extinction

haha as if Death was not grim enough! :-)
Dino 101 was an eye opener. 65 million years ago - Dinos were flourishing, they were not just toys or movie characters or something in history(?? Oh I love them, It feels like history after all)  They were real! They were so cool! They were warm  blooded, had societies, cared for their young! and they were flying!!!  oh They were as good as any mammals! if not even better! Also T-Rex had feathers!? :D so Cool!  There were 4 winged Dino's which flew... They had guts so big, they produces tons of methane gas! haha! soo cool!
Then Bham! obliterated ! gone! One big rock was enough to wipe out this whole civilisation ( :-) I told u I love them no!) .
I get emotional thinking about it. They all disappeared almost over night!
 Mother earth is patient, she just starts over - I like to think may be Dinos were a dead end, even better things came out of that mass extinction.. may be, may be not! Does she feel for all that is lost? Or does she know that life goes on? Life and Death part of the cycle, hey we even have a god for destruction Shiva! Pralaya keeps happening, new life always come out of destruction of old doesn't it?

I m feeling melancholy thinking of this....The extinction was gruesome.  When the meteor made impact the atmosphere got so hot, they think most life just got cooked alive in a few seconds.. and then came the clouds and no sun light for years. Those that lived thru the cooking by being in water or hiding under rocks died of starvation, no plants no sun light! They think it took 100 years for things to really get back to normal.
Still life clung on! and mind this is NOT the biggest mass extinction,... hmmm... Sad! but life clung on!!

The life of any species is on an average 10 million years, some have stayed way longer, most have come and gone. All the cool dinosaurs that we see together in parks Stegosaurus and T-rex, never lived at the same time.. :-( one lived 275 million years ago and another just 65.. so stegosaurus was farther away from T rex than T-rex is from us! The immensity of time is kind of mind numbing. we as a species havent even been around for a million years.. 100,000 more like? baby species and already planing our extinction. 6-7 billion people we dont even think about extinction, but just a few 100 years ago we were in 1 billion. So humans wont last for ever. I wonder if at all we will last another billion, let alone 10?! Life is fragile. Its so easy for a rock to hit us or for earth to just decide to burst into volcanoes or for us to nuke each other. ( that btw will do wonders for evolution!?)
Hmm.... Bring on space travel! We should spread across the galaxy - make colonies out of planets and head our to conquer the stars! no? Life is precious! being on earth is like putting all eggs in one basket! :D

BTW about the Dinos, They are still with us!! Birds!! :-)  Birds are direct descendants of dinos. Mammals are as far away from birds as from reptiles. and all reptiles are not dinosaurs either, turtles, snakes and crocks are very far away from dinosaurs in the family tree.
I felt happy to hear that! They are still with us, in some way! :)

which story do you believe

Saw life of pie today - I really liked the ending - there are two versions of the story , Pi has for everyone. One fantastic one with zoo animals and unbelievable things.. which everyone refuses to believe so he then tells  another with just people in it. He tells believe the version you like?
:-) I really liked the choice... we face this every day especially in this modern scientific world we just dismiss the fantastic...
haha I like myself because when my tenant said there is a ghost in my house, I was really curious to find what it is that he is talking about.. I want to believe the fantastic one :D I want to believe in faeries and carnivorous islands and Yeti and UFO's ! :-D

Do things which are their own reward

Wow such a profound thought! Sometimes we say things and dont realise the profoundness of what we are saying.
People do things for others and then expect others to do things back for them Or expect appreciation or credit. Usually for their children or partners and for old parents etc. So I was saying that people should ideally do things for others only when what they are doing is its own reward.
I realise isnt it true for everything? Our jobs too? instead of working for a salary for that promotion or the bonus what if we did something which was its own reward, instead of being paid to do something, do something which u would love to pay to do?  Is it possible? Is living like that possible? Would we really be doing something different or would it just be a mindset adjustment?
Ah! now I know why I feel confused and irritated when people ask "does meditation help?" help with what? I meditate because I like it, It is its own reward :-)  Thinking if meditation "helps" makes it less rewarding somehow.

haha totally unrelated -or somewhat related - This reminds me of the psychology story - These Nazi boys taunted a Jewish merchant everyday. They called out  Jew Jew when he passed by. The Jewish merchant called the boys in one day and paid them 10 cents each, he said that was the reward for calling him Jew. Next day he paid them 20 cents for the same thing, then next day 30 cents ... upto  a dollar and so on! ( or Mark or whatever) . And Then  one day he stopped. No! he is not gonna pay them anymore! Sorry!:-D
 and What happened? The boys stopped calling him a Jew! They were not going to do it for FREE anymore ! were they? :-)
Something changes when we do things for a pay doesn't it?

What will we eat?

I attended social psychology class - Which asked a question - "we think killing humans is wrong but we eat animals. Are you discriminating against animals?" 

[Got me thinking  isnt that question discriminating against plants? They care for animals ok but plants are alive too. Do plants deserve rights as well?  Do plants have emotions, Do they feel? 
I feel very sad when I see a tree being cut, but I dont feel all that bad when I eat chicken that afternoon.  So... when I saw a course on coursera - What plant knows? I want to know what plant knows.]

https://secure.einterview.org/lifestyle/

The questions in the interview are the ones I ask myself many times.The interview  provokes introspection which is very good, but the questions are pointed, trying to push their thinking in a certain way - which is not good. Some how puts ideas in our head and may promote biased self introspection? I wonder. Are there flaws in their thinking?

Two arguments came to my mind.
1) Death is part of life. Nature produces in excess so that the weak are weeded out and the fittest survive. Evolution happened because infant mortality in nature is very very high. Is it really wrong to kill animals.  

2) Where does the line of "compassion"  start? When do species start qualifying for compassion? 
Animals are alive, people are alive, plants are alive, like someone else said on the thread insects fungii and bacteria are also alive. Does small pox virus not have a right to live? and polio?  where to draw the line?  
Some Buddhist monks do not kill mosquitoes who bite them. Jain people dont eat potatoes and ginger. Each person draws his own line, mine is humans/pets/wild animals are this side of the line and farm animals on the other side.

There is a saying Cow cant be friends with grass...  
If we dont want to eat anything then we would have to have chlorophyll in our skin and make our own food, once we start doing that there wont be any need for us to move or get around so we will grow roots and turn into plants and new life forms which will eat us will evolve :-) :-)

but still it is a moral dilemma ,I feel if we give back as much as we take from nature.. may be thats the solution. 
[from discussion forums on coursera ]

Chasing dream

First time in my life, I got caught in a chasing dream.

Strange chasing dream, I think it was triggered off by something I saw on TV. My friend some muslim/conservative punjabi type with a veil on her head was being forced to get married to somebody she didnt like or may be it was somebody really horrible. So I help her run away. Some men are chasing us. We are going higher and higher on a building.( Duh!) We hide under a water tank or on  a sajja or something. They almost miss us, but last minute they see us. Friend got caught. I jumped to the next house. ( why are they still chasing me? Wasnt it my friend they wanted?)  and again I start climbing. The men also start climbing, upto second floor and then up the tank, It was really scary, jumping off walls at that height and catching hold of things with finger tips. gives me the creepies even now. In almost every other chasing dream, at this point, I escape, The lion/ tiger/elephant/snake/knife man/psycho/gorilla  is caught, Or I just am too fast or something like that. But this time they caught me. :-( I dont like it at all. 

It wasnt as bad getting caught,  I was in the wedding later on, as if the whole chase was a childish thing. But at the start of the dream it wasnt.. it was some how crucial for her to escape..
like life isnt it? Once we are given a deal, somehow we start thinking the deal is okay...(which is not really a bad thing? )

Related.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance 

social psychology on coursera

"I am a human being, It could be me."
All those experiments which show that in unusual circumstances( It is necessary to remember that it is unusual circumstances) people behave in ways which make us uncomfortable, or ridiculous or  make us feel downright horrified!!
Should remember, I am also a human being, That could be me.
Helps to remember that all people are being pulled by mental processes and patterns and so much pressure, most of us very very unfortunately cant help being what we are. Doesnot mean we have to accept it and say things like "Boys will be boys" NEVER!!  but remembering this makes me be less judgemental about all this.

 Social psychology and behavioural economics( basically the same thing) can be used to increase self awareness and see others/ourselves in better light.

I realised Social psychology is being used by charities in UK to increase donations. Text book techniques

They first start of  with "Door in the face technique"
- They say would you like to donate 15£ for so and so charity? I say no, then they say, can u please donate 3£?  because I have said no first I tend to agree and say yes.
- Once I m in they use "foot in the door technique."  you are already donating 3£, can u please just donate another 2£  for so and so cause.
Low balling - Once they get you to say yes, they will read out the small print. It is very embarrassing for us to say no later.

But people see it soon enough, techniques grow old very soon, like the petrol bunk cheatings.
If you are skilled you will be pioneer. like "Catch me if you can"  He worked because society was innocent. Then people catch up, someone finds a new way, few copy, all copy and it fails.
seduction is like that too,
Awareness, Awareness Awareness.
Awareness and attitude spreads. People used to say it is natural for men to beat their wives , to rape, just like today we say it is natural for people to be greedy, to be messy, to be take bribes.
I hope self awareness spreads by sprituality and also by social psycology. I m terribly impressed by social psycology. love it.

Milgram experiment

Sachin no, he only told me to do it, I didnt do it.
This takes on a whole new meaning now.
When 4 year old Joy came home one day, denying any wrong doing. I didnt do it, I didnt do it, That Sachin no, he only told me to do. :-D we found it very comical. We saw it as a blame game. Bugger has thrown a stone and broken a tube light!!! and now he is blaming it on Sachin! This was our catch phrase for blame game.. that Sachin no.. he only did it.  Its true kids do a lot of blame game, the dog tore the page, bird took he biscuit.. but now I wonder about Sachin.
What if Sachin did tell Joy? What if  Joy being a lil boy obeyed the Authority figure!
Have a look at this
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment

Reading about this is one thing, Watching the actual footage of the experiment,especially the 1960's footage!. Watching decent innocent people torturing themselves but still going ahead and doing it. It was very very disturbing.

How much are we obeying, How many times it happens that  I did it, but actually u did because Sachin told?? much much more than we realise.

stereotypes

Mumbai Gang rape and Udbhav Thakery makes a statement,  non maharastrians are responsible for all this. I thought Shiv Sena is at it again. At the time it was not even sure who the suspects were.Bigots! Bastards!

But just one day previously Me made a statement - Karwar is really nice and safe people are so decent, but lot of bihari/UP labourers are coming in for work.....Hope they dont spoil it... Udbhav is an idiot but  I m allright :P

Ingroup/outgroup bias, sterotypes, prejudices... each of us a typical case study for social psychology.

Atheists on FB

 ...There are people  like Richard Dawkings and some Dumb followers logically attacking religion and faith on facebook! Duh!?Accept it, people are not logical.  to think we give so much prominence to logic and its mostly useless in dealing with people.

Religion gives people a sense of belonging and community, Singing in choir is making old people healthier.
Religion gives people comfort.
Prayer gives people hope. God gives people a sense of well being. Sense of more control over events than they actually have.
I met this Chinese girl bought up as atheist wanting to convert to a religion after a breakup. The guy hooked up with a bar girl and this girl had to be taken to hospital for nervous breakdown. She thinks religion will help her cope better with such circumstances. She will take a log to float on , when flooded by emotions.
I also suspect people also like some structure and rigidity which comes with religion. Sometimes people like being told what to do, some rules.

Dry logic gives people heart burns :-p

Telling someone they are fool - is that the best way to convert people to your way of thinking? :-}

Sometimes very clever scientists fail to grasp basics of human interaction . As if I m any good, I do all this analysis, but I am exactly like RD in these things, I tell people logically - hey u are being stupid. they get angry and then I tell them -come on I was being objective :-)

Also , These atheist groups, with their own fanaticism and ideology are exactly like religions, They are divining people and encouraging herding tendencies. I think opposite of diving force of religion is something unifying. Instead of saying u are different, u should find something similar and say we are all same.

insight

They think that someone wearing a saree with the whole mid-riff showing is decent and ok, but jeans! u are totally covered from head to toe and its indecent! Crazy!
Indians are so stupid, totally illogical!! or They are hypocrites!

Finally realised it not about that at all, its not about exposure or decency or any such thing. Its the same old "us and them" saree is "us", so good! jeans is "them" so bad"

Its not Indian/western phenomenon, Its world wide..Like I said before Burqa is almost exactly like nuns habit, but in france burqa is banned but nuns habit is ok(I think)

Nobody thinks of all this logically, Anything which is not in their "us" bucket causes bad feelings in them. (and in us :-p)  Ashte.

We love to see familiar things. Familiar is comforting.We all hate change, it causes us a lot of discomfort.  Amma without bindi :-) Begum begum :-) as if I care about bindi, I just like my mothers familiar face with the red dot, in the same place in the same size. She changed bindi brand and I din like it.
 Love to try new food but if I mom makes even a small change to her recipe!! I m in flames :-D Why green chillies in cabbage palya, I want RED CHILLIE!!! X-( :-)
Those stupid principals which ban jeans in their colleges are probably also doing the same thing. Off course there are other factors ...

America

The only country in the world to use nuclear weapons, to use chemical weapons(effects of which are still being seen after 40 years), support rogue regimes in Africa/South america just for the benefit of some greedy businesses. No no, not all in the past, In the last 10 years has attacked and destroyed 2 countries completely with out any provocation. Has the largest stock pile of weapons even tho has no enemies and largest producer of weapons.
That country is supposedly qualified to intervene in Syria? £$%^ you USA. 

I have always idealised GandhiJi. He was the only person ever who lead people into non violence.
Was it just conformity and group dynamics and a powerful person using the mindless mob all over again. Was it still manipulation? Was Gandhi another pied piper after all?
Like JK says was Indian independence another attempt at prison reform rather than being free from prison. was the only person who was free - Gandhi?

we are usually run by default programs by our patterns etc. Ok once u get awareness and get over the default program, what do we do? How do we behave?  

Daddy's girls

There are two kinds of daddys girls
One that gets pampered by daddy by being dependent on daddy, Daddy please help me! You are so strong.
and the opposite, the one that is too independent to try and impress daddy. See daddy I m so strong just like you.

Its funny how opposite personalities develop in the girls when their favourite person/Idol  is dad. How does a baby chose one of the strategies( err I dono what else to call it?) Whether its the dads personality or how mum behaves with dad or hardcoded?

I m obviously the second one :-P

Oh and BTW daddy's girls( my kind)  are way cooler than mamma's boys! mamma's boys( of any kind )  are sooo blah! :D 

self justification anger

The anger used by self to justifying some actions.

example not coming to mind., but I find myself fuelling up the angry so I can do something. In my mind, This action is ok for an angry wronged person to do.  but that action is not ok for a not angry person to do. ( cant a person be wronged and non angry? duh!)
May be this is common in those people who think they are genuine,straightforward and truthful, The anger is not required for people who think of themselves as willy, smooth operators. It is just a strategy to get some results and there are no qualms about it.

[ I say "who think of themselves as" because, I "am" not straightforward but I "think I m" straightforward. BTW This is just an example I m actually straightforward :P ]

yes! one example

I was repeatedly getting emails/calls from this website , they wanted to help me write a book. I told them repeatedly that I am not interested but they kept calling.
I wanted to tell them shod off in a crude way so that they dont bother me again.
I felt awkward and embarrassed to write that email - qualms.
I found myself working up to be angry, these money minded bastards etc etc... I have right to be angry with them. ok now I m angry.
I told  them  to - whatever and more :-)

Now, I dont need this justification anger!! Do I really need to counter those embarrassment and guilty "qualms"? Anger is worse?
May be I was this angry young woman because I was not smart young woman!

Trauma

[ Actually written at different times, but this is a sort of repetition of the left brain blog.
May be the thoughts keep brewing and repeating themselves unless I actually publish them. I guess thats the point of this blog in the first place, to make space for new thoughts. May be that involves reading old blogs.. which I actually do. I m the biggest fan of my own blog ;-)  ]

There is no gain without pain
success is 1 % inspiration 99% perspiration
and such...

Hardwork, dedication, sacrifice, struggle, fight - key words to success for ordinary men.

Is it so?
Or is this the myth of the day?
Is this the monster which is eating us all up today?

It is as if we are lazy by nature and we need to really use our will power and push ourselves, drive ourselves, force ourselves towards being useful or successful.
Is that really so?
can we for just a minute stop and consider.. may be if we need to do so much pushing and shoving, what we want to achieve is not the right thing at all. May be we need all this force and violence to make ourselves do things only because we dont want to do it in the first place?
may be need to trust ourselves when we dont want to do something, there may be a reason for that?
There may be something better , a better way to do which is not violent on ourselves...?
on others and on nature?
We are always involved in taming and conquering and controlling and making things bend to our will, nature, others and finally ourselves. dominant, aggressive,
Is that really the way? may be we are doing it all the other way? all wrong? instead of moulding ourselves to what is,  we are trying to mould everything to fit us.. and it keeps ripping here and there...everywhere

Is there Trauma in making ourselves do things? in pushing ? in using and abusing will?
if we use will to again hide this trauma? Will we finally break?


But sometimes strong will is needed. Margret Thacher died recently, such divided opinions of her.. She closed all mines... 1000s were  jobless, 100s of towns useless but it had to be done. They were a major drain on the country. Someone had to do it. She did it with her enormous will power... She was successful. Yes success today is exactly like that...This is the way we know. It involved lot of Trauma.
When she died, people celebrated, protested in her funeral, said horrible things even tho its a taboo to say bad things about dead people...things from 30 years ago, Trauma stays...
But IT HAD TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!
So then, I wonder if there was a better gentler way?
I give my due to hardwork and perspiration and will power.. not doing at all and shying away is not the way at all... just considering is there an alternate way..? There must be?

May be all this Trauma I talk about, is not involved in what we are doing but  is self created and totally unnecessary? ( Anthony DeMello, JK type argument)
Sometimes may be the only difference between ploughing thru some work and cruising thru is just letting go of control,  about letting go of how exactly perfectly we want to do and  letting go of judgement that we are not doing well enough  and resistance - letting go of feelings like 'this work is shit'  and letting go og measurement of how well we are doing, better than others, faster than last time etc... if we drop all that and just do ( Bhagavad Geeta - Karm kar....) There will be absolutely no trauma.
It can be done by getting into the Zone. by shutting up the ego or left brain.  Its happened to me occasionally  but I m not able to voluntarily replicate the results in other tasks.. Cooking used to be such an effort... but sometimes it just happens I go into kitchen and then bam its done ! :)

But would Margret have found a more loving solution if she were in the Zone? Who is to say?

cycles

Sometimes you start seeing something which u didnt see before,
Like for example that the really cute advertisement. Everyone is drooling about it and u can see clearly that they are trying to manipulate you.
That action movie that u used to like so much is just a formula...
That news.. is very selective
That parents are not perfect

You start getting uneasy, and irritated about this new knowledge.
Some of us start thinking - I was better off being ignorant atleast I was happy. (This attitude really irritates me :D ) U cant go back to not knowing! Its like taking the Red pill!!

Some of us start thinking, I m supposed to not get irritated with things, why Am I getting more grumpy? Am I progressing or Regressing. Am I getting (God! forbid) Cynical?
( Is it cynical BTW? It is cynical, if it is others and just smart, if it is me? :D  :) )

Ok the point is not that.
 We resist all change, so this change of perspective is really  just a change and that is what makes us uncomfortable.
First step is to see it, that we judge and get irritated or resigned ( cynical :P) but that ok, because there is second step.
Second step is understanding, sooner or later we see more, we dont just see the symptom but we see the cause also. That is when we get not irritated .
Just suppressing the irritating feelings and covering it up with "I am not supposed to feel this way" is not the way to go.  Its ok to be irritated about something u think is wrong.
At a later point of time either we will understand better or realise that we were wrong after all..
or may be we realise that it was  just us, not accepting a change . ( Conductors wont have this problem, they accept only change :P but dont give back any :P)

Sometimes I feel Am I being stupid? because I feel alone, no one else seems to find anything wrong or see the problem. but many times it turns out - I was just ahead of times after all. :->
Self trust is important.
I told you so.. comes to mind :D but that too shall pass  ;-)

[bragging aside, some things I see ahead of time which others dont seem to see, but I have to admit many many things which are so clear and in the face for others, I dont see at all....its a matter of perspective  ]

morning gyan

People ( includes me of-course) should learn to say "this is enough for me!"
If we pay attention then we will know when it is enough.

context - saw a balcony facing the park and thought- I should have a house like that, then I thought -  so expensive, then I thought - rents have gone so high , then I thought what if someone rented out a house for how much money they wanted instead of the going price? Instead of thinking what is the most I can make out of it (Capitalism), if someone decided - yeah I will give my house for rent for this much? how would it be?
Thoughts were like - Only one person would get good rates, it would be unfair! ( ridiculous, atleast one person will get better rate?!why be a crab)
I can imagine a very principled person doing this - not necessarily a rich person, but middle class person with very simple needs may do it. Or someone who does not care, the property is just there... (I have seen lot of properties just locked up rather than rented at very low prices)
Other than that, Would anybody be monitory secure enough to do that?  I think it would need a very deep sense of security internally to feel ok about this and to not feel like a fool :-) its not greedy,its more about not being a fool? Atleast with me it is.

was thinking capitalism is nt really working, socialism has failed. Bankers are taking millions of dollars of bonus and salary, Mining scamers, real estate goons, politicians, lobbies.  Marketing /sales people rat racers...
Gyan says we as a civilization need to learn to know when it is enough!

yes I did it!

the resistance, voice of doubt-all old friends :-)

http://deepscoursera.weebly.com/introduction-to-art-course.html

Im not good enough

I couldnt complete my first week assignment for my art class
Whatever I tried to do was not good enough
it blotted, it spread, it was childish :( collage was silly.fake not genuine, I didnt have the right magazines.
I m not creative enough!!?!

Arrgh! Inspite of knowing that left brain can be such an asshole, I m not able to control it! :(
See what it does to me :(
I looked at a few water colors from artists, there is blotitng and spreading, lot of it! thats why it looks nice!  and how will u learn without making mistakes? and where will u go if u keep criticising everything you do?

I have a great idea for the next assignment
now I am getting thoughts like it is what children would do, its like craft! Its a copy of some idea you have seen etc X-(
There are people out there who would tell you exactly same thing, but first person who needs to be shut up is right inside me :( 

More madness or is it?

Genetic testing for diseases which u dont have now, but which you may get in future, makes me really uneasy.  I really really dont like it at all. ( Gattaca anyone? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119177/? )
On the face of it, it looks very logical. You genes suggest that you may get  a fatal disease in the future, can u just sit back and let it happen? There is a 80% probability that u will get cancer!  ( I trust only one probability ,There is 100% probability that u will die! :D ) wont u take any action? Yup you will! but its Wrong wrong wrong wrong!
Angelina Jolie has taken drastic measures because her gene testing showed her that she may get Breast cancer- 80% chance. She is being branded as brave? Is she? Or is she a coward and pessimistic? She may probably get cancer in 20 years and Medical science may discover cures by then? and there was a possibility that she may not get cancer at all? She is not giving nature a chance? isn't it Scare mongering?

What about the spirit of humanity which can overcome all odds? What was the probability of Wright brothers flying? 0%?
What about winning against all odds? if u take aways all odds? what then?
Brave? really?? I dono!!
 I shouldnt  be judgemental about this, but we being sheep and all.. I may line up tomorrow at a clinic to get my genes tested if I dont rant and rave about it!

This kind of medicine is  like blind men feeling the elephant and with that view fixing things with that kind of view. medicine especially is becoming more and more like that. Life itself has become like that.  We are always fixing things. Its so wrong but I m not able to exactly pinpoint what is wrong? Or is it just me?

There is also a sinister angle to this, that the gene testing is very expensive and the companies which did the testing and surgeries on her are behind the promotion of this news. She is on news everyday! (What is and What isn't covered in the news is another story all-together.)

Hmm!This is similar to  the dilemma about cats/children may be much more severe.
I was complaining to my maid that parents these days are too careful. I used to climb trees, my dad used to swim in the river, These days kids are not allowed even out of the house. She said.. My uncles daughter fell down from a tree in the village and is paralysed.
As there are too many street dogs in Bangalore, Cats have very low survival rate. The solution is too keep the cats indoors, make them house cats, dont let them out. Lot of cats in developed countries live like this. I had two cats... what do I do? Keep them inside? too cruel? leave them out? they will get killed Dogs/Vehicles.. Dont keep cats at all?

There is no right answer - most of the time we follow the trend, what ever the society feels right, thats what we do. We are not only afraid for our kids, we are afraid of our guilt and other peoples judgement. Logic says we should probably err on the side of caution -
remember the parents who wiped every possible surface with Dettol to keep their children safe from germs and those kids got sick more often cause they didnt build immunity? We can err on the side of caution but we are blind men and our caution may be stupidity. but Does that mean u jump in front of trains?

I dono the answer to this.

left brain - are we mad -prequel I think.

one part of me asks why aren't people like me - why are people calling themselves scientific but not open to new things
other part of me says people are just fine just the way they are, just the way that is best for them. why are u being bothered?
I can constantly feel this part of me and that.
Trying to compare - me with others, trying to feel good by saying ah u(meaning me :-P) are better than them in this way,that way.
when it feels someone is actually better then it finds some aspect of them that is not desirable, she is very rich, but not happy or not intelligent, or too goal oriented or boring or what ever.
sometimes it pretends to be noble, by fake praising people who it has actually judged as poor.
judging people - it is almost automatic. sometimes I am ashamed, but its doing its job. beard, bad clothes, uneducated, on benefit, too many kids - too religious, too young and has kids :D teenage mum! uff!
haha see now Its judging itself ;-) ;-)
I think left brain [for lack of better word, may be ego is more appropriate, this is one process in our head.  I m sure left brain does a lot more than this, roka toki, it does language maths etc etc]
oh u didnt do this, oh there is so much to do, It is fussy
seeking perfection - if u cant do it perfectly just dont do it
impatient - u are not doing it right, even tho u are doing for first time, it expects u to do right
competitive - are u better than everyone else? how are u faring? even when u think u are not competitive , it is - i m better than few people and it is enough.
seekign approval - appoving and disapproving and thinking of others. everyone will think u are stupid u are embarrassing urself, how can u not know even this much what will others think etc.
seeking regularity goals and organisation
keeping time, keeping up rate
being cautious
seeking dominance

The whole of the world right now, is run by this part of the brain, it is ruling the world, we live our lives by clock, by goals, by plans, by objectives, by being better than others, my measuring our success, against others against ourselves. even spirituality becomes like this ( religion was always like this, I think religion in most parts was designed deliberately to keep people from finding spirituality)  discipline rules enforcement - all are signs of this part of the brain operating.
 Is there an alternative more enjoyable way of living?
will be really turn into bums if we let go of all this, or is that fear, a survival technique of this part of brain? ploy to dominate?
will everything disintegrate into chaos if we dont have rules?
if there is love and passion, do we need discipline?  love doesnot balance us. passion may make very disbalanced people out of us.
do we not trust us at all?
what is hedonism and where do addictive tendencies come from?
addiction is a side effect of this part of the brain - the gaming especially is.

If I decided to write 1 blog a week, instead of  blogging as I please, would I blog at all?
If we started eating only when we were hungry instead of by clock, if we slept only when we were sleepy? Initially we would sleep a lot, eat a lot.. but would we finally start listening to the body and start eating and sleeping optimally?   I think so...but I m too attached and in the control of left brain to let go and try it...

left/right brain example

There are two speed matching games in lumosity
1) squares/circles/chinese character
I m not fast and I make mistakes and I get more hassled by mistakes and make some more.
2) Faces matching.
 I m much faster than these two, I dont make mistakes.. and if ever I do.. its not a chain of mistakes..

Shouldnt faces be harder, considering differentiating a square from a circle is trivial and many orders of magnitude less complex than recognizing faces??
(quoting from Drawing from the right side of the brain )I think faces is too complex for left brain to take on and it gives it to the right(pun intended) brain to do the job
I tried to get into the zone, sometimes it works and I get as high scores on Squares as on Faces.. but sometimes I m just not able to get into the "zone". then I doubt my choice, I double check, I feel bad when mistake happens, and after mistake I slow down and cringe at every choice I make! The Zone is non critical and is a breeze.

Genius may be not developing more brain capacity but using the right tools for right activity?
Not only genius, even happiness may be using the right part of the brain for the right activity.

Regular "science" and education is a long way from getting into all these aspects.

Womens day

Womens  day- happy womens day :-)
Womens day is originally International womens day - I realised I didnt dare wish people happy working womens day! There are many non working women/mums who would be offended!?
Womens days - is all about cards and candy and flowers. I hate it. enforcing stereo types like pink?
Womens day started off because women wanted voting rights!! everything gets flossy and trivialised - candy cards and flowers...
Why am I feeling that these are meaningless?
I dont like conventions?
why are they irritating me?
flower, candy and cards
thats what they give to women
on mothers day
on womens day
and valentinies day
Whats the use of these silly stupid things??
getting 10 cards in an year?? do they really make u happy?
women? why do u expect these things???
and gifts?
isnt it silly? and stupid?

women fought for rights
to vote, to study
there are countries now where they cant even drive
even in countries they have all the freedom
do they really?
They are tied down by invisible bonds
bound entirely by themselves
they bind themselves in high heals and lipstick
and straight silky hair
in ideal weight
in looking for an ideal partner
they are not free at all, are they?
they can vote and drive and study
can  they study?
but women are not good at maths and computing?
it not cool or its not feminine?
for that matter are men free?
ask Billy who wanted to dance ballet!
I m saying "they"? am I free?

anyway Happy Womens day or whatever!
nobody gave me flowers! booooo :P

womb envy!

Taliban! Its them again, they are saying something like women shouldn't do something something.. they will get corrupted.
Why are all these people so afraid of women? women shouldnt sing, women shouldnt ride a horse.. all this is mild compared to absolute vile things like female circumspection and burning of widows( our very own sati) ... why are these societies so scared of women n sex? whats the big deal really?
Is it the womb envy which is causing all this mess!? ( No its not the feminist but the scientist speaking! seriously ! ) As the male has to depend on the female womb for reproduction, and it is absolutely critical, the fidelity of the female womb,if the male has to pitch-in in bringing up the offspring. There is no "humanity" in survival right? its pure business!( yea it is! If u have a heart then u are probably extinct :P)

yes it is low cost life being male,  It can reproduce at  a lower cost than  a female. but with that cost comes a risk too and the insecurity. I wonder if this insecurity is the root of all this kind of evil in society?

Also Hierarchy is a show. its false facade.. fragile facade hence people go into great lengths to protect it? 

and thats why  the male dominated society gets warped into weird concepts like this?

are tomboys lesbian?

what?! Yeah! that comes up often.

From my perspective of being a tomboy..
While I was growing up, I was gender agnostic, where as lesbians like girls - so they are definitely not agnostic about the gender of the person?
I so badly and genuinely wanted the world to not care about mine or any ones gender.
wouldnt it be nice?
I liked to climb trees ( like boys) and play with dolls( like girls)
I liked skirts but not sarees! Bright colors but not Zari, flowery but not lacy...
Definitely good at maths but not at languages...( I wonder if u refuse to fit into stereo types u end up being more different or because u are different, u refuse to fit into the stereo types. )
I dint like women and men sitting separately for lunch, it looks feminist. it may have taken a feminist turn but even when women are given special status I didnt like it.  erase all distinction between the sexes.
thats how a tomboy feels may be? or may be just me..
Thats also  very different from wanting to be a man or a boy! I have never felt like I wish I was born a boy! I have  felt many times I wish people didnt care If anyone was a boy or a girl.I hate the pink/blue distinction and all the "scientific" studies about girls being daft at maths and all.
[Thats so looser by the way!!(this is the feminist speaking) - girls going -oh its so easy for men! I wish I was a man, I have period cramps. Strangle them!! Especially girls who dont have any responsibilities.. while their boy counterparts are getting their sisters married, taking responsibilities for old parents,Shaving n  feeling insecure about not having a womb and not knowing if the child is really theirs,ever ;-)  etc :P 
Also using feminine charms gets my goat...again that must be the feminist streak.]

Thats different from fancying girls eh? Din like girls, Din like other tom boys either, they depreciated my USP ;-)

There is infact a test!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bem_Sex-Role_Inventory
In which I scored androgynous, just missed being nearly a man by a mark ;-)
The test is shit and so sexist, my blood is boiling.
Apparently u are a man if u are  insensitive  and woman if u are weak
willing to take a stand, being independent,willing to take risks,strong personality makes u a man
warm compassionate loving children and appeasing others makes u a woman

On further reading it turns out the test is not sexist but guess what? Ta-da! Our society is! and Gender test reflects gender roles as perceived or prescribed by the society(Western one I presume. Indian women are supposed to be strong and submissive! Or who will do the house work??!? , not weak and submissive like western women with their dishwashers and washing machines!)

So......are tomboys lesbian?
No.. not necessarily, Gender sexuality stereotypes, there are all kinds of combinations of personalities and traits .. for we are people and not stereo types.

my heart goes mmm contd

Rock crevices. Rocks split in two with a gap in between.
Tree hollows
( hehe these words are artificial) there is magic and mystry in places like this :)
libraries with lil mazenine balconies :)
fairy lanterns
crik crik crik of the cricket at night...
cool breeze on a warm night when u are sitting in a balcony.. when everyone else is busy or sleeping..whiff of jasmine...dreamy

It is uncanny how a 75 year old granny in US has a liking to similar things as me? black cats, libraries, owls...is it the childhood illustrations we saw? But then every one saw those, how come only me and her and all weird witchy ladies have quirky tastes like this? :)
One of her blogs she talks about a fairy land in the crevice where the rock split into two.. how I used to love these crevices.. so many stories and dreams when I was lil. a 2 feet rock split into two in the middle of the playground ... it held so much magic for me :) especially when it rained.
Tree hollows are always full of magic- alice in wonderland, I always imagined pigeons and owls and squirrels lived there like in cartoons with tiny furniture and curtains :)  wood pigeons look especially homely, like it would have a proper dining table and fork and knives :D

I think its a side effect of having a particular type of brain :) Archetypes - after so many years I understand what that means.. its like prototypes in our brain , formed as part of evolution. we have some standard patterns of thinking. we all know that. we also have generic standard characters - with a group of characteristics(hard coded since primitive times across cultures) ...Hero - brave/Mother- giving nurturing etc.. .. etc This is archetype  may be likes and dislikes are like that. Certain type of likings come with certain type of brains... like may be liking for foot ball goes with coke and red color or something bizarre..only explainable to brain chemistry or wiring or by effects of evolution? :)
[Its so simplistic to generalize people into men and women and say men have brains like this and women like this... I think brain science is way way way more complex than what studies give it credit for today...anyway this is not a place to rant about "scientific" people :) . ]

Never ending story (Spoiler Alert - Just the jist tho)

Thats a dark book
we can run from one wish to another and still be unsatisfied untill we know and learn what all we really want...and when we learn that we are really ok the way we are...
the first part of the book is about imagination and fantasy - how humans are needed for fantasy to survive or it gets stale and disappears...thats a happy message and a happy story
then it talks of how fantasy can be dangerous, because u can do what u want, u can totally lose urself.. each wish fullfillment in fantasy is taking away a part of the boy.
At first he wants to be strong and then brave and then famous then feared.. and then he wants to be really wise and then he wants to rule all over the world, he gets it all becuase he gets what he wishes for and then.. when he sees people who have got it all and then lost everything. He then begins his self discovery
first he wants to belong - he is slowly accepting the things he doesnot like about himself or his situation, he is seeing reality.. he wants to belong to someone no matter what.. and then he wants to be loved for what he truely is, exactly how he is.. reminds him of his dead mother.. how this loving lady is like mother earth or nature.. his healing has begun... once he is healed he goes deep into himself to find what he truely wants...which is... :-) 
There is so much symbolism in this
blind miner who mines for forgotten dreams, this boy also has to go without light into the deepest of the deep caves to mine for dreams.. the dream shatter if u talk so u have to be absolutely silent... he has to talk to the pictures without words, without feelings... (ring a bell?, shadow self, subconscious- how no words there etc)
this book is really deep
I m still not sure I get the childlike empress what was she all about?
The dark and the light snakes who are keeping each other in check and the well of life from which u enter into and get out of fantasia.. Yin yang ... Needs a second read...
awesome.

My Favorite quote: “There were thousands and thousands of forms of joy in the world, but that all were essentially one and the same, namely, the joy of being able to love.” 

I want the hard bound copy of this book, its supposed to be printed in red and green ink, with every chapter starting with a capital letter! which is written in beautiful calligraphy! 

are we mad?

Going at 30 40 50 80 miles per hour, then making up traffic rules,signals, pedestrian crossings, safety belts, helmets, horns,driving tests,speed limits, speed cameras, police....
why are we moving around like crazy like this in the first place?  so fast?

Exercising, dieting...
TVs, movies, books entertainment,gambling, booze...
Sudoku, crosswords,Angry birds, sports
Vacations, weekends, holidays,

Contrived?? Fake?? no?
Why isnt Life all the entertainment, exercise, holiday,mental simulation we need? why is  all this separate from "life"? Is our life kinda mad?
appropriate, in-appropriate, politically correct/incorrect/offensive/ Morals, etiquette, Laws
If we think about it, we are walking a tight rope every moment of our lives... If we were a river, its like we are being made to flow in a deep narrow canal...
If we were wild animals, its like we are living in a zoo
as if we are under masks and layers and layers or make up and costumes..and reading scripts. as if we dont even know anymore who or what we are, let alone what others are...

Child care rules, social workers, health and safety, benefits.. western society has gone one step ahead ...
I wonder if "civilization" and we  have all  gone mad!

dream apocalypse

 wow amazing
we are all out on the streets of london(??), we are college student in cambridge or something being ragged I think, returning from a party at night, There were lot of challenges and arguments , dont exactly remember them, it was a long dream before this.. but then, we are looking to jump on top of a compound into someones backyard to prove something about evolution!! and then suddenly I notice that I can clearly see the milkyway the galaxy in the sky.. I have never seen it like this before. so many stars in a band! wow! is it just that it is unusually clear night? or something is different? suddenly we start seeing the stars falling off one by one!! That was shocking! apocalypse? :D there is panic every where.
( but wait if we are seeing stars falling off, that means it has happened some hundreds of years ago right? cause the stars are light years away?)
anyway there is huge confusion people are running helter skelter
I want to go home and talk to my family before we all die :D It was not emotional at all, Oh god! mamma, pappa. not like that.. It was so matter of fact. I have to go home and see parents. ashte. Not afraid of dying or anything :D  I m rushing home for the last glance of family.. its like old city is IL, Or may be malleshwaram  I run in small alleyways and small gates..
I run myself into a corner and some friendly guy ( arab or black? or egyptian type guy?) opened the gate for me. I was too fat, but he managed to push me out thru the gate also.. (at this time it is actually day, its not night) There were tourists who were looking at something, I startled them but ran anyway.  I run thru peoples houses and reach home.. then we watch it on TV the stars falling off thing...I think the Apocalypse never happened.
I never die in my dreams.
the other day I was standing on the foot path and this bus just steered too widely and was on me in a sec.. I think time slowed down, I didnt have time to move out of the way! it was right there.. I flattened myself and the bus went right on top of me, I squeezed under it but there is no place for me under the bus. It looked like how things looked in old video games when u went too close to some objects..graphics. Ill get crushed!!!! oh what to do!!! panic! then rewind and the bus breaks and stops an inch from me! Inception!! I must have stopped the bus myself? :)

actually not that amazing but it felt amazing when it happend :) 

how many people touch our lives

How many people touch our lives... the web of people who are directly or indirectly doing something to run this world smoothly without us even noticing it is.. is kind of overwhelming. We are also doing our lil part in this.. like an ant hill really, we are all doing our things and it all loosely fits in and run the world - more or less smoothly.

how many people are involved in making my life the way it is? in the background? not realising they are affecting my life and I not realising..

As I get to work from home, someone cleaned the apartment corridor, someone gardened the lawns, some one build the apartment in the first place, and installed the lights.. so many people are working to get electricity into the lights and heating... the people who are actually generating the current, to the people who makes the bills to the ones reading my meter...The carpets..someone cut the jute, some one weaved it, some one installed it, someone brought it here by truck .. I havent even stepped out into the road yet.. the glass, the bricks, the cement... the street lights, the traffic lights, the roads, pavement, the administration which is making it all run like clock work, the government, the people who made traffic rules, the ones who gave license, the decent drivers who are not running me over,the police who is enforcing it... bus driver, the people who made the bus, the factory the individual parts, the miners who mines the metal for the bus... ufffff... how deep could this go...

If we actually drew a graph of how we are touched by whom? across time and space..  how far back in time would be go? How many people would connect to me. And if we connected facilitator to facilitators would we connect almost every person on earth? how many of the 7 billion are actually facilitating me? :)

I dont use algebra in my daily life!!

What is the use of education people ask, as if I will use algebra in daily life  how many times have I heard that..( especially today in BBC, I have calculator! huh!)

We can only guess at what all ways education( even in its not so perfect form which we went thru) affects us .. mostly good ways.. the ways, we most often forget to appreciate...
I m fluent with Kannada I speak Kannada all the time, but I cant understand Bendre's songs!!! Me and many of my fellow Kannadigas are not capable of understanding literature, This is the gap because of not having Kannada as first language/second language in high school.  Logically speaking, u would think studying Hale Kannada is an absolute waste of time! Why would I ever learn that???!!
My friends who have studied in Kannada are able to read poetry, appreciate bhava-geete and read novels...I feel having Kannada as first language has enriched their lives in this subtle way, do they or the world realise this? we explain it off as interest, its not just interest, it is Education! :)

mean every thank you u say!
Thank yourself and mean it too!

The best thing about Deeps is that she picks up on ideas from people, books, FB posts, web and just does it!
EFT, Acting classes, lumosity, Faery Oracles... Ayahuasca ;-).. Lovely Deeps! too cool :)
Its as if my subconscious is alert for tips and suggestions to cool things. ( I cant write "I m" I m not consciously alert, its as if there is a dear friend inside who is so cool ;-), beautiful mind eh? ;-) Its not "I" Its "my mind" or "Deeps" or something who is cool :D  The "I" feel of it is less. Not like auto writing where its completely "them" doing it, This has a bit of ownership but not complete , it "my" mind but not "me" but not "them" either! hehe! I know I lost u there.. but thats how it is! ) 
Me just seems to grab some ideas and does them, while the people who suggested the ideas are not doing it!  Its as if these people were only messengers for me and those ideas were meant for me and not for them at all. and some ideas resonate after ages, after a few years even! :) its all funny, strange, mystic and cool!
may be I m being messenger to other people and not knowing it :) ( actually did happen, I gave a book to this girl, who looked at the bibliography of that book and picked up some real cool books, I had never bothered to look at the bibliography of that book :) As if I was a link in her development or something )


 I love my subconscious or whatever is inside me.. its a sweet lil thing :) and so much fun too! :) 

were they all faeries then??

This was my ghost story - me and patty hung out on our college terrace in the evenings.. just talking, chatting...one day we went down into our class room on the top floor, We ended up staying too long, it got late into the evening. It was very empty and very quite and eerie. We hurriedly tried to go down to our library, one floor below but that gate was locked by then.  Even tho it was really scary, we had to go back up via the terrace...on the way back up, we heard laughter, like small children were playing and laughing. We were in a hurry and didnt pay attention to it..We kinda ran all the way up and then down the steps thru the hostel. real fast. It was kinda scary in the twilight. When down, we looked up at the classrooms, a chill ran thru us, we realised, there was no way that there were any children in those class rooms...they were all empty.. who laughed???

my mothers one - my mum and my aunt were little, they had to collect flowers in the wee hours of the morning for my grand ma for the pooja. They used to usually sneek into a near by school and collect flowers from that garden. It used to be very early in the morning and dark. There were no lights in the school, There was a huge tree in the school which used to scare the kids. One morning when they went to the school, they saw this tree lit up with colorer full lights all over, red yellow blue green!!

and my uncles - he used to cycle back from his college along a very lonely wooded route very late at night... this was 60s in Dharwar, one night he suddenly noticed something rolling in front of his cycle. it was a tiny  bell , it kept rolling for a good kilometer or two before wheering away into the bushes... he didnt have the daring to stop and check what it was.. all he could do was keep going and it kept going in front of him...

now I wonder.. were they all faeries then? :) we never heard fairy stories.. but brain fords book is full of exactly such things :o) 

what is success

and what is the basis for self worth?

I dont choose my friends

I dont choose my friends, I dont choose my friends, I dont choose my friends?

Such a big load of bullshit!
I wonder how we seem to believe things about ourselves which may not be true at all.
I hold people who choose whom they talk to and whom they dont consciously at contempt. Judgement at something is a sure sign of underlying rot. sure enough...

I dont like to go to MBA party, I dont like snooty people. I wont get along with them.
Oh! u have young 21 year old girl as a friend, she smokes and all. I wouldnt be able to make friends with her. Young kids. So forward! I just dont connect.
House wifes- dont connect! ah Fashion Designer? Ah in Advertising? Sales??!!!
Conservative? Orthodox! ?
this lady with so many kids?
Acts too cute? Too girlie? Girls in high heals? These men in their 40's?  ........
.
Really Deeps!?? u are not choosy??

Empathy

"replace judgement with empathy"  and have "trust and patience" while doing it :)
Empathy is the answer to "How to have strong values and not be judgmental."
First of all, strong values is not the best way to be, flexible is more like it. and then when we feel judgmental, we need to understand the other person, the difference in perspective, the motives. then there will be empathy and no judgement.
I think that understanding is for intellectual and cerebral people, In case of loving people, where there is love, there is naturally no judgement. I m repeating myself, but these lessons are learnt again and again and forgotten. We dont judge children( generally :D but I do. :-P ) . we dont judge our pets and animals. I couldnt dislike( cant even write hate here) the dog which killed my cats. See Love conquers all.

If u lock ur wife in the car boot for an hour, she wont be happy to see u when u let her out, but ur  dog on the other hand... ;-) who loves u and who doesn't?? ;-)

used books

I have gone a bit crazy about amazon used books,actually from everywhere - charity shops, oxfam everywhere :D  They are so cheap.  They are so charming :). old brown pages,sometimes old times new roman font :) and so many are hardbound! :D new found love of hardbound :)

Some of them come looking so new and shiny, no name written even, so awesome!! yupiee! Just got one now...  what if? what if this poor book was never read at all??  ....
...
makes me really sad :-(
it was published in 1974 and it wasnt read at all? :-(
The cover is a bit tarnished, after all it was read? what if it was tarnished in the book shop??
anyway Im gonna read it now :)
and... I am going to leave my mark on my books, they should show that wear and tear of the love theyve got. I m not gonna leave them like new.. :D and may be leave secret messages for someone who will read it next? :)

When a book shows wear,  I wonder what kind of person read it?  did they learn better than me :-? :)
looks like they completed the drawing book, pages are folded right up to the end..
was it a gift? :) from granma to grandson.. I feel so. but then granma herself read it.
 ....
anyway u are all mine now and I love you! :)

5th year of blogging!!!! I m kinda cool! :)

lumosity

I have signed up for this too, I think this may also  be part of freeing up mind thing that is going on.. but its not obvious.
Its addictive, like all games are. Its fun, and I already feel my brain bulging and its fitting tighter in my skull ( err that might just be the cold and the groggy head! :P ) anyway it promises to help me remember where my keys are and improve my attention to peripheral vision ( which is right now zero) no tip of the tongue words, they will flow right thru.. ok ok :) cool! for price of coffee and in the time to drink it. I m getting all this! cool!  Ill try it!
Ive always felt, video games are a waste of time, useless,
people who play video games are useless, snobby geeks.
but I have signed up for playing computer games everyday for 15 minutes.. by this, I am now grudging conceding that may be video games did help them develop their brains better! Grr.

Allright, its allright to change ur opinions, its a sign of openness and progress :P 

Elephant training

James,
I like this guys attitude
he has the presence at all times to say
- why are we doing it like this?
- why the f£$% are we doing it like this
- does this really have to be done this way!

Once that question is asked, he makes the change.
He is very effective.
I want to be like that.

I on the other hand is an elephant, trained elephant.
Elephant is tamed by making it believe that it doesnot have a route to escape, its spirit is broken.
so once it is tamed, it is tied with flimsy chains which it can easily break but it never does. It firmly believes that it cant escape, so why try?

I m like that, I find myself doing a lot of annoying things as if I dont have the power to change them. They are easy lil things that can be changed. but I m spirit broken elephant. May be little things at work, doing annoying things day after day because people at XXX are like that, they wont change. Instead of asking for change and making it happen.  keeping something in the wrong place in the kitchen and ending up bending everytime to pick it or keeping sugar in a jar with a tight lid and struggling with it daily or having books all over the house rather than buying another  book shelf.  and may be big ones I donno yet.

James says, be kind to your future self. I m always ashamed why I lived with that for so long :-$ :-$

"Swalpa adjust maadi, swalpa adjust maadi anta heli, life e adjustment agogide maraya" :D hehe Naanu astondu mosa illa but definitely 3 james questions need to be asked more often in life.

why not free?

Alex,
I like her attitude, she is very free. she is not modest about accepting food/drink or about farting :D  she does not think u are being formal when u ask her something, she takes it as a genuine request

I realise this about me at this point, when someone offers me something my first thought about it is,  They dont mean it, they are being formal, they are doing it for some bloody reason other than genuinely wanting to give me tea! :-$ shame on me! always doubting people's intentions.

be free - trust life - trust people - trust yourself.

smuggler

;-)
Why is being smug or self satisfied bad? I know it is very irritating to see a smug person, but why? If I m smug, should I change into being less smug,how? by being less satisfied with myself? Is being smug actually gloating? so smug is being self satisfied and showing it? ah! yeah I think its being self satisfied and then rubbing it in peoples faces! :) Thats why it is bad. smug is trying to make other person feel less good? Or may be  it is just the annoying side effect of satisfied people?

what is the difference between smug and arrogant?  They are kind of entirely different but in both cases we feel that person thinks he is better than us and we feel bad/irritated/angry.   If we have high enough self worth, will we fail to be annoyed by both and feel that the situation is funny? smug is kind of passive and harmless, arrogant needs confrontation/resistance as it may affect the other person...

What is  self righteousness? Is it smug?
does self righteousness always come with judgments?
How to have values and beliefs and still be non self righteous? wont u be a hypocrite then? :)
should we believe that I have right to my values and everyone has a right to their own? Do we draw a line at all.
Is it possible to be non judgmental? when u have strong values. Having strong values in itself is bad. makes us stuck in one point of time.
( this is a whole new blog topic)

self esteem and feelings of self worth invariably bring up questions about pride. I feel that is easy to answer. pride is external , many times present to cover feelings of inadequacy internally. If it is not, is pride really bad? Is humbleness overrated? being proud of being humble is the worst. :D but common easy trap. he he smug - proud of being humble is a very good example of smug :)
yeah I got the definition
Smug is hidden pride, Arrogance is out in the open pride.

( all this, after I was purposefully smug to irritate someone, then I thought may be I m smug lot more than I realise :-$  m I smug, is my current bug  )

freeing ..

Im doing a few things to free myself,
samba class, acting class and Betty Edwards exercises in drawing :)
and observing myself, thats the key.
but so much more to go ( trust and patience my dear says an old witch to me)
I must be doing right because all this is so much fun,
It it feels enjoyable and not a chore, thats want power and not will power ;-)

( this is not a poem, its just weird indentation :) 

Free Myself

Free free free!
How do I break free?
I have heard this many times "the only person who is limiting u is u.."

Everything seems to be converging on that.. Do we have to learn acting/drawing/singing??? no! we just have to allow ourselves to do it.
Its shocking! how we stop ourselves from being good and wonderful by limiting ourselves with too much conscious control ,our brain unfortunately is designed that way.

• Drawing on the right side of the brain.
• Inner game of tennis

These are two books which talk about this freeing ourselves but in a scientific way. In brain language.  off-course all the spiritual books talk about this all the time, its the same thing but sounds different. Thats what  I want to prove - that what spiritual books are talking bout and what these books say, is the same thing.

The books call this, letting the right brain do the job, while making the usually dominant left brain, shut up.
from wiki
Edwards's method of drawing and teaching was revolutionary when she published it in 1979. It received an immediate positive response, and is now widely accepted by artists, teachers, and others around the world. Underlying the method is the notion that the brain has two ways of perceiving and processing reality — one verbal and analytic, the other visual and perceptual. Edwards' method advocates suppressing the former in favor of the latter. It focuses on disregarding preconceived notions of what the drawn object should look like, and on individually "seeing" edges or lines, spaces, relationships, and lights and shadows, later combining them and seeing them as a whole, or gestalt.^[3]
  I think right/left brain is a bit of a simplistic divide( wiki says this too). I like the ego/sub-super-conscious divide. however u look at it, shutting out the critical/ controlling part of the brain is the key. Doesn't this sound exactly like meditation?

J Krishnamurthy just says let go of words, dont associate words with things, u will free yourself. Why? how? Its so hard to understand. Betty Edwards finally made me understand why that is. When u use words to denote something, the left brain makes a symbol out of it. If I try to draw an eye, I always draw the eye symbol that I made when I was 10. not the real eye I am seeing. When I just draw lines and shapes without identifying it as eye, I draw very accurate drawings.
Same with life situations, JK says u dont see the present u an approximation for that situation in the past and u react in the same way. It is not bad, but thats not exactly reality, is it? :) Its good to be conscious that we are doing that.



When I was trying to learn juggling, if I just saw the person doing it and copied it, I was able to do but as soon as I started thinking how, I lost it.
 ( I wonder how some people can think about how to do physical stuff and still do it well. my bro and husband are really good at analyzing what they are physically doing and still do it very well. They may be better communication between left/right brain, I think their left brain delegates to right when they play, just like mine delegates to right when I draw )

Art, sports, meditation, healing, astral sight obviously need this but surprisingly even math, coding, minesweeper  ( the so called left brain activities) also can be better when we let go, even writing...Its not left/right brain but its using some higher faculty in brain. getting into the zone more like.

The basic requirement of actually doing something and enjoying it seems to be to surrender. to trust ourselves to do it and let go.
To do our job and genuinely not care bout the result. Is it this they are talking about?  Must be, otherwise its just drudgery.

As of now, getting into zone happens involuntarily, those books tell me to notice the difference between not being in the zone and being in the zone and slowly u will be able to go in and out of the zone voluntarily. I did a meditation once, in which the lady was very insistent about noticing the state of consciousness, how trance is different from full awake state. So u can go into meditative state easily when u want.

I love how all this converges.

I know all this but why Am I not free? Left brain is so dominant! Switching on the "zone" is recursive, to get into the zone we shouldnt try but let go! and be in the Zone!!!  Argh!!!!!!

== from here on its for myself, I seem to need more convincing ==

I take a huge white paper and try to make random marks on it, Its so hard. I am so inhibited. Its hard to mess up a page. :) making bold strokes is hard, I always keep an eraser close. I make a small drawing in one corner. Most of the new comers in the drawing class drew small pictures  :) it takes practice to let go. once I let go, I see myself making bold strong marks in color, over writing on what is already there, not bothering to correct. things come out awesome. :) ( May be I wouldnt call it awesome at all in critical mode :) )

This BTW is not extrovert introvert thing, It  looks like it is a problem with external boldness but it isnt.  difference between being free and being bold is same as between acceptance of pain  and denial of pain. Being bold is ploughing thru inhibitions and being free is when these inhibitions are not there at all.  May be extroverts are more free... i dono.

 (its not just boldness, hesitation about making marks of paper may be about our parents telling us not to waste, govt telling us not to waste paper, conservation mentality, why to use new when I can use old for practice mentality, not being confident that I will make a good drawing, all sorts of things )

Acting class
I m so awkward and not good at acting, and self conscious and embarrassed and struggling and the rest of the class is like this too. Half way thru the class ,I realise I m pretending that the chair is a toilet seat and I m smuggling it thru immigration, I am whispering and voice modulating and winking and everything and having so much fun. We are all doing so well too.. We just shut down some part of us which said we cant do it, which asks what people will think and makes us feel selfconscious and one hell of a time we had :)

Cooking
Cook is hard, I m not a good cook, I used to believe that.  I m actually a wonderful wonderful cook. Thats my latest gift ( thank u G ;). because I allowed myself to be it. I allowed myself to be gifted, Thats it.  It is allright to make mistakes, Trust that I will do well. no measurements, no recipes. Have a picture of what taste we want at the end and  I just know what to put and what will taste good. ( most times.)   When I want to recreate the same and use my brain and start thinking, Its horrible :)  even simple food dont have that magic anymore.

sometimes we let other people tell us, we are not good . I feel only when we think ourselves that we cant do well, we are not good. only then we believe  when other people tell us we are not good, so it starts in us( mostly)


Bowling
every ball was gutter ball, after throwing 4 balls into gutter, I asked them to raise the side railings so the ball wont go into gutter at all. kids mode :-( yeah I was just horrible,
but once the railings were raised, I never once touched them!???! WT... Its like fear of being horrible makes me really horrible. the more I think I should do well, the worse I become, the more I think about just having fun, things go well.

fear

fear of making mistake is so strong and paralyzing in some of us ( me :P )
even when the cost of mistake is nil, i find myself doing so badly and being paralyzed by hesitation after making a mistake

word bubble game
u are supposed to make words with the given 2 start letters, I noticed I just stopped making words if I got a couple of words wrong because of spelling mistakes. as if I m stepping on mines :P
Come on deeps!
If I put on mute, then when the noise of making mistake is not there, I fare slightly better!

I think introverted, shy people are more prone to this.
also people who have sailed thru life rather easily without making many mistakes are prone to this.

want power is stronger than will power :)

fa fa

We are trying to learn to fly or to paint, we are in a small govt school in a small village. me and Vijay are there. We want to learn to paint better .We are waiting for a guru to come and ask him for advise. He comes and when we ask him , he tells us that we should try fishing. fishing??? he says
 fa-fa.
 fa fishing,fa flying.
 It works  like that. they are all related.
 u learn fishing and then u can learn flying ( wasnt it painting we wanted to learn? dono.. may be it was flying? mey be its all same :P )

This is either deeply philosophical(??) or just funny :)  or both. cool :)

ps: do I dream in english!!?? looks like! 

my heart goes mmm.. contd

http://mystic-babe.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/my-heart-goes-mmm-i-hate-that-song-but.html

moss - I love green velvette moss
terrariums- do u know they are called fairy gardens? :)
aquariums
huge glass bottles ( I mean huge.. like more than foot tall) to make terrariums and aquariums ( without fish tho)
colored bottles - even normal wine bottles I like, should grow plants in them.. never succeded in growing plants in them tho.
bonsai
miniature doll houses
tiny paintings
very detailed tiny carvings( In Japanese are called netsuke, not really netsuke are beads but they are  tiny and intricately carved )
sketch books, scrap books ( Vijju auntie's home science scrap book was my favourite book ever)

Sooooooo Excited

How to see Faeries!! Its cutest lil( not too lil) book with flaps and books inside books and things that pop out and slide out and everything! yeah yeah Its a kids book! So?! love it anyway, I want to make a book like this, those guys have had so much fun making this book!

Sun Over Mountain!!! Ah! This is such a lovely book, I havent seen any other book which told how exactly to delve into the subconscious ( without drugs and stuff that is :P)  Jessa Macbeth is awesome. She was awesome in Fairy Oracle cards and here too!
All these books compliment each other so perfectly, Sun over mountain wants me to draw but focus is on getting in touch with subconscious. Drawing with right side of the brain! wants me to get in touch with subconscious or the right side of the brain but focus is on drawing :) :) :)
And u need all this to see fairies :) :P :)
I found some beautiful fairy statues to compliment all this in charity shops..

Yupieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Amazing books!!! :D
World is a beautiful place! :)  the most beautiful place in the world is right inside our head!!! wow! The only danger is you may want to stay there and not get out!

And Oh!Oh, I also got my sketch book! Moleskin sketch book for sketching stuff! :D  hmm Ill become Monet or Van Gough soon! :P ;)

Feels like Santa was here ;-)

are thoughts like ice bergs?

are thoughts like ice bergs? like they have 1/3 up and 2/3 below our conscious level?

reading Secret- which BTW is quite a  nice book, dono why it has such a bad name. anyway, it says that your feelings are indicators of what kind of thoughts u are thinking.
I noticed that some thoughts seem innocent or very short at conscious level but they have a huge emotional charge to them. that means there is lot more to that thought than what comes to mind, large part of that thought is below surface.
noticing thoughts and feelings is not that straightforward, mind!

how to actually get to the hidden part of thoughts?

Thoughts and feelings are not 1:1 and its not an easy mapping as these books lead us to believe. Thoughts dont always generate feelings, the same thought sometimes brings about feelings and sometimes not. Feelings color thoughts. If I m feeling irritated, and  I think of one non irritating person I may paint them with irritation too.. like that.
The Game: That playboy guide book, actually has a technique. The guy asks these women to imagine a time when they were very happy, Or about an ideal situation. women imagine it and start feeling good. but they attribute these good feelings to the guy who asked the question! and get hooked! serious! this was an NLP technique.
Controlling feelings is not hard, understanding them is. Its the next level of the game.
Secret is a good book, it talks of Secret shifters, music or good memory or a walk or something, which can shift ur mood instantly. once u get into the habit u may be able to shift moods without the actual shifter. It is good. but...I do want to understand and go into why the bad feelings came up in the first place. is it worth it?
actually when I feel bad now, the first reaction is dilemma, should I shift to good mood or should I try to understand this! :)

auto drawing

what is subconscious?
Is it me? it does not usually feel like me..
when I let my subconscious do a drawing, I dont say I drew it, say, it came out like that.
I dont even know where the drawing is going to go, which color will be picked up next, its all as if someone is doing it thru me.
The techniques used are unique- I wouldnt usually paint with my fingers! but my subconscious did!
It made two paintings when I wanted to draw hero, one in oil pastels and one with paint. both eerily similar ( both like poppy flower!!)  I realise this only when I look at it later on :)
I wouldnt massage myself with my knuckles, my subconscious did ! :)
dear god! we are such interesting machines and we have so so many features! we have to explore.
it is as if channeling - exactly like when u do a seance.
it feels like I m letting something inside me show itself.. it has a life of its own..

somethings in our lives are just links, they come in so that they can point us to something else..
there may sometimes be a chain of links to get us from A to B. Links or Steps. life works in mysterious ways :) nothing is accidental
when u look for somethng u need to have patience and trust... when u are holding a link dont dismiss it

sometimes for us the journey is more important or as important as the destination.
sometimes we want to take a longer route, the not obvious route and it is ok.
Have fun going when the journey is anyway long, what say? :)

wrt reading Sun over mountain and trying creative visualisation instead of arhatic meditations which may be quicker way to .. u know what :P

When I started worrying and fretting about things -
Gyan-"This will not matter at all in the big scheme of things!"
How many of our worries will disappear if we think - will this matter in 10 years.. Or even in a week? most of the things we worry about wont even matter tomorrow!

Gyan in uncanny, I m grateful for the grace!