If I dont feel it , it must be false

If I dont feel it, it is false and untrue or a pretence or if at all true then it is stupid.
Other peoples feelings are not valid. :-)
This is how it is - for me and for others.

We find it very hard to believe what we havent experienced, naturally I would think. Blind people find it really difficult to believe in light? Colour blind in red and green?

One very strange thing.For some people cucumber tastes really bitter, Strong bitter taste and a very bad smell!! even if a piece of cucumber is in a dish they cant eat the whole dish!!! Its not like they can take away cucumber and eat the rest. :-) The same innocent cucumber which almost tasteless smellless mild and harmless to most of us
When the first person told me he hates cucumber, I just thought he was a fussy  eater who hates vegetables.  Second the same, I rolled my eyes, British people!! Their parents didnt give them veggies when kids!!  Then when one very sensible absolutely non fussy (non British) guy said he hates cucumber - Ah! Then I realised it must not be just fussyness . I asked and googled and found - It could be a special gene which makes these people taste a compound which is tasteless to most of us.  Its completly different perception!
This is a very concrete example, There are many subtle things, each of our drivers are different, so we feel subtle mental carrots and sticks when we do different things, The intensity of these is very different for you and me.
For example, I am a rebel. I can do things which are opposite to what others are doing and its fine. My subconscious does not punish me with any stick(painful) sensations for this. But for another person, As soon as they do something different from others, their breath may be getting shallow, heart rate rising and subtle emotional pain sensations may be generated in their heart region. ( I actually have a post about brain scans of conformists and non conformists) So the point is - taking pride in being brave or being a non conformist is totally pointless. Its because of your genetic makeup or upbringing that we are that way?

Ok - Why this came up?
1) When someone says I feel so much compassion for beggars for example, my mind says - pretense. But in fact they are kinder than me, and I dont like that?

2) because all these women were doing their usual sexist husband worship shit and it got my goat. Many of them are smart intelligent women making up weird excuses for their behaviour  But if they conformist they are just not capable of defying the customs? may be?

3) People find it impossible to accept asexuality, they can believe gay and lesbians, but they cannot believe that some one is not driven by sex. Lot of  people think its a disease or pretence. 

stardust fairy tale

Fairy tales are sexist, I realise I m not just annoyed about how they treat girls - like helpless things being rescued all the time by some prince. But guys as well, They dont have much choice. Some girl asks this guy to get a fallen star to prove his love and off he goes! Arrgh! Really? you are going to go get that star and not ask her to fuck off? Grrr! :-)
I really enjoyed listening to the tale, but being an equalist ( not feminist! I am an equalist) it annoyed the hell out of me at times.

cancer of earth?

Cancer cells are those cells in our body which have mutated DNA so they dont know when to stop reproducing and they dont know when to die.  It starts with one mutated cell, which then reproduces and causes a tumor, then some cells escape from the tumour and go and land in a new organ and start sprouting and causing new tumours.

 On hearing this - the first thought that came to me was - Earth has cancer. Humans dont know when to stop reproducing and we dont know when to die!  We are growing like crazy , exponential population growth and We are aiming for immortality,  and very close to a point, where we wont be able to die( with genetics and robotics solutions)

 Grim and horrible thought -  Humans are not like viruses like famously said in Matrix, humans are like cancer.

ps: Am I getting morbid? 

copying

one lesson I learnt from kids!
2 kids did this. They have no clue how to do something but they are in their "independent and want to do things by themselves" stage of life, right?    being small and having spent only a few years on earth - they have absolutely no idea how to. but these kids they refuse to let you teach.
This gave me an epiphany, There is no shame in learning by copying, this is the only way for the beginner. You cannot figure out everything by ourselves. Phew!  I dont draw and paint a lot because of exactly this reason, I dont want to copy but have no great ideas!! There! that is the point at which the epiphany happens, How can I get good ideas before I learn, and how do I learn if not by copying?  you copy, you learn the basics and you do the rote thing, Then - creativity will happen.  I trying to do original art is exactly like the kids trying to make a kite - both have no idea how and are stupid to not copy.

Classical arts follow this principle very strictly, you are not allowed creativity until you learn the prescribed syllabus. This seemed very restrictive to me, but now I see the point in this. Unless you are an absolute genius freak who has hardcoded knowledge, this is the way to go. 

Being human

Patents, Science and Nobel prize  You have the brains,  you love inventing, you love creating, you love exploring but thats not enough, you want a patent you want money, you want to invent faster than others, you keep secrets, you guard your information, its a rat race. you want the credit, you want fame,  you are standing on the shoulders of giants but you want the Nobel all for yourself. Scientist - You are so so smart, you are a genius, Why are u so human? Why are you so full of suffering?

Super Rich saving tax, You have billions, you have palaces, mansions, islands, yatches, you 4% have more than 96% of humanity, you own everything , you still want to save millions , you dont want to share that little bit so the government can build hospitals, roads and schools? Why are still u so human? Why are u so full of suffering and grasping and insecurity?

We are at the top of the food chain, we are so developed we dont need to worry about our next meal or about living the next day, still why is our condition so tragic and so sad? Why are we still so human? So in the grip of the mind and ego?

To continue 

The book I am reading - Scientists are working on Human gene sequencing, then they hear a "devastating news" a private company announces they have almost completed the sequencing. What is wrong with this? This is what is wrong with our entire culture.
I am trying to find my purse, my mother finds it, Am I devastated? No.
I am trying to find cure for cancer, someone else finds it.. I am devastated. Sadly yes! But what if I myself had cancer? Would I be devastated then, that someone found the cure before me?? No, Then why dont I feel the same way about the rest of the world where so many people have cancer?
If I was in the place of the gene sequencing scientist I would be equally devastated true. - No one likes someone who solves crossword puzzles for you, as the book says aptly.
Something I read in Altruism book comes to mind - how do u know if you are truly altruistic? (  and not doing good things to satisfy the ego? )  If someone else did what good you are trying to do, you would feel happy not irritated. Ideally in true scientific spirit, I would feel happy if someone - anyone - me or other found the solution. But we are too human to be like this - yet. The compensation, the money, the fame - false wealth . The potential benefit of reducing suffering true wealth.
Me too being too human when I lament some scientists not getting credit, they only lost out on false wealth right?

We are too human so see beyond out prejudices
https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/09/viking-warrior-woman-archaeology-spd/
They found this skeleton long ago, Viking woman - high ranking Viking women, but none of the scientist thought that women ranked high in Viking society, so no one recognised this as female. They didn't guess it because -mental blocks!! Hmm How much of our history and archaeology is distorted because of our mental blocks? because white people thought brown people and black people were savages? because they thought subconsciously earth is only 6000 years old.. because God exists or because God doesn't exist etc etc etc?

My uncle falling sick and losing his legs prompted the whole family into spirituality?
My uncles and dad used to attend Gita classes, go for yoga and meditation courses in 1970s. When it was not main stream like it is today. My grand mother learnt to read when she was .. 60 or atleast late 50s so that she could read spiritual books by Sai baba. All my uncles and aunts have this kind of stable and balanced personality... I wonder if this incident contributed into making  them all what they are today?

The point is - every incident and everything that is happening to everyone is shaping them in some way, programming them, The point of life is to get shaped nicely rather than to have pleasant experiences? 

what is the hurry

habits of a life time dont happen in a day or a week or even a year...

I ll be there for you...when the rain starts to fall... 😜

striving

Striving is trying to wake up at 5 instead of 5 30
Striving is trying to do  1 hour meditation, intense meditation
Striving is trying to jump to week 2 of C to 5 K instead of week 1
Striving is what we have been conditioned to do. The need for constant progress/growth.
Striving is swimming (against or towards the current) instead of flowing with the river
Striving is measuring? No striving is not measuring, striving is using measuring to feel dissatisfied.
Its is a feeling inside like greed. - no Striving is caused by a dissatisfaction, its not the cause its the effect.
Cure for Striving is patience,contentment - lack of contentment leads to striving.

Our current culture encourages Striving, Striving is almost a core value
Buddhism asks us to let go of striving - Striving implies attachment to the goal.
Another word which is used a lot is non gripping, non grabbing. If we notice our attitude at any minute, we can feel this gripping and grabbing, for things, for feelings, for moments, for goals.
Same with Yoga - effortless effort.
The more I learn about the two the more I see they are so similar. 

gyan repeats - similar sentiments few years ago...
http://mystic-babe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/stop-trying.html

The point gets across only at the right time.

not gripping

“Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

― Kaleel Jamison

But this is not just about relationship at all, This is about everything. You hear like - desire is the cause of all suffering, it is translated better as cravings are cause of all suffering, letting go of attachments, effortless effort. let go, relax.
In that context. We should hold on to our goals like this, like holding on to sand, firm and steady but not gripping tight. This is what Bhagawad Gita means when they say dont worry about results do your work. Same with yoga poses - this is effortless effort, we are not trying too hard, we are holding the pose but not struggling or striving.
we should hold on every moment like this, like sand, to people offcourse, to our thoughts, to our time, everything.

What is the focus of my life?
Weightloss? Workout sexy body?
Untill a few years ago at least the goals were career /ambition.
We are disillusioned with that and then the goal became health and self improvement
but somehow that has got caught into weightloss and fittness which is indeed an exhilarating goal but.. shallow?
But These days I see something in people and in myself, desire to make things better. small things, less plastic, less energy, sustainable etc etc :-) Light is shining little by little.

decisions

This, I had written down in a book instead of  the blog. I found recently and realised It has indeed made a profound difference to my life.
New year resolution, 2016 Jan I seem to have taken a new year resolution to take decisions. I had realised I was not confidently taking decisions and used to keep things hanging for a long time.  I dont remember working consciously on this but It has made a difference. 🙏🏽 Thank you my past self! You did a good thing.

people are same all over the world
make up and its importance in the west, I was thinking women in the west are so obsessed with looks then Gauri pooja came and sola shringar was being offered to goddesses . Kumkum, bangles, turmeric, flowers to wear in hair etc etc in India.
Seems like making a woman beautiful is somehow central to the cultures itself, not just at individual level.

Its only me who doesnot care about all this, I and the yogis  trying to swim away from the samsara :-D , must have been one in my past life :-P For me, its not Gauri but Shakti! In her pure wild form! Jai Kali! Jai Durga! Jai Amba Bhavani :D No pleasing men and looking beautiful for them, thats not for her! killing the internal asuras and tearing the veils blocking reality! Thats her offering! Your defeated vices are her meat! Being one with the consciousness, with Shiva, by cultivating awareness, that for her is passion and love. To be one with all creation. 

Feeling superior

Ok confession, Hard one, but shouldnt be a hard one because first, I am sure this applies to you as well. Second, because, we should not be ashamed of how things are. We just allow them to be. So, that way we can see exactly how we are and what we are and take it from there. No judgements right? No judgements with ourselves first, only  then  we can do that to others. right?

So I feel superior to some people, well quite a few people. I was reading on a forum, posts by people having difficulties - getting over addictions, having emotional problems, feeling depression, unstable people etc. I felt thank god I dont have this, but the underlying feeling is not gratitude, It is - I am better than them, I am emotionally more stable. In this case I really felt ashamed of feeling superior.
I also feel this way about western poor . I was poorer than these when I was a kid and thought I was middle class and I was pretty happy.  I feel I have come thru from a hard place  ( actually my parents have come from a hard place, I came thru pretty easy, but I didnt have TV or smart phone or pocket money or lot of ..... see I am feeling this superiority right now )  These are the people who need a kick on their backsides, I feel superior to people who pity these who are too soft... When I feel superior to these, I have some more justification in me about it
I also feel superior to - Singers :D Especially when I hear songs about heart breaks . This man is wailing on.. last Christmas I gave u my heart the very next day u threw it away!!! Grrrrr Dude, you should have moved on, Its been a year?   Or some lady is singing - there is lipstick on your collar! Change Station!  Sad loosers :- ) Ok I am Stone heart.  :-D These people I dont even feel guilty about feeling superior.

Ok Jokes apart, Sometimes this feeling is very latent, very subtle - u can see it more easily in other people...feeling superior because of arbitrary and totally unjustified things - like their skin colour or gender or caste.  Ok I have started feeling superior for being from a diverse and non developed country, I have started feeling superiority about having been exposed to different kind of stuff when growing up, like so many languages, no many religions, people following different traditions. I have been exposed to hardship ( dono what hardship again! seriously? What hardship? )  Like that. I feel superior for my parents hardship .

feeling superrior because I think
because I read
because I read spirituality
because I read sci-fi
because I am unemotional
because I am clever
because I am a software engineer
because I am un manipulative
because ....
This is remnding me of a post(or was it a coversation) about how people can be proud of just about anything. Some people are proud of being tidy and some of being messy, some of being clean and some of dirty, some of being hardworking and some of being chilled out. of being beautiful, or about not giving a shit about being beautiful. basically as humans we are blessed with the ability to feel proud of any attribute just because we pocess it! :-D

auto movements

Automatic body movements are actually resistance. When we start paying attention to sensations which we dont normally do, the mental pattern causing it is actually squirming and this is the automatic movement that happens. Usually we are used to listening to the sensation and doing what it is asking us to do without being conscious of it. Instead now u are not acting on it but watching it, our body mind nerves are not used to this, may be this creates the nervous energy which causes movements.
I am guessing the movements will stop when the mental patters get used to being observed and settle down.
Atleast this is how it is, part of the times, Other times its the excess energy which is trying to flow but hits blocks. That kind of auto movements happen in mantra, and chakra based meditations. The squirming auto movement happens in mindfulness and concentration based meditations.

so what the fuss

quick insight because I am sleepy

I am not fussy, I eat all sorts of food, I am not particular about sleeping arrangements, I am not fussy about clothes mine or of other peoples. I am not fussy about haircuts. 

Fussy people irritate me, some people dont eat 90% of veggies, have very narrow choice of food, they can eat only what they are brought up with.  They are stuck to gender stereotypes, have narrow view of what is right behaviour for each gender etc. Am I more evolved than these people? will they become like me if they do spritual practice? 

I may be evolved in many aspects but what about people? This stumped me. I am very fussy about people!!! the kind of people I get along with, who I want to interact with, who I like, who I want to meet. That band is very narrow. I get along with only one kind of people! I behave exactly like those fussy people behave about food, I make a big fuss! I am veryfussy, I am just like the people who irritate me :-(

Anuloma Viloma vs Nadi Shodhana

Alternate Nostril Breathing Pranayama where you breathe in thru one nostril and breathe out thru the other and then breathe back in and repeate. This  is called by two names in Yoga - Anuloma Viloma and Naadi Shodhana. What is the difference?

Apparently the difference is in Naadi Shodhana there is no holding of the breath after you have breathed in. So its breathe in thru left, breathe out thru right
breathe in thru right , breathe out thru left and repeat

Where are Anuloma Viloma is
breathe in thru left, Hold the breath,  breathe out thru right
breathe in thru right, Hold the breath,  breathe out thru left and repeat

The effect of Naadi Shodhana is calming of the mind, but Anuloma Viloma as additional benefits of increasing the Prana in the body.

Ps:  some websites  swap the definition , so one is this and one is that. dono which is which.
Anyway holding the breath one is more advanced one.

Even tho I know that everyone is running on mental patterns which are programmed by society,
Even tho I have studied so much psychology and know that we all have very little self and very little free will.
Even tho I have soak myself in Buddhas teachings and know about samskaras and how hard it is to get rid of them, even tho I know how little mindful I am day to day, moment to moment,
even tho I know that this is all maya and everyone is stuck in samsara,

Why do I still judge people so much  for their choices and their actions?

Happiness book by Matthieu Ricard

How do know if you are truly altruistic and not doing for credit or to assuage guilty feelings?
You will feel happy and not disappointed if someone else does the good deed you were about to do. This is the official test for altruism.
Apparently 15% of the ( western, they havent tested other countries)  population is truly altruistic .

 -  Happiness book by Matthieu Ricard

 which I am not liking much :D because some stupid saint let himself be burnt in place of a thief in the book. Grr Do we have to be stupid to be alturistic? Dude Saint! because of you, now my house is robbed?  etc kind of thoughts coming :D  Also he has gone little overboard selling how good it is to be optimistic and how bad to be pessimistic. I being completely sold on Hinayana Buddhism, want to look at good feelings and bad feelings with equanimity, but Tibetan buddhism is little bit like bhakti yoga focusing on helping others, somehow implying we shud cultivate good. I agree I need to cultivate loving kindness and metta ( I am on it peeps)  and that it makes people happy. but ultimately happy is just as false as fear or anger? Or not? anyway I want that wisdom which tells me the answer to that.

equanimity and awareness are the two wheels of the cart of Vipassana. - Goenka

Dont judge others

Why am I annoyed with other peoples thinking?
I am not talking about what other think about me, but in general what other people think.
Like their opinions on say - Refugees or Muslims or Women or Love or Marriage what ever, Why do I care?

Is it right to care or wrong? Do I have a social responsibility to care?
Is that the same attitude Christian missionaries have, who think they know how to think better than others? ( i.e Bad)
Or Is it the same attitude as Eshwar Chardra Vidya sagar who abolished Sati and supported widow remarriage? ( i.e Good)?

When people say don't judge anyone, are they being a cop-put? Are they really not judging or are they taking easy way out of controversial issues and avoiding offending others ( which again may be good or bad) Then why do I care what other people mean when they day dont judge :D :P

What if Eswar Chadra had not judged women who were committing Sati? Many of them were not forced explicitly but they were doing it voluntarily, the forces which forced them to do it, was the subtle programming since birth by society- which made a virtue out of it, also the circumstances they would find themselves in, if they didn't do it. kind of like emotional blackmail. I see the parallels with hijab and husband worship etc which my friends indulge in.
But  how can I judge them, when I know that they are not responsible for it but the programming is? Did Eshwar Chandra Judge them? Did he take action without judging?
The opposite of judging is understanding, It looks like I am understanding, but then why doesnot judging go away? :-)

who has changed? have you changed or have they changed. How would you know? 

“Beware of the stories you read or tell; subtly, at night, beneath the waters of consciousness, they are altering your world.”

― Ben Okri
So beautifull said, so True and so Chilling.

Thanks M for sharing this with me. 

Detachment vs Love

Avatar the last air bender. Its an amazing animation series. Spiritual, incorporating Eastern Buddhist culture-remix perfectly. They got one thing wrong. that is the thing that almost everyone in the west, for that matter almost everyone ( Except me >:-) ) gets wrong.
This is the basic fear about spirituality for almost everyone  ( except may be a few  peeps like - me ;-D )
"Letting go and being spiritual means not loving a person, detachment means not loving anyone and becoming a zombie." The series got everything right but they are showing personal love as greater than enlightenment. and I dont like that.

If this is wrong then how does it really work? Is it really wrong?
Not exactly, we in our small minds love individuals, our children, our parents, one person we choose as partner etc, this is celebrated as the greatest virtue, It may - in the context of non expanded small minds.
but to enlighten the mind and go beyond right and wrong, then this love probably goes, then our child is as lovely as the neighbours child, they probably genuine feel as sad when they read about 15 dead in car accident as when they hear their parents demise. Or probbaly not feel bad at all in both cases.
When they let go of the personal love, they are filled with universal love, unconditional love for one and all, for all beings not just humans but even for small pox virus and ugly slimy slug which eats their strawberries.

This state is not a zombie state at all, this is a very high level, very superior, very beyond the confines of the small mind kind of love, this is the avatar kind of love.  you and I dont have to fear this because fearing this is like starting couch to 5k for running and fearing that you will break Ussain bolts record and make him feel bad :-D :-D :-D  This is out of our league. ( Unless some enlightened person is reading this, then Sorry :-P )

Love for one person is never greater than love for all, may be be mothers love for her baby, may be be savitri s love for her husband bringing him back from the dead, all these have the self and selfishness at their heart. it is "your" love. It is never ever greater than compassion and love for all beings like the bodhisatvas have. never.

Sometime back I wrote this.
"I  find myself dismissing meditations on objects,dieties,mantras and mandalas as lower level to vipassana which in my opinion is the ultimate. I found myself looking at a Mahayana buddist book and thinking, this chantings and focusing on objects is creating more patterns in our brain, this is not what buddha taught."

http://mystic-babe.blogspot.co.uk/2016/12/am-i-getting-intolerant.html

Sure ways of self realisation - this amazing book explains how all types of meditations work.
In one way it is true that the other ways of meditation create more mental patterns, but the other techniques will help us get to the state where we are able to do vipassana properly faster.
He says Vipassana is like walking towards enlightenment, where as tibetan buddhism(i.e tantra yoga) is going by rocket. (but then who id in a hurry? for some like me we need to understand how everything works, more than be enlightened :-)) also what u choose is based on your personality, for some vipassana is itself rocket fuel like for my cousin and Yuval Noah Harrari )
So my intolerance was short lived (atleast towards other meditation styles, not towards monothiest religions )
The first step in any meditation is controlling the monkey mind, Vipassana uses noticing the breath to achieve this, however this can be achieved by focusing on any object - a word - chanting, an image - mandala,  ishta devata, etc. Mandalas and mantras are like easter eggs which work on our subconscious mind.
Rishis of ancient India knew how to programme our mind with sounds and symbols. These tools will be there with us for a while on the journey, Ultimately like vipassana says we have to break thru these patterns as well to reach enlightenment.

yoga with music

I dont like Yoga classes with music, I find it annoying. I want to concentrate on the poses not music! Duh! and all.
I was not able to do yoga on my own, I found it really hard to continue.  I have done yoga for more than 10 years now, on and off, so I know all the poses, and after the TTC I should have been able to do by myself. but no. not possible.

But put 2 things I dont like together and - Magic :D It turns out, If I play music, I can do yoga on my own and enjoy it ! I figured this out when doing yoga on my own in a hotel gym with music and alone and It went so surprisingly well. but It took me couple of months to realise I could do that at home.
Slow! I know! but I am thankful for this lucky click.

Good luck to me  and May I be blessed with Years/Decade/Centuries ( reincarnation n'all ;-) of self practice. 

When westerners look at poor Indian kids without shoes,  they feel very sad, they want to give them shoes. I feel as if not having shoes is the worst thing in life? When I look at western kids (and rich Indian too)  with too many things, I feel sad, so materialistic, how will they value anything in life? :-)

who is right?

Matthew Ricard is talking about this Tibetan refugee in Bhutan who doesnot have hands or legs, He was carried by someone from Tibet to Bhutan. Hardly ever goes out of his hut. Dirt poor.  Not miserable depressive. Everyone in the village visits him with food or water. They say it makes them feel good to meet him. Ricard says thats because he has inner peace and happiness, which all visitors can feel. Reminded me of my uncle, bed ridden for 38 years, taken care of by others, but his mental state was super strong. Everyone came to visit him just like the other guy, regularly every week.
Actually this reminds me of helplessness, the world thinks of these as helpless, but their minds so stable from inside, inspite of tragedy. They are not denying their emotions, they feel bad sad but that diesnot takever their lives. Inner peace.
That is what I want. Solid rock of stability inside, and melting heart of gold loving kindness :-D

 Sadhana        
                                              Samskaara        
                                                    
                                 Samsaara 
               
           Loving Kindness      
                                                   Monkey mind             
Dukha
                                       Om
          Tapas          
                                              Sankalpa 
                              Metta 

Helplessness

Left brain mode today, so it will be analytical and preachy. :-P

Helpless is of 2 types
Helplessness about the outside circumstances
Helplessness,  the feeling we get within.

Helplessness in circumstances is beyond our control, just like everything else. Astroid is going to hit earth, Something that happened in the past, Child is dying, incurable disease etc. We are very small player in this big world, so there are lots of circumstances not under our control.

Helplessness inside is the reaction inside us to outside circumstances, we can do something about this. My first reaction to this is, If we are feeling like this, there is scope for improvement in our thinking.

We feel helpless when
- we judge a circumstance as bad
- Then we think that we are responsible and we should be doing something about this situation
- Then we judge that we failed cause we cant do anything about it.

The solution to helplessness is acceptance. First accept - circumstances are neither good nor bad, its just our judgment. even being burnt in Hilters camp.
Second, most of the things in this world are not under our control, we should develop wisdom to differentiate those that are under our control and those that are not. we should stop worrying about those beyond our control and accept them - cause - seriously there is no other choice. and for those things under our contorl - we are no longer helpless.
The third thing - failure. Well this is the worst of all, We can do our best and leave the results to circumstance to the universe to Krishna. That is all we can do, the work is under our control, the result is not. So judging as failure is a Big waste :D :P

Samsara like samskara is also something craved by the house holder and shunned by the monk. 

kindness

Kindness

Ok I wanted to write nice things about kindness, Kind, feel good things, but I think I will write about why I dont like kindness sometimes, what are my mental blocks about it. Whether what I dont like is actually kindness or not? Or I am again being too "mental" about it all? :-P

There is resistance to doing kindness, or being kind in me. I sometimes link it to self harm, by being kind I may be harming myself? Am I a sucker?

Kindness may be considered weakness - I judge many people who seem kind on the outside as weak. They are doing to avoid conflict? Am I judging them too harshly.

more than as weak many times I see kindness as stupid , people giving money to obviously fake beggars, which increases the number of these horrid people on the streets. forwarding "please share this in 2 secs her father will stop smoking" kind of things.

I also think there may be hidden motives - what if they are trying to curry favour, trying to please someone? trying to make someone like them.

ha ha! yes I am a B :D I think like this only, I cant help it, I am high IQ low EQ person ok :P

Other people being kind makes me look bad. Is that why I find it too hard to give the label of kind to other people?

There are so many instances where I feel like calling out, that is not kindness. My friends are vegetarian, and they claim it is because of their kindness, but I think its because of their samskara the way they are brought up and wrapping it as kindness.

My MIL and such women, doing things for their men, Its how they have been conditioned, but they think of themselves as kind.

I know such a judgemental piece right? May be shobha is right, we need to think of instances where people do something for others total strangers and not for family. 

I give way to others while driving 3 types of mentality - 

1) give way to assholes :D because they are blocking the road and things will move faster if I give way. 

2) give way with a sense of duty, because things will move smoothly if I drive like this. 

3) Sometimes rarely, when I dont expect someone flashes lights and gives way.  I feel happy, I do the same for someone, makes me feel good. that may be kindness? Is the difference only in attitude and not action?

Can I ever judge others action as Sucker/people pleaser? only they know how that made them feel. may be they are kind.

We shud not be obligated to be kind, so trying to be kind - is out. it will probably only build resentment. and trying will always be with a sense of duty. may be try to cultivate a sense of love for all and then kind actions will happen automatically?

I gave 100£ to starving people in somalia, was that kind? or sense of guilt for being prevailed?

did it make me feel relieved or happy? did I do it with love or shame or pity? 

I did it with a sense of fairness.  I have started feeling its wrong that some of us, earn this much lead such a comfortable life, just because we are lucky. Its not fair. but did I feel love for them ? I dont know.  May be my way will be like this, because I am a thinker after all..

contentment

What does it mean to me - contentment
words that come to me is, It is opposite of  "I want" = "Enough"
contentment is Buddha.  In my mind - contentment is always simple, down to earth, straightforward. minimalist, zen, white, light blue, pastel colour anyway . old man resting under a coconut tree in the afternoon.

How do u get it?
If you want to be content, you are not :-) Looking for contentment itself is not being content :-)
Can we be content with being not content :-)

related words
Acceptance - only content implies joy, acceptance implies neutral
So content is "Enough" with a smile .
Gratitude - is a way to contentment.
Awareness - is also a way into contentment. "I want" focuses on what all we dont have, where as we usually already have what we need ( otherwise we would be dead :D ) Can we have gratitude with our awareness of what all we have?
Gratitude is Awareness + emotion

Gratitude is exploring the current situation and seeing it in its entirity and knowing what all is responsible for my current situation- with a positive light offcourse, This will surely bring contentment, because if we are alive, we must have more things to be grateful about than not :-D

Am I content?  At moments may be. trying to be :D (Psst! That means I am not content with being discontent! Sheeesh!!! )
On the way to contentment - Trying to make "wants" small and have more "enoughs".  Simplify.

same old problem with Bahubali

Bahubali movie is great and amazing and all that. but then again I have the same old problem with it, the greatness of blood lines, glorification of royal blood yadda yadda yadda
Same rant about Game of Thrones Jon Snow
http://mystic-babe.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/inheritance-game-of-thrones-spoiler.html

Have u seen how super human Bahubali is, not just him, his uncle, grand uncle are also super duper strong. Why? because he is kings son.
Were these kind of stories told in old days to fool people into believing that royalty was some kind of super human superior being. much bigger than normal people? Was it a propaganda an advertising campaign to keep normal people in their places? Even today lot of people believe good things happen if kind saw them, touched them etc. everyone is crazy about blood lines.

climbing up a rock, climbing down into a clear stream, dipping face in ice cold water, walking bare foot on cold cold grass and on spikey stones. placid clear lake, huge green mountains, fog, mist and rain.
temple in the middle of the stream, pine wood tree god, growing in between rocks in really strong current. The spirit of the stream :-)
wood bridges, black slugs, ferns.
in mother natures lap, feeling whole and connected. <3 br="" nbsp="">

feel like a woman

some people feel like that, I ... I feel like this.

At the core of my being I think  I am a 12 year old boy :-) with a runny nose and close cropped round head and black nails and streaked face short and skinny for my age :D with big khakhi chaddi and shirt with a lost button and a missing tooth. Looks like I am a poor village boy from 1970s or 80s :-)
I love insects and bugs and puss and wounds :D and jumping and climbing and experiments. I love to catch crabs or explore the bhoot bangla or the jungle behind the school. I like mud. I like frogs. I do my homework with my tongue sticking out under dim yellow bulb sitting on the floor with my desk :-)

At the core of being am I  a 10 year old girl. a tomboy with 2 pigtails with faded red ribbon, a longish handed down pinnafore skirt and a shirt with button missing, at the core of my being am I always a poor kid :-DI dont have runny nose or missing teeth but I think I have lies in my hair, I keep scratching my head. I love to catch the lies and squish them between my nails :D I like lotus and small grass flowers, I spend hours on the way back from school looking at grass and ants and insects and spider webs. I look at tree hollow and imagine houses of pigeons and squirrels. I look at the lake and imagine a underwater world, my friends are the girls who stay in huge shells at the bottom of the lake who turn into fish or into girls. Unlike the boy who is bubbly and outgoing, I am quite and contemplative and sensitive, I smell tiny flowers, I make friends with mice and rats and spiders and grass hoppers and butterflies. I let catterpillers crawl on my hands and kiss them and dont expect them to turn into princes .  I talk to plants and they talk back. I climb to the top of the trees untill I am out of the canopy and I can see very very far, I imagine a vast wonderful kingdom of the lion king.  and I imagine I am the king of the monkeys( - see  I can be both king or queen prince or princess it doesnot matter.  )  monkeys of this tree, I hear a monkey screech and I am scared, I run home real fast - I am scared of the monkey teeth. Amma at home gives me hot dosa to eat with ghee, I sit on the floor and eat that dosa on a steel plate, amma is making that dosa on a fire - I think we are poor and in 1970s :-)

At the core of my being I may be a 80 year old lady,  always a 80 lady and never a 80 year old man :D or may be 100 year old witch with potions and spells and healing and stories, not poor any more, not even in the 80s, somewhere in the west or in the Himalayas, with western clothes and in a western stone villa :-)  This old lady definitely lives inside Studio Ghilbli animations :-)

Actually at the core of my being I could be a 80 year old man, bald head and robes, skinny to the bone, with wise twinkly eyes may be white beard may be clean shaven, may be a sitting cross legged on a magic carpet and flying overs desserts and mountains over China and Russia and Afghanistan :-)
 

loving kindness

Is there something like worlds happiest man? Is it even possible?
Meet Mathieu Ricard
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2225634/Is-worlds-happiest-man-Brain-scans-reveal-French-monk-abnormally-large-capacity-joy-meditation.html

Scientists who study meditation did brain scans on Mathieu and found that his readings were off the charts! They couldn't believe that a human could have this kind of readings for feelings of well-being. Off course he is like Usain Bolt of meditation may be, He may be wired for happiness, but he says its all due to Meditation, specifically Loving kindness meditation.

Frankly Happiness is great to have, but its not my goal, I think curiosity and deciphering the mysteries of the world come before this for me ( believe it or not :P ) Also being a fan of Buddha and loving his teachings I tend to think that happiness is as transient as sadness. May be there is another reason , less lofty and more human - it is embarrassing for me to be pursuing happiness- I see it as sappy, corny pursuit, another very human reason why I would not go behind happiness is I fear disappointment. Then why am I impressed by the worlds happiest man? :-).

There are different kinds of meditation, 1000s of kinds,  like there are 1000s of kinds of workouts, there are 1000s of kinds of workout for the mind. Which of these is the best? Just like we cannot say which workout is the best, we cannot say which meditation is the best.
Listening to this man I was convinced that one thing I need to add to my meditation practice is loving kindness meditation. May be I won't be the worlds happiest person, but may be we will be happier than todays Deepa? :-)
Googles own buddhist teacher, in his interview said a very nice thing. 2 things -
How to meditate? What is the shortest time for meditation? He said One Breath. Breath in - Breath out. Thats it. Thats the shortest meditation.
Then what is the shortest Loving kindness meditation, He said - just think of any person and wish them well - May be this person be Happy/ May this person be well. Thats it. Try it he says. Try it. It does feel good.
Loving kindness meditation is very simple - We first wish ourselves well, then we wish a very loved person well, then a stranger who is neutral, then we wish a person who we don't get along with well. Then we wish all the beings and the whole world well. This is like bench pressing our compassion muscles.
 I am a very logical person, thinker, This needs to be balanced by some softness. Loving kindness also helps intellectual people to get out of their heads and thoughts and develop some empathy and some understanding.  May be it will also give emotional backing to the good thoughts and turn intellectual knowledge into wisdom? :-)

automatic body movements

I have been looking for the answer to this - "Automatic body movements during meditation" since a long long time and as usual Yoga is awesome, it is beyond mind blowing the amount of knowledge they have/had. ( as usual, this amazement in somewhat accompanied by anger towards all who dont acknowledge)

Lot of people said it was Kundalini awakening,and I was sceptical about that because u know Kundalini awakening is a very advanced stage and I was not anywhere near it.
It is called Pranothana, increase of energy in the body, which acts somewhat like Kundalini but no where near as intense. Pranothana clears the body of some blockages and prepares it for Kundalini apparently. :-)

More details here
http://www.yogamag.net/archives/1979/cmar79/prano.shtml

The best way to deal with this is just let them happen, treat them like thoughts, they come and they probably stay and then they go, we just notice that movement started, movement is happening, movement stopped. Let it happen.

It is a sign of changing times that in 2005 when I looked for answers to such things, very very obscure links turned up and now google, quora and every thing is full of answers to these things? Is this the sign that earth is moving towards more spirituality?

fermentation

Fermentation really interests me, I mean it makes stuff taste awesome. No no I didnt just down alcohol :P I just ate sour dough bread! Yummy!
After easily making idly but struggling to make Yogurt, I am wondering what would happen if I add yeast to milk :-D Well I vaguely knew that yogurt fermentation is bacterial and not yeast.. but then I also had a thought that fermentation is fermentation.  so .. this link. It provides all possible answers to all possible types of fermentation.

http://phickle.com/all-fermentation-is-not-lactofermentation/

basically, Bread Idli etc are yeast fermentation, so u can use the bread  yeast to ferment Idli, but Yogurt is bacterial, lacto bascillus ( Oh comeon! I knew this, Science blindness infected me for a short while ) All the sour veggies like Kimchi are bacterial. 

conflict between inner and outer

Should I spend all the effort on the inner improvements because that is what is real?
but the lack of improvement/progress  in outer world is scaring me, should I put some effort there as well? Especially when I see others improving and going further.
My heart is not in it, but is it possible at all to focus on the inner world while being worried about the outer?
At the current state of development I am in, is it possible to let go of the outer like some people seem to have done? Like the monks, like the happiest man in the world etc?

There is once aspect of inner development which I am not concentrating on at all, that is loving kindness and compassion for others and also the helping and karma yoga part.

The outer development can be in these areas as well - right? This will also help with inner development. Is this the solution?
I am really not braving the world and putting myself out there for anything, spiritual or non-spiritual. The focus on inner may be an excuse to avoid putting myself out there.

So this is how it goes, my mental state these days, the bliss of one month of yoga having long faded :D

The thoughts that my outer ego is pushing me towards are

Develop social skills
Start caring about the impression I give - i.e image
Network - attend conferences/shows - meet up people
Re orient career - apply for google, apply for higher post
Treks
Solo travel
Triathlon or some achievement
Yoga some achievement
Meditation some achievement
Teach yoga/Pranayama workshop
Show people :D - by being slim, by looking good, by earning more, by showing happier lifestyle
Good grooming, good clothes, make up etc - again part of image
Meet up and take tips from some people

I like audio books read by women more than by men :)

I love audio books and podcasts in genral, but the actors who read (??? narrate, a better word ) the books are sooo awesome. Lot of love.

resistance

Be aware of mental resistance, accept resistance is there, dont fight resistance, just notice it.

Resistance is there, It is the enemy of understanding, but still its fine, no fighting it. 

Resistance comes from past experience, It is the reaction to the past situation, not the current situation.

you are a different person now, the situation is different now, so, is the same reaction relevant? It may be, it may not be.

Are all generalisations resistance?

Resistance can be recognised by this feeling of blocking out, no no no no, I dont want to listen, I dont want to look, I just know that it is going to be horrible :D Making a decision before examining is resistance.

Stubborness  is resistance

Indignation is resistance

Resistance actually feels like physicsal resistance, like wading thru think viscous liquid, it feels like dragging a heavy weight on the floor, making a grating noise. resistance is when u close ears, eyes and shout lalala la to prevent ourselves from hearing everything.

Resistance is what I m feeling towards meeting people

Resistance is what I m feeling towards western  mindfullness

Another definition of resistance is - Resistance to the current moment. Not accepting the current moment, we spend most of our lives in this state :-)

samskara

It is not co-incidence that the same word samskara is used for traditions, not just traditions but the value system itself thst is passed on from generation to generations, that which makes a person who they are and for repeated pre-programmed mental patterns. Even by definition we can see that they are the same thing. 

What I find funny is the contrast in how they are treated in these two different contexts.

Householders and families value samskara beyond everything, how a person is brought up holds at most importance, parentage and ansestory. Our children will preserve and carry forward our tradition. On the otherhand for a seeker, samskars are something to be rid, It is of atmost importance to be free of samskaras, its lifes mission almost :-) 

Context is everything. For an average person, sanskaras ensure moral behaviour, it needs awareness to be aware of our own programming and drivers, i.e the samskaras. When we graduate from being mere users of the software to architects and developers of our programs then we can be rid of samskaras. most spritual paths start with instilling positive samskaras, a few go beyond that.

Enlightenment is when we rid ourselves of even the last samskara.

Change your narrative

Yes! This is what The Secret and NLP are all talking about.  If our memories are just narratives- No "if" there!! Our memories are just narratives. Our beliefs and thoughts are also just narratives. Its a good thought experiment to try when we are being hit by negative thoughts,  to see if we can change into an opposite narrative. (Ultimately philosophy says there are no negative thoughts- positive thoughts, They are all just Maya. That is true, but to realise that truth, the thought machine aka our monkey mind shud stop, and for that positive state of mind is more conductive.  )
With the vast memory bank that we have, we can pick and choose any narrative we want about ourselves, It will feel true - I am lazy or I am hardworking. I am liked by no one to I am loved by people, I am smart to I am so Dumb, I am ugly or I am beautiful.
When there is no narrative we are cheerful and buzzing, Monkey mind can however swing in a second, in response to a thought or a comment by someone and create a whole saga , a whole tragedy out of our life. My life is a waste :D

When we make excuses or lies this is what we do, we consciously create a whole narrative to tell other people, what we are not realising is that, this is what our brain is doing to us as well. Its not exactly a lie, but it is making up a meaning full thread out of a string of facts, but there are so many facts that, there is creative liberty in how they can be arranged.

I think, Changing narrative experiment should be a one off thing, being aware of the narrative should be the staple 24/7 thing. This is where I disagree with The Secret, which recommends, changing narrative to positive as something staple, but then this may be what is required for people with seriously delimiting narratives- like anorexia etc.

Buddhist Metta or loving kindness meditation is one such, changing the narrative of our brain to positive type of meditation. Off course! Just realised Yoga nidra is ultimately aiming at achieving just this, we are asked to feel cold, then warm, heavy then light, pain and then pleasure, once you are expert at non emotional things like this, we can even attempt this at emotional things. :-) Gratitude journal is also this. which btw is such an amazing tool. It should be taught at school!

How it all fits

It feels like its all part of a big jigsaw puzzle. Each part getting clear at some point, slowly see that they may be joining in and merging into one thing. We dont know what the final picture is. Wait and watch. 

mirror mirror on the wall

Shit! The biggest illusion of all times has been staring at us in our face all the time and we didnt even know it! Literally staring at us in our face - in - the - mirror!

Stand about arms lenght from the mirror and look at your face, It looks life size? Now reach forward and meassure the size of the head (in the mirror not your own :-p ) with your hand, You will see that the reflection is actually tiny, only half the size! 4-5 inches!  You can compare the meassure with your real head and see that.  Even tho we know this, Our brain compensates for this size and we will not be able to accept that, the head in the mirror is small :-)

Fact by Betty Edwards in the book - Colour. She calls it size constancy, We need to get past this illusion to draw realistic drawings.
She is the same lady who wrote Drawing from the right side of the brain. I love her. Her perception of  how the brain works with respect to vision is just amazing. She is enlightened in that aspect :) Many artists over ride all these illusions naturally and draw, paint beautifully but they are not aware of it, Its instinct so they wont be able to tell you. She is exceptional in that, she is so analytical and aware of all these processes that are happening when she/people draw and paint accurate, So she is able to teach others how exactly to be like a natural artist! She is amazing :) I find her books fascinating and eye opening. 

Narratives not history, Narratives not news

We only have narratives not reality - Just like Ulidavaru Kandante :-) Life is just like Ulidavaru Kandante!
What is the origin of Sufis? One person said, Its Islam influenced by Hinduism, I saw a documentry which said Its Christian monks who got converted to Islam and continued thier monestic life, The book I am reading links then to Persiab Maggi. who were esoteric Zorashtrian priests from over 3000 years ago. I said, I am open to multiple narratives.
When talking about some other contemporary incident again I found myself asking, What is his narrative, Not - "what happened?" but  "What does he say happened?", Then I realised this and thought with social media, we hear so many versions of a story, there is no fact any more, only Alternate facts ;). There are only narratives, no truth.
But then, this is true, of everything not just "these days" and "social media". Whole of history is like that, narratives, not facts.  Our memories are like that! Its all narratives.
Two people can have totally different versions of the same incident and its perfectly fine because its all narratives. If facts are so questionable and variable then what about opinions and such? 

I am a philosopher

I am a philiospher :) This is a pompous thought but If I have to categotize my self, I would put myself up as this.

Reading this book about Isabel Dalhousie who is a philosopher, Its P G wodeshose type fiction, written mostly to voice out his thoughts by the author, Alexander McCall Smith. Nice easy going light read, I find, I too indulge in the same kind of reasoning and thinking as Isabel, wondering about the morality of things, thinking about differences between people and why, chastising myself for uncharitable thoughts but still thinking them, Basically enjoying thinking.

Wonder if that makes me a Philospher :) 

Wheel of life

Indian Moghal art was inspired by Persian Art, Which was Inspired by Chinese Art, Which was inspired by Ancient Indian Buddhist art!
Nepali and Tibetan Buddhist art is inspired by Chinese Art and Indian art. The Diety is drawn using Indian style, The surroundings in Chinese :-)

More on this art ...coming soon.
Sacred Geometry, Mandalas and Yantras and the effect of Geometry on our brain ( our software ) is fascinating! Cant wait to dig in and find out more.

CANCEL CANCEL = Not cancel :D

Cancelling of classes on my gym website is not working!
Grrr I should complain about it.
How come others are able to cancel? I know others are able to cancel because slots are being opened up on fully booked classes and everything.
I have tried about a 100 times, from my phone and PC
Is it only me? Is it the i-phone? Why is it failing both on my PC and phone?

Ok I am going to write them a mail

Hi Gym people,
 I am not able to cancel my classes .. bla bla bla
I even get the popup which says are you sure u want to cancel the booking.
Nothing happens when I press CANCEL! ....  CANCEL! CANCEL???  Oh Shit CANCEL! :-D
I have been pressing CANCEL on that popup each and every time.
Ha ha :-)
Actually you know its not stupid, Its a trick question :-P
Are u sure you want to Cancel the class?  two options
CANCEL  OK
Does CANCEL mean CANCEL The class or CANCEL the pop up? :-P It should be YES and NO.

Its NOT my fault :P The UI is not intuitive :P 

how does feng shui work

I finally figured out how Feng shui works, How blessings work, How mantras work!
Do you actually think they don't work?
Try a small thing, Ask a friend to point a finger at your face , and keep moving closer. Like it?
experiment two, Open the door of a cupboard and sit under that door, feel uncomfortable?
Not enough? Hand a big sword, very securely from the roof, and sit under it.
All these feel very uncomfortable, even tho they don't touch us or harm us. The anticipation of danger? The danger posed by the sharp object is enough to make our subconscious uncomfortable.

Feng-shui and yoga say that the pointed fore finger has a very strong energy, thats why pointing at anyone is not recommended. How is it possible for our finger to emit energy? yes Physically it is impossible, but - But the finger not only exist in the physical world, does it?  It also exists in your mind. Actually from our perspective, it only exists in our mind. .and this object in our mind, is perceived as a threat by our subconscious, this perception of threat emanating from the finger is called energy by the ancients.
You know what, this is not the only thing that exists in 'mind only',  what about beauty? Does physics explain beauty? :) Beauty doesn't exist in real world, It is subjective and exists only in our mind, so does the most sought after commodity of our times - Love and of course God.  so something that exists only in the mind is no less valuable or tangible than physical objects, sometimes even more important.
Anyway, so spaces bedrooms houses exist in our mind and these are subject to "energies" orientation etc.
The mandalas and yantras - Sacred geometry, Basically are designs which affect our sub conscious.
http://www.yogamag.net/archives/1991/bmar91/mym.shtml
Mantras are the audio equivalent of this.
what basic sound has what effect and what basic symbol has what effect on our mind is studied in tantra. We need tremendous amount of awareness to feel them affecting us, but in general we can feel the difference in "energy" when we change the furniture arrangement for the better, or when we go into "good" homes.

You improve small things and it makes big difference, like I sprayed lubricant on my curtain track and now I realise how horrible and grating it was before. Throwing away or fixing broken things,  taking away trip hazards ( your house may not have them, mine always does :P )

Jana gana mana was selected as the best national anthem

He he, It wasnt. Actually I just told off my mother for forwarding a message like that. Then I doubted myself.. what if? This is a freak stupid age.. may be? I googled and Offcourse still no award by UNESCO.  I was laughing about this and my friend says Italian national anthem is the best! grr!( He is  from Venezuela, its not boasting. Clarifying before you judge)
All this made me check out the national anthems of different countries, You know what? They are all so damn similar! They are all designed to produce the same feeling, pride and belonging and nationalism and greatfulness in you! I bet I have heard every one of them before, in some form or orher, probably as  patriotic songs in movies etc?y
I felt teary eyed and ready to die for my country after every single one of them, even tho I didnt understand the words! :D It was too hard to continue as I got so emotional and overwhelmed!  :D I know! Totally crazy!
Someone more musically knowledgable will probably tell me they are all the same raaga or the same some damn thing. Most of the western ones are based on western classical music, not surprisingly. Even the Chinese and Pakistan national anthems sounded similar to this to me. Were all nationsl anthems created begining of this century? They seem like military song of early 20th century and all inspired from each other. Indian one is different in tone but not in quality.
I am not a musical expert but I can also clearly tell that Its either the tempo or the increasing pitch which makes us feel like this.  I shud ask someone to analyse this for me
Israel national anthem - slow emotional high strung. 1920s feel. Nostalgia, war, soldiers on snow. feel like crying, hope, discipline, want to work for my country. Reminds me if russian/japenes songs . playing in background wgen thier soldiers git ready for war. meloncholy, I like
South Africa - western classical, glory pomp and show
australia - sound of music, bit lighter on emotion, feel good
polish choir+military+ western classical
Afghan - familiar, .is it similar to Indian?
Pakistan - ok this is so familiar, Its not the british one but not able to place
russian similar but more urgent and emotional
This is really challenging my not so musical ear! ha ha ha! so interesting but I am not abke to place then wrt to each other
China- western classical!?  up beat! duty, march ahead
south korea - slow, choir. same old! doesnot reflect their culture! or is eastern music also like this?
North korea - army song, more high pitch emotional
Japanese - grim,slow sad sun rise, praise of king, choir respect, eastern feel for the first time. The song u would play when brave queen died at the end of movie :)
Indonesia- patriotic, military, similar to afghan? pride
So far, If Unesco did give a prize, it shud be to Indian one, it is the only different one so far?  not based on western music? Also more importance to vocal than instruments. most unique one for sure.
Nepal - Vocal upbeat non western classical, but again one of the patriotic tunes.
Mongolia - strts uniquely with a gong - but same later on
Iran - Oh my god! I gave surely heard this :)

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2010/02/why_do_all_national_anthems_sound_the_same.html

Indeed they originated end of 19th century
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_anthem

blogger is horrible on ipad- i m going to edit this only when i am next on pc. X-(

Daffodils are like batteries, basically all root bulbs, The speed with which they grow in spring! wow!
Save up energy and go up in a burst! 

Ikea effect

What is hell?

Hell is a place where you get what ever you want without any effort.

This is some story I read

Little Prince also is teaching me this, in its own way -"The water is the well was sweet like no other, The sweetness was born of the walk under the stars, the song of the pulley, the effort of my arms.It was good for my heart like a present."

I learnt this lesson a little bit when I started gardening, I didnt like my garden at all, only when I started tending to it myself, every leaf became precious. 

May be this is why I pity the kids for their thousand gifts and their genie parents who give them everything, I wonder if they are missing tasting the sweetness of effort.

May be my grandma thought the same about us and may be she was right. 

This reminds me of Dan Arielys book and his Ikea effect, offcourse this is the Ikea effect !!!!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/IKEA_effect

 :-)

LOL, It this why parents over evaluate thier kids as well? ;) Incidentally The paper is called Ikea Effect: when Labour leads to love. 

what is the difference between Agnisara and Nauli?

Agnisara and Nauli both involve exhaling fully and sucking back our abdomen into this concave shape and then moving the ab muscles. In Agnisar you move the abdomen in waves up and down, This is comparatively easy to do, It is the beginner version. In Nauli you move the abdomen left and right! This is what Dr Raj Kumar does in the movies :-) He is soo cool! :-) Nauli is an advanced practice which needs lots and lots of control of the ab muscles to do.
Udiyana Bandha is the first part, You exhale fully and then such the abdomen back into the spine and pull it up  to push the diaphragm up and cause some kind of lock.
All three involve holding the breath out untill finished.

Check out Nauli at 1:42

Here is the beginning of my post. And here is the rest of it.

bad science

I wrote this post a couple of months ago, Science Blindness,  I wrote this after I offended a few people by telling them.. Ahem!.. the Truth. I corrected them, publicly on Facebook or Whatsapp. Not even rudely at that. I said look this is not true, this is hoax etc, just plain and simpel. but it was not taken well :-P People took offence. They thought I was saying things to put them down or to show that I was more intelligent. I mean it was not a personal offence, They took offence against my whole "type".

But Just look at this....

Rajasthan education minister claims cows exhale oxygen; leaves Twitterati baffled

This poor man has gone and made an epic fool of himself at the National level. This would have never happened to him,  if he had me as his Facebook friend ;-) 

 I corrected my cousin about the exact bloody same forward about cows inhaling and exhaling oxygen - I said science committed suicide after reading this :-P  You know I drew a lot of flack for that but actually, in reality, I am doing a great social service!!! Even tho I may not be liked for saying it, I am doing it, A sacrifice :P  They may be blind but I am opening their eyes instead of being nice and allowing them to be fooled!?! Isnt it?

( Dear God!! Guess what the writer of that article has written  "Here’s a fun fact, though. Cows do not exhale oxygen! In case this statement should lead you to question your education. Rather, they are known to exhale methane, an asphyxiant gas known for bringing down oxygen levels in the atmosphere. " I am suppressing my strong desire to find that guy and murder him, science blindness being a true handicap not withstanding! X-(   )

confused priority of our times

Rani Padmini was( may be) insulted and a film producer was slapped.
Sashikala has become the PM of TamilNadu.
Trumph has become the President of US and is bringing in, laws against the environment.
There was an attack on a mosque in Quebec by a French man, 4 people were killed.
There was a knife attack by a Muslim man in Paris and he was shot dead by soldiers.

I have an opinion about all these, and I wasted a lot of time expressing it on social media.
The point is, the priority I give to each of these is directly proportional to how much coverage it gets in social media. If my friend list people post something reactionary on this, I react.
The intensity of my reaction is not at all dependent on how important that issue is,  it is more of a reaction to what is happening on facebook and watsapp. 
Its not just me, Everyone is swaying with the tides of social media viral posts. No one is sailing with any purpose or direction. It is so easy to manipulate the poor souls ( including me , ok me a little harder Cynical B that I am :D )
For example, no body talked about or cared about the Quebec Canada shooting, except some Canadian friends liking a few sympathy posts, no for-against debates, no controversy, nothing. So I didnt react to it at all.
But a similar shooting of normal people by in Paris has caused a huge hue and cry and people changed profile picture to France flag, Why no Je sui Quebec Mosque victims? That is not the point.

Shouldn't we pick and chose our battles rather than let our energy be diluted by giving equal importance to each and every new item. In the context of things, How important is the Padmini issue? I have wasted thoughts and words on it. How many news bites were wasted on it? It is totally irrelevant to me.

In one of the courses I went, they asked us to question things when we got upset, Will I care about this incident in 5 days? In 5 months?  in 5 years? If the question to atleast first 2 questions is no, is there really any point in getting upset about it?
May be same kind of filter should be applied to the news issues as well, 

Along with that, How much can I care about? Earth is huge and there are problems in all corners. so How do I filter that? 

What I see as the most eminent problem and most important issue is exactly this, the ease with which people are swayed and manipulated, the lack of self awareness among us and our reactionary nature. Nothing, Nothing else is a bigger problem than this. 
So - at most priority should be given to mindfulness of myself and work towards it? Try to notice and observe my reactions towards these and continue on this life. Thats what I should do. 
Others peoples awareness? We will see. I cant tackle that without being aware first.

Fluid not Fickle

We need to be fluid with our ideas not fickle.  Fluid as opposed to rigid, ready to mould and change, not hard and brittle.  not change like a fickle weather cock to  fit in with what others think.

When others have the same goal as you, how do you feel?

Do you feel happy about meeting a kindred spirit or do you feel competitive?
This is because, me was feeling uneasy and uncomfortable and full of self doubts after some people declared they have similar goals like me. Its not like I felt competitive, It was like WHAT? This person? It gave my ego a little bit of a jolt by saying 1)everyone is doing it 2) even people like this are doing it, are all those who do it ( including probably me) are fake.

When some people are interested in the same things as me and have the same goal as me, It makes me really happy. You like yoga? I like yoga too! You want to simplify things? I want to, too! What all are you doing? tell me! give me tips, I want to be better. Lets do something together. etc.
But when some other people say the same thing, I can feel my face getting smaller. Oh Is it? Oh you did Yoga with this personal trainer for 6 months? Such a materialistic and manipulative person, Yoga didnt change him?
Oh you are mindfulness instructor? That is great! In my mind? Such a fake person! Inspite of doing mindfullness. Is mindfullness useful at all.
You believe in being less materialistic? In my mind - but this woman is such a show off, Is always interested in showing others how well off she is! so materialistic and she believes in simple life? *roll eyes*

I feel like these things have become buzz words, just like people dropped buzz words during meetings, now people drop buzz words during personal conversations as well. These things Yoga, mindfulness and environment and everything have become such cool things that everyone seems to  want to be seeing doing it.
Fittness too - In that case more people are more genuine ( atleast I can accept more people are more genuine)
Still makes me too feel like a sheep! Am I like this? Am I a buzz word generator, Am I also just doing the in things? Am I a fad follower!

I also feel these people compete with me when I talk to them, The tone seems to be like - Oh u do it? I do better. I dont know if this is in my mind or if the attitude is in them. In any case it is bothering me.

It really bothers me that mindfulness is only seen as something for stress reduction or yoga as only for fitness.
It really bothers me when materialist and manipulative people drop words like mediation and consciousness.
It really bothers me that some of them even seem to be into it quite deeply.
It really bothers me that it bothers me :-D I feel like -  I should welcome them, but I dont, I hate them.
It really bothers me that this may be bothering me, because it is taking away my USP from me
It really bothers me that all this is a fad
It really bothers me that all this may be a fad and I am into it, also because of the fad. :-D

Uffff!!!! These people have really bothered me today!!!

7 year itch

Actually Its  8 years since this blog has started! First post was on 19/01/2009.
It was when Obama became president and my heart had leapt with joy.
Incidentally Yesterday it was Trump :-)

Full circle shall we say?

Now TBD is like a dear friend who I come back to ever so often, conversation between the me I was and the me I am.  I am glad I kept this blog. 

Demystifying mindfulness assignment 1

Instructions

Write a short reflection about which of the stereotypes discussed in this module means most to you? Which is most similar to your own opinions, which furthest away? Do you recognise yourself in any of them? Are you a mindfulness ninja? Do you fear becoming a zombie? Do you have a view on whether such stereotypes have use or value? Are they useful for you? Write 250-500 words.

How do you relate to the grand preconceptions?

I find the 4 archetype preconceptions of mindfulness really accurate and relatable, When I tell people I meditate, I am guaranteed to get one of the prejudices listed under one of the archetypes back. The jokes like "Do u levitate?" and "Can you tell me what I am thinking?", The moans like "I cant meditate I cant sit in lotus" , those that offer you a joint!! :)  those that assume that you are going to run away to Himalayas and warn your mother, those who keep their meditation secret to avoid controversy with religious relatives, I seem to have met them all !! 

What about me? What are my prejudices? I have been doing mediation and mindfulness practices for a long time, I think I first came into mediation from the ninja angle. I do believe in super powers and magic and I believe in Yoda from star wars ;) Okay, I don't actually believe it, But I am curious and I want to find out, so What drew me in was the curiosity towards the esoteric and magical. Also the spiritual, the need for calm, the need for more control over emotions and drama, this can relate to the monk and also to the ninja. For me meditation and mindfulness are inseparable from spirituality. I am from India, the birth place of Buddhism and yoga. As I see it, these practices were developed by the yogis and by Buddha to find out about the nature of reality, to find enlightenment, and Not to reduce stress or to make us happy. So may be I am more monk than a ninja at this point in my life. My main driver is curiosity and goal is probably enlightenment. lofty eh ;)

 I find that I do not have any negative preconception about mindfulness at all, I do not fear being mindless or being irresponsible like the hippie at all. I have a lot of respect for knowledge from all cultures, especially Indian and Buddhist, unlike the scientist archetype who views all non European knowledge suspiciously. I am very scientific and I find the cultivation of curiosity and  experimentation with the self a scientific pursuit, Why does the scientist archetype only trust peer reviewed papers and not his own experiences and experiments? He would have been mindful 40 years earlier if he didn't wait for someone to research on it.  
 Being still un-enlightened, I find myself ever so slightly annoyed (:-p) by the people who think mindfulness and detachment will make you a zombie, It is exactly the opposite, we are almost zombie now and we need to be aware! 
I do encounter a lot of hippie archetype people in the mindfulness and meditation circles, my view of hippie is neutral, neither positive nor negative.That being said, I too am looking for self transformation by mindfulness like all the archetypes 

Got a comment that this reads more like a blog than an assignment! very perceptive of that reviewer :-) 

Pushing myself gyan

few tricks to start new practices like exercise meditation etc etc
 Pushing myself is good - It brings about a drastic change. This attitude change happened after running.Last year or so I m being easy on myself...hesitant to push .  I have learnt the benefits of pushing myself beyond myself by that one run. we ran like crazy and I was making weird noises from my mouth while breathing but still ran and that HUGELY increased my stamina! which was just refusing to budge inspite of mild runs from 6 months. so yo! :-) let us push it!

Also taking body and mind into confidence rather than trying to trick them also helps. Ask mind and body for cooperation and help, When body says too tired, legs paining, instead of saying just one more step, say see let us run till home, it will help me feel good and build body stronger.. Is it really the state that we cant take one step forward? Only then lets stop. body didnt stop. Sometimes mind makes excuses like -boring lets stop etc.. then talk to mind also.. see it will make us feel good.. let us do it.or just notice that mind is trying to get out of it... Instead of trying to distract and lie to mind may be taking them both(body and mind) into confidence will improve performance.
( I wonder how sometimes it so much fun that all this is not required ! Ah that state! I wonder how to get their volunterily)
Strategy for any new practice is - to begin with - just do it, goodly/badly doesnot matter, do it half baked what ever.. then once u get slightly comfortable then concentrate on doing it right. once that is done then performance and pushing. Also one more thing I learnt is never to compromise fun for ..for anything. they day I started counting number of laps in the swimming pool - swiming became less fun, it was more about 20/30 laps..  pushing is good, but statistics and numbers are ok as long as they dont stop the fun,

true value

Does anything any inherent value or Is value of something always context sensitive?
If I write the code in India I get paid 1000£  a month and in UK 5000£
If you clean houses you get paid 1£ for an hour in India and 10£ in UK.

Economy is not real, capitalism is not real, how can the price of something go up because more people want it? price which is governed by demand and supply it is totally wrong.
Or is it?
Anti snake venom is useless to me now, but after I have been bitten by a snake, it is most valuable.
but if I were selling snake venom, would I charge exorbitant rates for people already bitten by snakes and low prices for people who haven't?

Inherent value of an item is the time and effort required to make it/get it.
That also somewhat goes up and down with demand, For example things which are in great demand sometimes are cheaper because it is easy to mass produce ( this is true only after industrial revolution? ) but still remains the same. Should things be priced more like this? price = cost + little bit more for my sustainance. The definition of little bit more may be varies based on the greed( or need? ) of the person.


Another type of economy is need based. Basically venom in priceless. I make anti venom and I give to you for free when u get bitten. in exchange I get food water shelter. somewhat like our body, liver is not asking for money to clean our body and white blood cells are happy with oxygen and nutrition and do the killing for you. Brain gets more blood than most other parts because it needs it, not because it wants it.
Is this economic model better? Healthier? Can this kind of model even work for humans?   Or will Human nature get in the way of this Utopia.

The cells and organs dont get vacations, dont get weekend off even :D who will pay for the weekends and holidays and the fast cars? :D can we have luxury in such an economy? How do u divide the tasks? Some tasks have to be forced on some people. or use robots to do tasks no one wants to do? or  u do it like karma yoga i,e all tasks are equal, Its easy to say but is it practical?
Is it at all possible to get rid of this unfair system we have now?