Oh Dear! I had all these profound thoughts in 2011 and I am still grappling with the same issues until now, more than a decade later - its 2023!?!
I mean these are very meaningful and good tips, how come I forgot this gyan and have to discover it again and again?
1) dont be afraid to be embarrassed, once u are embarrassed and done with it life is better u learn how to live and what to do. after emabrrassement life gets better
2) take cotnrol of ur life - grow up.
3) when any thought comes - remember u chose that thought. so say I choose this thought.
4) every thought is associated with an emotion - so most times its thought first and emotion later... sometimes we may want to break this link between some thoughts and the negative emotions that come with it. - use 3 when dirty thoughts bother :D
5) dont crib about problems to others think - how do I get over this.
6) talking tips from ashok -he is a good talker :) otherwise I dont open up with lot of people
he made whatever i told special - by saying ah this is the first time someone has told this, that is perfect and ah thats a good perspective and so on...so help open up people to make comments
asking questions of interest -which made me give out long answers.
opened the aquintance with an interesting act
7) few more gyans came out at night
i get realy upset about my job - when eversomething comes up i get huge reaction emotionally
8) i have suppressed by ambitious and competitive side - because I think being competitive is wrong- I should shed this belief. also accept my ambitions. i have to accept that I will not be happy doing some small jobs - what ever anyone says. i shudnt believe it. I am ambitious and I should persue my ambition.
there is huge lot of resistance coming up when I try to make CV, it was similar discomfort when I was trying ot make decision for job, then i made some decision just to reduce the discomfort. now also... I wont do it. i wont give up making a good CV just because i am being discomforted. i need to get to the root of this discomfort.
9) I remembered or acknowledged one thing,
I used to be closer to my friends than my family
truth is I felt left out and lonely at home when I was a kid, and I was really jealous of my friends who were close to their mothers, who got affection physical affection from parents, Suma who played cards with her mom. Sandhya and Asha's family because they were 5 brothers and sisters and had a group and I missed being in a group. (This is no longer true in 2023, I think I acknowledged this and got over it, sometimes after. As I have lived away from my parents and as my parents get older, I feel very attached to them. I see their love now. Their reactions when I fell down was heart wrenchingly sweet. The concern was just as if I was 1 year old child. God bless! I also some where along the way got over the complex that they live my brother more - all the spiritual work does pay off han ! )
I defied this feeling by acting out like I didnt need a family to belong or I didnt need a gang to belong, but I admit I have (had)this deep craving for a close friend who is mine and only mine, I am craving to belong but I feel the denial very strong, to pretend that I dont need anyone that I can live alone. this feeling was satisfied when I had a the cats I guess...I guess this also comes out as out and out attachment to one person. I admit this. (Or this may just have been Introvert/Asperges thing In 2023 This is also gone. I no longer attach to one person, In fact its opposite I want to be in a big gang. my gang of Ajjumas is my favourite ). My parents are really great, they really loved me, but they didnt show tat love, or may be once my brother was born I just became cold and assumed that my parents didnt care for me enough. I have a real barrier about getting close to people because I am afraid of getting hurt.. I have developed a very strong ego and a wall against this. the defence is strong and thus I shed light on this shadow.
technical gyan
doubt everything.
dont hesitate to being from the first all over again. the solution may be there attimes..
be industrious and take the tedious path at times without hesitating..
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