Many shards of a diamond ( 1-06-2021)

I was telling my friend - How my mom compares herself with other people and sees herself coming up short, even tho she is an amazing woman. In fact even in aspects where she is really good. She has always been fit and fit looking, flat stomach, always 55 kilos even in her 40s and 50s. But she always moaned about how other women look thin where as she looks fat because her arms are big! Like seriously! She was comparing herself with other women who were unfortunately not as fit and fab as her. they were typical Indian women dont take care of themselves, so have a bloated tummy, thin arms and legs. Those poor women ploded on by the time they are in their 40s. I feel its a bit unfair even comparing them to each other.  Why cant she see this?

I think this is because of minimizing. We reduce ourself or another person to a single trait. She is not seeing her whole self or the body but just seeing her arms.  We also do this all the time. But the minimizing is many. We look at a couple and say - Girl is so pretty, Guy is ok. We are reducing those people to just their looks

Why dont we make an effort to see the whole diamond rather than just see one face of it- one face of a diamond is just glass. 

21-10-2011 - gyans

Oh Dear! I had all these profound thoughts in 2011 and I am still grappling with the same issues until now, more than a decade later - its 2023!?! 

I mean these are very meaningful and good tips, how come I forgot this gyan and have to discover it again and again? 

1) dont be afraid to be embarrassed, once u are embarrassed and done with it life is better u learn how to live and what to do. after emabrrassement life gets better

2) take cotnrol of ur life - grow up.

3) when any thought comes - remember u chose that thought. so say I choose this thought.

4) every thought is associated with an emotion - so most times its thought first and emotion later... sometimes we may want to break this link between some thoughts and the negative emotions that come with it. - use 3 when dirty thoughts bother :D

5) dont crib about problems to others think - how do I get over this.

6) talking tips from ashok -he is a good talker :) otherwise I dont open up with lot of people

he made whatever i told special - by saying ah this is the first time someone has told this, that is perfect and ah thats a good perspective and so on...so help open up people to make comments

asking questions of interest -which made me give out long answers.

opened the aquintance with an interesting act

7) few more gyans came out at night

i get realy upset about my job - when eversomething comes up i get huge reaction emotionally

8) i have suppressed by ambitious and competitive side - because I think being competitive is wrong- I should shed this belief. also accept my ambitions. i have to accept that I will not be happy doing some small jobs - what ever anyone says. i shudnt believe it. I am ambitious and I should persue my ambition.

there is huge lot of resistance coming up when I try to make CV, it was similar discomfort when I was trying ot make decision for job, then i made some decision just to reduce the discomfort. now also... I wont do it. i wont give up making a good CV just because i am being discomforted. i need to get to the root of this discomfort.

9) I remembered or acknowledged one thing,

I used to be closer to my friends than my family

truth is I felt left out and lonely at home when I was a kid, and I was really jealous of my friends who were close to their mothers, who got affection physical affection from parents, Suma who played cards with her mom. Sandhya and Asha's family because they were 5 brothers and sisters and had a group and I missed being in a group. (This is no longer true in 2023, I think I acknowledged this and got over it, sometimes after. As I have lived away from my parents and as my parents get older, I feel very attached to them. I see their love now. Their reactions when I fell down was heart wrenchingly sweet. The concern was just as if I was 1 year old child. God bless!  I also some where along the way got over the complex that they live my brother more - all the spiritual work does pay off han ! )

I defied this feeling by acting out like I didnt need a family to belong or I didnt need a gang to belong, but I admit I have (had)this deep craving for a close friend who is mine and only mine, I am craving to belong but I feel the denial very strong, to pretend that I dont need anyone that I can live alone. this feeling was satisfied when I had a the cats I guess...I guess this also comes out as out and out attachment to one person. I admit this.  (Or this may just have been Introvert/Asperges thing In 2023 This is also gone. I no longer attach to one person, In fact its opposite I want to be in a big gang. my gang of Ajjumas is my favourite ). My parents are really great, they really loved me, but they didnt show tat love, or may be once my brother was born I just became cold and assumed that my parents didnt care for me enough. I have a real barrier about getting close to people because I am afraid of getting hurt.. I have developed a very strong ego and a wall against this. the defence is strong and thus I shed light on this shadow. 

technical gyan

doubt everything.

dont hesitate to being from the first all over again. the solution may be there attimes..

be industrious and take the tedious path at times without hesitating..

Justice Sensitivity

https://medium.com/invisible-illness/adhders-justice-warriors-9cd2e20eca18

What is Justice Sensitivity?

According to Baumert & Schmitt, “justice-sensitive people’s information processing should be guided in a way that raises their probability of experiencing injustice compared with less justice-sensitive people,” and their “emotional reactions to injustice should be stronger the more justice is endorsed as a fundamental value.”

In other words, people who experience high justice sensitivity have a stronger tendency to notice and identify wrongdoing and have more intense cognitive, emotional, and behavioural reactions to perceived injustice.

Additionally, “justice-sensitive people should ruminate longer and more intensively about experienced injustice than less justice-sensitive people” and should have an “inclination to restore justice and undo injustice”.

 The link above goes on to wonder if neuro divergent - ADHD and Autistic people have a tendency towards being more justice sensitive

My friend shared this and wondered if I have this, First of all I felt good that someone understood me and some one thought about me and my behaviour. It feels very nice when someone gets you. Thank you friend. Yes! I am justice sensitive.

This explains a lot about me and my feelings and reactions in many situations, and also about Greta Thunberg. When I first read that she has asperges, I knew - Ah I may have something similar. At least I m borderline there. 

The best insight I got from this article was that everyone does not feel this way. It was eye opening. All my life I have felt like a lone warrior, Why dont other people care as much as me about fairness? Why are they not feeling angry? or intensely about injustice? Why are they being blatantly partial - even tho they are aware that they are being partial? This answers all these questions and help me accept neuro typical people as they are. 

Also there are lot of people who may not be ADHD/Autistic but be justice sensitive.  Gandhi ji! We dont know if he was neuro diverse or not but he was definitely very sensitive to injustice. Raja Ram mohan Roy - who opposed Sati and multiple marriages of men in 1800s. Nelson Mandela? - Yes all these people justice warriors who had these feelings infinitely stronger than me - so they took action against injustice. There is no reason to believe they were Neuro Diverse. 

Still knowing that justice sensitivity is more common in neuro diverse is interesting, It is interesting to realise that some of our values have roots in how our brain is wired.

08/10/2015 21:41 Okay.. So what is happiness Spiritual vs Material

One part of the philosophy or spirituality tells me that everything is within me.. I m feeling sad. I m feeling happy, the feeling is created by my brain and not by the thing or the incident which I think is causing the feeling.
Example.. I hear my friend say, DG is Shit! I feel betrayed and hurt and sad and awful. 

But then I talk to my friend and I realise my friend was saying DG is shit at lying! :-D I feel happy now, thinking of-course I am truthful person etc I swell with pride.. 

Now out of my ear sight, my friend tells my other friend that she in fact said DG is shit. I m still happy as I didn't hear it. 

See the statement didn't create the feeling in me. It was me - who reacted to the statement. same with objects and people. Its us who create this feeling.( this is a story by Antony Demello)  

Its true. Its very hard to see tho in day to day life...we are used to blaming things outside for the reactions, we are used to not taking responsibility for my feelings.

Snoring.. its so irritating.. why? I realised it was empathy response.. if someone snores like they are choking.. if get feelings in our head which make me feel like I m choking and it feels horrible and I feel the pain and I don't like it and I want to make it stop.

okay thats that.

There was a motivational speaker yesterday..
What makes him tick? Motivation and satisfaction,
Motivations is what starts me off with my job and satisfaction is what I get at the end of it.
Sense of uniqueness, being the best in the field, the sense of achieving something.. money..respect..etc etc All the things which spirituality tells me to get ahead off
Spirituality tells me happiness should be unconditional..
Some branches of spirituality tells me.. u trace any goal to its last node and u come up with.. I want happiness, so why not chase the last goal instead of the first..
That is all true.. but  we need to understand the nature of these conditions better. These conditional happiness have developed as part of evolution.

How to do instruct a robot.. 

You give it if then else statements..
But then it becomes very specific, it wont be able to deal with unexpected cases in the field ..
U make it learn.. if (carrot) do .. if(stick) stay away...
So u make it run using carrot and stick approach.. u award it for a bunch of tasks which ultimately align with ur goal u punish for deviations.. Using this u keep the robot in line and give it a sort of free will.. 

It can of course realise that it does not like carrots and it does not care if it is beaten and it can carry on.

If u want to enlighten urself u need to see thru ur carrots and sticks.. its not always easy.. everything is a goal to happiness.. but our brain I find has made categories.. I think this carrot is evolved via evolution and via upbringing by our society... some carrots are evolutionary.. and we get a sense of overall peace and happiness when all the boxes are ticked

But this is temporary - all happiness is temporary by design, if you were always content why would you survive and reproduce? 

Warriors

What happens when a revolution is over? 

Mutiny revolution military take over etc, Sometimes a country raises an army, it may be to fight a neighbouring country which has suddenly gone rouge and attacking you, Or it may be a civil war - Govt is corrupt and horrible and citizens form an army and topple the govt, or a Dictator raises an army to take over a govt etc. Whatever the reason may be, What happens when the conflict is over? I find that the army which fought for so long finds it very hard to stop fighting, I find that is most such cases the military  takes over the country, The reason for the existence of the military may be over but it keeps finding reasons to stay alive,  See Taliban for example or Pakistan army which is still creating imaginary enemies and fighting India. It keeps going with its momentum. It is almost as if it is an onanism with a survival instinct.

I found a similar parallel in our own defence mechanisms. We develop some strategies and thought patterns to deal with our situation in life. Like It may be a kid developing aggression against abusive father etc, In my case , I have developed strong response against sexism, Feminism is my defence against gender discrimination.  When I was a kid gender discrimination was very rampant, I had to fight for my rights at every turn in my life. I had to call it out, I had to lash out, I had to protest . These warriors , my army of strategies have served me really well and they have helped me navigate life and create fair opportunities for myself, I m very proud of them . 

Just like the army whose purpose is over - my army also continues to fight at times. I find that the world has finally changed after 20/30 years. There is no longer such rampant discrimination, especially against me. But still my army fights sometimes. I find that my reactions are all too emotional, all too strong and sometimes uncalled for when something triggers me. Where as a comic comment or a simple telling off would do, my army goes for a full on attack :-) 

Calm down my dear friend, we the army can retire and enjoy life now, We can put down our arms,  our fight seems to be over. 

Can you fight hate with hate?

Can you fight hate with hate?

When your enemy  is intolerant, radical and not ready to negotiate? What is the solution? 

Do you also become just like that ? Fight hate with hate, you may win that war, but are u still you? or have u become them now?

We have an example of this in Mahabharata. Pandavas tried to negotiate , tried all different ways to avoid war. Kauravas were hateful, All they wanted was for Pandavas to be obliterated.  What can you do in this case? If it is you or them, It may as well be you. What happens to all our liberal and peaceful values, to our enlightenment? 

And also, What was the consequence? Kauravas were all killed. Pandavas lost all their children, all the relatives, everything except their land and kingdom. Millions from both sides were killed. The only winner was mother earth, Krishna says this was meant to reduce burden on earth. So it was a win after all?

Is there any better solution? This is happening in the world right now. Everyone is kind of ready to jump on hate wagon. They point at the other side and say look! you are an idiot, you will be slaughtered. There are lot of other problems, other worries which needs the whole world to act like one family to fix.  What do I do? Should I just focus on my own development and ignore all this? 

We are the Witches

Savage daughter

I have sung this song and many like this, sitting by the fire side, May be it was me or May be it was my grand mothers. My wise circle of women, My Ancestors, my mothers speak to me thru this song. My Mothers who were cut down for raising voices, Who were burnt for being clever.  I owe it to you , I m your Savage daughter, I will not lower my voice.

ps: I m a the savage daughter, but Mother has different kind of daughters the kind daughter, the peace keeper daughter, the caring daughter , the wild and sexy daughter  :-) We are all her daughters. 

ps1: Gift -Turkish series on Netflix, is all about this

ps2: Aishwarya Rai is definitely not a savage daughter ! haha

I am my mother's savage daughter
The one who runs barefoot
Cursing sharp stones
I am my mother's savage daughter
I will not cut my hair
I will not lower my voice

My mother's child is a savage
She looks for her omens in the colors of stones
In the faces of cats, in the falling of feathers
In the dancing of fire
In the curve of old bones

I am my mother's savage daughter
The one who runs barefoot
Cursing sharp stones
I am my mother's savage daughter
I will not cut my hair
I will not lower my voice

My mother's child dances in darkness
She sings heathen songs
By the light of the moon
And watches the stars and renames the planets
And dreams she can reach them
With a song and a broom

I am my mother's savage daughter
The one who runs barefoot
Cursing sharp stones
I am my mother's savage daughter
I will not cut my hair
I will not lower my voice

We are all brought forth out of darkness
Into this world, through blood and through pain
And deep in our bones, the old songs are waking
So sing them with voices if thunder and rain

We are our mother's savage daughters
The ones who run barefoot
Cursing sharp stones
We are our mother's savage daughters
We will not cut our hair
We will not lower our voice

We are our mother's savage daughters
The ones who run barefoot
Cursing sharp stones
We are our mother's savage daughters
We will not cut our hair
We will not lower our voice

We are our mother's savage daughters
The ones who run barefoot
Cursing sharp stones
We are our mother's savage daughters
We will not cut our hair
We will not lower our voice

- by Wyndreth Berginsdottir