monk says Oh yeah! I found it in my wanderings! Monk diggs into his sack..Take it! It is in fact the biggest diamond in the world.
Simple man takes the diamond, Is elated and jumps with Joy! but then he thinks and thinks and ponders and thinks  about it the whole day, Night he is back to the monk  returns the Diamond and says I dont want this diamond!! Give me that- give me those riches that make u capable of giving away this diamond so easily! :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUfBHoVNkok&feature=related

Apple Cider Vinegar

Good for skin! surprisingly so! Tried it for skin tags.
1 part ACV 2 parts water.. apply on face 3 times a day and my skin tags on the face are fading! It worked for others too.
Excellent toner! one silver bullet for many skin problems! its Awesome!

normal distribution

ok, this is a repeated theory which keeps running in my head so here it goes
normal distribution of quality of girls /guys  - it may be in studies, (not looks) mentality, generally being a good person etc etc
my theory is that in any given random mixed group, like a class room or a company or a city or in a profession.
the top person is usually a guy - like the brilliant guy in the class, top designer etc. in the next lot say 99 to 85 percentile there are usually slightly more guys here than the girls. between 85 to 70 I think the number of girls and guys become equal and then we start seeing the dramatic difference I think 50% of the girls now fall into the average category between 45 to 70 % and the guys... I think most of the guys fall into the below average or worst category.. u will find very few worst girls below the 35 percentile.. its dominated by guys!
In short, Guys are more evenly distributed across the curve, but girls are more clustered around the middle.

No wonder it is difficult to find guys for girls in the marriage market... there are very good guys but very few.. and there are few average guys as well.. but average girls are plenty.
I wonder if this is becase our society is basically meant to be a polygamic society.. I mean if we think with a broad mind that is what makes sense.. looks like most of the male population is junk it is meant to be discarded only.. . the better guys should get more girls.. that makes sense..:-P

us v/s them

us v/s them attitude is the root of all defensiveness,
This came to me along with the "u are trying to be so careful not to break the shell but the eggs are boiled :-D" thing. In my dream!
may be this is writing on the wall but still
vegetarian v/s non veg
arranged marriage v/s love marriage
burka lady v/s bikini lady
When I m  discussing all these things, Its not about the actual issue in question, is it?
its always us v/s them.
Thats why I get really defensive about the subjects..Thats why the reactions are so strong and we are so unreasonable. Once u identify with the Us stand, u just cant see the good in the them stand, u just want to bash em up!  

subtitles

A movie in a language which I dont understand, sounds more appealing than something I do understand?
subtiltes - when our brain matches the meaning to the words, Its not really like 2 organs doing a job, the ear and eye merge somehow and  after a while it becomes one. its not just 2, its 3 actually.. its not just looking, its reading...its a different sense than seeing..
but that apart, listening to something I dont understand is soothing..
is that because watching a movie with subtitles more like reading a book? :-)
There is a module in our brain which is linking the hearing and the reading togther, because the same line I read in a Iranian movie is different from the one when readin a French or Korean movie.. its differnet based on  accent and context and everything! Brain is cool!

good at heart aru

It was a joke really, sort of sarcastic comment aimed at a sharp tongued person :-) when ever he made a rude comment.(Oh he made those all the time :D) I used to say You talk like this but you are good at heart aRu. I did meant it too but the intention was to make a joke of him.
Now I am thinking, Its not a joke, If I can apply this in life - everywhere.Its a very good attitude! its very cool attitude really. If only we can see thru people and see that they are good at heart, even tho they may speak harshly, or they swear- at you, even tho they are silly and stupid :-) or casteist or racist or have a low opinion of you :-P not stick to your social values - drink, smoke, eat nonveg :-P promiscuous, watch porn, steal? have 4 children!!! dont recycle, spit on road, hunt! wear burqa, dont believe in abortion of downs syndrome kid ..so on...so.. on
All the apparently junk people may  actually be good at heart if only we have the good sense and maturity to see it.
but maturity eludes..
may be not in real time, atleast if we can see it in retrospect I guess it would be a good start.

Maturity eludes

when someone has low expectation or a low opinion of you what do u do?

The sane ones who go on exactly as before,they are not affected by what others think of them, good or bad, they do what they'd have done in any case.
Others who try to put in extra effort to make things right, try to do extra good to change that low opinion to good opinion. Normal people.
Then there are some others who try to live up to the low expectation and do even worse. "u think badly of me and that's how I shall be!" types..Silly immature people.

Guess which one I turned out to be... :-)

my shuttle driver looks just like this!

Now seriosuly!!! I swear! even shade or two better than this!!!
I think all meditation paying off! :P Law of attraction works ;-)
God!!! you exist and your world is a lovely beautiful place! :-D I love you! :-D
**Widest Grin** ever **

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fauja_Singh
When thoughts cross my mind I may be too old for this or that...I think of this man!
100 and going strong.

coffee and cognac :-) yumm!!!
winter is almost here and it brings in some goodies with it :D this is one of them!

How much time do we spend looking at our own faces?
for all the effort we put into it.. not more than 5 mins a day? in front of the mirror? may be 10 if u are feeling too self indulgent.. ok let us make it 15, counting the 10 secs in the lift + bathroom mirror when u wash ur hand etc etc...
How much time do we spend looking at any other face in our life? - husband, colleagues, ur child?
20 mins max? most of the time when we speak, we dont look at the face, we are looking here, there or at TV..  u go for coffee tea lunch with people but look at face.. not much.
people probably look at their very young children a lot.
Funny, we invest so much effort into looking nice, there is so much feel good factor into looking nice but hardly any one sees ur face(or body? :P), except if u are a model or movie star.
may be its not the quantity that matters but quality, even tho we look at a person for just a few seconds or a few minutes a day, we record that face and keep in memory and use it. So even tho someone is not looking at us for long, our face is still there in their thoughts/in their mind as a vision! as a memory! So we have to look good!! cool!!!!
I also think we update that image only when there is a drastic change in that person, thats why some old aunts and uncles still think of u as a little chubby cheeked kid, still think u are short or skinny when u are nothing of that sort now! :-)

emotion and logic! and some other confusing digressions.

[Wiki says digression is an intentional change of subject! so may be I should call this confusing meandering self conversation.. Its thought flow I think.. old one.]

Is this debate the same as head v/s heart? we shall see!

Logic - what is most valued these days. u should support ur decisions with sound logic. why I am doing this? what will happen if i do it. etc etc. totally left brain thinking. This is also called using ur head.

now what do we mean by following ur heart?

Following ur emotions? passion! what does it mean?

Emotion is usually below logic. emotional decisions are mostly wrong. They are colored too much by the tactical present. I am hungry I want to eat, even if  u are diabetic u want to eat sugar. 

Logic will help us lead a correct life. following just emotions can ruin life - like anger  makes us do all kinds of bad stuff which we shouldnt do, if we used a bit of logic we wouldnt have done it. so logic is good right?

but then what is folllowing ur heart and what about passion impulsiveness? Umm logic is ok but where is the FUN!!!???!!??! 

logic is .. well no fun! yeah it isn't! compeltely logical person.. everyone hates them. Is he a geek?... they are not even geeks- geeks are passionate and emotional about logical things :)! completely logical person is a dry and boring person!?? ( umm ... I love using logic for fun, minesweeper, sudoku, playing detective etc etc, but doing logical stuff just for fun is not really practical or logical. is it? :P) like some who keeps everything insanely clean, who is so much into counting and stuff - and like those parents I see on the train who keep trying to cram up some learning into every game for their children!! ??
No not really!! What about the strategists? Those guys who are highly successful? how do u think they did it? Planed and  played life like chess, if u make plans and think up how the other person would react and plan moves.( hehe I am being judgemental. I should not be thinking that this is wrong but it is obvious, I do.) Even tho entirely logical, they are definitely not dry. so it turns out logic can also be strategical or tactical. not just emotional. so is strategical better than tactical? I would think so.
would logic make everyone  a cut throat lawyer? or a businessman?.... heartless!!! is logical = heartless? 

Emotional people can be better heartless because they understand others emotions so can be more effectively heartless...
There! Another wrong assumption!! Logical person does not understand emotions in others??? Why not? There is a logic behind emotions too. It just needs paying attention to that aspect to lead u to understand emotions. Most emotional people dont understand others emotions for one. They probably dont understand their own emotions. They just react to it.
my mind thinks stragegy = bad. business minded = bad.
Emotional people = people who react to emotions.
Logical people = people who look at the world by using logic.
being good or bad, being heartless can be both. Logical and emotional  are not polar opposites of each other. like I said before geeks for example - who are very emotional about their logical work. artists are purely emotional but not logical. CAs and finance people are probably purely logical without being emotional. prejudice but generally speaking...:-D
Wise is entirely different thing,- a  person who understands emotions , who understands the value of emotions to others and to oneself + who understand logic and also its limitations =  wise.

Ignoring emotions is the worst thing we can do. its like ignoring real physical pain. u know how important pain is when u see someone who does not feel pain. Its a sad example :-( but still if a person doesnot have sensation in his legs, sometimes our ordinary red ants which we squish and throw, can attack his legs. 100's of them almost causing huge wounds just in one night, sometimes half a night :-( and he wouldnt even know. Suppressing/Denying emotions may be doing this to you. This is worse than acting them out. I think.

I have seen very twisted logic, incomplete logic used to cloud reality by many people. including me.

Once upon a time, when somebody had a miscarriage I logiked that indias population is too high so a baby less isnt a big loss! I was little kid then and too caught up with population propoganda on DD . but still ! how many logics we use are as stupid and as twisted as this? Ill never know untill I examine.

when something tells me dont do this/do that... could be just emotion which is the lowest of the lot, even below logic. may be its just fear that is telling ?

Then if I use logic,I can counter this fear and tell myself, there is safety nothing can happen etc..

Then there is instinct/Intuition- What if my subconscious has detected something and it is trying to tell me?  I want to listen to my intuition, but logic wont let me. I cant let go off logic because logic is very good at countering emotions. which are misguiding me all the time. how do I get rid of logic to see thro to intution and instinct but use it against emotions?
Sigh! they have a very easy answer for this! awareness! be aware! ull know! god thats the hardest and logest route to success or what! but yeah that is the ultimate solution. when u are aware u slowly start distroying the distortions of emotions and of old thougth patterns which we call logic. 

Speaking of  adrenalin junkies.
 We like to think animals are concerned only with survival, food shelter and sex . There were 100's of pigeons on the beach in Portsmouth that day. They werent there for food, There were there for the breeze! Steady breeze over the sea and these guys were just there.. wind Gliding?  (surfing!!!??? apparently its not called wind surfing? They were basically not flapping wings but flying in one place -Hovering? and using the breeze to do it!! after a while they get pushed back and new set takes the front line!! Grrrr I know there is a word for this?! They taught us this in Para gliding but  I forgot ! Grrr )  no food no survival, just pure fun!! Taking turns to try it out!
(Dono if those stupid pigeons on rail track were looking for adrenalin rush tho)
Reminded me of those monkeys in jaipur, jumping off a high post into water! Just for fun!
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2011/07/20/tombstoning-monkeys-macaques-leap-off-lamp-post-into-water-for-fun-115875-23284201/

Playing with each other and building social bonds is all fine, Its a proper mammal trait. but this kind of daredevilry? :-) This is proper adventure sport!
When we want to jump off a plane or do scuba dive, And some practical minded thinks it is stupid, we should remind them, its not just a human trait, Its inherited from our fore fathers ;-) 

2 stupid pigeons. Dead.
picking food on railway tracks?
so what if they have wings!
they have too much confidence!
they think they can outfly the train!
or they are adrenalin junkies?
waiting till the last minute to fly off
making my heart jump out!
Thats called playing chicken, not pigeon!
now both dead on the same day, on either side of the track
everyday I get into the front coach
today I had to go to the last
I think I din see the pigeons and I looked
I think I knew it would happen!
God bless their souls, brave or stupid or is there any difference?

yeah yeah I am disturbed by this. I din want to put :( smilee because anyway I shouldn't be disturbed. they are stupid birds and they paid for it, pigeon brained, bird brained we call it. Ive been seeing them for a week now flying off just before the train is about to hit them, the train is slow because its going to stop, What about trains that dont stop at this station? I thought, these birds wont make it!! and they didnt. I couldnt have done much to save them even tho I knew. Could I? must be I thought, if they have survived so far they will continue. Just like my cats.. I knew the dogs would get them. eventually. I mean I knew in my heart but I din do anything, what could I do? lock them up inside and kill their spirit? :-( helpless.

thoughts are electrical , emotions are chemical. Thoughts just pass by, come and go. But emotion have a longer curve, it takes a longer time to wear off, body has to process the chemical that is generated.
Thoughts are like driving a car  and emotions are like steering a boat may be.. with more inertia.
Thoughts are just in the head, emotions are felt all over the body,like tear glands and stuff :P. Its not just electrical signals, its chemical signals right? - serotonin and stuff like that. I havent gone into the biology of it.

why all this? why because..some times a bad thought comes creates some emotions, u have control over thought, u think of other things or u reason out with the thought but u cant expect change in emotion immediately.. u have to wait out for the emotion to be processed.

( In occult they talk of mental body being more subtle than the emotional body. Is this what they mean? Could be the "body" they talk about is just a representation or a model to make us understand the concept and not actual body around us? Just like sine wave is not really that curve we see but its a way of showing us how things change in time..)

I expect everyone to be a grown up and myself to be the child.
The reality is everyone is a child and the only person who can actually grow up is me!!!  :-(

going to try to get a dab into lonelyness...
JK style :-) I always say I m ok with being alone.. but .... how about no books no Mp3 no laptop no TV... no mobile.. I am so tempted to take my book with me... ok can I do this? the thought is exciting me... yeah baby! :-)
Lets give it a shot... somewhere where there are no people... or wht if there are people looks like I m embarrassed to be alone without book mp3 in front of people :-) why? what is there to be ashamed of it? and.. people here poor things dont care or rather they are sensitive enough to make u feel that they dont care or rather should I say they dont mind what ever u do. and even here I am so... bothered! chill sister. go to some place just lie on the grass and just chill.. warpole park or some exotic place, u are going to find in 15 mins.. u should be out by 12! :-) or the enthu will go and u will end up seeing scrubs whole afternoon..

Did it! some 4 hours on the grass, in the sun - no company, no book, no mp3, no sleep even, but no boredom or no lonelyness.  Its kind of unbelievable that,  if u go looking for it,even loneliness will evade u? act pricey?  Conclusion, U wont find loneliness when u go looking for it, It comes to you on its own when least wanted. and then I dont think I'll be in mood to dab into it and examine it etc. Ill be bawling :D
Or may be 4 hours is too short, should try for something like 4 days, 4 months, 4 years :D nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

ps: Vipassana seems compatible with this? but spending 10 day holiday for meditating... I m not motivated enough to do it... 

vegetarian?

( This is past BTW, my body has recovered from the temporary meat phobia, atleast for chicken for sure.)

I think 3 weeks of salad diet has brought this about! err....should I (Groan!!!) be predominantly vegetarian for a while.? Oh! Groan!  but yeah... I m thinking about this..

I used to be so proud of my USP - Ill eat anything... I think god/? whoever doesnot like me being proud of anything? Meat causing nausea.. Time delay nausea...It tastes great and everything but after an hour I feel like it will all come out :-( Is it my subconscious which thinks meditation and meat dont go together?.. what ever it is... It is hard.
 Frankly I cant be vegetarian because  its a mental block, just like I cant wear saree or wear gold or accept traditional functions and stuff like that.... in all these cases, some strong emotional reactions kick in...
Just the word vegetarian hitting so many stupid mental blocks...just want to rebel and go eat a sausage but I know what will happen..

vegetarian = thousands of years of oppression of thousand of classes of people of India by the upper castes
vegetarian = exclusivity, ( I hate exclusive clubs)
vegetarian =  false animal love ( why cant it be true animal love? :-) It can be, but I think like to think its false :D)
vegetarian = Stupid pride and  sense of superiority for being the class who oppressed ...
vegetarian = discrimination
vegetarian = hurting peoples sentiments
vegetarian = nuisense( especially abroad)
vegetarian = Sissy( my school girls), annoying( everyone :D )
vegetarian = illogical and impractical.. (dont cook meat in this vessel etc)
vegetarian = separatism
vegetarian = Modi, right wing, saffron, Gujarath( killed muslims), Rajasthan(regressive),( Haryana is non- veg and regressive :D but mental blocks are not reasonable! duh!)
vegetarian = Silly veggie girls not treating injured animals and birds because they thought blood is filthy(in school).
Grrr, I should stop associative hatered like this...

but frankly you do love animals then how can you eat them? I can.
are you eating meat just to be a rebel because of all the reasons above? no..
are you sure? no...
Is it just taste? but its making me sick..
most people dont eat animals because they think they are too filthy to be eaten so I love animals and they are tasty? :P

ok fine but Have you thought of the complete life cycle of the meat that is in front of you?.. may be not...

may be you should..

and then torture myself? 

but you should face reality. 

but its part of life. 

but avoidable?

but I still dont want to be veg,I like to try new things to eat, even meat. I guess I take a lot of pride in eating anything and everything?and  I dont like being fussy...
all that is ok but what about cruelty?
Its better to kill to eat than to make purses and shoes..?
ok dont buy leather shoes and purses also. all that is ok but is it ok to kill to eat?

Actually, to eat is the only thing for which killing is ok ...I did feel very bad about saving a bird from my cat remember? Our evolution is based on food chain and killing to eat..its the most noble death, 

how would I rather die? wouldnt it be best if I was eaten? wouldnt that be the most useful death rather than death by disease( again being eaten by microbes) or coming under a car? Eaten by lions :) LOL!
hmm those are just clever words or are they real sentiments?
if they are real sentiments, Can you go thru full meat cycle from killing a live animal to cooking and to then eating? no I couldnt... unless I was on some death island.. may be then I would...
may be you should? that would turn me veg or get rid of this dilemma or pretence.
for someone who has so much hatred for meat haters,why dont you ever wash uncooked meat and cut it? or even cook it?
I have cut and cooked fish... ok I give that to you...

Nope! dont feel it. what ever the reason... u know what? u cant really argue about this with logic, it has to come from the heart, the day I feel it from the heart I will be veg.
Predominantly veg is ok, but looks like vegetarian is not something I am ready to accept at this point of time.

Edit: I was having this imaginary conversation in my head how Ill explain to people if I went veg and I was saying  I am vegetarian but for health reasons and not for animal kindness reasons!!!!! ??what deeps? why ?I think its not ok to be veggie for kindness reasons? think its a bit self righteous or what? why is it any more self righteous than oh all my pets are from SPCA? :P Or Oh Ive never been drunk in my life.. or .. thousand other "virtues" "I" m proud of?!
but this one makes ME look bad eh? ;-).
 I like myself when I am unreasonable :P Its cute :P

"Before enlightenment, I used to be depressed; after enlightenment, I continue to be depressed. You don't make a goal out of relaxation and sensitivity. Have you ever heard of people who get tense trying to relax? If one is tense, one simply observes one's tension. You will never understand yourself if you seek to change yourself. The harder you try to change yourself the worse it gets. You are called upon to be aware." - Anthony De Mello.

I liked this!  I try to implement this  but I get angry when someone says change urself! :-) ??!!!?

I think I m hanging by a thin thread to this be aware instead of changing concept that I get angry when someone challenges it? I think...


when u have an Idea and someone challenges it,
 If u are truly convinced, u are calm when u explain the idea to others. If you get agitated that someone challenges it or if u have a very strong need to convince others about an idea, chances are that you urself are not convinced?

http://magickalmusings-thangjam.blogspot.com/2008/03/back-to-story.html

K-o-e or Khol in one eye was in my dream J

 I have this huge American style house with a deck and trees all around and French windows and open plan kitchen and everything and we have a party I think.. house is so crowded, lot of people helping themselves with food- buffet from the kitchen… then k-o-e still kitten comes to me and asks for milk or some food. I want to give but it is taking time.. k-o-e is now a man. ( Koe is a He? ;-) dono) anyway , blond tall lean and handsome in a dark suit white shirt, but still cat like is insisting, troubling me – food food food. My husband ( not R :D some tall blond again ) is Jealous, says no food for k-o-e.  

Then it seems somehow K-o-e is no longer cat man but Guhimo, Fox man.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumiho  I WILL give Guhimo food, He is my friend. Husband insists no and I say yes and .. I think I woke up slightly after this and was happy I had some kinda interesting dream because of blog and dream got distracted to something else.

Such a domestic magical dream this J I enjoyed it never the less.. house was beautiful under a canopy of huge trees and full of glass..

I woke up happy today.( I think there was more in the dream which made me happy but I dont remember it )

pciture abhi baaki hai

DG is a late riser and is definitely not a morning person. She woke up at 8 that day, Late! She was tired of running her life like a clock at the precision of minutes. To catch the train at 8 53, She has to take a bus at 8 30, the bus stand is about 600 mts from her house, so it takes about 6 minutes to walk there. She has to leave at 8 24, 8 23 is too early, She usually leave at 8 25 and runs and catches the bus just as it leaves...that day she decided -she will take it easy. no more minute hand stuff, lets go like the hour hand :P she took her time drinking tea, long warm bath, all set and time- 9:00!!!! oh shit! if she leaves at 8 30 she reaches by 9 20, if she leaves at 8 55 she reaches by 9 45 but If she leaves at 9 00 she reahes at 10 30..:-(
 Ok resigning to the fate that she will reach late that day, she walked slowly to the bus stand. Surprise surprise!! 9 00 bus was late and it came at 9 10! just as she walked to the bus stand...YE!! Great!!!...Lucky Day DG!
 But not really, the next train is at 9 23 and She will miss it anyway because the bus is late!! Duh!!
Hmmmmmm...Sigh!! She walked slowly to the train station. next train is at 9 53 anyway, she's got plenty of time to kill!! Surprise Surprise!! Train is pulling into the station just as she walks in!!! must really be her lucky day!!! What are the odds?! :-D :-} She felt really greatful to god and life and everything for her immense luck that day!
Really! some days we think that we are doomed but things fall into place so well and everything works out.. even if u try ur best to screw up things they fall into place and everything!!! Right?
Lekin -Kahani mein twist!
Everytime she gets into a train without buying a ticket before hand, its not a problem she can buy the ticket from the guard, or at the station when she gets off.. but .. today of all the days a really nasty old man was at the station and he had decided to fine every person who came on without tickets that day.. even tho they intended to buy tickets later! Nasty old man, fined the person in front of DG...
Somehow decided he was going to be nice to DG.Her lucky day no? :-)
Why din u buy ticket luv! ..Err The train came in just as I was getting to the station..
are u a Visitor to UK luv?   err yes...
Ok Ill let u go this time.. but..always buy tickets before.. ok?... Ok..
Luck still holding out !! yupieeee!!!
Lekin... :-)
.....how old are u luv... Err DG told the truth!!
Really?!? So  u are wokring in the uk then.. err yes...
No no no this is not Done!!. U SHOULD KNOW THAT U SHOUDLNT TRAVEL IN THE TRAINS WITHOUT TICKETS...I m gonna fine u 20 pounds!!
WHAT??!
:-) All is well that Ends well! no?

Next blog

Next blog link on blogger used to be fun!!! but somehow these days there seems to be huge infestation of baby and family blogs!! Grrr 8 out of 10 blogs that I get in next blog are such :-( always!
I want to read interesting stuff not look at baby pics and family pics :-( momma!!! please bring in Next interesting blog link! or make it more random please!!?

WTF just tried again 10 on 10 family blogs X-( Grrrr!!!
Argh!! It turns out its me who is seeding this kind of family blog thing!
http://www.google.com/support/forum/p/blogger/thread?tid=2004db7c63670d95&hl=en
some how google and blogger have decided that I am a boring family person and returning such blogs for me!! DAMN! I am offended!!!
haha some one like me - here...
For some reason I always seem to get the family blogs...you know the ones that share way too much information about their children and practically invite pedophiles to their homes. That and the gardening/puppet-making/knitting blogs. yup, Blogspot seems to have a pretty good handle on my interests. !
On mine too :P  LOL Atleast I am spared of religious blogs!! :-D
It must be UK, In bangalore I used to get chinese/Korean/greek blogs.. mostly interesting ones too.. atleast make up and stuff :P now.. :P yeah its not me, its the location :D 
May be I should signout and try! (BTW in parallel me getting paranoid thoughts about Google is really becoming Big brother and harassing me... It seems to record and connect everything.. and they are all hand in hand FB linked in Google... they all share info to give out recomendations...)

Didnt work!! Family blogs again!! Grr It must be the cache?? Ill try from work and see.. but I dont browse family stuff! X-(  Grrr....
Yes it is!! Just tried Next blog from IE! and .. Interesting blogs! 
recipe, dog blog, photography blog, Japan Trip blog! Oh wow awesome, Cartoonist blog(Japan but in English), Girl from Malaysia( not mum with baby pics!!)  Photography.. pretty funny ones.. Ill have to go back and read all of these.. pretty good... artist - painters 2 blogs..painting.. photography.. ok now it seems stuck on photography and painting blog... but still Interesting! 
How to tell blogger to NEVER EVER show me another family blog?  :) -1? or stopping Next blogging??
how how how?? Or threaten them that Ill leave Chrome switch to IE for this :D 
This seems to be a common complaint all across.. about soccer mum blogs!
There... somemore light on this phenomenon.. http://www.google.co.uk/support/forum/p/blogger/thread?tid=304aa00b889d548f&hl=en

Becasue the next blog feature had been more or less taken over by spam bloggers who somehow made their spam blogs appear every third or fourth hit and disabled the NavBar so you couoldn't click on, Blogger changed the algorhythm to, theoretically, lead you to blogs of a similar nature to the one you are clicking from. A good idea in theory, but somehow, in practice, it has led to this odd pehnomenon of certain types of blogs predominating. Hey, while my photoblog led to mostly art blogs,  my quilting blog led to a bunch of hip hop music blogs. Crazy!?!

X-men

Daily brushing teeth with a tooth brush, Chicken still stuck in between teeth, cant remove with brush or finger or tongue, so tooth pic and floss and everything. I wish with genetic engineering I could grow bristles on the sides of my tongue and a sharp tooth pic at the tip(retractable like cat claws), no need of brushing any more and so easy to get rid of all those annoying iky bits or what? as long as we are doing this, make mint flavoured saliva to go with it :-D no need of mouth wash :-D
X-men! here I come! :D 

JK says all our ambition, social life, hobbies,children,job etc is a distraction to get away from the feeling of loneliness and restless we feel with in. which we have to face but we dont dare. so we find ways to get away.
I wonder if things are exactly opposite! sprituality is an escape route for people who have failed in other things.
not satisfied with job, with family life, not talented enough, no passion... what do you do? find Ravi Shankar and mediate :-)
Is it expected to be a one all cure, like taking drugs or drinking? escape from worldly life.
my husband drinks and I meditate :-) is there a difference? are we really facing things or escaping things?
too lazy or not interested enough to enjoy the job, not daring enough to find a job which u will realy enjoy, Feel stuck, so u believe in some suitable philosophy which fits ur case and follow it?  u grind ur teeth and make urself like what ever u have? is that what is Spirituality?

or I m thinking If infact is it an escape route out of worldly life.... why not escape? what is wrong with escapes - If they are real escpae routes that is, if they are dead ends then its a problem. When u found an escape route shouldnt u run in full speed out of it? Shouldnt u persue it full time rather than like a hobby?

sacrifice

Two types of sacrifice -Sacrificing something else and self sacrifice.
sacrifice a goat or a chicken or a maiden or a pumpkin is fine. I dont have any issues with that.
but Self sacrifice.. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it..
Ive been hating it since a long time... when someone forces sacrifice on others/other things its easy to oppose and revolt against but this self sacrifice is such a keeda which u cant even oppose properly.
Its their wish really isnt it? why am I bothered? Grr It bothers me no end.
Others dont seem to be bothered by self sacrifice... (oh BTW I dont mean self sacrifice = killing oneself! Please!! Just small/big sacrifices people make for others)
This is seen as a good thing, as an altruistic thing, noble thing. people are touched.
People like self sacrificing people, they worship and adore them. I remember watching a movie in which some stupid woman was doing some stupid stunts- it was a 80's kannada movie.This lady's in laws were abusing her and she, to get her sister in law married.. was selling off her kidney? :D LOL no :D haha ! no.. it was morose thing like she was having a child even tho doc told her she will die if she has one.. make that she was having a "son" :P to make it more offensive..and I found it very regressive.
My friends sunny, suma kiran were shocked that I thought it was regressive, they were like if someone does something with their own will then its not regressive. My answer was what about Sati? :D people dont argue with me when I raise the pitch to Sati level :D  because then things get rabid :D

Earlier I used to feel that people behave in self sacrificing way because they are being manipulated into it, by society or by their own values or by others emotions.. or I thought people behave that way seeking adoration and approval Or I though even tho people are self sacrificing they have ulterior motives and agendas which will eventually serve them well. etc etc. All -ve :-) All these excuses made it easy for me to hate it.
but now I think thats not the case.. people do genuinely self sacrifice..
Is it an instinct or something? especially in mothers.. I mean it must have started off in mothers in mammals and then gene must have spread to others.. the altruistic gene.. Whatever, I still hate.

Is it because I am so self focused? I believe everyone should be. everyone should take care of themselves.. when someone does not, it upsets me. I somehow assume these people are expecting others to take care of them and that is dependence and that is wrong. but that also is my wrong assumption, some people just forget
about themselves and keep on slaving for others, especially women and especially for their children.

I also feel  sacrifices always leave a bad after taste and build resentment in people. This is the first good valid reason from my side. I have seen this in many people. Tho not about their children, Sacrifices done towards in laws, even parents, siblings leave behind resentment.

I think I m ok with one off sacrifices but sustained life long ones.. thats what I dont like. Sacrifice out of love is no longer a sacrifice? ??
marry a girl I dont like because parents like it
wont do MBA because I need money to  get my sister married
will not get married because my parents died and I will look after my siblings and If I get married my husband may not allow for this..
Will have a child even if it will casue me to  die( this Ive seen only in movies BTW :-p)  for some sick reasons and so on. Are all these people suffering from Hero Syndrome??
I feel in all such self sacrifice cases there is a win-win solution somewhere if people look for it, if people are just brave enough to find it? may be thats why I hate so much?
On the other hand, impromptu sacrifices like people jumping in to water to save someone but dieing.. trying to pull a girl out of train tracks and loosing leg.. I dont seem to hate.
Sacrificing people make me look bad? put pressure of me to behave that way when I donot want to??? not really... I take lot of pleasure in being opposite of that...
So, The reasons dont seem to justify the amount of dislike I have for this...

A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Always with the same person, but deeper and deeper every time....
someone wrote on facebook.


 I felt thats so tedious :-) should it be so hard? and so restrictive. our society is stupid with stupid rules for success and happniess.. we ticks all these boxes and pretend to be happy.

Arms like... :-)



Ooo So Sexy Michelle!
Ill be there - next 3 months !! :-)

5 tibetans

5 Tibetans is a set of 5 exersices, claimed to be of Tibetan origin rumoured to be the fountain of youth. Peter Kedler has written a Shangrila style story about them, about an old man telling him stories of discovery of the rites in hidden tibetan monestry and old man turning out ot be 200 year old etc...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Tibetan_Rites
you can learn to do them here.. http://lifeevents.org/5-tibetans-energy-rejuvenation-exercises.htm with nice graphic illustrations.
Doing these tibetan rites apparently stops aging and sometimes even reverse the effects of aging . Increase your life span etc etc.
Do I buy it? I think they are very very good exersices. people just add a touch of marketing to such things so that people take them up. Like Baba Ramdev, I really like it when he promises magic with every asana, motivates me to do it. But does it really work like that? may be not...
 When I first saw it I thought it was a crude form of Surya namaskara. and I judged Suryanamskara to be better physically. But now that I have been doing them for a few months...Its not just crude form of yoga. Its something else. I dono about the anti aginging effects of Tibetan rites but I know that they can make the energy flow in your body every high. They are not just physical exercises, they definitely manipulate the energy or prana in the body. I read a couple of places that it balances out excess prana in lower chakras by making them flow higher. I think It not just balances, it also activates the chakras especially the higher ones, throat, ajna, crown for sure. Pumping the neck is part of another pranayama that I know, which also pushes energy up from base chakra to the head( very intense ) Twirling is part of sufi tradition...I dono much else how it may work. I suspect these were part of non mainstream forgotten Indian traditions( which people call Vama or left handed?) like tantra etc ? There are many such practices here and there.. dono where they come from actually..
Did I find physical benefits? yes! I think I feel more energetic after doing this regularly. I think it does contribute to increased stamina and strength. proportionately much more for the time u spend on them. Would I recommend them? yes! definitely! must do! it is very high return on investment! Anti aging? my white hair havent turned black :D yet ? :D ( well white hair have turned black but because of hair dye tho :P) weight loss? err... there is, but I have been doing lot of other things as well, so cant say.

If you plan to do this, start off small may be 5-6, Its not physically impossible to do 21 on day one if u are reasonably fit. but when I did try 21 even tho it was after a few weeks of practice I couldnt take the intensity of energy in the body. It was too intense, I felt like I was hearing a pulsating jet engine in my ear. You may not believe in prana or energy, u will still feel excess energy as one of these headache, feeling faint,heavyness in the head,noise in the head, burning sensations or just plan unease and restlessness ( If you dont then well done !!u are an advanced being ;-) )
There are absolutely no issues if u start off small -6, stay on 6 for a week or two then bring it up to ten , stay on ten for a month or so.. or its upto you but take it slow. It takes less than 5 mins to do ten. I am at 11-13 now... 17 also is too much for me.
Also forget about breathing etc to begin with , u can add it later once u start remembering the 5 exercises.
Its recommended to be done twice a day, morning night but I am still doing it only once a day.

preserve or move on?

"Feeling that it is slipping away. Fear and kind of panic of loosing what I am thinking and of things which I am reading, going away without making an impact. "

I had/have this fear.

Jiddu K has a completely opposite take on this. He says mind should be fresh every single day, forget every thing u learnt, forget the traditions, forget the lessons. free the mind of old bondages, so that fresh things can come to us. he says once u start accumulating u start dieing! :-) Huh!?

Some what true.. this is what has happened in history with great cultures like India.. they did a lot of investigation, they did a lot of research, they found so to say everything - Yoga,Medicine,sprituality, everything. Then they decided that they are done. They decided they have perfected everything and they need to preserve everything as is, even the language. They found really innovative ways and rules so that people follow things as is and dont change a thing. result? Sanskrit is a dead language, we had a culture that was rotting with all kinds of sick traditions, Dogmas - Exactly like JK predicted -it died and rotted... same with Koran..

He says very nicely - life is like a river.. it is always flowing and changing and chnage is life, if you want to make it stagnant, want to preserve and keep safe, then u will only end up creating stinky ponds .

We know this, but still we want to preserve. we want summer to be here all the time and winter to not come. I know how happy spring made me just because winter was bad. I dont look at leafs sprouting now and feel happy .they are dime a dozen. I know all this but I want to preserve.

I want to preserve what I have read, I dont want it to flow away... but I am somewhat in sync with JK.. I want a back up but I want to move on as well.. thats why the blog, once I write it. I am free of carrying it with me in my head. once its written I can forget and move on to new things. but the desire to latch on to and hold on and preserve something which I think as perfect is still there... but there is no perfection is it? like a sunset or a rainbow everything is transient.. thats why it is beautiful, If the rainbow stayed there 24/7 we wouldnt really care for it... Ill learn.

But strangely for me this holding on to old is just as scary as letting go. when I see houses full of old things, someone had only cassette players, no CD player. It scared me. some people dont have internet at home. that scared me. I actually love antiques.. when I see very old houses and artifacts I love it.. but that stagnation , I am afraid of it. I may be stagnant in many ways too and I may not know it, that scares me. Some people talk about favourite movie - from 1990;s, songs from 90's I met a group of long lost friends once and I felt they were still there where I was in 1990 but I have moved on, jokes which I used to laugh at when I was 19...I like to do this in nostalgia mode but for them it was their NOW. I felt some what sad and scared. I dont want to be in that place. thats why I accepted google+ not that I want aother social networking site but I dont want to be left behind.. android phone.. I will buy it soon even tho I am perfectly happy with my aging nokia. JK wouldnt recommend being scared of stagnation tho he would say "notice! be aware" :D :P

Conditioning the mind and sticking to a pattern is useful to the mind but sometimes we suffer major loss due to these patterns.  J K asks us to watch out for patterns.
 Beggars are part of gangs, beggars gangs = mafia. so I will never give any money to any beggar. Thats a right pattern and a right decision. but this really hurt me.
Allahabad station, one sadhu came begging. I refused point blank. He calmly just moved on to the next person. After a while,sometime after the sadhu disappeared, I realised he was actually asking for food. he was not asking for money at all :-( I feel really bad about refusing that guy point blank like that. we went searching we had spare biscuits but we din find him...I m sorry :-(
Judging. long back probably just out of college. went to a movie, there was this guy who was trying to look too cool but looked pathetic(to me),short guy,oiled hair, cheap goggles, flashy shirt, color baniyan and all... I din like him! made fun of him while getting out of the theater but I realised he was just ahead of me .. i dono if he heard me or not.. he went out of the theatre and got on to an old  cycle and left .. :-( . he must have put in lot of effort and money into dressing up and coming to the movie hoping to look good and people to like. If he heard my comments he would have felt really sad :-( I feel really bad about this. I m sorry.
I may have hurt 1000's of people and been insensitive/rude etc etc with out any guilt (  no guilt even after realising and sometimes rude intentionally) but why some incidents hurt more than others? I dono.

remember http://mystic-babe.blogspot.com/2011/07/synchronocity-2.html??
materialised today :P :P :P .. but well again not magically.. butterfly did sit on my hand.. but I think I kinda forced its hand :-) This black butterfly is stuck in the hallway and trying get out of a closed window! dumb fly!  I try to scare it other way- out of the door ..  it  goes every other way than towards the door..  finally its kind of cornered (but not quite cornered enough to feel that is it not synchronocity :P ) and  lands on my shirt and then on my hand ... :-) quickly transported out of the door! phew! and ye!!! :-)

This reminds me of 100 years of solitude, It  was a long and tedious read, but there is one guy in that with yellow butterflies following him everywhere.. Ah I wish I was like that guy!


"It was then that [Meme] realized that the yellow butterflies preceded the appearances of Mauricio Babilonia. She had seen them before...but when Mauricio began to pursue her like a ghost that only she could identify in the crowd, she understood that the butterflies had something to do with him."
 — from One Hundred Years of Solitude

bob cat
black red butterfly
tiny sparrow with red crest
myna(? I guess) with a red cherry in mouth
steam engine! :-) puffing under the bridge! was it rainy day so I saw the puffing?
parrots..
wet grass
empty green fields
hmmm....
dingy rainy weather ,drizzling and grey...but still bliss .. I dono!
mind is really a monkey.. it just goes on roller coaster rides just for fun!!!

bliss continues... day three! yesterday It was long shadows and slant golden sun rays... looked like a picture out of a novel.... hmmmm...I feel like I am floating a few feet above my head! Err should I jinx it by writing like this, then again roller coaster can go up and down no matter what! so I wont bother being worried about it going down, because it will.. Today I hand fed geese! ye!!! :-) thanks to the moms who feed these guys bread, I guess they've become quite bold. come and demand me for food.. They ate all prawns from my prawn rice! One was bold enough to pick food off my hand :) :-} :-} thats a wide grin! One day i'll feed sparrows out of my hand ,like that guy in Regents park. Were those just sparrows or hummingbirds as well?? I saw few fly by without landing on this hand! crazy man really, I dono how he got them to trust him so much!
edit: Day four rainbow! :-) 

Gopi Krishna and Kundalini

:-)                     [WARNING: TOTALLY OCCULT]
The latest book.
Well when I tell people I meditate, people are immediately interested! " I also want to start meditating!" "How do u do it!" I made one tutorial also - how to begin meditation and get on with it. I have lot of experience with false starts so I know the best way to get into this habit.
why do people want to meditate?
mostly it is  control temper, control emotions, peace of mind or with slightly younger crowd it is improve concentration and focus, brain power etc.
Seems like meditation is a very benign activity and very beneficial one at that.  but is it?  Most of these people who enquire about all this dont really get into meditation and stuff! and now I think thats a good thing!
because are we really ready for what all meditation can bring into your life? :-) Are we really really ready? Am I ready?
You should read Gopi Krishnas experience with meditation and Kundalini, if u are casually planning on dabbing into meditation, It may scare u away :P. but If you are like me, crazyly whiriling away into meditation and sprituality you MUST MUST MUST read. Trust me, you do.
May not be the most interesting read, but it is a very honest account of his experience. I skipped all the commentary by some westerner who analysed what gopi krishna experienced. not relevant for me.

BTW what is this Kundalini!?
Err...if u are not really into these things this will all be Over Head Transmission for you. Also if you are not really into these things go very light on meditation and pranayama also ok?
Kundalini is Energy, Psychic Energy which is believed to be lying dormant at the base of our spine. It is not the same as Prana. Prana is called life force, It is the energy which is behind all life.There is prana is earth, the sun, There is prana is all living things bla bla.. The mystical concepts are not really concrete..the definitions are kinda vague.. u need to read a lot of get a feel of what all this is.
Kundalini is not just energy. It is consciousness as well. Meaning this energy has a mind of its own, even tho it stays in your body.It is not something which human will can really control. It is supposed to be very powerful energy. It is called a goddess - Shakti. i.e Durga/ Gayitri/Kali. On the other hand, Prana can be controlled by our mind, u can pull in or direct prana like during healing etc. It is flowing all over your body this very minute. Kundalini is a more potent energy which can be awakened so as to say by meditation, by exercises, by concentration and sometimes by accident. As the energy is so powerful, it can play havoc with the mind and body, if you are not ready for it.. so that's why ancient yogis prescribed strict diet, and regime and yoga asanas and mind /emotional control!!! That was to prepare the person for the eventuality of kundalini awakening. They do not by themselves lead to any awakening. Having a clean mind and strong body is not necessary for Kundalni to awaken, but when it does awaken - clean mind and strong body can make the difference between life and death. between sanity and insanity. Kundalni will enhance every damn emotion, so any weakness like fear and anger etc can go so haywire and the person can go mad. similarly the body.. kundalni energy flowing thro the body isn't just a mystical/other dimension thing. It is very physical.. it affects the heat of the body, blood pressure, muscles,organs and nerves..It completely rewires the brain and the nervous system. Gopi krishna actually calls it the next step in evolution. Any wrong food, any wrong exercise can be crippling. Kundalni can also lead to weird sexual symptoms.. I think some of those fallen swamis may not be fake but may probably be victims of this.
It seems scary so why is everyone after it, why is it sort after? because even tho the initial steps of awakening are painful, there is hope of union with Divine Source(GK's words) Also occult powers... and many people get into it without really looking for it.. devotional people - extreme devotion to god can lead to awakening, Psychedelic drugs can also  lead to this- magic mushrooms,LSD, some say even cannabis..( If you are into Meditation or if u have a history of mental illnes in your family NEVER EVER even TOUCH any drugs. NONE!) Intense mental concentration - pranayama and meditation  - even done with no particular occult aspirations can also lead to awakening. But it is really surprising that everyone advocates meditation and concentration etc etc but no one knows the consequence of  it.. mind becoming calm and all are initial stages of it.. but invariably it unites with the Occult side of things...actually doing only mind control and meditation without occult study is stupid and dangerous. This is exactly what happened with Gopi Krishna.. and I suspect with infinite number of other poor people who are diagnosed with mental diseases and physical ones too...
One aunt of mine had very very high BP.. doctors were perplexed how she is alive with such high BP and not going mad, they tried everything didn't find the cure..or the reason for it. poor thing suffered a lot..
I think it was Kundalini - prematurely coming up.
The other symptoms could be hearing voices and seeing people... brain is being rewired and new senses are possibly being awakened...anyone who's even studied a lot of occult will doubt their own sanity in such circumstances... Imagine what will happen to lame person if this happens to them. Especially sad are those people who have kundalini awakened due to accident due to sudden knock on Cocyx or tail bone. Otherwise thankfully its not too easy to awaken kundalini...
They say scientific genius and artistic genius can also be attributed to higher than normal kundalni flow to the brain... just the right combination of brain and body and kundalni will lead to genius and if not right then to maddness... havent you seen mental illness and genius run in the same families? most scientists and artists have   close relatives who were schizophrenic - some poor people like Nash are themselves ill.. This is because kundalni is like walking a razor edge and those poor dears dont even know they are walking it.
It is the greatest wish of Gop krishna that people research this phenomenon.. it is not hard to test the effect of kundalni and the physical body but it needs an open mind. unfortunately not found in todays scientific community. ..
There is lot more to Kundalni actually, There is supposed to be a hollow tube in our spinal chord - Sushmana.. there are two nerves(??) or Naadi's which are spiralling it. Ida and Pingala -. This is all not in the physical dimension I would think. Ida is cooling and Pingala is heating.. in normal people the energy( Prana I would think because Kundalni is still dormant? but not sure) flows thru Ida and Pingala, but when Kundalni awakens it flows thro Sushmana. Anuloma viloma pranayama is especially effective in balancing the energy in Ida and Pingala.. and cleaning up the energy body.. good thing to do before kundalni awakens.
The western symbol of medicine caduceus seems to represent this concept. ( just now learnt that this is mistakenly used as symbol of medicine and isnt actually the symbol of medicine! oh well!)
BTW rumour has it that the free masons are supposed to know all about this but just like ancient bramhins they are hiding it! and trying to control the world all by themselves.. :-) 

kabhi khushi kabhi gum

sad.. again :-) same circumstances mood keeps changing! why are u so fickle, my mood? one day u are happy one day u are sad... u want something u dont get u are sad, u get - u get used to it u are sad...
is the solution to this to be stone willed and numb? Why not go with the flow- bob up and down and learn to still enjoy?

Loved this Zidagi na mile dobara song, Says the same thing so nicely.. ( but I cant say ki Maine Jeena Seekh Liya yet :-)



Der lagi lekin,  Maine ab hai jeena seekh liya
Jaise bhi ho din, Maine ab hai jeena seekh liya
Ab maine...Yeh jaana hai,
khushi hai kya, gumm kya
Dono hi, do pal ki hai ruttein
Na yeh thehre, na rukey
Zindagi, do rangon se bane
Ab roothe ab maane
Yehi toh hai, yehi toh hai, yahaan!

Raksha bandhan( u guessed it!! feminist rant)

I dont like Raksha Bandhan. I find it sexist! ( Aiyo! sikkapatte kopa nange, Indian Culture bagge! Very sexist culture it is!! I want to let go of anger. Anger = something's there which needs to be understood/resolved. Want to transition from being angry to being understanding. But sex ratio of 700:1000 seriously put me right back on feminist anger track..so I rant and vent)
Raksha bandhan... I want to think - sweet festival and all! showing brother love? I like showing love for family brother mother parents etc...(yeah I do as long as its not soppy :P) but Does it have to be demeaning... Always? Why does every "showing love" look to  me, suspiciously like re-enforcing man's higher place in the social hierarchy?   Why do Indian festivals/customs always insist on demeaning and degrading women( and sometimes men) to show love? God! their concept of love is more like Dog->human love. I love dogs but lets face it - Its meaningless devotion.
Eat ur husbands left overs/fast/fall at his feet/burn urself.. true lowe itseems all that is! Crap.
Brother - ask him for protection itseems!! Arrey If u are a self respecting brother, Please teach such sisters to protect themselfs in life! and to earn for themseves! because boss there is no big brother holding a safety net in real life! and sometimes u fall!  and this is a good excuse to fleece him of money! As if brother paying for big dowry and grand wedding aren't enough! again that is our definition of brotherly lowe! Sacrifice! How I hate that concept!
Diwali - all men in the family will get one Arati! why? Its always establishing strict hierarchy than anything else... sometimes men are not spared.. like brother in law expected to fall at elder brothers wives feet!
Its not just these feminist things,  exchanging obligatory gifts ...again people say its love, its not! its formality. people keep track of what all gifts were received and the cost of the gifts! in writing! no less!!
Everyone sees this, but everyone defends all this culture. ( but everyone sees evil  in others culture :-) like north Indian will see evil south Indian culture and vice versa :-) how come? how come you dont get angry about all this like me? how come girls feel pride and joy in doing Arati? In saying protect me? (eww.. he he he  I think its my tomboy instincts that make me go eww... :D ) anyway...
I loved JK for saying this that society expects to keep everyone on a tight leash, wants to kill independent thinking,creativity and freedom. It tries to leash us at our conscience... make us feel guilt for free thinking. because free thinking is danger to the society.

rewind - re-play?

I wonder if we can use our brain as a review buffer.( for the uninitialised :-P (anyone out of STB domain) Its a feature where u can rewind ur TV program anytime and watch what u just missed. Just like that.)

During training I am listening to the instructor.. for a few moments my attention wanders, some thoughts come in. I come back to the training and Ive missed a few sentences...

My ear has heard the sentences, my eyes have seen, It has gone into the brain portions which process this as well.. and as the processing of this data is not conscious that also is done .Its probably recorded in short term memory?( not sure of this) but the light of our dear old consciousness hasnt shined on that sound and vision. Can I rewind that particular statement like we do on PVR box and rehear it? can I program myself to do it? That would require a tiny portion of my consciousness to be always recording and mainting a few minutes of data.. We probably do it anyway (case studies of brain damaged people and schizophrenic people show they use lot of unconsciously recorded data...).. but  memory  accessible to conscious mind is only that when we actually paid attention  (Damn!). Can we always pay a little attention even when we drift away? and implement review bufffer in our head? Or can we find a way to access even that memory when we din pay attention?!

plant tips

Pudina or Mint plant was doing fine untill a few weeks ago, then all leaves started going yellow and falling off :-( I watered more, watered less, fertilizer..more sun.. no effect.
When u try everything and still your potted plant doesnt seem happy, its time to see if your plant has become completely root bound, meaning the roots of the plant have grown so much that they have fillled up the entire pot. No place in the pot for mud. The plant has grown too big for the pot, So repot into bigger pot or cut out the roots a little( this is scary I didnt actually do this) and pot back into same pot.
Pudina plant is doing well in the new bigger pot now.. all yellows returned back to Green and lot of new leaves! ye!

Money tree!! grr dont move this bugger. I thought it will get more sun in the other window. moved it and it dropped all its leaves! getting new ones tho! I read on the net that this guy doesnot like to be moved or to be repotted. I was tempted to repot as its a huge tree in a small pot. apparently this is how it likes it. now its back in its old place.. new leaves coming up, let us see...

Maiden hair fern- It was a nice green bush shrub, but very soon wilted and was left with absolutely no leaves at all.. Reason?  It doesnot like to be sprayed with mist :-( I thought ferns like moisture. but this one hates it. and it needs lot of watering. Most plants prefer to be under watered than over watered, but this one liked to be over watered.  Now its a thriving plant sitting in my bathroom, getting watered every day, mositure but no mist spray.

Ek khushbu aati thi,
Ek khushbu aati thi,
Main bhatakta jaata tha,
Reshmi si maaya thi,
Aur main taktaa jaata tha,

Jab teri gali aaya, sach tabhi nazar aaya,
Jab teri gali aaya, sach tabhi nazar aaya,

Mujh mein hi woh khushbu thi,
Jisse tune milwaya,

Maula maula maula mere maula,
Maula maula maula mere maula,
Maula maula maula maula,
Maula maula maula maula,

Darare darare hain maathe pe maula,
Murammat muqadaar ki kar do maula,
Mere maula..

synchronocity 2

I was inspired by one black cat manifestation story, so I decide try this myself,  to manifest butterflies.... :-D
I am in a park so  its not very hard to see butter flies. so to make it more challenging I try a red butterfly.. I try to visualise it.. I find it a little hard.. so I visualise a big group of yellow butterflies for a while. Then I lie in the grass waiting  ;-P I see 2 butterflies flying far away...come close butterfly..not happening...... On the way back home, There is this girl holding out a poster for Natural history museum , Butterfly park with Orange red butterfly :-) I was expecting this kind of thing... Its common! When we are looking out for something we find it. ( I m going to that butterfly park BTW, Isnt it wonderful that when u want something, u are shown the path to it? :-)   :-P )
Just now I am watching Two and a half men episode with Charlie's mothers wedding. She is getting married to one Ted and Alan is the wedding planner. Alan spends the entire episode worrying about flowers and frozen butterflies which are supposed to come alive and fly off into the sunset as the bride and groom kiss.. But when the moment comes,  Berta  is trying to get a cardboard box full of still frozen butterflies to fly.. unfortunately and obviously they dont .. she offers to microwave them for a bit and try again...:-) Berta is Evil! Any way they were Yellow butterflies!!! LOL!
I didnt catch the butterfly reference untill this scene! Those guys up there have a sense of humour or what? I wouldnt ever imagine seeing butterflies in a two and a half men episode!! When I tried to manifest butterflies I never imagined they'd be 100 and dead ones!  LOL! Ive seen almost all episodes of 2 1/2 men! never seen one butterfly in them!!  LOL! :-) Tho later I did notice a butterfly pattern on the Shrink's silk shirt :-)
I expect miracles and things  manifest in such mundane ways. :-)
(Reminded me of monkey paw story which made ur wishes comes true in most morbid ways )

why is my stomach so fat?

Fat stomach! I was really curious to know what exactly is there in this fat stomach, I cant really accept that my  big fat tummy is just  full of fat!! There must be something else...? I mean tummy gain is kind of disproportional to the weight gain and it didnt seem to change with my fittness? Tumour or something!!!? ! but no ... we get so many scans done...Err constipation... Always? Eww... no!! .. So is it all fat after all? What is the mystery of the belly? 
The first answer is off course fat.
Its called adipose tissue.. there are two types of fat deposited in the stomach. Behind the skin - subcutaneous fat and inbetween the organs- Visceral fat or organ fat!! - sounds familiar? in relation to pork and beef? :-D? eww ? :-) yeah we too have that visceral fat.  This fat is lining up all our organs like stomach intestine liver etc etc.. apparently there is this  peritoneal cavity, like a plastic bag which lines our organs... and belly fat just fills this up with fat cells. This is the most dangerous kinda fat which can bring on diabetes , heart disease etc..
How exactly is the fat stored? as fat cells - adipocytes. each cell has a droplet of fat in it!  like little pearls..
What exactly is this fat - from Wiki : The fat stored is in a semi-liquid state, and is composed primarily of triglycerides and cholesteryl ester. Ester? feels like some past life memory from Organic chemistry..but I lose interest here.
The story does not end here.. Thats not all.... the fat tummy u see in most people is not just fat.. how come some very slim people have fat tummies.. why do tummies not disappear inspite of exersice?  answer to this is not in physiology at all but in physics! in Posture!!! 
The worst culprit is the Slouch! - Hunch  back, Rounded shoulders and  tummy is pushed forward by 2 inches... straighten up and .. see the tummy disappear.
Some have a very straight back but still  have this fat tummy? Ok there is another thing - Anterior pelvic tilt. 

This makes u look like u have a round fat tummy AND a fat butt ! not good at all.. Its a very common posture problem. and not as easy to detect or not as hated as the slouch. I think kids have this naturally, should correct itself as we grow, but if it does not, it can cause lower back pain. 
How do we correct this? not as easy as correcting the slouch.. we probably have pelvic tilt because the lower ab muscles are not strong enough..
ah! so secret of flat stomach is really in holding it in eh? yeah! a bit like that. preventing the pelvic tilt is like holding stomach in naturally.. but that happens if u have good strong muscles in the lower abdomen, thighs, lower back etc.. There are many exercises to correct this.
http://inhumanexperiment.blogspot.com/2009/11/5-simple-exercises-for-correcting.html


And now the evidence!

The last one is without holding the breath/stomach in.
Looks like belly fat is 30% fat and 70% bad posture. Now this belly fat is finally reasonable! no?!