my dream home is like an Ashram where birds cats mice fishes dogs all live together peacefully.

Pranic healing Psycho therapy

I completed my psychotherapy in pranic healing Sept 19-20. Same day lost my cat and after that it was the long Holiday where I got hooked to korean. all that put together i didn't put that up in the blog.

The teacher in psychotherapy class said I did very through and deep healing. Zabardast she said. :D I person i healed almost fell asleep, he was so relaxed :)

I am thrilled, I think i have aptitude for this. .

Lotus v/s Lily

This question has always intrigued me. What is the difference - lotus/Lilly? Childhood explanations were lotus is pink,lily( Naidile) is white, lotus blooms in the day and lilly at night,lilly is smaller. Somehow in my mind they were always inter changable.


I actaullly love to differentiate between closely species(?not just) like I want to see what is really different between koreans japanese chinese in appearance, wild dogs of the world and wolf, how different they are, Chimps bonobos orangutans, white and pink temple tree. bothers me untill I get the exact difference. No wonder I think I am really blessed to be born in the days of internet.


Actually white and pink temple tree is an interesting one, I looked up all over the place trying to look for species of plumeria.. no-where did I see anyone differentiating between the two. Ive always noticed that some plumeria plants are just so handsome and some.. well they are gawky.. flowers are the same except for the scent. I was looking up bangalore trees.. I wanted to find the name of those huge trees that grow all over bangalore, about 10 ft dia trunk on residency road near mayo circle? Its called MaLe mara..Rain tree..(Of south American origin, I had always pictured this tree to be from Africa.. I cud imagine it standing tall and alone in a vast grassland. but no :P)Thanks to rain tree, I found this wonderful blog http://www.wildwanderer.com/journal/flowering-trees/2/






Blog also lists Plumeria ( my temple tree!!!) and guess what there are actually two sub species. he says.. "There are 2 species of Temple Trees that are met with often. The Red Frangipani Plumeria rubra which is a somewhat odd-looking tree while the White Frangipani Plumeria alba is the more handsome. Both are of small stature; the former being deciduous and the latter evergreen" :-} That was an Aahan! moment :)






Anyway coming back to topic, Lily lotus . I saw a lotus plant in a nursery and they called it lilly, it has bloomed in the day and it was purple!! I searched a lot on the internet but it took me a long long while to figure out what exactly lotus is and what lilly is.. even wiki and google images didnt help... lot of misnaming of the flowers. many ppl are as confused about lilly lotus as me.


finally I figured out, thanks to my mum's artificial lotus bloom. It is not the usual floaty thing that u get, but it is actually like this....













You know what ? I realise, I had never ever seen lotus in the wild, all the pink white yellow ones I have seen in so many ponds and lakes all these years, were all lilies. I found this artificial lotus really weird. why is it like this.. such a tall stalk? he's made it like that so that it can be kept in a pot.. etc..I saw a few pictures of chinese gardens... Saw lotus. didnt figure , then I saw tiger hunting deer in a lake- Rantambore.. and ...there's lotus in the background!!! I dono if it is rantambore, Its that place in Rajasthan where there is a fort in the forest and the tigers roam around on that fort, there is a lake right next to the fort. Those lotus( hundreds!) were just like my mum;s a few feet above the water!!..So..Beautiful! sometimes I think may be I imagined it, fort- lake- tiger and then Lotus too!?!! and that evening sun, Nat geo/Discovery guys catch so often? Imagination? no...


Artists capture it beautifully if u lookup lotus paintings....compare that with monnet's water lillies.. how different these two are!


lilly leaves float on top of water, lotus leaves grow right up - upto height of a few feet above water. lily leaves are flat like a plate and lotus leaves.. so beautiful, wavy. lilly gives an appearance of a floating plant, lotus more stalky. lotus has its seeds at the center. The famous seed pod. ever eaten lotus seeds? Ive heard my grand mum's stories...she used to go to the lake to pluck and eat lotus seeds when she was little and one day she saw a crocodile! scary! must have been younger than 12, she got married at 12! If that is so.. then this was in 1920..1930s..


lilly just has pollen.. never seen lily seeds. lilly has thin conical petals, lotus has rounder petals.. the flower is actually quite different. fuller buds too. lotus is usually much bigger than lilly. but not always true I guess, there is the gaint lilly from the americas.


lilly comes in all colors usually with a yellow center. Lotus I think in very few white and pink.?.. Sacred lotus.. its awe inspiring, really!! not so lilly. You can grow lily in a 3ft dia tub... for lotus u need slush a few feet deep. hmmm. I have tiny lilies in my tub now :) one day I want to grow lotus. those foot wide flowers!! hmmm.


I know, Now I have them all figured out. I went to the nursery to buy lilies and when i saw the lotus I cud say - Ah! u have a lotus! how did u manage to grow it :D

new Dawn

Yeah it feels like, My conscious is slowly emerging out, first rays of the sun... The dead quite and a twitter here and another there... :-P I am getting out of the Drama addiction. Finally I can start to feel my toes and fingers :P I am out of the numbness!

and hence the blog.

Hallyu( korean cultural wave) drowned me! I loved the movies but its the Dramas that did it. Totally addictive and numbing. u dont want anything else in this world than to watch the next episode. Once the drama is done, u go looking for NG's, behind the scenes , Commercials staring those actors and then u bump into another drama starting those actors and the cycle continues :D

How did i get out it.. I guess Kim Hyun Joong hasn't acted in any more dramas :P and I din get hooked to Bi Rain... yet....

First blog post in months, first gardening in months ( I got water lilies for my lily pond and some fishes too ) first meditation in months :-$, first time playing with coco in months, first time visiting my mum's house without laptop in months.

Make that months - month - the addiction just lasted one month :P still I can crib cant i?

Still Good morning Deepa! Congrads on wakin up! :P

chintu chotu both got Obituaries , Why not Sonu? Shes been gone for a couple of months now.

I guess I havent let u go yet Sonu! Love you. They say angels come when u need them and go away when their work is done! ? Were u an Angel? Why did u go away? I still need you? :-(

When I was a lil kid.. like 3-4 or something I remember I used to play with a cat. afternoons when everyone used to be asleep. It even scratched me a couple of times when I tried to get too affectionate :-) when I think back we didnt have any cat at home.. i wonder how id made friends with that cat, may be one of the neighbours. my family never played with it tho.

I also used to play with Black ants, those harmless "seeme hase". I used to let them climb all over me and talk to them, yeah I was a lil weird.

Crushes...

:-$ :-) Reading that blog from that other deepa, I realised I too had my heart on my sleeve and I too had thousands of crushes why not write about them.. many would say Aiyo Rama!! why ever write about them :-)
This is frank honest list :D :D :D :D ! noooo :P
Brian The Chinky guy, Called him Korean or what ever, It turned out he was from patna! :-} I finally did get to talk to him, I borrowed books in final year, he was working by then.. How heart breakin to see B loves A written in those books! hahaha!
and that Suneil shetty the boxer of Batinda - push ups guy! damn I cant get his name.. Gill.. Puneeth sher gill ! sheru :D hehe He opened his mouth and Man!!! If it stunk like a sher’s mouth it would haev been better. what dumbness.
Kazim - cute fellow, shy cute..
Norain commet! :-)
puRohit..french class
and that boss of mine forgot his name never admitted to any one I had a crush.
Mr Sanz :)
and rAncho! :D
and how can I forget, My mum’s cousins son.. dono his name V… something.. Dashing. I almost swooned and stammered when he was around talking about relatives there was this one I saw in one of the weddings.. embarrassingly young, much younger than me was in PU when I was in BE. Again,obviously a secret crush.
Aaaahhhh and … Goa Green shirt! Sweetest smile ever.! Damn if only I was abit bolder, I met .. ok ok, more honest would be I saw this one in Goa – Dona paula sigh.. could it get more romantic…ashte.. saw.. then these guys asked us to click their snap. We clicked.. ashte, no email id no phone number nothing… change by password to goagreenshirt and it stayed that way for years… this was 1998….
how most crushes just melt away - long time since I had a crush tho :D :D :D Just Fahid from Kameny for now.. Shahid from Jab we met too.. perfect guy!
thinking of movie curshes
Troy ooooooooo brad pitt, but that was just one movie.. I never liked him before or after...
Joey from friends!!! When he fell in luv with rachel! cute !!! :)
Leo is leo.. I cant call him crush.. its true love now its been eleven years since titanic and still going strong :D
Amir khan in Dil hai ki Manata nahi... when the cigerette falls from his lips.. as he dances for "hum hai rahi pyar ke..." ...
PS:This account is entirely fictional and Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental :-P

Freak Blog!

http://waves.rediffiland.com/blogs/2008/07/23/Just-another-cliched-blog.html

Did i write this!!!!

Patty comes on facebook today and asks me this.. : D Funny!

But this blog is Freakish !!! Man!! . I have a friend soums! and a kid brother and a best friend who stays miles way( patty herself) and I do think like this deepa!!!! WOW Its just like Ive written it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW WOW WOW

why is it so hard to remember, when you are upset or angry with the world, its not the world you are angry with but yourself?

congratulations to me

Now I am an Advanced Pranic healer :-) I finished the class yesterday! Wonderful techniques. Such an Ass I am for not doing it sooner! Cant kick myself enough. so much advanced than the basic techniques. Very effective.

I have the next level class - Psychometry, on Sept 19th 20th. I will finish it, God willing.

Cant wait!!!

( feminist speak )

I am surprised at how most ppl my age in india think..

Women should cook.

yeah they dont say that explicitly anymore but its so much part of their psyche . The main task of a woman is to cook,clean and keep house... working not working doesnot matter. A woman works 10 hrs a day at some bloody office but her main responsibility is .. u guessed it...cooking. No exceptions CEO of a company or Even Indira Gandhi. I am sure there are ppl ( my age and younger no less) who say oh that lady, she could nt even make plain dal! ( or could she?;-) )

Its not the guys I am talking about, Its these CEO and PM women themselves I am talking about. What they think about themselves. atleast what they would like to project to the world is - yeah I am successful but I cook at home. I know of a few exception, all Jhansi rani types like me :-).

The popular office joke is "hey u r a guy and u cook at home? shame on u!" "your husband cooks?" !! - When will these apes turn into humans? :-)

There is this Wipro sugar Ad "is your husband turning from fit to fat? take care of him" Its womans responsibility apparently if her husband is going fat! eh! and her... who cares for a bloody woman!!!

husband and wife should do everyhign together..

. err sorry its not exactly like that. wife.. should do everything with her husband and nothing on her own...she is not supposed to have any tastes or hobbies of her own(except Fashion designing ) or a life of her own. even if she does, she should be crafty and scheming enough to hide it or do it without affecting her primary responsibilities mentioned above.

I go on a trek on my own... with out my husband and I questions I am asked! - dont u miss ur husband? poor thing how does he live? who will take care of him. who will cook for him :-D How can a woman live without her husband like this?( din ur mother spend 2 months summer vacation every year at ur grannies? :-P ) ... when i get married Ill not go anywhere without my husband. Or even better - I wouldnt "let" my wife go without me. ( AAahhhh He would n't "let" her ! :-D )

and a Guy comes with out wife... anyone ask any questions? no just patted on the back - probably one question - boss, enjoying ur freedom!? his freedom!!!

The Gender disparity of it all. Is it Chauvinism? its all ppl... girls guys all and its mostly younger generation who think like this.. older gen have changed themselves to adjust and see things in a different light.. atleast the older gen I am in contact with has.. may be they have seen life?!?

I wonder - why dont i think like that? I have my prejudices they have theirs :-) some-other day on my prejudices...

saw something beautiful at work...

dust particles flying in the beam of the projector :-D they looked magical ! hehe!

safe life

I feel like I havent really seen life at all, I feel like I was in school before, now I feel like I am a graduate or a post graduate student, I know more, but I hardly am in it. I feel like I am leading this safe life and watching from the galleries and how ever much I grow up, it is going to be like this for me and for many of the people from my class, middle class Indians... we are not really into the ups and downs of life... most of the kannadiga middle class especially. We are making safe choices and leading a very safe life, our parents have given us a good education and enviromnet at home we study well and get a safe job and then we have a safe marriage and then we follow the same routine for our children, one or two misadventures do happen away from the normal path but not enough to screw up or change our life. We sometimes go and paddle our feet in life at times...- ok thats me, ( this doesnot apply to most of my class, they wont even do that much) but then retract and go back from life into our ... cages? or safely??
Why am I feeling this? I am reading this novel and I am so not relating to what is happening there... how many people get into real trouble by getting pregnant. its sucha bigggg bigg issue for people. even in revolutionary road.. its like some huge rock is put on your head at times.. and at other times people are estatic! Cant relate! Couldnt relate!

If I look back on my life... I dont feel like this... things have come and gone. When I am in the thick of things I do feel like I am involved, but at the end of it, I am kind of a detached soul amnt I? Why dont I swim in the river of life? why am I not in it ... I am not wet :D I mean I am not involved in life! I love my life now.. I love reading, I love finding out these things,, after the vacation I feel I have learnt how to live... I have found loads of things I really really love, I love my pets... but its all nice but when I see it -I mean when I see others lives I feel ( Its not about Drama!! boy !!! there is drama in my life or what!! ) I feel I am living a very protected life... who is protecting it? me? from very young age.. the people we meet.. all except one( not mentioning here :-) ) have been really nice people... why? how? are we too choosy in meeting people and going out and living...I not complaining about my life... there is this ... feeling its not really fear ... that I am living in a protected environment and not in the wild... you know.. like I am probably a zoo animal living in the comfort of a real nice zoo probably made by me... and there is wild out there which I dono of... AND I am definitely not complaining... I DONT WANT TO GO INTO THE WILD. I just want to look at the wild... read about the wild.. like I am reading now....I wonder if there is a wild and if I am in a zooo and who made the zoo. .. Actually I just hope I will be in the zoo till the end of life I am scared I dono anything about the wild I dont want to go there.. I am not sure it exists even... may be this is the wild but I know how to live in it? this is the wild that I have created and it is good? ?? :) I donoo..
Actually u know what I want to do, I totally dont want that wild to exist I want to live in the zooo and persue my hobbies.. and carry on with my life... I am just scared... its the same feeling that I wrote about in the other blog about to be or not to be.... same thing..
feeling of naivity ....I am stil naive and I am always going to be???? should I really bother to go and find out about not naive?

3/20/09 - 9:49AM

embarrassing moments part 2

When u are waiting for someone and have nothing else to do, twiddle ur thumbs, Dont roam around and push open door! cause they may be emergency exits and they will start singing like the fat lady from the Opera! :P :-$

news paper se..

Prince group - a group of laborers from Orissa, two of them have polio won a talent show India's got talent. They are just too too good, they are just wonderful. It is so unbelievable and touching :,-( You have to see it to believe it, I never even realized two of them couldn't walk untill I saw the video again on youtube. Some daily wagers from a small town have so much talent!! and they are struggling for their daily bread and still found time to dance ! wow! . God bless them!

BJP is in Chaos, They are clueless. They are lost and they have gone to dogs!! I am really saddened at the state of things. BJP was the middle class hindu party. They were our hope. Yeah they were too right wing and anti Muslim, I am leaning left. but I thought they would evolve into a progressive party. I loved their patriotism,Aggression. Good relation with Israel, Roads.. Nuclear test... I want that BJP back! the Vajpayee wali BJP :-(

Sach ka samana, Reality show where everyone is telling the truth. Dirty linen. Lot of debate on it, is it ethical, What kind of cheapness is this, This is Vulgar etc..

I think it is quite cool, All of us holier than tho ppl.. we need to know what the world is like... it is a reflection on ourselves actually. if we look a lil deeper inside us, we will find the same old much that is comin out in sach ka samana. If we only dare speak truth to ourselves.. Boss time to have a relook at this bloody hipocratical soceity and admit to ourselves.. yeah we are like this only, we are not gods we are human and we are .. exactly like the people on sach ka samana.. time to pull out all those dirty stinking veils under which we hide the baser feelings. you can get over them only once you admit them. no?

I would like one experiment, Ask the same questions anonymously to 1000's of ppl with lie detector offcourse and publish the results... they will show the true face of humanity. and I dont judge that face.. It only shows the rules and the morals and the so called standards we have .. they are all fake . that s all it shows, It doesnot show anything bad about ppl/human as such... we just programed ourselves to value wrong thigns.. western ppl Money and materials and easters false values and morals.

Raw nerve

I get upset at times, I get upset on comparision. from childhood. I used to get really wild when my aunts and uncles used to compare me with my cousins. why dont u grow ur hair long!! aah, how I hated it. What is their bloody problem. what for them. why dont they just mind their business and I will do what I want to do. dress as I please.

Wear a saree!!! X@W#$@$@!! Christ! or do some make up or wear jewellery. Especilay annoyed when my mom compares me to my sis in law. Why dont u dress up a lil. see ur sis in law, she is always wearing bright clothes. not annoyed when my mom-inlaw talks about my other sis in law;s buying 10k worht saree etc. because there is no comparision there I guess.

I'd built myself into a rebel, if I conform I used to feel miserable with myself. :-)

Why is it such a sensitive issue with me? why does "why dont u be like X" create such a strong emotional response in me. it brings out the "I am me. I am like this only" complex out very strongly. I dono why I am so stuck up with " I am like this only, I come with + and - . u need to take me just as I am. if u dont like it , then u can take a hike" complex. I am really really stuck up on this. Is this what u can call Individuality or identity .

I used to be really stuck up and proud of it, but now I am begining to think, there is chink in the armour. or rather I think I have an unnecessary armour.

Why this raw nerve. why do I so strongly say I dont care... It only means I actually do care, no? a lot actually. Most of the time things that affect you most are the ones you think are wrong with you. If someone called me blind- say because I wear specs, It does not affect me. If I felt bad about wearing specs then I would have minded. Same with being fat, I dont really think i am fat and these comments are clearly jokes. If someone made fun of my job for example... I think i would mind ...

The things mentioned above short hair etc.. I definitely dont think are wrong with me! but something must be there. if I take the logic further if I thought I was better than others, all these small things wouldnt affect me. may be in my mind I dont really feel so great about myself? and feel others are better? May be I dont feel i have the right to be as I want to be. specially I think I seek approval especially from people who are close to me, and I hate to admit it and act according to it. So anything that points to this, khatak ta hai??? May be..

Sight

Today I noticed that If I focus on somethin outside the window and shake my head ( if you are wondering why I did something like this, I was looking out of the window and walking on the treadmill) the view outside seems to shakes with my head , the window grill remains still. Even if I foucs on the window grill or on anything this side of the grill, it doesnot seem to shake with my movement. but the view outside still does!!!

tried it one step further, what I see inside the mirror shakes!!!

is it the glass that is making it shake? refraction or whatever!?!!?!?! I dono the science behind this one. Anyone help?

Is this same as the view when u go by train, the trees and the fields run paast u in oppostie direction but the moon and sun, they travel with u in the same direction?? In this case there is some logic, the speed with which the view moves in the opposite direction is proportional to its closeness to the train. closest stuff moves away fastet, fields and hills seem to ravel with you for some time and then slowly fall behind and the moon..u know it.

During meditation and energy rising exercises I found lot of Qi or prana collect near my stomach. I was scared and discontinue the practice.Thanks to the communities on the internet, it was suggested that I try this to distribute the Qi more evenly. It is supposed to be a good thing to be able to feel the Qi.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qigong

I want to try this. It is surprising that it become such a phenomenon in china and china govt actually banned it!!

Time

Theory of relativity "The faster u move, slower the time moves" seems very attractive concept at first glance. How many times have I wished for time to slow down. But when I think about it further... For example, I board enterprise the Star Trek space ship Brian Green likes so much, I take a nap for 8 hours. I come back and earth has moved on some million years!!!! :-S Thats not what I want do I?

I want the exact opposite!!!! I board my machine, I sleep for 8 hours. Make that 18. I come back and not even 10 minutes have passed here on earth. THAT! That is what I want. Would be lovely wouldn't it??

Or would it? In this scenario- I age faster than everyone else!!!!!! Damn! If I take a break of 2 years and I come back Ill be sporting wrinkles while my frineds and everyone else will have fresh tomato cheeks! Hmm!! would I trade wrinkles for 8 hour extra sleep? hmmm....Damn!

That apart, How exactly do I make this happen? How can I speed up time for me alone???

There is one place tho, where time moves faster for me - Dreams! If I take a 10 minute nap and dream that I slept for 8 hours :-D and remember that dream. That would be the solution to my problem?

ps: No, I am not sleep deprived. I just hate that the 2 day weekend has slipped away like mercury and I am stuck with Monday morning. feeling like I have loads of backlog :(

food

How much food do u actually need to survive? Sometimes I wonder if anything at all we believe in is true. I learnt that I need like quarter of the food I eat normally,not just survive but to be much much healthy and energetic. JNI Diet was 6 glasses of juices , 4 bowls of soup and after this u need very little else - 2 chapatis for the afternoon and papaya and watermelon at night. First 2 days u fall sick get a headache feel cravings and then u get used to it. and feel much more active than before.

I tried ramzan last year, no water and food from dawn to dusk. It was not as hard as it seems. It was not the hunger that was most difficult to deal with, but the habit. the routine. Coffee time, Lunch time, I was so restless, confused about what to do.

I realise food means so much more to me, much more than fillign stomach and satisfying hunger. its not just about taste buds either . It provides comfort, feeling of safely? especially our staple food. we are so much emotionally in touch with food, many of emotional needs are met with food. Curd rice makes you feel at home? feeling lonely - how about a big bar of dark chocolate. and bhajji with rain? u want to be hungry for that?. Curd rice or moolangi dal is not the tastiest stuff I ve eaten. but if I go for 15 days without south indian food start feeling cranky. childhood food does it connect u with ur mum?!? thats why no chapati but rice for me?

They say there is a built in mechanism in our body which prompts us to stock up on fat and carbs, especially true for Indians as our ancestors went through lot of drought and rough weather. my ancestors seem to have been particularly badly hit :P

All this I think this is true only for foodies tho, skinny ppl are skinny cause they are not emotionally connected to the food eh?

Mystic babe 's back...

Reading about String theory and stuff. Cant help but double check the cover of the book, Is it science or philosophy! it is exactly like reading one of those mystic books. hidden dimensions, vibrations, dense particles and mass less particles ( subtle particles in mysticism) . Ours is but just another universe among millions. Cyclic notion of creation and destruction. time is an illusion.! past present future exists now.. notion of Bramha's year being equal to trillions of earth years.

Come on! If u cant see the similarities then u are being a Dogmatic scientist. Dog-sci is one who gives vague pseudo scientistific may be explanations to things which science cant exlpain today. for eg Prana: I can feel it, you can feel it. But if you are Dog sci u will say it may be static charge, say it may be pyscological. you jsut deny anything to accept or see anything beyong the narrow domain of today's science. This can happen to anyone, Einstein didnt accept Quantum Theory! Till his death.... hmm may be we humans are conditioned this way. Openess doesnot come easy for most. I am in this category most of the time too, I am all too ready to paint everything with a broad brush of superstition. If not for the pranic healing experience I was one of the worst dog sci's in the world I think.

Coming back to string theory - I think, Mysticism is the theory of the universe told by ancient people which has gotten lost in myth and lore now.

I am waiting for day when scientst will discover the prana particle which is more subtle than the gravity particle and the consciousness particle which can control the prana particle. I will go ahead even with my limited knowledge and say these particles are closed string particles as they can travel across dimension! just like gravitrons.?.

We dont need machines to feel these particles, Our body and brain are the machines to control these particles. only tuning is required :)?!

I have this book Tao of physics, written by a scientist who was into Buddhism. Seems like an interesting read. If only I can get a bigger break from the Samsara :-D Ill finish that one..

That sachin no...

It's what we call "that Sachin no" syndrome. when I trip my shoe is stupid, when I go late to the bill counter, the counter ladies are the idiots... too slow.

We were at Chandan's place one weekend. Joy boy comes home all flustered, one look at him. He starts shouting, "its Sachins fault, he only told me. I didnt do anything"

"ok what did u do"

"I didnt do anything, that Sachin no! he only did everything.. "

After a few exchanges of WHAT DID U DO!!!!, and SACHIN'S FAULT. SACHIN ONLY TOLD ME TO DO. SACHIN IS BAD GUY. I was really curious to know what he did do this time around :-)

Shubha was so worried by this time, She ran down only to find the security fellow at the door complaining about broken tube-light and naughty boys throwing stones at all the tube lights in the society and joy was already in his guilty corner by now :-D :-D

Some lesson in life that was, Now... No matter what happens , we know whom to blame... that ubiquitous Sachin :)

Ondonde..

..muchita maatu. Sakkat hot maga only, I am crazy about Sandalwood songs now. Jangli shivlingu and haale patre and everything. Blew me away. Thanks to Hindi FM, which sucks. I was forced to check whats on Kannada channels and surprise! surprise! Ondondee... Nadedaduva kamanabillu.... kaddalu mansaanna....Super!! it was top 8 at 8 dance numbers!! Awesome or what! :-)

Jinke mari na and ninidale - yella kelidde but hucchu hidirililla , Yelladdakku time barbekittu ansatte! :-) Mother tongue songs andre vanthara special ansatte alva, yeshte hadu kelidru hale kannada hadashtu romatic yavudu ansodilla. Uk nalli naavu 2-3 dina full one after other kannada songs hadkonde idvi. naanu parvagilla, sumaaru haale hadu gottu nangu. Nan ammage gotilla! For that matter, nan mother tongue konkani alva but still kannada language keldire onthara preeti, delhi li yeladru kannada kelsidre yeshut khushi agatte, but Konkani kelidre ashtakaste. actually maneyorna bittu bere yar hatranu konkani matadakke aagode illa. anyway Ee kannada craze is not very good news for marital life I must say :-) pateince runs thin at my home and bombardment of kannada numbers not helping, but Annavaru heliddare- yaare kugadali Hure horadali.. ;-)

Chintu died :-( Poor soul. Having pets is such a heart break. :-( In all his short life of 2 months, hes lived just one fun week, With coco. He was coco's tail,follower, chamcha :-) and then he even started learning things from the cat, climbing out of the house through the window! Clever lil fellow observed everything keenly and learnt. Id thought he had made it when he was with coco. :-( Guess he was damaged more than we cud guess or even the doctor cud guess. He never got over the dysentery, I think his liver was gone. He smelt like it towards the end. God bless him, Hope he gets a better life next time around :(

Pranic Healing

I did pranic healing for dear Chintu, my mums pup. and it worked. I am happy I was able to give at-least some comfort to that troubled soul. I am sad that I couldn't do pranic healing again. It is very strenuous, I couldn't muster up enough will power to do it twice a day. requires a lot of concentration and so strained me , I am a bit guilty about that.

Lot of -ve energy in that poor thing, my left hand tingled for almost half hour after trying to heal him, Hes been suffering all 3 months since he is born. :( Its really sad. He was really happy and active when he was hear, he'd learnt to get out of the house through the window by observing the cat! Sneaky lil thing :D . Sweaty pie, hope he gets well soon.

I am encouraged to take up Pranic healing further, next month Ill take up the advanced healing course. I can provide relief to people, I should. It is really handy with pets and children. It is effective, minor grouse is that they have courses one course which has $$ in the name! SO NOT SPRITUAL :) but Ive these things are helpful , so Im keeping all these misgivings aside and joinin that course :)

Death

Death!! how we fear death! the all time fav boon of all demons is "I want to conquer death!" BTW demons etc came into picture cause of this nice blog "http://ammastales.com/", Mythological stories, just like how Dr Bappa would have told us. Talking of Dr Bappa, His death I think affected me most on the whole, I took upon myself some kind of guilt that I didnt do anything for him, more specifically I didnt get anything for him from my first salary and he just died. :-( . Burden of that is heavy :( Anyway, thats not what I had in mind when i wanted to talk about death.

If u look at the world objectively, from a scientific perspective, like I do all the time :-> :->...

Why do we die? What all can die? What does it mean when u say something died?

There are two types of death - Death by breaking- this happens to non living things as well as living ones. when something in machine goes so wrong that it can no longer function. This can happen by accident.

Another death is death by Aging or by wear and tear. You can say that this also happens to living as well as non living. but there is a difference. Animals( and all living things) have an inbuilt mechanism to fix wear and tear. We are self repairing machines. We have the capability to fix ourselves, to regenerate ourselves but in-spite of that.. we still age. There is a clock going on inside of living beings which makes people age and die. ( Simply called as "Life cycle" :D )

Dont u see? the Wear and Tear and Aging is by design!!!! Sneaky creator of ours, has installed tiny little time bombs in us meant to go off after certain time so that we inevitably die. :-(

I went about thinking why? why would he ( ;-) god is man, if he was a woman the world would have been a nicer place) want us to die? Couldn't he stop at childhood, youth - stop.?

This death by design is more apparent in some species- The annual plants used to annoy me most, I plant them in June, they flower in august, they dry up and die in December!!! Next June the seeds grow back again, I am happy, but there are 1000;s of plantlings. Out of the thousand plantlings, how many survive? 10? 20?

Creator is using Death as integral part of his design at every stage of life -

To select out the best of the lot, that death is not by aging BTW, but it is still by design. The number of offspring in any species is always much much more than required. designed for very high infant mortality. survival of the fittest.

He uses death to weed out things which have stayed for long enough also, even if you are good, u survived, u still have a dead line, u have to go and make way for new.

"Change" is the key word looks like, Death( and Birth by corollary ) is designed to promote evolution, if all species only died accidentally, they would reproduce far far less. So? They would be less capable to adapt to changes in the environment no? now u have animal life cycles ranging from 2 years to say 150 ( tortoise) So if the environment gradually changed over a period of thousand years, enough variety is produced in the offspring in mean time and natural selection has scope in the 10-12 generations which have gone by, to build a species which is more adapted to the new changes.

With out death, Life on earth would probably have been wiped out by now?

Death and birth is more adaptive model for a volatile ecosystem. In a planet where nothing changes, life probably lives for ever and reproduces by choice.

If one day we device a way to not die, we replace all parts of our selves , what do u think will be the consequence? one for sure we wont reproduce anymore. How long do u think one would like to continue living if we could live for ever? initially people would get tired and bored pretty soon say 200 years or so, then once people get used to the idea.. they would live for ever. No death. Evolution and adaptation would happen then at the higher level and not at the genetic level.

Now genes live for ever, the organism dies, the species morphs.

if we( humans) became immortal, organism would live forever, organism itself would morph, in effect evolution would still happen. species may also evolve, different people may choose different ways of living for ever. and Genes? Organism would control the genes rather than vice versa.

we would have so much control on the whole process that we could then do away with the time bombs and life cycles..

There are different ways of looking at death too, the individual cells in our body are dieing all the time, we dont consider ourselves dead until the whole unit stops working right? similarly may be we can consider the whole species as the organism and the individual plant for ex as a cell. so unless the plant species gets extinct, you can say the organism lives?

if you consider earth as an organism and we - each species as a cell? then until life is there on earth, earth is living. the different species are like different cells in the body, the extinction of a species does not matter as long as earth works..

Hmmm, God has designed death, he has also designed the fear of death, It is inevitable, but u fight it all your life. .. Its a game for him. God - Definitely male! ;-)

Note: I donot believe in a creator per say, but it is very convenient concept to use to understand how the world developed. Mind accepts and understands things easily when I say creator made it like that, than if I say, it happened like this out of chance.

cribbing

BTW I am upset today, Ive got a bad cold and the usual JNI techniques dont seem to cure it. thats why i am sitting up at 3 in the morning writing this darn blog. I am feelin a bit low too, so the pouring nose may very well turn into pouring eyes anytime soon. Why? Its the same old grouse - i haven't learned to live in this world, I haven't learnt to deal with people, If I look back on my life how many close friends have I? Its all my fault type of thing. My fault being I firmly believe I shouldnt "try", trying is somehow wrong. Thinking - yeah thinking is wrong too. I shouldnt think and act. Whole load of nonsense in my head. All friends I have had till now have become my frineds, I didnt "try" to make friends with anyone. I didnt "try" to get close to anyone. I dont "try" to impress my boss, I dont "think" about how to impress my boss, I dont even "think" about how to go about my life. I really have a thing against thinking :( yeah I get the word now MENTAL BLOCK . Its really silly. I hvent thought and decided about one darn thing in my life, when it comes to thinking I just go with what I feel or with the flow. Somewhere along the line Ive made up my mind that if I think and decide I wont be happy with it. That is not allowing me to sit and think about myself. I mean yeah i can think about how monkeys evolved into man and what role genetics play in ones behaviour and all that crap, but when it comes to thinking about what I need to do, I refuse. god save me!

wondering if playing strategy games like chess and othello will help? they will force me to think about what the next move from the other person will be, Will it loosen up these blocks?

tintin

what I want to write about has changed. I No longer have these burning ideas which I want to put down some place. I am inclined to write more like a diary of sorts, I am upset today, I am happy today kind of posts. So here I go... I have stopped reading interesting books these days, I am hooked on to tin tin tho since a few weeks. I love it. The Tintin companion book its just amazing so is Herge. I felt sad tho, that Tintin brought on his nervous breakdown. Tintin is such wonderful peace of work, I like to think, Herge loved to work on Tintin and that he enjoyed everybit of it.The fact is writing Tintin was very hard work. It put a lot of pressure on Herge.He had to comeout with something regularly. Sometimes he even broke into rashes due to all the stress :(. And twice in his life, he abandoned tintin to go off into country side and take a break. Tintin really exhausted him. Now I understand why Bill Waterson stopped writing Calvin and Hobbes. So its not just IT folks, even when the work is creative, even tho you do really love ur work - like Herge It can still get to you.

embarrassing moment..s

Listening to loud music with ur head phones on in office. except that u have connected the headphone to mic jack instead of the head phone jack.

Luckily for me the embarrassment was limited as I sit in a cube/cave alone with just another guy . who BTW laughed his heart out

Avinash was not all that lucky, he sits with the whole integration team. He borrowed kingfisher headphone and was so eager to listen to music, started playing it even before he connected them.

Ravi comments, let him fly the good times :P

walking into glass walls, I did it in Music world, I didn't break anything neither the glass not my head. except for my shape :P shape hoytu ashte

we have frosted glass doors in out pantry thanks to my super boss, :D he walked into a glass door one of those days, with in a week all glass doors got frosted. He broke his nose I heard.

Pulling on a door which opens by pushing!! grrr. In my old building u push the door and get in and u pull the door and get out and here.... ! cant they even maintain protocol?

haha one day I was tryin to be anti chauvinistic and wanted to open the door for people and yeah u guessed it I am pulling hard at a door which opens by pushing! :D

and typos.. when typing... sec.. pantry.. grrr...

Flutter

just read the blog flutter by M about how thoughts link to each other... the world flutter reminded me of that bird, ( more like the picture of the bird came to my head) My cat is a sweetie cutest little thing, but its a killing machine allright. I heard a bird tweet and stop suddenly, I knew. :-( Its a really sick feeling. I got sonu to leave the bird in time before it died. It flew around in the house for a while and then I opened the window to let it out. I saw it sit under the window and pant. I saw its heart flutter. It was one sad sight. having pets is a real heart break. I felt bad that i d take away sonu;s prized catch, it kept meowing for a while. now I felt bad seeing that tiny little birds heart flutter like crazy. hope it lives after all this feeling bad. thinking of feeling bad I read about this joint suicide today parents have committed suicide, their son who;s 7 came back from school, he saw both his parents dead, he didnt know what to do he went to his friends house, didnt tell them anything. itseems stayed there till evening. evening he had no where else to go, he went home and called his grandpa and told him his parents are not talking to him :( That was the saddest thing I have read for a while. poor poor kid :(.

Karela cousin

I found this new veggie in MK Ahmed, I asked him for the name. I never could catch it. It looked like a cross between a rat and a karela and a jackgruit. It had the texture of karela, size and tail of a rat and shape of a really tiny jackfruit :-) I cooked it today and ... it was yummy!! or what! but what is it? enquiries with a few mallu friends( MK ahmed is a mallu store) turned out nothing. Then i tell my mum that I am eating this wonderful yummy sweet version of karela, she say yeahhhhhhhh ur granpa used to get it from our fields when we were young! ok! it turns out it is more of a Konkani veggie than a mallu one. but still no name.. so I go to google and type in "karela cousin" and there it is :-) ITs called KANTOLA!!!

photo by Sivahari.
. Its also called spicky gourd, some are callin it Indian gourd, aakakrakaya it telgu itseems. It's called ghee korola in Bengali... dono what it Konkani or Kannada..

nice to find someone who faced the same questions about life as me....http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?showtopic=79369...

Just fry it with salt and chilli powder and a lil bit of oil. Its really yummy stuff that! wonder why its not more popular that it is !!!

if a fly dies does it become flu? :-P

and if u have flu, can u say u are flying? :D

modes of operation

8 dresses sorted in one day, these have been lying around my cupboard for years now, they are either loose or tight or dont have buttons or dont fit or something. and just one saturday evening. each one of them was sorted! The machine which was not touched for 6 months came out. and it didnt stall!! I even managed to wind the bobin- Ive never been able to before. cut snip stitch and it was done!

Why! I mean why was it done so easily! why couldnt I do this before? not that i havent tried. there have been many many failed attempts. The machine stalls, the thread gets stuck . or It just doesnot work out I end up stitching and re stitching and it never works out....

I realise I work in two modes heart mode and head mode. When I work in heart mode( Let us call it that for now) the work gets done real fast and well and i enjoy it. the other that is drudgery achieved with will power. pushing myself up hill. the first one is like down hill path, even on a cycle may be. I dont think when i am in heartmode, i just do. I took the chalk drew up the lines, cut it up and stitched. no measurements, no hesitation...Its kind of lettings the work flow, It doesnt just apply to stitchign, drawing, writing, gardening, even office work - very rarely i manage to get into the mode and then it flows and it works out really great.

This is not the same for many people, some ppl can do anything with their will power, they have only one mode, a good mode. They work by perspiration and not by my inspiration. I can work with perspiration too, but when i try to do that i think I sabotage myself by all these stalls and stumbles? Have those people found the trick of switching to my so called heart mode at will and no work is drudgery to them? I dont think so actually. I think they just push through the uphill on a low steady gear. They think it is duty It has to be done and it will be done and they do it well... are they built differently? ummm they have different values...

Me, I want to find the magic of switching into heart mode and sail down hill through any damn task I have at hand, I want to find the switch. I switch to Nirvana :-D

A True story

Few of my Chinese friends go to Uk on an official trip. Southampton. They are put up in nice lil inn. Then its Weekend. Nothing much to do in Southampton. Go to London shall we? Chinese Friends decide to go london. By train.

What do UK trains look like?How fast? better that chinese trains or what? Lets check it out.

Ok, the train station is quite close by, just across the park actually. may be just quarter hour walk, you may as well walk and enjoy the british sun while you are at it...

Chinese friends are game.
Nice green parks in UK, Green even in summer, not a bit of dust. lots of shaddy trees, nice park...nice weather.. [err no.. that would be the comment if they were British]. They walk for 5-10 mins. There it is the station!!!! These brits walk quite slow han! And Its so darn cute!! The quaintest and prettiest station we've ever seen... well, We expected something lil more sophisticated... Britain has this quaintness in the midst of all the development, No? but ok.. quaint is good...

Sir, How much is a ticket to london....
London! hahaha!! Its 2 pounds, Luv! for the Round trip!
(Just 2 pounds!!! psst...This brits are crazy!!!) 6 tickets please.
That would be 12 pounds! thank you.

Are you crazy? just 2 pounds? did u tell him we want to go to LONDON! L O N D O N! The ticket does not even say london on it!
He said its a round trip....
Xishusia!!!! you got us the parking ticket may be :-P for 2 pounds!?

I did tell him LONDON! >-|

err... guys.... the train...



:-| is this the train? !?!!?!
Yes Sir! :-)
Does this train go to London? does this ticket take me there?
London!! hohoho!!
ok... ummmm.... How long does it take?
You are back here in 20 mins!!
:=| :-/ Huh!!
Oooooooooo! U mean, U really want to go to London eh! By train eh?
....
The station is by the park,Dears! 10 minute walk from here! :-D

You see there are no Toy trains in Chinese Parks! :D

Tuesday Lobsang Rampa

Ha ha ha! If you have tried to dab in to mystic side of buddhism, meditation occult or some such sort, you would have heard of Tuesday Lobsang Rampa. :-D A very elite buddhist monk, who had varied experiences like fighting in world war 2 to seeing the ancient caves of tibet to meeting the dalai lama , visiting Venus on alien air crafts... His first book made an interesting read. Catchy, entertaining. then I googled about him; :) that made more interesting read than his books. He is an english plumber, Or rather he has the body of an english plumber but the soul of a very elite buddhist monk. Plumber wanted to commit suicide and soul wanted a younger body.. so they swapped. cool or what. ;-) Its worth reading one of this books atleast anyway :) he writes confidently and quite well. Entertaining to say the least.

i read 2-3 books of his and had got to liking him quite a bit too.... untill .. untill....I felt like this a few days ago

" Lobsang is such a Swine! I mean yeah I knew he couldnt possibly be genuine,but I thought he had some merit to him. I thought may be he was an occultist who wanted to spread information better to all by writing fiction etc.. but christ, i found evidence of outright plagiarism , he has lifted lines directly from "The Science of Breath by Yogi Ramacharaka" he has copied the techniques mentioned here verbatim! shameless person. Thanks to Google I could find this easily! Such a swine! ha!" ;-)

old boy

Watched Old boy! Woah!!! What do i say! mind blowing. After being shocked and awed for a few days.. I am thinking wow wow wow wow!! what a movie! Just blown away.I think Ive become an addict of Korean movies. I want more I want that intensity i want that new ness freshness. I want that kind of exploration of human mind and ethics, In every movie I see. Other movies seem to shallow now. They go where hollywood wouldnt dream going, the subjects the treatments!! I am hooked.

But be warned Old boy is not for the weak hearted...

tabooo

If I thought The reader was controversial! How naive I was! Just watched Old boy! NOW that is something!!! Incest: the word brings a shudder to most of us. Vilest and most disgusting thing in the world... think about the worst of the swear words?( speaking of which I have lot of @#$@#$@#%^ to do about swear words themselves. most chauvinistic and narrow minded crap! anyway... that in the next post may be) Or is it? isnt it a cultural taboo after all... I know there are very valid reasons for it being considered so vile. then Sati and purdha also had valid reasons in its time... Once u get the maturity to see and understand the reasons behind a taboo... Its time to let it go? When the society reaches some maturity its time to let go of old rules. I don not condone but I can accept....????Atleast in fiction, I can...

I used to be really disgusted by the practice of girls marrying Mama's in south india. In fact I still am. But if cousins fall in love..? for me thats perfectly allright. What about adopted children??? children getting related to each other cause of their parents getting married..??

I was disgusted that Jeffry archer( I think )killed off his lead pair by suicide cause they were half bro/sis unknown to each other. Its exactly like kannada movies killing of the heros sister after rape. which i hate! Do these situations warrant such tragedy? I am for maintaining the taboo yes it is required but giving consideration for some cases..? If not the society, can the individuals try and attempt to look beyond the conditioning of the mind and society and see things for what they are?

movies

Ive watched a few movies recently I noticed Ive started liking serious or quirky movies. I just loved memento and my friend hugely recommends Old boy ( korean of jinda) Ive planned that for this week.

I watched revolutionary road, Leo and Kate back together after titanic and the movie could not be more different... or actually, Revolutionary road could as well be the sequel to titanic had Jack lived :) I understand Rose so well ( she;s called something else in RR but what the heck rose is rose and by any other name is just as sweet :-p)

Moral of the story, If u think u are special dare to be special, if u are just playing house and thinking u are special, you may as well see the reality and accept it. Or it would hurt when someone pulls the rug from under you - like Jack.. he's spent his whole life pretending he;s something else when in reality hes just like ur neighborhood uncle. unfortunately it hurt his wife more than him.

The Reader, Hmmmmm. hmmm hmmmmmm......cant really say I liked it, but it sure left me wondering! what do I make of the movie!

Surprisingly its not the Risqué part that bothered me, 15 yr old with a 40 yr old woman.. yeah I guess its ok. But I think Id be wild if the gender was reversed! :)

What to think of the woman and the boy? the illiterate angle/the love story is sweet, He sending her the cassettes and everything.. that was sweet.

she was a woman who was so ashamed that she was not able to read and she just loved reading.. but why the boy? was she a pedophile? do we paint all such relationships as black? seeing that the boy was really scared for life...( made worse by her being in SS and leaving suddenly) but its not really portrayed that way.

Some one is in SS does not mean they are all dark, they may have a sensitive side( and vice versa also?)

But I am just not able to put myself in his place and see what he must have gone through. He was never able to establish any other relationship in his life cause of her. He once says what she did to me in nothing compared to what she did to you.

She hurt him for life by abandoning him and then shockign him cause he realised she had made other people read to her, by realising that she is ex SS , also by feeling for her realising that she was ashamed of being illiterate.... I still feel i am missing something for it.

3 iron and spring summer autumn winter and spring two korean movies. I loved these movies, how different can movie making go? no conversation at all between the leading lady and the lad! wow! it was beautiful and nice - 3 Iron.

spring... Zenish movie... simple I liked it.. hollywood and bollywood are in the infancy of movie making :)

:(

I started this blog cause there were lots of ideas floating around in my head, I wanted a place to put them up here. But it turns out everything has gone thanda in the last month or so!!!! The best part about keepin a blog is u get to keep a record of this kind of period. Its nice to be mentally stimulated, Am not now... What to do?.

why am I posting

right after posting a personal post I am wondering, why am I posting these things on the web, in a blog and why am I not just keeping this in a draft folder among my emails, just like a lot of my friends... Am I being stupid, Am I letting my self be more vulnerable? will I regret this?

I want to get over the feeling of embarrassment over what I feel and how my mind works. I think it works great and I dont want to worry about the consequences of people knowing my thoughts about how people judge me by all this.

All these thigsn happen to me -

I am embarrassed. I do wonder if I should be mroe guarded, this definitely makes me feel more vulnerable .

Its more like everyone is guarded so should I be, then amn;t I telling myself that others know better than me, whcih I dont want to.

some practical reasons why i dont keep it in a folder is

I am not organised, so i lose what ever I have written before, I want to keep a concrete record of what I have written for a long while.

when i have kept it to myself before I had stopped writing before, lets see if this blog thing withstands the test of time.

Also went to quite some length to hide what I have written - someone finding it by accident and stuff - was that really wrht it? I din like the tension of that.

Then I cud have made a blog and not shared it.. that was the intention, but then I thought what have I got to hide really? and why? let me hide when i suffer.. Ill learn better then.

I once wore a ridiculous dress when I was a kid, all my cousins were refusing to wear it, me brave heart wore it. and It was talked about for days and made fun off.. I realised then why noone esle was trying it :D but then... do i really care still about others. dont i want to stop?

wont i not learn at all if I am cautious, Ill be living on borrowed knowledge. or am I dumber, i cant learn from other people - like rishi says u cant make all the mistakes yourself u have to learn from others. THAT is the first lesson that I have to learn from others if I have to learn from others. :-)

My blog

Just noticing what my posts look like...There are so many posts about genetics/evolution and psycology. I am mainly thinking about why people and societies are the way they are and "all" my interest seem to be of this type.


Another thread (running in my head - may not be on the blog) is knowing self better( atleast started that way :D ) -> meditaiton ->philosophy->occult-> astral projection-> entheogen-> psychology->brain structure etc.

Looking at my current interests...

cosmos, string theory, relativity - some I showed some interest.

also want to know how other people think ->philosophy - attempt at biographies stopped early as i found them quite dry.

no interest in economics. Very scant interest in maths. No interest in biographies.
Interest in contemporary history( history of christianity, how did lal bagh come into picture, WW2..)
ancient history - deep interest
mythology - myths - yes
Mysteries - yes
Culture - names of artists - no
Trivia /Gk - no
politics - no
chemistry - no
business and management - no
technical - no tho sometimes somewhat geeky interests like downloading flash in sony mobile, and changing the skin of my laptop...
shayari no
thoughts of others scant - sartre, ayan rand..
rights justice social work - no
How to do art - yes
certain hobbies - paintin carpentry soap carving box building etc
interest in healthy improvement - body and mind

interest in science, mostly fringe science( again cosmos and biology)... and overview rahter than depth.
interest in difference in varios races fo the world, eg: how to chinese, south american natives , europeans, africans, indians -dance,sing, play instruments,physical charesteristics...
interest in gardening - related insects etc - again biology,


no humour posts. dont i ever think funny? i never think funny with passion. my sense of humour is absurd.
I havent written any "I did this" stuff too
i havent written any "dream or a story or a plot.."
May be i havent seen my blog as a place to put such things, for that matter ive never written any such stuff in my life.

Blog analysis link sent by my friend.. I felt that fits with my blog analysis blog :)

http://typealyzer.com/index.php?lang=en

The analysis indicates that the author of http://fractal-mind.blogspot.com is of the type:

ESTP - The Doers

The active and playful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities.

The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.


The analysis indicates that the author of http://mystic-babe.blogspot.com is of the type:

INTP - The Thinkers

The logical and analytical type. They are especially attuned to difficult creative and intellectual challenges and always look for something more complex to dig into. They are great at finding subtle connections between things and imagine far-reaching implications.

They enjoy working with complex things using a lot of concepts and imaginative models of reality. Since they are not very good at seeing and understanding the needs of other people, they might come across as arrogant, impatient and insensitive to people that need some time to understand what they are talking about.

The analysis indicates that the author of http://medleyofsorts.blogspot.com is of the type:

ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

trail of thought

love and marriage to community rising of children to tiger elephant deer to ape societies to Jane goodal to chimpanzee and to bonobo. bonobo to women and peace. so back to square one.

I was just curious to know how I got to bonobos on the first place. Truly google is extension of our brain, Search trails are just like thought trails..

to be or not to be [dont read this one types]

Be warned this post goes here there and nowhere... just for me. but here it is - from one of the drafts.

This is one of those days , I am troubled. 

There is a sudden anxiety what if what ever we believe is wrong? at the end of life :D ull face questions bla bla. haha just writing it makes me realise how silly it is. so what at the end of the life u realise this or that or whatever, life will end anyway. and thats it.

This is again the fault of our society which enforces the belief that life has to be meaningful , that u have to achieve something that u have to leave behind something ur genes most preferably! Ha! you know what? it doesnot matter - cause U u will never ever know!!!!! Newton is remembered 500 years since his death and his brother probably forgotten, doesnot matter. and Ghangis khan probaly left behind loads of his genes.. does it matter to him?

Boss , do what u can when u are alive, dont bother about what u really leave behind. cause u know? u wont last after u are gone anyway. :P

Ok after this rant, comin to what I believe, I have this funda or a thing going on these days spritual thing. be in the moment, accept pain and happyness and everything else. once u accept it doesnot feel so bad( the pain that is and the happyness :p) 

and all the life beyond the grave thing, I mean its not the fact that ill live beyond my death that interests me, but that there may be other dimensions to us right now when we live. I like that concept. and that our logical mind - that it can only see and analyse just a minute fraction of life. there is much more to life and to see that u have to shut this logical mind - sometimes called Ego. up!!

When Ego shuts up, the intution lights up and u realise and see things which u ignored with static all this while.  U'll see ur emotions and ur sub conscious . and the philosophy goes beyond this to say that, u will get past that also, u will observe the other dimensions to your self the other worlds... but ultimately u'll just realise that  there is no u and i and that its all one... then there will be peace or enlightenment or what ever.

hmmm that is way past me, when I frankly think about it, I am looking for the excitement of seeing new dimensions the experimetning , the anticipation of discovery. along with this I am also looking for stability of emotions and fullfillment. 

Two threads running in parallel. be in the moment and notice ur emotions thread, this I use tomake myself more stable and happy. you know what? it works, Louise hay works, When ur mind starts clearing up u start doing thigns differently which makes ur life better not only in the spritual way but in the materialistic way as well.

on the other hand there is this occult thread, experimenting and discovery and study thread - if u look at this thread from the being in the moment perspective u find that this is a pursuit of the ego ... Ill just let this thought be aside.

These two threads, they both converge - I find this difficult to see.  But they ultimately lead to the same goal enlightenment. u go beyond ur mind into the sub conscious and super conscious and then u ll be enlightened, but the two approaches.. they are so contradictory. Occult work is goal oriented, its like getting a degree ... trying to achieve etc..how do u get close to enlightenment with this.

I realy dont see how they converge.

Ok my trouble at times comes from the fact that when I follow occult and the being in the moment spritual thing,   My interest in the materialistic life is decreasing, I want to study occult or meditate or garden and I am very happy doing these things and i am peaceful, but my job is suffering, sometimes these thougths come into my head that u learn more by being in the world by meeting more people- not by studying. Is it true?

I dont think so, I think u learn about the material world more when u meet people u learn to be cunning( no I dont mean it in a bad way, just mean u will learn the ways of the world )  and how to deal with people , how to make money the strategies and the games. will this help me be more happy ? the other life is making me really happy.

My worry at times is, what if the other life is not  true what if the other life doesnot make the material life happy. what if I regret the missing out on the material life. What if I feel bad that my jr are promoted ahead of me? should I start runnin on the threadmill just cause of this what if or should I follow my heart? 

The answer is clear, follow ur heart, u will learn to differentiate ur feelings from others judgements. u will see that u cannt live to be judged by others... u can but that wont give u the sense of happiness -  atleast not me. but I am not yet able to completely push off the effect of others judgment on me. 

May be end of life - u should be more worried about how others judge ur life than what u will. and how u will feel about others judgements. ;-) but then again it wont last long  :P as ur life will end and give u a relief soon anyway.... 

hmmm hmmmm

Fairness

How many times have we heard this! This is not fair!  We think fairness is our birthright! we don't want to be discriminated based on color gender age race money, we don't want reservations.

I was a sucker for fairness too.

I wanted everything to be very fair I was very fair to everything. but.... That left lot of questions unanswered. Especially related to my gender, being a woman I resented a lot of things. lot of things are NOT fair and thats the way it is. this bothered me like hell. 

A must read book is selfish gene by Richard Dawkins.

Look at nature- If you look at it from selfish gene perspective, Each gene is vying for its own survival. Its cut throat competition out there. Everything is fair in love and war and definitely survival. Its business and only business.  

I mean all this is not done consciously, it so happens due to natural selection, that only fittest genes survive. by hook or crook there is no moral police or any police only nature wild nature.

Things can get so corrupt - as we all know the cell division process meiosis. Where the double Helix is split into two... a mutation is present in rats which corrupts even this meiosis.( but its a recessive gene if not rats would be extinct by now. or I guess the gene would be extinct! :D )

 So the answer is.  the whole expectation of fairness.. thats what is wrong! the world is like this, Its not fair! so? thats they way it is. Thats it. Why the hell should the world be fair? so that its easy for u? Big deal, u are not even a dust spec in this world. 

so no fairness in this world sorry :D yeah. this makes me be at peace with myself.

I am scared

I read this article - whatever the context of the article... it mentioned that the scientist observed two groups of rats - one was put in stimulating and challenging environment and another in  a routine monotonous environment.  

The study showed that juvenile and adult rats in enriched environment had developed newer brain connections and brain cells and the others.....

well the words "routine monotonous" have stuck in my head...my job....

I am trying to convince myself, that I do read a lot of  stuff and have a lot of hobbies and play with my pets and so all that will contribute to the enriched environment part.. 

but my job.... !!!!! 

Love,

As humans we think we are the epitome of love and compasion, when someone behaves cruel, we call him ( always a him :-D ) a  beast, an animal. I have a few pets and I love animals, when ever I hear this, it pricks me. Ive seen animals show so much compasion and love. Animals are far more human than people at times.

My cats are so affectionate to each other, always grooming, waiting for each other. sharing food. They are even nice to my dog! They all say good mornin to each other, touchin their noses every morning. when I took my cats to my mum's place they were annoyed and hiding from me, but they did comeout to greet my coco!!!!! smell his nose and butt and all!!! anyway...

Its really touching, the affectionate loving bonds between animals, There is this black dog near my house, it had pups and it was in a bad shape with lot of bugs on it. It's  friend - Old man, really old dog who roams around all over the layout. I am sure this guy is not romantically interested in this doggy. He use to come over in the evening and lovingly removes the bugs from her eyes with his teeth. He plays with her pups as well. Sweet this is. Really nice friendship. 

Love affection and friendship human - perogative? not at all. If I think about the it, the most original love,  must have been between mother and child - in mammals and birds. love between friends and family ( not sure about family, there is lot of love(???) between sisters in bees and ants... ) love between partners all came much much later... but still much before humans, much before primates even.. Love between partners evolved  may be in the time of birds ..?

I think scientist and people in general really underestimate the emotive capacity of animals and birds, a few labarotray test will prove only their logical ability - which I think is the pergative of humans.  We need to measure love with love, connect to the animals emotionally and then we know how much we can comminicate with them. We also arrogantly and falsly think of ourselves - people as epitome of higher emotions. To be human is to me to be more logical , to be able to do math better, That is what evolved specifically to us( so scientific backin to this, its all what i feel, let us see if it fits in). Love kindness alturism are all ancient emotions which may be as evident in other mammals as us.

If you think about it. Love just like lungs for breathing on land is an evolutionary adaptation which has helped species survive. so why such a big deal about it? I think the big deal is because we are evolved to make a big deal about it ;-) 

women and peace

Happy womens day ! 

I ve always wondered if humans society would be more peaceful if it was female dominated. And ... you know what? actually it would .

Bonobo and chimpanzee.
Bonobo and chimpanzees are very closely related great ape species , they live on opposite banks of the river congo.

It so happens that Bonobos have a female dominated - matriarchal society where as the chimps have very strictly male dominated. Even tho they otherwise have a very similar social structure. 

It turns out, Bonobos are far more peaceful creatures than Chimpanzees. Chimp males will kill any other male not belonging to their group. All meetings between non related ( not from the group that is) turn out violent, even fatal. Not so with Bonobos. Male Chimps are pretty abusive to their female counterparts, Bonobos pretty nice. Bonobos, in-fact are called graceful apes. They seem to show more compassion and altruistic behavior. [But this is still disputed by a few scientists] BTW There are a few other things you may find interesting about bonobos which u can go google for yourself :P 

 we are obviously follow the chimpanzee behavior rather than the bonobo line [we diverted from the common ancestor of both these lines like 8 milion years ago, and they separated from each other 1 million years ago. so if at all, chimps and us have followed the same line of evolution - genetically/socially independently. ]

Bonobos live among the rain forrest while chimps live in more arid and difficult terrain. Bonobos live in a more favorable environment than the chimpanzees. Some scientists cite this as the reason for the difference in behavior. May be cause things got difficult for survival of homo sapiens, and the society had to get cruel - male dominated to survive ( like chimpanzees)?Humans do have the capacity for strong female bonding, required for a matriarchal society,Tolerance of males to infants not their own..caring of the young by both genders... On second thought, May be we are more like Bonobos than chimps after all han? Now that times have changed and the environment is more favourable - will we see a turn in the scheme of things ??? :-) 
In 2012? :) Now that is another discussion !!!  

Interesting addendum from http://www.primates.com/bonobos/bonobosexsoc.html
Social Organization among Various Primates

BONOBO

Bonobo communities are peace-loving and generally egalitarian. The strongest social bonds are those among females, although females also bond with males. The status of a male depends on the position of his mother, to whom he remains closely bonded for her entire life.

CHIMPANZEE

In chimpanzee groups the strongest bonds are established between the males in order to hunt and to protect their shared territory. The females live in overlapping home ranges within this territory but are not strongly bonded to other females or to any one male.

GIBBON

Gibbons establish monogamous, egalitarian relations, and one couple will maintain a territory to the exclusion of other pairs.

HUMAN

Human society is the most diverse among the primates. Males unite for cooperative ventures, whereas females also bond with those of their own sex. Monogamy, polygamy and polyandry are all in evidence.

GORILLA

The social organization of gorillas provides a clear example of polygamy. Usually a single male maintains a range for his family unit, which contains several females. The strongest bonds are those between the male and his females.

ORANGUTAN

Orangutans live solitary lives with little bonding in evidence. Male orangutans are intolerant of one another. In his prime, a single male establishes a large territory, within which live several females. Each female has her own, separate home range.

war on terror

Buggers! Aphids and mealy bugs!!! 

They are the first hurdle you will face when gardening, especially f u start gardening in spring.

U wont even notice them for a few weeks, then ur plants will look sickly, all the new leaves curled up, even burnt up. If u really peer under the leaves and look closely , u'll see these ugly B!@#!@#s. 

What do u do? U go buy hi-tech pesticides - equip yourself with gloves, a mask if u please, spray away to glory. Blast off these buggers. feel like a super hero may  be...  Next day ull find all them all burnt up black specs on the leaves and feel satisfied.. and in a week youll see some nice succulent new growth too! Now you can smile smugly,  put your foot up on the table, relax with a cup of tea? ha ha!! you wish. 

Just another few days, all ur new growth is curled up again and this time around if u really really peer under the leaves may be with  a microscope, u'll see them- baby bugs!!!! so back you go - to your laser gun to Zap off the baby B#!@^&@s?? 

You could be doing this all summer and all ull have is a few inches of poor growth and a bad bad allergy from all the chemicals and the fluff from mealys... but all the mealys and aphids safely back on your plants !!!! 

This is what happened to me last year, when i started to attempt to garden. Frustrating!!

Well  I did solve the mystery - thanks to the internet. The culprit(s) are Ants!!! Ants herd and rear the aphids just like we herd cattle.  It is amazing how nature works. Aphids sucks out the plant sap, on the new growth and they excrete honey due- full of sugar. This is where the ants come in- They feed on this honey due. Its not just that..- aphids are not very mobile, so Ants carry them  to new growth  from plant to plant. Ants care for the aphid young in winter . ( in their nest? may be, i think so, cause I blasted every bit of the plant but there were new babies every time) and protect them from predators!!![SEE PICTURES]in return they milk the aphids and store the honey dew!! Ants supposedly even use some drugs to control aphids!!! Ants are even known to cultivate fungi in their nests!!!![see link]  we think we are the only advanced creatures on this earth :P

Anyway if u want to get rid of Aphids, first get rid of ants( some ant powder) then spray the aphids with soap water and Neem oil, twice a week for 2 weeks and then once a week for a month and then as necessary,yeah that simple. u need to take care to spray throughly under the leaves tho. This even takes care of spider mites- which are not killed by pesticides.

 

Now  we know, we have to deal with the Pak Govt before we can get rid of Taliban! :D 

few links..

http://www.cactus-art.biz/note-book/Dictionary/Dictionary_M/dictionary_mealy_bugs.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphid

http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/load/pests/msg071005279330.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/scienceandtechnology/science/sciencenews/3309936/Ants-subdue-their-aphid-prey-with-drugs.html